Cavanaugh sighed, “I was a little afraid of that.”
She insisted, “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I know you understand. There’s more to it.”
Cavanaugh pried, “Does it have anything to do with those pictures of you and the little boy roping calves?”
She quietly muttered, “Yes.” She got quiet. She had tried to avoid this conversation with him. However, it became unavoidable. Sometimes pain was the only hand me down you got.
Cavanaugh set the tone, “I’m listening.”
She opened up, “My brother Fernando.” She paused, to hold back tears. Tears that had resided in the depths of her soul like an endless hose that no one could turn off. She would have walked through fire to save him. How could she say that to Cavanaugh? He already knew it. “He died from the same injuries your brother suffered because they didn’t have a doctor present.”
Cavanaugh wanted to reach out to hold her. But she continued, “He inspired me to get into sports medicine.”
Cavanaugh tucked his chin to a clenched fist held a little bit higher than his lap to hold back a flood of emotions. Feeling emotionally stretched wasn’t the best feeling when you needed to be the rock in a situation. He looked up at his brother lying there in a coma and realized that the woman sitting beside him was the best woman he’d ever met and she’d almost given him the slip. He wasn’t even in the clear yet, but he was going to play it cool to stop her from resisting him.
He reached over to her shoulder and grabbed her to his chest. There were so many reasons why the simple things in life should never be ignored. He’d never forget that she didn’t pull away at that very moment. He couldn’t say anything to touch that spot on her soul, because that same spot on his soul was laying in a coma in front of him.
She finally spoke, “I can’t ask you to give up something that you love; but I can’t handle you falling off a bull like my brother did.” She looked over at Tad. A tear fell down her cheek.
Cavanaugh said, “I love you. In that good man sort of way.” He sent her reeling. She imagined a promise ring that she used to wear or a sports jacket when a guy wanted everyone to know you were his girl. She needed the real thing.
“Doesn’t this make for a different kind of summer? No beach, but I’d rather be here with you.” She paused, holding back tears. “I know that I didn’t make the rules and there ain’t nobody there to bend them for us.” There are days when it hurts to swallow what this life brings.
Cavanaugh said, “I’d give up bull riding if it meant you’d stay in my life.” Cavanaugh had one of his aha moments thinking about his ex Sam and the reason why she said she’d taken off.
She looked up at him. Although there was a part of her wondering about how important it was to always know that you can build a life after making mistakes. She wanted to believe him and so she did, even though in the back of her mind, she knew she was taking another chance. They needed to be there for each other right now, and that’s what mattered.
“Just say yes, yes you’ll still keep being my girl,” he said. She didn’t feel like he was telling her how to feel. She nodded and looked up at him.
“There is something about us and there’s something about that first kiss.” She remembered what it felt like in his truck and walking near the creek. He held her hand and she felt like this wasn’t quite done and they’d have to weather whatever came their way.
***
Tad made it out of the coma and when his parents brought him home, Carmen and the nurse were back to square one in helping him walk again…if he could walk again. This last fall set him back. Six months into his care, Carmen went back and forth between the rodeo and tending to Tad. Carmen knew if she needed to prowl again, she had it in her, but her relationship with Cavanaugh was fulfilling a need they both felt at the moment. She felt he was part of her future, but dating a rodeo man, you never really quite knew what was around the bend. They were going to know everything about each other slowly. It was perfect. Hikes, times in their restaurant; and he helped her pick out a nice pair of snake skin boots that wouldn’t track dust. He always asked her to put another layer on when he thought the wind blew a little too hard.
It was just a matter of time that Murphy’s Law would set in. Carmen left her house to head over to Sally and Greg’s home. She pulled up like she had several times a week over the past eight or nine months. She saw a car that she didn’t recognize in the driveway. It gave her a chill up her spine. It felt wrong. She parked. Cautiously she grabbed her stuff and closed the door, staring at the car. Her intuition was telling her to turn back.
