Chapter Five
The first step was for Megan to book the days off. We picked a week at the end of June, a month away. Once she’d confirmed that she could get the time off, I called my parents and asked if they could watch Henry and Olivia while I went on a trip with the girls.
“Of course, honey,” said my mom sympathetically. “You need some time to get away and have fun. We’ll do our best to keep the kids busy. Where are you going?”
“Thanks,” I said. “I think we’re planning to go to Vegas. But also maybe a beach in Florida somewhere. Just somewhere we can go and not have to think about everything that’s happening.” I sighed. “I just- I never saw it coming, Mom, you know? I mean- things weren’t perfect, nothing ever is. But I was happy, overall. I thought he was happy. We had our ups and downs and little fights, but no marriage is perfect, and I thought he was just preoccupied with being busy at work and adjusting to his new position. I figured things would calm down eventually- buying a house and moving is stressful, and once we got through that I figured that he’d get used to the new workload and the position, the kids would adjust, we could spend some time over the summer reconnecting...I just didn’t see it coming at all.”
“I’m so sorry, Julia,” my mom sympathized. “I can’t imagine what that’s like. I don’t know- from an outsider point of view, I’ve known Bradley a long time, and seen the two of you together for a long time. And I did think something changed. I don’t know if you changed on your own, or if he changed and that made you change, or what, but when I looked back at who you are today, thirty years old, and when I look at who you were in high school...well, it’s two different people.”
“Of course it is, Mom,” I said. “I was a teenager with no responsibilities back then. Now I’m a mom, I have a mortgage and a car payment and life insurance and a home to manage and kids to raise and a home business to try and run- of course I’ve changed.”
“You didn’t change together, though,” said Mom. “That’s what I meant. Of course who you are as a person evolves as you get older, but if you’re lucky, you both change into people who still love each other and get along. You turned into someone, he turned into someone else. And those people might not get along as well as Julia and Bradley of eight years ago did.”
I couldn’t quite hear the ‘I told you not to get married so young’ in there, but I thought it was in the background. My parents had warned me, after all, not to marry so young- live on your own for a year, get the feeling of independence, my mother had urged me. Don’t go straight from your parents’ home to a man’s. I hadn’t listened because I was young and in love.
“Well,” I said, “thanks. I think.”
“I don’t mean ‘I told you so’,” said Mom hurriedly. “Just- I’ve watched you lose your sparkle over the past while. I know it sounds cheesy but it’s true. Just seemed like life- love- was getting you down. You weren’t the same girl I remembered. So if you need to take a break from all this mess and go out there and find that sparkle, or get in touch with yourself and remember who you are- not as a mother, not as a wife, but who Julia is- you go out there and do it.”
My mother’s words echoed in my head for the next few days. She was right, of course- our mothers always are, aren’t they? I could only vaguely remember what life was like before babies and husbands. There was joy in being a mother, but there was so much drudgery too. I needed this break. I needed to remember who I was.
Bradley hadn’t moved out, but he was sleeping on the couch for the time being. I was trying my hardest to put on a good face for the kids and be as friendly and normal around him as I could, but when it was just the two of us I could hardly bear to even look at him. Ironically, now that he’d told me he wanted a divorce so he could be with this Nikki girl, he was coming home early more often and spending more time at home. The day after I’d called my mom, though, I waited until Henry and Olivia were in bed. Then I spoke in the most flat, unemotional voice I could manage.
“By the way, since we won’t be going away on vacation together while the kids are at my parents’ house, I’m going on a trip with the girls at the end of the month. Just so you know.”
He looked up from the TV, startled. “Huh? What? No, you can’t do that- who’s going to care for the kids?”
I turned away so I wasn’t facing him when I spoke. I concentrated on using the most even tone I could. “Like I said, they’ll be with my parents. You won’t have to lift a finger. In fact, it will make things even easier for you.”
“Why, though? Why do you need a vacation?”
“Maybe,” I said, “because my husband of eight years and partner of fourteen years just told me he is in love with someone else and no longer wishes to be part of my family.”
“Knock off the melodramatics, Julia,” he said, turning back to the TV. “You wouldn’t just up and leave on vacation.”
“Oh no? What makes you say that?”
“Because, that’s not who you are. You won’t just book a trip at random and go. You’ll spend two months looking at all of the online reviews and comparing prices and features of the different hotels and call me over every twenty minutes until I want to scream and just not go after all. You’ll print out a packing list for everybody and hover around and make sure that we pack exactly how you want us to. When you finally get to wherever you’re going, you’ll have a schedule to stick to. Relaxing by the pool will take place from ten to twelve on Tuesday morning,” he mimicked my voice. “After that there’s lunch, yoga class, and then scuba diving, followed by showering for dinner, dinner, and then drinks at the beach bar. You don’t know how to take a vacation and it is NOT RELAXING going away with you.” He exhaled. “There’s something I’ve wanted to say for, oh, ten years now?”
I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I was expecting from him, but he was pissing me off. He was probably expecting me to cry. Instead, I glared at him. “You don’t think I’m going to be able to go away to relax?”
“I don’t think, I know,” he said.
“And I’m sure Nikki’s idea of a perfect vacation involves closing her eyes and throwing darts at a map,” I said sarcastically. “Followed by landing at the airport with no clear idea of where she’s going to stay or what she’s going to do.”
“You know what?” said Bradley. “It is. And we’ve talked about time after time, the trips we want to take together. Close our eyes and spin the globe and go wherever our feet take us. Hop on a plane with nothing but one suitcase and show up in a new city, pick out a hotel on the fly, just wander the city for hours and get lost together.”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten, picturing my husband with this Nikki slut wandering hand-in-hand through some strange Middle Eastern bazaar, or Amazonian rainforest, or old European city. I shuddered. “Well,” I said, as calmly as I could, “it sounds like you two will be very happy together.”
Bradley rolled his eyes. “Cut the martyr crap out, Julia. You think it makes you look classy, like you’re taking the high road? It makes you look pathetic.” He shook his head in disgust.
Without another word, I stomped out of the room like a petulant teenager. I almost slammed the bedroom door, before I remembered my two kids were sleeping down the hall and I didn’t want to wake them up. Instead, I had an idea. In the top drawer of the bureau was where Bradley kept his backup credit card. I pulled it out and stared at it for a good long while, turning it around and around in my hands. I memorized the number on the front and the three digit security code on the back. I looked at the expiration date and the name embossed on the front. Bradley M Sutton. My throat tightened. He was down there, living a weird parallel existence with me until we sorted out our separation, and he didn’t care about me anymore.
I took a picture of the front and back of the card with my phone, just in case I had trouble remembering the number.
Then I sat down and started searching for flights on my phone. I’d book them right now, before I changed my mind. He was goin
g to regret this. I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he’d be paying for this for years. I bought four return plane tickets, one for me and one for each of the girls. Then I called Megan.
“Screw Vegas,” I said. “And Miami. I just bought us all tickets to Paris.”
Megan screamed so loudly when I told her that I had to hold the phone away from my ear. “Are you FREAKING kidding me? PARIS? And you bought us all tickets?”
“Bradley is going to be footing the bill for us,” I said, glancing down at the credit card.
“Are you serious? Whoa. Why? Does he feel bad or something?”
“Something like that,” I said. “Um- don’t tell Ashley, she’ll go nuts, but I took his credit card. Well, I didn’t take the actual card, but I took a picture of it...” I trailed off.
“You know what? Asshole deserves whatever he gets,” Megan declared. “Well, damn. Now we’re going to have to go shopping.”
“Save the shopping for Paris,” I told her. “Bring along an empty suitcase.”