Elaine’s eyes looked damp. “I always loved Erin.”
“But that heartbeat, the one unique to my youngest daughter, that’s what this is about.” He looked intently at Elaine. “Right?”
“It’s more than that.”
“I know, but I want to hear it. My baby girl’s heartbeat.” John took a step back. “All of this . . . it’s for me. Which makes me wonder, Elaine. It does.”
“I’m sorry.”
John turned and slowly walked toward the front porch. “Come sit with me. For a few minutes.”
Elaine followed him and they grabbed their jackets on the way outside. John brushed a fine layer of snow off the porch swing and then he took hold of Elaine’s hand as they sat down. Snow was coming down hard, swirling in the wind. But they stayed dry where they were sitting.
John sighed. “I care about Kendra. I do. But it’s Christmas Eve.”
“And you want to hear your daughter’s heartbeat one more time.” Elaine laid her head on his shoulder.
“Exactly.”
She turned so she could see him. “It’s okay. The kids understand.” Her voice remained calm. “Don’t you think they feel the same way, John? Deep down?”
That hadn’t occurred to him. After all, he’d presented the meeting with Kendra as something Erin would’ve wanted, something good for Kendra. A chance to open her life to the possibility of faith.
A feeling of peace came over him. Peace he hadn’t felt in weeks. Maybe Elaine was right. “So you think the real reason Kari and Brooke and Dayne are willing to be here is because . . . it’ll feel like we have Erin back. For one night, anyway?”
“I think that’s part of it.”
“Hmmm.” John nodded. “Thank you.” He eased her into a hug. “Do me a favor.”
“Anything.”
“Pray for me. That I’ll care about Kendra, as a person. That this will be about more than hearing Erin’s heartbeat.”
“I will. I’ll pray all night.”
“Thank you.” He breathed deeply. “I feel good about that.” He stood and helped Elaine to her feet. “Let’s go make dessert. It’s freezing out here. And we have less than an hour until everyone shows up.”
With that, John and Elaine went inside and the two of them made a baked apple crumble and fresh whipped cream for after dinner. John stopped at the window and stared outside again. He was going to be okay. He cared about Kendra Bryant, he truly did. Tonight would be about her, not Erin. But deep down, Elaine had helped him understand that he was normal to hold on to one very real thing.
The fact that tonight—for the first time in years—he would have a part of his daughter Erin back again.
They’d been home from church for an hour when Luke Baxter asked his wife, Reagan, to meet him in their bedroom. She had been helping little Johnny get dressed for dinner at their favorite restaurant.
“I think I made a mistake.” Luke sat on the edge of their bed. “I feel like we should be there tonight. At Ashley and Landon’s house.”
Reagan sat beside him, confusion clouding her eyes. “I thought you didn’t want to go. Because of that Kendra woman.”
“I don’t. Not really.” He faced her. “But Tommy asked me this morning if it was really true. If we weren’t going tonight.” Luke felt sick about the situation. “He said the Baxter cousins look forward to Christmas Eve dinner all year.”
Reagan took a few seconds, but then she nodded. “That’s true. They do.”
“I should’ve changed my mind earlier.” He shook his head. “I’ve been so busy on the case at work, I didn’t take time to think about it. To talk to you and the kids and make a right decision.”
Outside the wind howled. The snowstorm forecast to cover Indiana was just hitting. Reagan glanced out the window. “Looks like the weather may have made the decision for us.”
“Nah.” Luke walked across the room and peered outside. “We’ve driven in snowstorms before.”
Reagan was quiet. “This is about your mom, isn’t it?”
For a long beat, Luke stayed by the window, staring into the stormy night. When he turned around, he felt tears in his eyes. “Maybe. Deep down.” He came to Reagan and pulled her into his arms. “She would’ve wanted us all together.”
“True.” Reagan put her hands against his cheeks. “What about Ashley?”
“Could you text her? Just so she knows we’re coming. It’s the right thing to do. For our family, for my dad.” He smiled. “Let’s go tell the kids.”
