I stepped back. Weston’s grip remained firm. I refused to take my eyes off Matthias for fear he would vanish before I had a chance to speak to him. I squirmed, and broke free of Weston, but he grabbed my arm.
“Zoe.” The desperation in his voice boomed over the music, bringing my eyes to his. His carried fear. “You’re safe with me,” he plead. “I can take care of you.”
“Do you… see him?”
He nodded.
“I have to go to him.”
“Please don’t.” Weston held my gaze for a few tight seconds before freeing me.
I wove through the dancers; some had caught me leaving Weston alone in the middle of the dance floor, and their curious gazes now trailed me. I ignored them.
Matthias’ smile gleamed. His aura was more brilliant, more commanding than it had been before, and the force reached out and brought me to him with such magnetism, my feet nearly floated over the hardwood floor until I stood in front of him. He was dressed in white, but not in his usual casual clothing. A sleek suit of the softest fabric—silken velvet— I reached out to touch it and he extended his arm toward the exit, gesturing for the two of us to go outside.
I glanced over my shoulder at Weston on the fringe of the dance floor, watching us.
Matthias’ gentle gaze remained on me, wholly focused, creating that solid feeling of absolute love deep inside of me. The doors to the ballroom were open, and he and I crossed through them into the lobby of the 37th floor.
I was so happy to see him. He radiated magnificently, I could not take my gaze from him. You’re so beautiful.
I can say the same about you. He spotted the glass doors to the balcony, and once again held out his hand in that direction. I smiled at the irony that I’d just been in the same spot with his father.
Matthias held the door open, his blue eyes deepening as I passed him. My heart opened in my chest, the love and admiration I had for him overflowing into my soul with the calm, yet powerful current of an unstoppable tide.
The balcony was empty and we strolled to the iron railing. He never took his eyes from me to even glance at the view. My body flushed with his aura—more thrilling than I’d ever felt. As if my mortal body couldn’t contain the potent sensation, I was ready to burst even without touching him.
“Zoe.” The gentle melody of his voice wove in, filling any final voids.
“You’re the bees knees tonight.”
“Thank you.” The tingling racing through me from head to toe wouldn’t stop. “Where have you been?”
“Let me look at you.” His gaze swept my face, but not casually—this sweep was deep, studying. Memorizing. “Do you know I never went to a school dance?”
“You didn’t? Never got asked? Girls who lived back then were lame.”
He threw his head back in laughter. “You think so?”
“I know so. If I’d been alive, you’d never had a weekend night free and I would have made sure you went every dance.”
Sassy bearcat.
I laughed.
“I could cut a rug back in the day.” His gaze latched on something and I followed it. Weston. He stood inside the glass doors, hands thrust deep in his front pockets, eyes following our every move.
“Weston is not pleased with my cutting into your evening.”
I tried my best to show Weston that I was not planning on ditching him for the rest of the night. I smiled and tilted my head at him. Pleading still hung in his eyes, and his body looked edgy.
“I told him I needed to see you. He was worried I was in danger.”
I watched Matthias’ face for any change of expression. His pleasant grin remained unchanged. “I take it I’m not?”
He shook his head.
“Albert was here earlier.”
No shock, fear or anger passed over Matthias’ face or shone in his eyes.
“He looked different,” I said. “He asked for my forgiveness.”
Matthias’ blue eyes deepened with flecks of sapphire. “Yes, Zoe.”
“You’ve seen him?”
“Last night, I witnessed the change.”
“So I wasn’t imagining it. What… happened?” I asked.
“His heart changed. He wants to be a better soul.”
“Wow. That’s…” Extraordinary. But then I’d seen the difference in Albert myself. I guess I hadn’t really believed someone like him could want to change. I didn’t want Matthias seeing a drop of doubt in my soul about the miracle, so I averted my gaze but that was useless.
“You know as well as I that change can be instantaneous—if you want it bad enough.”
I’d said those exact words to my mother. “It was you, wasn’t it? What you did for me.” Emotion rushed in passionate waves through my yearning cells. “Did he see the… being who came for you?”
Yes. His heart was touched. A miracle, Zoe.
“Was that God?”
Matthias’ countenance pulsated with a strobe of blinding light—like his heartbeat was indelibly connected to it. “No.”
You have your own guardian angel, I should have known.
The vibrant pulsing strobe within him melded seamlessly into his own stunning beauty.
“You finally have what you deserve,” I murmured.
“Pop’s on the right path.”
“So, you… haven’t actually… talked to him?”
He shook his head. “A change of heart can happen instantaneously.
