We all congregated by the huge fireplace in the main room of the lodge, where the fire was crackling and we could order hot chocolate from the bar at the far end of the room. As a group of us settled into a long banquette, Cassie nudged me and covertly opened her fleece; a hint of silver flask flashed up at me.
“You are insane,” I whispered. “That is, like, breaking the first rule of any class trip! Do you want to get suspended?”
“Do you want to be boring and predictable and get straight A’s and get into Columbia without breaking a sweat?” Cassie whispered back. “Or do you want to have a memorable ski trip?” Glancing over her shoulder to make sure the coast was clear, she poured a little into her hot chocolate.
I was stung, but it wasn’t the first time she’d gotten on my case about it. I weighed the options. Was I really so uptight?
“Okay, fine,” I whispered, closing my eyes and waving her on before I had a chance to change my mind.
Soon Trey and Evan had joined us, and Ian and Dan pulled up another couch.
“Ooh, let’s play Never Have I Ever,” Ellie cooed, climbing over Ian’s side of the couch and sitting with us. Ian got up to make room for her, squeezing in next to me. We formed a little circle by the fire. Cassie was totally in her element as she passed the flask around.
While Ellie explained the rules to anyone who didn’t already know how to play, I made a silent vow to myself not to think about Asher or Devin, or Columbia, or my grades, or the thermostat, but just to enjoy the ski trip. Cassie was right—I was starting to get too uptight, and I needed to relax and have fun. So what if Asher was intriguing, or Devin was mysterious, or that they seemed to follow me everywhere? Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen either of them since dinner. I looked around. Devin was sitting in an armchair at the other end of the room, reading a thick paperback. I didn’t see Asher anywhere.
“Skye. Skye. Skye?”
“What?” Blood rushed to my cheeks. Everyone was staring at me. Cassie giggled.
“It’s your turn,” Ian mock-whispered into my ear, nudging my arm.
I couldn’t help it—the whispering in my ear reminded me of Asher. My mind went blank as I remembered my dream.
“Never have I ever . . . gotten drunk on a ski trip,” I finished lamely.
“Not yet,” Ellie said, and Cassie gave me a pseudo scowl.
“Do-over,” she sang.
“Um, okay.” I bit my lip. “Never have I ever wanted to hook up with someone on a ski trip.”
Cassie grinned. “Do they have to be on the same ski trip as you?”
“Just drink your hot chocolate, woman!” Dan shouted from across the circle. Cassie lifted her mug, toasted the group, and took a long sip. On the couch opposite me, Ellie drank quickly from her mug. Sitting beside me, Ian shot me a sidelong glance. I didn’t meet his gaze.
“Who do you want to hook up with?” I whispered to Cassie.
“Uh-uh.” She wagged a finger, smiling mysteriously. “You’ll have to get me drunker than that.”
Over the course of the next two hours, various people wandered away, and several more joined in. Ian was sitting next to me, his pinky grazing my knee. I wasn’t sure he even realized he was doing it.
Devin stayed glued to his chair on the other side of the room, glancing over the top of his book every now and then to scrutinize us. I wondered what he was thinking. I considered inviting him to join the group. It was obvious he wasn’t as comfortable here as Asher. But would he be embarrassed to be put on the spot? I just didn’t know him well enough to know if he wanted or dreaded an invitation.
I went to take a sip of my hot chocolate and realized my mug was empty. “Anyone else want another?” I asked, standing up.
“Sure,” Ian said, leaning back against the couch and linking his hands behind his head. “Nice to be the one waited on for a change. Thanks.”
I walked past Devin—who looked up from his book to smile at me—and over to the bar, where I ordered two hot chocolates. Suddenly I heard a familiar voice—warm and scratchy, with just a hint of a sly smile—coming from the vestibule around the corner, where the ice and vending machines were. My heart thumped loudly.