Luke thought about his decision as the kids celebrated the news. He still couldn’t understand his father wanting Kendra Bryant to be part of their evening. The woman would never be family—even if she did have Erin’s heart. But her presence didn’t change the fact that it was Christmas.
And Christmas was for family.
Twenty minutes later, despite the raging storm outside, Luke and Reagan, Tommy, Malin, and Johnny were piled in the car and headed from Indianapolis to Bloomington. Fifty miles and they’d be where they always were on Christmas Eve—blizzard or not. The home where Luke had been raised. The one his sister and her husband now owned.
The Baxter house.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The text came through while Ashley was upstairs in the bathroom getting ready for dinner in downtown Bloomington. They were about to clear out so the Baxter family Christmas Eve party could happen where it always did. At her house. Landon had just announced that they were five minutes from leaving, and already the kids were gathered in Cole’s room.
Ashley set down her curling iron and picked up her phone. The message was from Reagan. We’re headed to Bloomington. Luke changed his mind. He says maybe your mom would’ve wanted us to all be there.
A sick feeling wrapped itself around Ashley as she rattled off a quick response. Are you serious? So you’re already headed here?
Yes. Luke’s driving. He says it’s Christmas. And the old Baxter house is the only place we want to be.
Ashley texted back. What about the storm?
According to Luke, he’s driven through worse. Pray for us.
A long sigh came from the broken places in Ashley’s heart. How could Luke change his mind at the last minute? Especially when he was so set against the meeting with Kendra. And how could her family be the only ones not here tonight? She leaned against the bathroom wall and closed her eyes. God, what are we supposed to do?
“Honey?” Landon came to her and took hold of her hands. “Everything okay?”
She held up her phone. “Reagan just texted. She and Luke and the kids are headed here. They changed their minds.”
Landon’s expression showed no sign of surprise. His eyes looked deeper than Lake Monroe. “You only get so many Christmases.”
“I know.” Tears stung at her eyes. “Maybe we need to explain things to the kids. See what they think. Ask them their opinion.”
A smile tugged at the corners of Landon’s lips. “I like that idea.”
“You know.” Ashley linked her arms around his neck and hugged him. “I should’ve thought about that sooner.”
“At least you’re thinking about it now.” Landon kissed her lips. “I’ll go get them.”
The meeting took place on Ashley and Landon’s bed. Where they often had talks with their kids. Landon took the lead.
“Your mom and I have something to ask you.”
Ashley watched as Devin raised his hand and began talking. “Is it about why we’re leaving our own house for Christmas Eve?” He sat cross-legged at the center of the bed. “Because that’s what us kids were talking about in Cole’s room. Plus, Pastor said Christmas is for getting along with people.”
“It’s true.” Cole shrugged, his expression guilty. “I mean, none of us really get it.”
“That’s my fault.” Ashley thought about the pastor’s message from earlier that day. Devin was right. Pastor Atteberry talked about giving people grace and making an effort to think of others first. She sighed and knelt on t
he bench at the end of their bed so she could face the children. “I made a decision about tonight I thought was best.” She paused, looking at each of their precious faces. “But now I’m not sure I was right.”
“It’s about that lady, right?” Amy’s voice was quieter than the boys’, her face marked by sadness.
“It is, Amy. That’s right.” Landon came up alongside Ashley. “A special guest is joining the family for dinner tonight at our house. Her name is Kendra Bryant.”
All this time Ashley had believed that the kids knew nothing about the details. She and Landon had kept the information from them so Amy wouldn’t get upset.
But now Ashley was sure she was wrong. At the mention of the woman’s name, Amy stared at the bedspread. Tears spilled from her blue eyes and onto her cheeks.
Ashley slid onto the bed between Amy and Janessa. “You know about Kendra Bryant?”
“Yes.” Amy’s voice was barely more than a whimper. “She has my mommy’s heart.”
The words hit Ashley like a series of blows to her gut. She looked over her shoulder at Landon and then back at Amy. “Yes. That’s right.”