The road to refinement… that takes some time. But I look forward to the day when he and I will be reunited.”
That’s wonderful. I stepped toward him, the need to savor and share joy through an embrace overpowering.
He stepped back.
A thread of panic dangled deep inside of me. His smile slowly vanished.
His eyes held mine, unblinking.
“I can’t touch you?” My voice scraped out. I reached for the cold iron railing to steady myself.
“I’m sorry.”
My head emptied of pleas. My heart plummeted to my feet. I closed my eyes to hold back an onslaught of tears. The news left me blank inside.
“My refinement has placed me in a position that—”
“Don’t.” I held up a hand and forced my gaze to his face, scored with sorrow for the touch we could no longer share. You deserve whatever has happened to you. I don’t mean to diminish that. Still, the longing inside of me only intensified as I looked at him, knowing I would never touch him again.
Not never, Zoe.
I turned, facing the city lights, hoping he wouldn’t see the tears escaping my eyes, streaming down my cheeks. My shoulders buckled once, and I felt his aura press into my side as he moved closer. I’ll miss you. The thought washed from my head with tears.
“Ah, Zoe. Don’t cry. Please.”
I nodded, and wiped my cheeks. The cool night air chilled my skin.
I wasn’t sure I could look at him without breaking into more tears. Give me strength. Please. Please, God.
Matthias’ blue eyes seemed clearer, bluer. So pure. Like beautiful gem stones. I couldn’t think of any words to say. My heart was overcome with grief.
Loss. But it was unfair of me to revel in my own sorrow when he’d experienced miracles. He deserved better from me.
“This dancing I see here is—” He glanced around. “It’s rather scandalous.”
“It’s called bear hugging,” I sniffed.
“Bear—my. Hmm.” The tempo slowed, the song melancholy but sweet as the chords rang out. Love poured into my body. I wanted to be closer. To bond. My longing grew, swelling in an uncontrollable rush inside of me. I love you.
Zoe. His right hand came in close to my cheek. Warmth, power radiated into my skin. Was I breathing? The world around us swirled away.
A far away look of resignation entered his eyes, penetrating me to my core. “I came to say goodbye.”
I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t. If I hadn’t been gripping the icy iron railing, I’d have crum
pled to the floor.
“Zoe, that moment in the forest, I would have done anything to see that you were free of Albert’s assaults. I—”
“Now you’re not able to be with me anymore?” I broke in a choked sob.
“You’ve been promoted or something, right?”
Matthias’ face scored with compassion. “Please.”
“Please what? Forget you? Forget the way I feel about you? I can’t. I wouldn’t want to no matter how much it hurts.” I turned and walked away from him. On the other side of the glass doors, Weston stepped closer, as if sensing something was wrong. His hands anchored on the glass.
I crossed the balcony to the opposite end, trying in vain to outrun the inevitable. Matthias was there, waiting for me. His power and love wrapped around me. Another tear streamed down my cheeks, cooling against a wisp of breeze stirring the night air. Matthias cocooned me in light and comfort; comfort I didn’t think I could possibly access, given the sorrow gouging me.
With tenderness, he reached out and his presence stroked my tears away even though our flesh never made contact. More tears followed, drawn out like poison from my soul.
Our last touch.
Not our last, Zoe.
Until I die.
Silence. Heavy. Unbearable.
I knew this moment would come. I have to remember the way you felt. I can’t forget.
Precious moments fled by.
What if I can’t let go? I wondered.
You can. You’ve got a fulfilling life ahead of you.
“I don’t want it.”
“I’ll be waiting for you.”
I reached for the impossible. Deep down, I was happy for him. I wouldn’t take his father’s change of heart away from him for anything, but I was devastated that meant he no longer would be with me.
The years ahead seemed as endless as the dark heavens. Would the pain ever go away? The longing? The missing?
I don’t want you to hurt.
You should have thought of that before you offered to go in my place.
His blue eyes were earnest. “I love you,” he said. His light scent scarcely breathed in and out of my lungs.
“Do you remember when Abria was in the hospital?” he asked. You were afraid she’d remember the pain.
You kissed her forehead and told me she wouldn’t remember. My eyes flashed open. “No.”
“I don’t want to leave you hurting.”
I shook my head. More tears fell down my cheeks. “I’d rather live with the memory.”
Matthias’ eyes glistened.
I braced for agonizing emptiness. But my soul filled with his love . I’d tried to hold onto him before. I’d thought my futile flesh could actually keep him here on earth with me. Instinct, maybe a final shred of fantasy or hope had my fingers fisting around empty air.