Sally sat in the front yard with her head in her hands. She looked over and saw Carmen. She hesitated with a look of dread crossing her face. She was trying to come up with the words to see what she could say to Carmen. She knew that Carmen was smart enough to know something was wrong. Sally just needed to figure out how best to tell her. It wasn’t really a blow anyway. It was just a minor complication. Cavanaugh might shrug it off, but if Carmen’s ex came around, Cavanaugh might have the same look on his face that Carmen was about to have. The BS in the air was getting quite thick.
“What’s happening?” she asked Sally.
“Well, um, you’d be surprised, but, well, we have a visitor.” Sally said. She didn’t act as warmly as she had last time that Carmen saw her. Maybe if someone else had asked, Carmen might have gotten a straight answer. Carmen hesitated. Sally was protecting somebody, but she wasn’t sure if it was from her or from herself. Sally looked as torn up as Carmen felt. She thought about getting back in her car unless Sally changed her tune. Then, she realized that Sally’s eyes were pleading for Carmen’s understanding.
Carmen once again had to rise above the occasion. She started to think about what visitor might cause this feeling. Just when she was about to say it was probably Cavanaugh’s ex, Sam, she saw Sally whirl her neck around as Cavanaugh ran to his truck and Sam chased after him. It was his ex. Sally desperately wanted to run back inside, but she looked over at Carmen instead to see if it was all registering. Cavanaugh drove off and seconds before he reached the end of the driveway, he turned his head and saw Carmen watching him take off with Sam screeching behind him kicking up dust like only an ex who didn’t care anymore would do.
Like a black cat crossing Cavanaugh’s path, Sam was going to turn back the clock, make up for her own ignorance. To Carmen, Sam felt like a criminal asking good folks if they were legit.
If Sam knew how to act around people, she wouldn’t be playing mercy every day of her life. Cavanaugh wasn’t playing mercy. Neither was Sally. Carmen was just fresh on the scene and relieved that as she locked eyes with Cavanaugh, he put his hands to his ear, like a good lover would to tell her to expect his call at the right time. She knew he wouldn’t leave her hanging but she also had to figure out how he was going to lose Sam. He sent Carmen away with the words of their love song. She had to rely on her patience and briefly act like a good woman.
To be continued…
Thank you for reading!
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Embracing Love Again
by
Stephanie Hunter
Chapter One
Missing her husband, Olivia Lane tried to tend to their small apartment without allowing herself to grow lonely. Due to losing his job, He'd been forced to take a contractor's job oversees. They had been through hard times for the last several years and him being gone, only added to her disappointments. Holding two part time jobs and studying business through an online course, she filled her days as best she could. It was the nights that gripped her heart the most. Touching the empty space, reserved for him, caused her to cry herself to sleep. Hope of his return is what kept her striving to rise in the mornings and to meet the needs of two demanding bosses. Every day seemed to be a struggle, trying to make ends meet financially and emotionally. She had become secluded in her everyday r
eality of missing her husband.
Staying in touch with her mother in her hometown of Sparta, Tennessee was one way she could not only reminisce in memories, but also to release her fear and loneliness. Her father, Paul Tifferton had passed away from colon cancer when she was just sixteen. All she had left was her mother. Leaving her mother behind to carry on the family farm had been a hard choice… but her love for her Curtis drove her all the way to Dayton, Ohio. They married, fixed up an old apartment and began their lives. As hard times fell on them, Curtis lost his construction job, due to downsizing during uncooperative weather. He had been warned only two weeks before the lay-off. They were left in a panic, with bare cupboards. After trying to land a quick-fix job, Curtis Lane crumbled. His only option was accepting a contractor job oversees, with all the promises they offered. He was going to Iraq.
Olivia begged him to reconsider. Just the thought of him being so far away was enough, but in her mind, Iraq was the end. She was filled with fear when he announced that he was going. They only had a couple weeks for him to prepare and the day he left, he promised that he'd return. Their plans to have a family were put on hold and he boarded the plane, clutching to her promise to wait for him. She was asked to remain optimistic and she gazed up into his eyes, believing his last words…. he would return.