“Why, Mommy?” Janessa took hold of Ashley’s hand. She was only four but the conversation clearly was making her nervous. “Why did someone take her mommy’s heart?”
Ashley felt Landon’s hand on her shoulder. His presence gave her strength. “Okay . . .” She looked from Janessa to Amy, and then to the boys—Cole and Devin. “You all know that Amy’s family went home to heaven.”
“Because of the car accident.” Devin looked at Landon. “A truck hit their van, right, Daddy?”
“That’s right.” He put his finger to his lips. “Let Mommy finish.”
“Okay.” He lifted concerned eyes to Ashley. “Sorry.”
“Thank you, Devin.” Ashley searched for the words. “Anyway, when Amy’s family went to heaven, her mommy gave her heart to another woman. The woman’s name is Kendra Bryant.”
“Doesn’t she need a heart in heaven?” Devin raised his brow, clearly concerned. “Is it okay if I ask that?”
“Of course.” Ashley patted Devin on the back. “The answer is no. She doesn’t need it. In heaven, Aunt Erin has a new heart.”
“Oh.” Amy nodded, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks. “I wondered about that.”
Cole shifted closer to Amy and put his arm around her shoulders. “So we’re not staying for dinner? Because of Amy? Because we don’t want to meet Kendra Bryant?” He shrugged. “Sorry, Mom . . . Dad. Just trying to understand.”
Amy was crying harder now. Ashley held out her arms to the girl. “Come here, honey.” But Amy slid off the bed and ran out the door.
“Yes. That’s why.” Ashley gave Cole a sad smile. “Your dad and I thought it would be too hard for Amy.”
Cole nodded. “I didn’t know.”
Ashley took a few steps toward the door.
“We’re all trying to figure out the right thing to do.” Landon nodded at Ashley. “Honey, you go talk to her. We’ll stay here.”
“We should pray for Amy, right, Daddy?” Janessa’s eyes filled with compassion. “That’s what I do when she gets sad.”
“Yes, baby.” Landon exchanged a look with Ashley. “We’ll pray for her.”
Ashley headed for the door. “I’ll be right back.”
Ashley fought her own tears as she hurried down the hall to Amy’s room. Amy was lying on her bed, her face in her pillow. Her whole body shook from her tears.
“Amy.” Ashley sat on the edge of her bed. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I never wanted any of this to upset you.”
It took a few seconds, but eventually Amy rolled onto her back and then sat up. Her tearstained face hadn’t looked this sad in a very long time. Ashley hugged the child close, running her hand over Amy’s long blond hair. “We don’t have to meet the woman. That’s why we’re going somewhere else for dinner. So you don’t have to be sad.”
“I . . . know. But . . .” The sobs still shook her little body. “What if . . . what if I want to meet her?”
Ashley drew a quick breath. What had her niece said? The floor might as well have fallen away. Ashley blinked and tried to exhale. “Amy . . .” Ashley slid back and searched the girl’s eyes. “You want to meet her?”
Amy hung her head and nodded. When she looked up, the sadness in her eyes was almost too much for Ashley. “A long time ago . . .” Amy grabbed a few quick breaths, her tears subsiding a bit. “A long time ago I heard you and Uncle Landon talking . . . about meeting her. And I thought that would be nice.”
“Honey, why didn’t you tell us?” Suddenly her father’s words at the tree farm that day came back to Ashley. All this time he had been right.
“You said you didn’t want . . . to meet her.” She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. “I didn’t think I had a choice.”
“Oh, Amy.” Ashley held her close again. “You could’ve said something just then, during our meeting.”
“I didn’t want to change everyone’s minds.”
The situation was making sense to Ashley. She felt the heaviness of Amy’s heartache. “I should’ve asked you. I’m so sorry, honey.”
Amy lifted her head and looked straight at Ashley. “You mean . . . you might stay here? If that’s what I wanted to do?”
“Of course.” Ashley’s own concerns about meeting Kendra faded. “If you want to stay here, then we’ll stay. And, honey, you can always tell us how you feel. We love you so much, Amy.”