Stay.
Our eyes locked. Yearning sang through my soul and the driving melody twined with the resplendent hum of his aura. I braced for another beam of light to burst and carry him up. Matthias faded from my view.
Chapter Twenty-
one
____________________
I stood on an empty balcony. A chill raced over my bare arms, the back of my neck, but serenity resided in my heart. I wouldn’t have given up any of my time with Matthias, even knowing that I’d spend my life missing him.
A light tap drew my attention. Weston stood inside, staring at me from behind the window, his palms spread on the glass in desperation. I drew in a deep breath and started for the door.
His gaze followed me tentatively, as if he didn’t believe I was coming to him. We stood facing each other, the glass between us. The raw apprehension on his face, in his eyes, drew me to him. He’d been here for me, had faith in every thing I’d told him, loved me with in spite of it all. The need to embrace him pushed me to take the steps away from where I had said goodbye to Matthias.
Weston opened the door and warm air chased the chill from my skin. I stepped inside.
“Are… you okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“What happened?” Weston’s gaze searched mine. His sincerity touched me.
“Matthias… said goodbye.”
Weston’s eyes widened. His gaze swept the empty balcony. A moment passed. Muted music from behind closed doors of the ballroom danced in the background.
He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Something happened last night, didn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Dazed, I stared off into the black night, trying to juggle conflicting emotions. “Matthias offered himself to go in my place and… now he’s… he can’t be here anymore.”
“Are you sorry?”
I shook my head. Sad. Missing him. Empty.
But not sorry.
Weston’s gaze shifted out the window at the vacant balcony. Time crawled by in an self-conscious silence. I was thinking of Matthias, and I was certain Weston knew that. His gaze fastened to mine and he embraced me.
Mortal flesh, and mortal comfort lit my heart with a spark of peace.
I wrapped my arms around him.
Summer
The scent of barbequed hamburgers carried on muted gray smoke snuck in the open windows of the kitchen. The deck door was ajar and Dad stood at the grill, spatula in hand, ready to flip the sizzling meat.
Mom and I carried platters of buns, condiments, potato salad and a colorful array of cut vegetables outside to the wrought iron patio set where Krissy and Luke sat, holding hands.
“Are you sure I can’t help?” Krissy asked.
I set down a tray of buns. Mom placed the round bowl heaped with chunks of oniony potato salad in the center of the oval patio table.
“You set the table,” she smiled.
“And I folded the napkins,” Luke put in. He held up a paper napkin, folded in a triangle.
Krissy’s cheeks pinked and she nuzzled Luke. “Yes you did. They look good.”
I positioned the vegetable tray next to the potato salad and plucked a carrot stick, crunched it. I pulled my cell phone out of the front pocket of my jeans for the time. Weston should be here any minute.
“How close are we?” Mom crossed to the barbeque and peered over Dad’s shoulder at darkening rounds of meat.
“About five minutes,” Dad said.
Abria bounced out of the open door and onto the deck, proceeding to climb on one of the heavy chairs. She giggled.
“Careful,” Luke told her. “Little monkey.”
Matthias had called Abria ‘little monkey’ more than once. I smiled, and saw him in my mind standing in Abria’s bedroom—as I’d seen him so many times before—holding Abria in his arms. A shot of love warmed me, deep down.
Aunt Janis had adopted the pet name since Matthias had left. It was still hard to hear it.
I’d forced myself not to count the days since I’d last seen Matthias.
Each day, I’d ached. Though school, Weston and life had helped soften the perforation of missing him, many of my thoughts still carried some part of him: the unique blue of his eyes, the twinkle of his spirit when I stood in his presence.
I picked Abria up and held her against me. “Did you buy Abria those special wheat-free buns at the health food store for her burger?” I asked Mom, carrying my sister back inside. Changing the subject might help—even if only temporarily. Mom stood over the sink, washing cooking utensils.
“Yes, thanks for reminding me. They’re in the cabinet. Get one out for her, will you please?”
I did, and Abria turned her head, uninterested in the specialty product.
“Hopefully, she’ll grow to like it,” I chuckled. One of the things Mom and Dad had learned at the autism conference was that children with autism tended to improve behaviorally when they were on a wheat-free diet.
So far, Abria hadn’t warmed up very well to the specially made foods.
But she was working with a wonderful speech therapist—at the suggestion of one of the specialists—and learning to use w
ords to communicate.
“I thought Weston was coming,” Mom said.
The door bell rang. I grinned. Her right brow arched over a grin that mirrored mine.