A soft, sighing sound from one of the others roused Jade from a semi-doze. She had woken when the fire died down in the wee hours. It was the first night they hadn’t set watches and she’d been too uneasy to go back to sleep after stoking the flames. The storm gentled sometime after midnight but cold seeped through the walls of their shelter. It was now hours later and dawn eased grey light beneath the door.
She glanced at her companions then down at the pile of fur on her lap. She was almost finished making warm clothes for their little group. When she couldn’t sleep, she’d started turning the remaining pile of furs and skins into cold-weather gear. In all the fantasy books she’d read, no-one ever had to make their own clothes. It was either not mentioned, or some kindly villager just turned up and handed the hero what he needed. Here, there was no-one. Luckily, she seemed to know how to sew in this world and she’d found a small sewing kit tucked into a chest of furs in the corner.
The bone needle slipped through her cold fingers as she cast a troubled look at Phoenix’s sleeping form. Guilt twisted her stomach into knots. She’d heard Marcus’ comments last night and, unhappily, faced her own childish reactions toward Phoenix. She was finding this all much, much harder than she’d thought it would be. He seemed to see the whole thing as some big, exciting lark of an adventure. He enjoyed bouncing from one fight to the next; one perilous situation to another. He treated it like it really was just a computer game they would inevitably win.
For Jade it seemed much more real – too real. She was scared almost all the time and far less certain of victory. Phoenix clearly didn’t see the infinite number of things that could go hideously wrong here. His unwavering nonchalance was annoying – and reassuring, too. As long as he thought they could win, she carried a faint hope he was right.
When he died, it had terrified her. For the first time her life, she was completely alone. Marcus and Brynn didn’t really count – they were part of this world. With Phoenix gone, there was no-one to rely on; to believe in. Only herself and that wasn’t enough; she wasn’t enough.
Sniffing, Jade blinked away stinging tears and refocused on her work. She misjudged the next stitch and caught a breath as the needle stuck into her finger. Blood welled and she put it into her mouth, trying not to cry again.