“Okay.” She sniffed a few times. “It’s just . . . I love Christmas with you and Uncle Landon. This is my home now.” Her eyes watered again. “And you are my family. But . . . sometimes I miss Christmas the way it used to be. With Mommy and Daddy and my sissies.” More tears rolled down her cheeks. “I thought maybe . . . maybe if I heard my mommy’s heartbeat one more time . . . it would be the best Christmas of all.”
“Well, then . . . we’ll stay here tonight. And together we’ll meet Kendra Bryant.” Ashley reached for a tissue from the nightstand and wiped Amy’s tears. How wonderful that they were having this conversation today and not tomorrow. When it would be too late. “And we will have the best Christmas of all.” She kissed the top of Amy’s head. “Okay?”
Amy smiled despite her teary eyes. “All of us together.”
“Exactly.” Ashley stood. “Why don’t you wash your face, and I’ll tell the others.”
When she was on her feet, Amy paused for a moment and then ran into Ashley’s arms. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, honey.” Ashley couldn’t stop her own tears this time. If only Erin were here to hold her daughter and love her like this. If only the rest of her family were downstairs getting ready for Christmas.
The way it should’ve been.
“Aunt Ashley, can I tell you something?”
“Of course.” She stooped down so she could look straight into Amy’s eyes. “Anything.”
“Sometimes at night, when you and Uncle Landon come in to say prayers, you look just like my mommy. And you sound like her.”
Ashley hugged her once more. There was nothing she could say, no way to stop the tears that coursed down her cheeks. After a while, Ashley looked at Amy again. “Honey . . .” She dabbed at her tears. “I’m sure—from somewhere in heaven—that makes your mommy very happy.”
The smile that filled Amy’s face made Ashley sure everything was going to be okay. Ashley went down the hall to her room and told the others the new plan. They were staying for dinner and meeting Kendra Bryant, after all.
Only then did Ashley realize how much her kids had wanted things to work out this way. Cole and Devin clapped and high-fived each other and Janessa danced circles around Landon.
When the kids were out of the room, Ashley told Landon what had happened, and how Amy loved being part of their family, but how hearing her mother’s heartbeat would make this the most amazing Christmas. “I never would’ve imagined she might want to meet the woman.”
Ashley felt exhausted from the heartache of it all. “The way my dad suggested a month ago.” She paused. “I’m so grateful, Landon. What if we would’ve just gone to dinner and never talked about it?”
Landon linked his arms around her waist and swayed with her for a long moment. “That’s what makes you special, Ashley.” He kissed her again. “You did talk about it.”
Peace whispered to her soul. The same way it always did when she was with Landon. “Thank you.”
The doorbell rang downstairs.
“That’s our cue.” Landon took her hand and led her to the bathroom. “Freshen up. I’ll take the kids downstairs.”
Ashley looked in the mirror and fixed the few places where her mascara had run. As she did, she thanked God again for her family, for kids who loved each other and for a husband who had been her greatest strength as far back as she could remember.
And for a Christmas Eve that would be difficult, for sure. But also—just maybe—a night that would be like Amy said.
The best Christmas ever.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
John’s heart beat hard inside his chest as he went to answer the door. After all the letter-writing and discussion, the meeting with Kendra Bryant was about to happen. But when he opened the door, instead of Kendra, Kari and Ryan stood on the doorstep.
“Merry Christmas, Dad!” Kari stepped up and hugged him. She was covered in snow, and she had to yell to be heard above the sound of the howling wind. “Is she here? Kendra?”
“Not yet.” He felt his nerves relax a little. “Any minute, though.”
Ryan hugged him then, and each of the kids did the same. They had bags of wrapped gifts and a plate of Christmas cookies.
“For Grandma Elaine.” Jessie smiled. “Where is she?”
John loved this about his family, how they had adapted to heartache and tragedy over the years. Yes, all the kids and grandkids missed Elizabeth but each in their own timing and their own way, had taken Elaine into the family.