Months passed and the first few were heart-wrenching for her. Letters came every week in the beginning, but they slowly began to fade. Walking to the mailbox each afternoon brought disappointment, with only bills to carry home. Her life was dwindling, her fight to survive kicked in and she took on another job. Between her secretarial position for a local doctor, and her late night bartending job in a local bar, she barely made things work. But one thing it did do was keep her busy. From her nine-to-five job, she drove straight to the bar. There she got by on healthy tips, working from five in the evening until closing time.
Quirks came and went as she rustled two jobs, and it wasn't long until she was faced with the reality that she came across as a single woman to every guy that drank at the bar. Wanting sympathy or a one night stand, they sat on a stool, hoping to get lucky. Wondering if her husband would ever get leave and come home, she decided that she had to act. That's when things got tougher when she began online business classes. She had no intentions to keep working as a bartender, listening to every man's issues. Months passed, and one year turned into two. Her heart was missing her husband and her body was in need of being touched.
***
Trying to get a degree wasn't working. It wasn't paying, it was only taking, and so she dropped the courses and succumbed to giving up.
It was the same every day, a mundane life with no meaning. She plunged through, keeping a healthy attitude and filling any spare time with taking long walks or working out in a local gym. At twenty-five years old, she felt sixty.
But her life would change. She had happened to get time off from her day job. Relaxing in the pool at the complex, she laid back, soaking up the warmth of the sun's rays. Thinking about Curtis, she fell into a dream. With children laughing in the background, she had listened to their mothers scolding them long enough. She needed more, and she stretched out on her lounger and dreamt of better days. She was being chased by Curtis in a local park. He picked her up in his arms, and kissed her long and hard. They teased for a time and then returned to their play. Throwing Frisbees across a long stretch of the green grass had become an all-time favorite. He was better at throwing and better at catching, leaving her scrambling to keep up. Her dream took her to intimate times with Curtis, venturing back home and racing to the bedroom. Their clothes would hit the floor as soon as they entered the apartment, laughing as they went. Curtis had always been wonderful in bed, and his aim to please was always as arousing to her as the actual act itself. With him being gone, her dream fluttered inside her mind as she lay there amidst the screaming children. Being finally interrupted, she collected her things and went back into her apartment.
***
After showering, she settled into a recliner and picked up a cheap fiction romance. It always seemed to fit her life, some damsel in distress in need of her knight. She smiled sweetly as she recalled Curtis' face and she read on. She had gotten to the fourth chapter when there was a knock at the door. It seemed abrupt, a little too loud and important. Throwing the novel to the side, she paced herself to the door. Mid-way the horrible thought came. Was something wrong with Curtis? Oh dear god, don't let it be, she whispered aloud. Her fears weren't unfounded when she swung the door open, to see an Army Officer. She was in denial... plain denial. Ushering him to remain quiet, she held her finger over her tightened lips, as if she could ask him to take it back. He stood stiff, tall and firm and he delivered what he had come to say. Curtis Lane was missing, not only missing, but presumed dead.
The earth caved in on her. In seconds, her heart tore; she aged and was hit with screaming pain. She echoed the sounds of her body's struggle with her voice. Collapsing to the linoleum floor, her knees buckled under her. Sprawled on the floor, her knees bent under her like a pretzel, she hugged the cold floor for the lie. She wanted the lie to cover the truth. It took a few moments and the Officer helped her to her feet and led her to the sofa. Staying with her, he listened as she wept, her heart breaking right before his eyes. Standing tall, he had delivered his message, but his core was dying with the young woman he looked down at. She looked lifeless, a child in shear agony as one would cry if their puppy had been struck down in a street. Her face was pale, aging right in front of him. It was his first experience, delivering such horror to such a beautiful young woman. As he dialed her mother's phone number, he handed her the phone. Then he waited for her to end the conversation. He offered to stay until a friend arrived to console her.
Olivia only had a few friends. There was one that she had met at the office. The young girl worked part time, covering Olivia when she was off. The other was a young girl she worked with at the bar. She knew that it would cost either one of them a good day's pay, and she set the phone back down. Looking up into his eyes, she confessed that she'd be fine alone.
