Chapter Four
The next morning I gently nudged Gage and told him he could sleep in. He smiled sleepily and rolled over snuggling under his pillow. I was not ready to introduce him to Tanner until I knew more about the entire situation. Somehow I had a feeling that taking him to the barn this morning I would have no choice but to introduce them. I would hate for Gage to get attached and then Tanner to go away again. Gage has had enough loss in his life and I refused to set him up for what could be heartbreak.
I would do anything for Gage and protect him from any harm. Once upon a time I loved Tanner with all my heart but now a large piece of that heart was filled with love for Gage. Tanner being back at the ranch did not change that simple fact.
I found myself spending way too much time in front of the closet choosing what to wear for the day. I ended up with a nicely worn pair of jeans and a tank top underneath my favorite flannel. I tried to shake off the look he gave me in the loft last night, but my dreams were still haunted by the memories of his lips and his arms wrapped around me. I was in a heap of trouble.
I kissed Gage goodbye and headed over to the ranch to feed the horses and get the works orders ready for the day. With any luck, I would be completely busy and distracted from thoughts of Tanner and his presence here at the ranch. I even set my phone alarm to remind me of my meeting with the Dixons. My heart pounded at the thought of having to leave the ranch. I was trying not to worry, but I was brilliantly losing that battle. I pulled up to the barn, took a deep breath and began my day.
I got into a steady rhythm with the feed and the only sounds were the soft neighing of the horses. I had to work double time without Gage here to help, but the extra stress on my body was keeping my mind focused on the task at hand. It was like the eye of a storm and I could feel it growing as time ticked on. I finished the feeding and headed into my office to make sure I had all of the day’s work lined up. There was a mountain of work to be done and I was in the process of streamlining the system. Time crept by as I kept my head down and tried to work through my growing nerves.
My phone alarm reminded me that it was time to hand out the daily work. An important part of running the ranch was organizing who does what. It seems like a simple task but after you have factored in the skill level of each ranch hand and the sensitivity to detail that a job required, the process became complicated and murky at best.
As they gathered around many of the ranch hands had their heads down and were looking rather uncomfortable. I sighed because even though I knew the answer without asking, I had to assert my authority. I called out one of the young ones, “Billy what’s up?” Billy shuffled his feet and kept his head down. He own lifted his eyes to mine when I stalked over and stood directly in front of him.
“Ummm some of the guys and I,” Billy stuttered, “we were just wondering what it meant for us now that Tanner is home?”
I stepped back and looked at the guys who had been with me through thick and thin during my transition to running the ranch. They were a rough bunch of fellas, but they all had hearts of gold. I could not see Tanner being vindictive enough to fire all the guys if he took over the ranch but what did I really know about the man he had become? I had to admit that I did not know much of anything about grown-up Tanner or his current sense of right and wrong.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I answered hoping I was telling them the truth.
“I am meeting with the Dixons this morning to sort everything out and confirm where we go from here.” I continued, “Until you hear otherwise keep your head down and do good work and there will not be any problems.”
The men grabbed their gear and headed out to begin the day’s work. Billy nodded and then went on his way. I was too worried about the tornado of emotions wrecking havoc on my own body. It was my responsibility to watch out and protect these guys and their jobs. I reminded myself that I was not operating in a vacuum and I could not be selfish in this situation.
I made a few phone calls and put in some supply orders anything to avoid checking the clock every two minutes. I procrastinated as long as I could before I had to face the music. I tidied up my office, hoping it was not my last day to use it, and headed over to the ranch house for my meeting with Dixons.
I went to the side of the house and used the wash station to clean my hands and face. My hair was pulled back so it had survived the morning so far. There was no mirror at the wash station, why would the guys ever need one, so I did my best to make sure I was clean and presentable. Who am I trying to impress The Dixons or Tanner? I took a deep breath and walked toward my fate.
I had been coming to the Dixon house since I was a child and knocking had never been a requirement for entering. Where we came from locking your door was considered an insult and I spent more of my life in this house than my own. I pushed off my boots in the mudroom and made my way into the beautiful farmhouse kitchen.