The woman behind the bar looked tired as she placed two steaming mugs on the counter. I picked them up, but one handle was unusually scalding. I put it down, then gingerly I picked it up again. A blinding heat seared through my hand, and I let the mug fall back on the counter, some hot chocolate sloshing over the side. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
The woman’s face fell as she went to get a rag from the kitchen. It occurred to me that I should get some ice to cool down the hot drinks—but that would mean walking toward Asher’s voice. I slowed as I got closer. Did I even want to see him?
I turned to face the vestibule.
Asher’s back was to me. A breathy giggle escaped from somewhere between him and the wall. Ellie.
“What are you doing?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
“Skye!” Ellie cried, breaking away from him. “What are you doing here?”
“Hey, Skye.” Asher turned around and smiled, leaning back against the side of the ice machine as if nothing was wrong. “How’s the game?”
“It’s good, um . . .” Suddenly I felt stupid. “I just came in for some ice. I didn’t mean to crash the party.”
Asher eyed me skeptically. “Ice? For your hot chocolate?”
My face burned. “It’s really hot, okay?”
I stepped between them, noisily grabbing a handful of ice from the ice machine. Asher watched me speculatively while Ellie crossed her arms over her chest and looked away.
“Skye?” Ian stood in the doorway of the vestibule, holding our mugs. When he saw me with the ice, he smiled. “Too hot?”
“Why is this such surprising news to everyone?” I said, my voice rising. “It’s called hot chocolate!” I walked over to Ian to plunk the ice into the mugs, but before I had a chance to take more than a step, the ice melted in my hands, dripping sadly through my fingers and onto the carpet. “What the hell!” I could feel tears beginning to prick my eyes, and I had no idea why. I vowed I wouldn’t lose it right here in front of everyone.
“Um, you were taking a long time, so I came to see if you needed help.” Ian’s eyes flicked from Asher to Ellie and back to me. “Whoa, your eyes just did that silver thing again,” he said quietly.
Asher looked at me sharply.
My heart pounded.
“Is everything okay?” Ian asked.
“Oh, everything’s fine.” Asher jumped in, his eyes flicking back and forth between us. “So are you two . . . ?”
“What? No!” I cried, noticing too late that Ian had stayed quiet.
An awkward silence hung in the air.
“Yeah, so I’m going to bring our mugs back to the table,” Ian said, not bothering to hide his discomfort as he turned around and left. I had to do something about this.
“Sorry to interrupt,” I said pointedly, looking from Asher to Ellie. “Feel free to go back to whatever it is you were doing.” I walked out of the vestibule to follow Ian. As I neared the end of the hallway, I heard, “Skye, wait!”
“What?” I wheeled around. Asher jogged to catch up with me.
“What’s going on?” He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“What do you mean?”
“What was that back there?”
“Nothing.”
“Skye, seriously. Why are you so upset?”
“I’m not upset.” I said it too quickly. Asher looked at me strangely, and I knew I’d been caught in a lie.
“Could have fooled me. You know, if you don’t tell me, I’m going to have to make my own assumptions.” He gave me an evil grin. “And they won’t be good.”
“Well . . .” How was I going to explain myself out of this one? Even I didn’t know why I was upset.
“Yes?” he prodded.
“Well, I just—I don’t understand. I thought you were . . . you know . . . but now you’re fl
irting with Ellie—” I stopped and looked up at him. His eyes were soft and brown and warm, and I was more confused than ever. “Look, I don’t know what I thought, never mind. I’m just tired.”
“You slept the whole way here.”
“You noticed?”
“I notice everything about you.”
My breath caught in my throat.
“Don’t try to distract me,” I muttered. “I’m still mad.”
“Wait—that didn’t make you jealous back there, did it?” His eyes were twinkling.
“Are you doing this on purpose?”
“Huh,” he mused. “Imagine that.”
I had to get out of there or I was going to truly make a fool of myself.
“I have to leave. Go back to Ellie.” I pushed past him and headed down the hall.
“Skye, come on!” He shouted after me. “I’m kidding!”
