CHAPTER IX
THE DARK HORSE
Full many a mare with coat of milkiest sheen, Is dyed in dark unfathomed coal mines drab; Full many a flyer's born to blush unseen, And waste her swiftness on a hansom cab.
_Lines to order by a young English friend, who swears they are original. But I regard them as an unconscious plagiarism from Poet Young's "Eulogy of a Country Cemetery." H. B. J._
It is a gain, a precious, let me gain! let me gain! Oh, Potentate! Oh, Potentate! The shower of thine secret shoe-dust Oh, Potentate! Oh, Potentate!
_Dr. Ram Kinoo Dutt_ (_of Chittagong_).
We left Mr Bhosh in full pursuit of the runaway horse and milk-chariotwhich he had so spiritedly purchased while still _en route_. Afterrunning a mile or two, he was unspeakably rejoiced to find that theequipage had automatically come to a standstill and was still in primecondition--with the exception of the lacteal fluid, which had made itsescape from the pails.
Bindabun, however, was not disposed to weep for long over spilt milk,and had the excessive magnanimity to restore the chariot and pails tothe dairy merchant, who was beside himself with gratitude.
Then, Mr Bhosh, with a joyful heart, having detached his purchase fromthe shafts, conducted it in triumph to his domicile. It turned out to bea mare, white as snow and of marvellous amiability; and, partly becauseof her origin, and partly from her complexion, he christened her by theappellation of _Milky Way_.
Although perforce a complete ignoramus in the art of educating a horseto win any equine contest, Mr Bhosh's nude commonsense told him that thefirst step was to fatten his rather too filamentous pupil with corn andsimilar seeds, and after a prolonged course of beanfeasts he had thegratification to behold his mare filling out as plump as a dumpling.
As he desired her to remain the dark horse as long as possible, heconcealed her in a small toolshed at the end of the garden, ministeringto her wants with his own hands, and conducting her for daily nocturnalconstitutionals several times round the central grass-patch.
For some time he refrained from mounting--"fain would he climb but thathe feared to fall," as Poet Bunyan once scratched with a diamond onQueen Anne's window; but at length, reflecting that if nothing venturesnothing is certain to win, he purchased a padded saddle with appendages,and surmounted _Milky Way_, who, far from regarding him as aninterloper, appeared gratified by his arrival, and did her utmost tomake him feel thoroughly at home.
The next step was, of course, to obtain permission from the pundits whorule the roast of the Jockey Club, that _Milky Way_ might be allowed tocompete in the approaching Derby.
Now this was a more delicately ticklish matter than might be supposed,owing to the circumstance that the said pundits are such warm men, andso well endowed with this world's riches that they are practicallynon-corruptible.
Fortunately, Mr Bhosh, as a dabster in English composition, was apastmaster in drawing a petition, and, sitting down, he constructed thefollowing:--
TO THOSE MOST WORSHIPFUL BIGHEADS IN CONTROL OF JOCKEYS CLUB.
BENIGN PERSONAGES!
This Petition humbly sheweth:
(1.) That your Petitioner is a native Indian Cambridge B.A., a Barrister-at-law, and a most loyal and devoted subject of Her Majesty the QUEEN-EMPRESS.
(2.) That it is of excessive importance to him, for private reasons, that he should win a Derby Race.
(3.) That such a famous victory would be eminently popular with all classes of Indian natives, and inordinately increase their affection for British rule.
(4.) That for some time past your Petitioner has been diligently training a quadruped which he fondly hopes may gain a victory.
(5.) That said quadruped is a member of the fair sex.
(6.) That she is a female horse of very docile disposition, but, being only recently extracted from shafts of dairy chariot, is a total neophyte in Derby racing.
(7.) That your lordships may direct that she is to be kindly permitted to try her luck in this world-famous competition.
(8.) That it would greatly encourage her to exhibit topmost speed if she could be allowed to start running a few minutes previously to older stagers.
(9.) That if this is unfortunately contrary to regulations, then the Judge should receive secret instructions to look with a favourable eye upon the said female horse (whose name is _Milky Way_) and award her first prize, even if by any chance she may not prove quite so fast a runner as more professional hacks:
And your Petitioner will ever pray on bended knees that so truly magnificent an institution as the Epsom Derby Course may never be suppressed on grounds of encouraging national vice of gambling and so forth. Signed, &c.
The wording of the above proved Mr Bhosh's profound acquaintance withthe human heart, for it instantaneously attained the desired end.
The Honble Stewards returned a very kind answer, readily consenting toreceive _Milky Way_ as a candidate for Derby honours, but regrettingthat it was _ultra vires_ to concede her a few minutes' start, andintimating that she must start with a scratch in company with all theother horses.
Bindabun was not in the least degree cast down or depressed by thisrefusal of a start, since he had not entertained any sanguine hope thatit would be granted, and had only inserted it to make insurance doublysure, for he was every day more confident that _Milky Way_ was to win,even though obliged to step off with the rank and file.