This kitchen had given me comfort when I needed it most. This is not to say that my family was horrible, but I was an only child and my parents both worked very hard supplying the surrounding horse farms with feed. This required almost all of their energy and I grew up taking care of myself. When I started hanging around the Dixon Ranch Mrs. Dixon sensed I was missing some motherly love. Through the dirt and grime, she helped me remember that I had a feminine side too. I learned to bake pies, make pot roasts and of course brew a strong cup of coffee in this very kitchen.
The aroma of that strong coffee is what greeted me now, as I saw Mrs. Dixon at the counter arranging the thermos and cups. She heard the door shut and knew it must be me.
“How are you holding up Libby?” Mrs. Dixon asked in her non-invasive way, that before today had me always opening up to her. How does she think I’m holding up? Her son has just breezed back in town after a decade of leaving my heart to break into a thousand pieces!
Of course Mr. & Mrs. Dixon would know that Tanner’s return would cause me to feel things I put on the back shelf a long time ago. They had witnessed my breakdown after Tanner decided he was not coming back and watched me pretended to move on with my marriage to Christopher. They still would joke that I was the best thing to happen to Tanner and not coming back home was his biggest mistake.
I placed a kiss on her cheek and responded, “As well as can be expected.”
She chuckled and we made our way into the living room where it would seem they would be meeting. Mr. Dixon rose from the sofa giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Libby thank you for coming this morning,” Mr. Dixon began. Mrs. Dixon took her place next to her husband on the sofa and stared adoringly at her son sitting across from her.
I took a seat in one of the worn armchairs but not before catching Tanner’s gaze and his small and insecure smile. “No problem Mr. Dixon whatever we need to do,” I responded.
“I am so happy to hear you say that,” Mr. Dixon began, “because we do think things need a little re-working now that Tanner has come home and wants to help with the ranch.”
This was it. Tanner was going to take over the ranch and Gage and I will have to move in with my parents. My heart was stuck in my throat and I was having trouble breathing when Tanner spoke.
“Libby I did not come back here to take the ranch from you. I just need a fresh start and I have let down my parents, and you, long enough,” Tanner ended with what seemed to be a genuine sigh of exhaustion.
I’m not sure how, but I felt for Tanner. In his youth, he had made a bad choice, as we all have done before. However, this particular bad choice happened to rip out my heart and leave me broken for many years. I sat quietly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Betsy and I are ready to retire,” Mr. Dixon began, “We have found the perfect retirement house near the beach and we already have one foot in the ocean.” Mr. Dixon hugged his wife who nodded her head in apparent agreement. “The last thing we have to do before hitting the road is set up how the ranch will be run in our absence.”
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p; Mr. Dixon went on to explain that prior to Tanner’s homecoming I was being groomed to take over the ranch. Without knowing that Tanner still wanted to have a part in the ranch, the Dixons had whole-heartedly agreed that I was the best and only choice to run the ranch. He explained that a lot of time and energy on both parts had gone into that training.
I started to feel better about the situation until he began talking about how they had always wanted Tanner to continue the Dixon legacy. It was a family ranch so it always went without saying that Tanner was next in line. When he left, it was incredibly difficult for the Dixons as they tried to determine how a future might look for the ranch without family to inherit it. Now that Tanner was back they were struggling with how to handle the situation.
“Last night I walked out to the outdoor arena to check out the new fencing you put up Libby,” Mr. Dixon began. “Just as I was admiring your handiwork my phone beeped with an email alert from the bank about some paperwork you were overdue on,” Mr. Dixon continued.
“Shoot,” I cried, “I completely got sidetracked and forget.”
“No problem it was actually extremely helpful,” Mr. Dixon quickly responded.
By this time I was on the edge of my seat and wiping my damp palms on my jeans. Tanner was chewing his bottom lip and bouncing his left knee and if I could still read Tanner correctly then he was equally as nervous. He caught me peeking at him and I quickly turned towards the Dixons.
