Boom-boom! Bang-bang! Crash!
“The Giant! It’s the Giant!” says Dumdum dog.
Like we need reminding, thinks Mia. She has never heard such a racket in her entire life. Well, not if she doesn’t count Freddie coming in from school every day.
But now Freddie is beside her, really quiet. As is Sami and Claudie. And they all have the same look on their face. The look you have when a Giant is coming your way and you don’t know what to do. But Mia knows what to do. She turns to Dumdumdog: “What do we do?”
“Jump on my back,” he says, “And I’ll take you somewhere safe.”
“Where?”
“My secret hide-away.”
And he lies down to let them clamber aboard. Mia picks up Claudie, puts her behind the dog’s head and slides on behind. Sami follows, then Freddie. “Hang on to one other,” says Mia. And they do – like rings in a Christmas paper chain.
Boom-boom! Bang-bang! Crash!
“Time to go,” says Dumdum dog.
And he does, darting from house to house, tree to tree until he skids up beside a big kennel.
If the kids aren’t sure whether this is his secret hide-away or not, a sign next to it gives them a hint. It says: “Dumdum dog’s secret hide-away.”
That’s not the smartest thing I’ve ever seen, thinks Mia.
That’s dumb, thinks Sami.
Cool cubbyhouse, thinks Freddie.
A lolly would be yummy, thinks Claudie.
Dumdum dog glances about to make sure the Giant hasn’t seen them and starts to go through the kennel door. That’s okay for him, the door is his size. But there is no room for the kids, who find themselves wedged against the door frame. All they can do is watch as the dog slides under them until there is no dog left to sit on. Just a drop to the ground. Freddie, nearest the tail, is the first to go.
“Ow!” he says as he lands with a bump.
Sami and Mia are next. “Ow, ow!”.
Claudie lands beside them and starts to cry.
“I want a lolly,” she says, knowing there is nothing like a lolly to fix everything. Including bumps.
“Don’t hang about out there,” says Dumdumdog, peering out of the doorway at the four kids sprawling on the ground. “Come in.”
And in they come – as fast as they can – and settle down beside him.
“Congratulations,” says Dumdum Dog. “That is a really, really dumb thing to do!”
“Stupid?” says Mia. “You’re the one with the sign saying Secret Hide-away.”
“That’s right. Only somebody really, really dumb would do such a thing. So the Giant will know to leave me alone.”
“What does he do, eat people, like Giants in fairy stories?” says Mia.
“Not exactly,” says Dumdum dog.
“Maybe he’s a Vegetarian Giant or something?” says Sami hopefully.
“A Vegetarian Giant!” says Mia. “Then he’d have to say: “Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum. I smell the beans of an Englishman!”
“He’s no vegetarian,” says Dumdum dog. “A vegetarian wouldn’t do what he does.”
“What’s that? says Sami.
“Something really, really horrible,” says Dumdum dog.
“Really, really horrible?” says the kids, clinging on to each other. And it isn’t for warmth.
“He catches people and takes them back to his cave at the top of the mountain,” says Dumdum dog. “And then…and then…he sucks out their brains with a straw!”
“Sucks out their brains! Yuck!” say the girls.
“Awesome!” says Freddie, who secretly loves yucky things. “A Brain Slurpy!”
“Why would he want to do that?” says Mia.
“So he can always be the smartest person around,” says the dog.
“The one with the brains,” says Sami.
“Very clever,” says the dog.
“Thank you,” says Sami.
“Clever is not something you want to be,” says Dumdum Dog. “The Giant doesn’t bother dumb people. But if you’ve got any brains he’ll have them. And you kids are the only ones in Dumdumland who look like you’ve got any.”
Boom-boom! Bang-bang! Crash!
Mia says it for all of them. “Time to go home.”
“How did you get here?” says Dumdum dog.
Four voices try to tell him at once, until Mia calls for order. “Shut up!” – and tells him what happened. How one minute they were in their Dad’s room spinning in his chair and the next they were in Dumdumland.
“Anyone with a brain can see what happened,” says Dumdum dog.
“What?” they all want to know.
“I said anyone with a brain!”
“You’re right,” says Mia. “As Dad’s chair got us here, maybe it can – “
“It can get us home again,” says Sami talking over her.
“We left the chair at the Dumdumland sign,” says Mia, “will you show us how to get back there?”
“Sure,” says Dumdum dog and points out of the door.
“Just round that corner and up the road.”
“Aren’t you coming with us?” says Mia.
“I have to stay and practice my animal impressions. I’m trying to sound like a tortoise.”
“But tortoises don’t make any sound,” says Sami.
“I didn’t say it was easy,” says the dog. And with a cheery “Hullo” he waves them goodbye.
Mia peers out of the kennel. No sign of the Giant.
“Come on,” she says, and leads the way. The four kids look about them.
“Now we’ve got to stick together,” says Mia. “No running off. Or we’ll never get home.”
“What if the Giant sees us?” says Sami. “He’ll know we’re the only ones with any brains.”
“Maybe not,” says Mia. “Just do what I do.” And she skips off singing: “We’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, dumb, dumb. From the top of our head to our bum, bum, bum.”
The others follow, tapping their bum when they say head and tapping their head when they say bum. Round the corner they go and up the road. “We’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, dumb, dumb. From the top of our head to our bum, bum – “
Everyone stops singing. They’ve got back to the Dumdumland sign without any worry. There it is, right in front of them. What isn’t in front of them is their Dad’s chair. It has gone. No wonder they all go silent.
“Where is it?” says Freddie.
Mia wished she knew. It is their only way of getting home. Now they are really in trouble!
CHAPTER FIVE: Where’s the chair?