But I was already on my way back to the seating area. Ian was in his spot, his elbows on his thighs, his hands clasped around a mug as though it was a life preserver, his eyes on the floor like he had laser vision and could create a hole to fall through. I tapped his shoulder. When he looked up, I could tell that he wasn’t happy to see me.
“Let’s go get some air,” I said. I was relieved when he didn’t make an excuse not to come with me.
We grabbed our jackets and headed out to the wooden deck. I could feel Devin watching me with curiosity as we walked past.
Once outside, I inhaled deeply. The sky was dark now, and the tiny lights flickered across the face of the mountain, a mirror image of the stars above. The lights from the lodge reflected off the snow, creating a halo around the deck. Beyond that, shadows and moonlight cast a blue glow.
“Ian—”
“Don’t say anything.”
“We’re friends—”
“Please don’t give me the ‘let’s be friends’ talk. Guys hate that, and all it does is make us feel stupid that we wanted more.”
My heart felt as though it was going to cave in on itself. “But we are friends, and I need to make sure that we’re going to stay friends. Next to Cassie and Dan, you’re the best friend I have. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “You like Asher, don’t you?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense, but something about him . . . I can’t explain it.”
“He’s a player. He’s going to hurt you.”
“Are we okay?” I asked. I didn’t want to talk about Asher.
He shook his head and smiled. “Yeah, we’re okay.”
I leaned forward, folded my arms on the railing, and gazed out on the snow glistening in the moonlight. “It’s going to be a good day for skiing tomorrow.”
Ian joined me, our shoulders touching. It was comfortable, standing so close like that.
Then something snagged my gaze. Devin was trudging toward the trees. Alone. He was always alone. I had this insane desire to join him, to escape the confines of the lodge. Ian’s eyes followed mine.
“Unless . . . ?” Ian said, his voice trailing up at the end. He shook his head. “I’ll never get girls.”
“Have you ever noticed how tranquil he seems whenever Asher isn’t around? He stays so calm. I wonder how he does it.”
“I think I’d get bored being that calm.”
“Maybe I wish DeNardo and Manning hadn’t veteod your idea for night skiing,” I said. “Think we could sneak off and do it anyway?”
Ian laughed. “Not really wanting to get into trouble here. Cassie’s flask is only about as far as I’m willing to go. If it was a group out there, I’d do it. But just you and me . . . If one of us got hurt . . . I don’t want to think about what would happen.”
Asher would do it, I thought. He’d go with me. He’d break the rules. But he was with Ellie.
Ian and I stood out there for a while longer, until I couldn’t feel my toes. Then I had to say good night.
Cassie and Dan were still with the group gathered near the fireplace, but I was no longer in the mood for a crowd.
I took the stairs two at a time up to the room I was sharing with Cassie, where I crawled under the covers and lay there, staring into the darkness. Even when she came in and called my name softly, I didn’t answer. I just listened to her getting ready for bed as I lay there, stiff, unable to move, unable to sleep, unable to think about anything but Asher, and how much I hated seeing him with Ellie. Why do I care so much? Didn’t I already learn my lesson with Jordan?
Somewhere, at some point, I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew it was morning and Cassie was nudging me awake.
Chapter 11
Breakfast was torture.
Ian was distant again, and I wouldn’t even make eye contact with Asher, though it didn’t stop him from trying. Devin avoided all of us. I wondered if Asher had told him what had happened. They were cousins, right? Didn’t cousins tell each other things?
Maybe soon the whole school would find out how I’d made a fool of myself in the stupid ice vestibule.
All I wanted was to put on my skis and fly away.
After breakfast, we went outside and Mr. DeNardo organized us into groups based on skill. Cassie was in the bunny slope group. She’d worn a special hat with little bunny ears on it in honor of the occasion. I couldn’t help laughing. Despite the fact that Dan was a great skier, he opted to be in her group.
I was grouped with the advanced skiers, along with Ian—who looked surprisingly serious in a pair of dark goggles and a helmet—Ellie, Maggie, Asher, and Devin. The moment we were grouped together, Asher scooted around to stand next to me. “Skye,” he whispered. I moved away.