Unsure, he asked her if she needed anything else. What she needed was the lie. Of course, he could not give it to her so he walked out the door, leaving her in a tangled emotional mess. She ended up crashing out from exhaustion hours later and didn't wake until morning.
Her recovery from the devastation wasn't coming easily. Days passed with her mother on the other end of the telephone line, pleading with her to come home. Weeks followed with nothing left in her life except misery and the chilling memories of her husband's existence. It overcame her finally, seeing his face everywhere she agreed. Her mother was right; she had to get out this house. So, she packed up all she could get in her husband's old pickup and she locked the door behind her. Looking back as she kicked a few rocks from the sidewalk, her eyes caught a glance of a young child that she had come to know. Her daddy had been killed in a car wreck and had been suffering ever since. Olivia looked at her for the first time with true understanding of her loss. She walked back to the little girl, placed a kiss on her forehead. Inadvertently, she also kissed this life good bye.
***
Olivia Lane had learned to read maps because of her husband. Getting agitated with her, he forced her years before to read the map when he would take them on drives. Driving down the road, she recalled a map that he had tucked deep into the glove box and her eyes welled with tears. Pulling into a local gas station, she filled the tank, bought a cold bottle of pop and headed back to the truck. The sight of seeing two sets of lovers piling out of their van tore through her, nearly making her angry. Sighing to herself, she crawled inside and slammed the old creaky door. Not even sure if the truck would make it to Sparta, she took in a deep breath, said a prayer and shoved off. Forgetting things, she was used to, and she pulled the truck to the side of the old dirt road. She stretched her arm across the front seat and flipped open the glove box. Buried deep under piles of old candy wrappers
, bottle caps and insurance cards that had long expired, she felt the edge of the road map. Jerking it, something flew out with it. Staring down at the passenger seat, she looked into the kind and gentle eyes of Curtis Lane. It was him holding a bass in his hands, stretching it to the max, while she had taken the last shot in their Polaroid. Again, she broke down and cried. Giving herself a few minutes, she then stuck the picture on the dashboard, feeling like she'd be watched over as she made her journey back to the only home she had left.
She turned up the radio, and then remembered that the CD player actually worked. Curtis had torn the old one from the truck in a fit of anger, tired of its way of eating cd's. He had saved the money up just before the lay-off and treated himself to a brand new one. Smiling to herself, she cranked the dial. She tested the first few lines of each song, frantically looking for something upbeat. A tear rolled down her cheek as one, two, three songs played glorious old love songs. On the fourth try, she pulled her hand away. Curtis was country at heart and his dresser drawer had been filled with good old kick-ass country tunes. Wishing she had brought them, she'd have to settle. But Curtis hadn’t let her down; American Saturday Night by Brad Paisley began to play. She began to sing along with the familiar words of some of their favorite country tunes.
She never planned on stopping, and wanted to drive straight through. However, her mother pressured her to give in and stay in a room. With not much money in her purse, she promised she would, knowing full well that she was driving as far as she could. Eventually, the truck came to a stop, and she no longer had the choice.
Being forced to call her mother, she was wired enough money for a busted radiator, a good meal and a night's stay in a cheap motel. From the looks of the place, she was sure that she'd be safer inside the truck, but she gave in, craving to stretch out her legs. Handing them a fifty dollar bill, they had over-charged her in her own mind and she huffed all the way to her room. After ordering food from a local delivery, she began to grow hungry. She sighed, and left the room long enough to walk across the street to a convenience store. Piled to the ceiling were racks brown teddy bears. Their faces looked as sad as she felt, she had to get one. Adding him to her list, she collected all kinds of unhealthy foods, a super-sized cola and a recent release of Glamour. Satisfied, she handed the grouchy old clerk a wad of cash and waited for her pennies in change. She crossed the street and returned to the parking lot to find a gang of bikers that had taken refuge at what was probably their favorite hang-out. She walked past them, seeing no women on the back of their bikes, feeling them stare her down all the way to her room. Once inside, she slammed the door, drew the two locks and the dead bolt and let out a long held breath.