It seems that this burst of wisdom had prompted a late night discussion with Mrs. Dixon. After ironing out some details, they both agreed on this new approach to the ranch.
“We would like you to share responsibilities and run the ranch together,” Mr. Dixon stated as a fact not a question.
My head flew up and I stuttered, “Together?”
“Yes dear together,” Mrs. Dixon added her first words to this distressing and already lengthy meeting.
Tanner was sat up straighter biting his lower lip, showing he was anxious, although it could be a good or bad anxious. After he spoke there was no doubt it was bad anxious.
“You want us to share the ranch?” Tanner asked with doubt lacing his every word.
Mr. Dixon must have anticipated this reaction from both of us because when he continued his voice was fatherly and kind. He went on to explain that I had a vast knowledge of the hands on things at the ranch. He continued to see that since I had come on board the ranch has never looked better. It felt great listening to him honestly praise my work. It reminded me of the passion I have for running this ranch and how much losing it would mean.
After squeezing my knee he turned to Tanner and explained his hope for the business and financial side of Dixon ranch. There were several additional business opportunities that had been put on the back burner with the Dixon’s retirement and the ranch running at full capacity. One of these opportunities being the new feed blend I had created. Mr. Dixon had hopes that with Tanner’s background he could not just maintain the business of the ranch, but help it to grow.
The Dixon’s new vision had me running the day-to-day operations of the ranch and Tanner running behind the scenes. Literally they were proposing that we run the ranch “together.” Is this even possible? How do they expect me to work with him when they know how much he hurt me? Neither Tanner nor I said anything and for the first time, the Dixons looked uneasy.
I loved the Dixon family and they deserved a happy and stress-free retirement. Could I share the ranch with Tanner? Working side-by-side? I honestly did not know. I felt unsure of my residual feelings for him and the anger and hurt I still carried with me was clouding my vision. I was also dealing with this magnetic pull I felt every time our eyes met and my desperate desire to make his sparkle once again. That is not your job!
I struggled through the fog and remembered the most important thing. No matter how I felt this was not about Tanner, or me this was about the Dixon Ranch and continuing its proud legacy. I was not a Dixon by blood, but in my heart and mind I was a member of this family and keeping it whole was just as important to me.
I finally raised my head to meet the Dixon’s eyes, “If this is truly what you want then I will work with Tanner.”
Mr. Dixon began to smile as he turned to Tanner, who had his eyes trained on me. “Libby and I will figure out a way to run the ranch dad,” Tanner managed to get out.
Mrs. Dixon clapped her hands together and said with a motherly touch, “I just know this is the best thing for all of us.”
A red flag flew up in my head at her comment, but I could not see it through the intense feeling I was getting from Tanner and his laser gaze. His eyes had not looked away from me and I was starting to feel uncomfortable.
“Well, if that is it I have a lot of work to do,” I stated as I stood up to put some distance between the Dixons and me. I knew I was running away, but after a decision like that, no one could blame me. Since there was no way to add Tanner to the work cycle today I added, “and Tanner make sure you are on time tomorrow for work orders.”
With that and a smiling snicker from Mr. Dixon, I slid my boots back on and headed out to do some hard labor and pound Tanner Dixon out of my mind.
Tanner did not interfere with the ranch for the rest of the day and I only caught him watching me a few times from the back porch of the house. I could not avoid the group lunchtime but noticed that Tanner sat on the opposite end of the table and did not try to make things uncomfortable by addressing me. Of course he looked perfect in his worn jeans and boots, clean because he had not put in any hours on the ranch yet.
It was unnerving having him so close. I could feel the electricity we always had buzzing around us. I only hoped that we were the only ones able to recognize it. I was a different person when he left, and he obviously had changed while he was away. It was going to take time to get to know the grown-up versions of Libby and Tanner. I just hoped our grown-up versions could put the past aside and move towards a future that suited all of us.