Ian eyed me doubtfully as we made our way to the chairlift.
“You and me today?” I asked.
“Sure,” he replied.
I stuck by his side, making sure to sit with him on the way up. There was no way I was sitting with Ellie after the whole debacle from the night before. And if Asher thought I was going to ride up the mountain with him, he was crazy. They could sit together for all I cared.
It was cold and white at the top of the slope. Looking down from where I stood, the people below resembled the multicolored pixels of a TV screen arranging and rearranging themselves into all kinds of strange shapes. Standing there, I tilted my head back and stared at the blue-gray sky, pretending I was the only one around for miles.
Ian and I positioned ourselves in the middle of the group, teetering on the edge of the double black-diamond trail known as Jacob’s Ladder. The girl standing on his other side caught his attention, and he began talking with her. Past his shoulder, I could see Devin waiting patiently at the far end of the line.
The sharp swoosh of someone coming to a stop behind me was startling. I glanced back.
“Good day for this, no?” Asher shaded his eyes with his hand as he squinted into the sky. “I hope the weather holds up.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Look, about last night—”
“Forget it, okay?” I turned to face him. “It happened. It’s over. We’re moving on.”
“We are?” His voice was serious, but his eyes, as always, were smiling. It felt like he was making fun of me, and, annoyed, I pulled my goggles down and faced the slope.
“Are you a good skier?”
“Haven’t lost a race this season,” I replied without looking at him.
“Wow,” he said. “You must have amazing control.” Steady on his skis, he swooped a slow, graceful arc behind me, coming up on my other side, forcing the guy who had been beside me to make room for him. Asher’s voice was low in my ear. “But it’s something else for you, too, I’m guessing.”
“And what would that be?” I stood up straight again, eyeing the edge. We were standing too close to it. One slip, and we’d be soaring down the mountain. I backed up.
“Losing control. That’s why you like to ski, isn’t it? The feeling of falling but still knowing you
can catch yourself. You’re a control freak because you know that if pushed, you would topple too far in the other direction.”
“I’m not a control freak,” I challenged. What did he know? Once we got going, I was going to wipe that cocky smile right off his face.
Asher pulled his goggles down over his eyes, secured his grip on his poles.
“My mistake,” he said. “Let’s race.”
And he took off, body leaning into the wind, poles straight back and tucked under his arms. Seconds later, I was right behind him, my plan to ski with Ian abandoned. Asher had presented a challenge I couldn’t ignore.
“I’ll win!” I called, my blood boiling.
“Prove it!” he yelled back. His voice was remarkably clear above the wind.
I kept my focus on Asher—I wasn’t aware of anyone else on the mountain. If he swooped left, so did I. If he cut a sharp turn right over a bump, I followed. It became a game, a challenge. I’m not sure why I felt the sudden need to prove myself to him, but my body kept pace almost involuntarily. He knew I was watching him, like he’d been watching me since we’d met outside the Bean. Well, now he’d know what it felt like. And damn, he was an amazing skier. In his black parka and ski pants, he was like a dark star, hurtling forward. And I was his shadow, furtive and quick. Asher’s movements were sure, controlled, and he flew with seemingly no effort at all. I didn’t see him stumble once. I could feel the earth rippling and moving underneath me as I surged ahead.
And suddenly I was passing him. His crouching figure pulled alongside me, and then he slipped back until I couldn’t see him anymore. Every bump, every notch, every roiling swell of snow and rock and earth beneath me seemed to fall away like sand in an hourglass. And then it really did. The snow underneath my skis really was moving, falling away. My footing faltered, and on the verge of pitching forward, I glanced back.
Blind panic shot through my veins. Snow was ripping down the slope, balling up like boulders and thundering toward me with breathtaking speed. My heart was beating fast, and my breath came in sharp, ragged gasps. The snow drove down harder. I looked around wildly for some kind of sheltering rock or overhang. Anything at all to hold on to. But I was moving too fast. No one was behind me anymore—no one, not even Asher. I was alone. I was alone, and I was falling.