****
Rory and Emily and I spent most of our evenings together. The usual scenario was to eat dinner together and then head for the library to study. Rory and I always sat next to each other at a great big table. Ari came in to use the research section from time to time. He always said a quick hello to Rory, nothing to me, then took a seat clear across the room.
Sometimes before bed, I would find Rory out in the commons watching some stupid TV show. His boisterous laugh and his comical reactions made me laugh aloud. He and I were really becoming good friends. Every once in a while, I got the feeling that he would like to be more than just a friend, but the feeling was always fleeting and quickly faded back into friendship. Rory was cute and funny, but in my heart I knew I would never like him the way I realized he was beginning to like me.
Once I tried to explain my feelings about him to Emily and she just didn’t get it. I rolled my eyes at her and pointed out the fact that she likes every guy so of course she couldn’t understand. But I never once let her in on my feelings for Ari or on the fact that he visited me nearly every night when the rest of the floor was asleep. I liked Emily but I knew if I gave her gossip like that, she would spread it like wildfire.
One Wednesday evening, when I had been sitting at my desk for hours reading a literature assignment, I was startled by a pounding on my door. The pounding was followed immediately by the door flying open. I jumped and the coffee I had been drinking nearly landed in my lap.
“AVA!” Emily yelled laughingly. She had been sitting in the commons with Viola, Sam from the tenth floor, Sophie and Ari. I could see them all crowding behind her in my doorway.
“Um, hi, can I help you guys with something?”
I glanced at the clock on my computer. The clock said nine … nine at night and I was sure Em had been drinking for a while.
“Yes! Ava, we are going to this little bar off campus to check out a band. It’s like Rory’s brother’s friend’s band or something. Wanna come? You only have to be eighteen to get in . . . ”
“Oh, um … thanks, but no thanks. I’m a bit younger than you and I’m not eighteen yet. Sorry.”
“Oh, well, no problem there – Ari can be your date. You can get her in, can’t you, Ari?”
I shot Emily a warning look that didn’t even faze her. Ari caught my expression and rubbed the stubble on his cheeks.
“Yeah, sure,” he nodded.
“Emily! Look at me! I’m not even dressed to go out, go on without me! I’ll come out some other night.”
“Whatever, Ava. Your hair looks perfect as usual. Your makeup is flawless. All you have to do is change.”
Emily walked the rest of the way into my room and threw open my closet door. The rest of her entourage piled in and took up residence in my tiny space. Ari took his usual seat on my bed. Making himself at home, he played around with my open MacBook and changed the song I had playing to one of my favorite Indie rock songs.
We locked eyes and my cheeks turned pink; whenever I was with Ari, whether for fifteen minutes or three hours at two in the morning, everything seemed better. Our late nights together were a regular thing. Nightmare or not, Ari would be there at my door to check on me and talk for a bit. I had fallen for him hard. I had no clue what his feelings were for me. He rarely talked about himself and had perfected the art of answering my questions without really giving me an answer.
“Honestly, Ava, you have the best wardrobe,” Sophie called from the closet. “There are things in here that aren’t even on the racks yet.”
Emily brought me back down to earth by yanking down a flirty dress and pulling out a pair of shoes I hadn’t even worn yet. She tossed them in my direction with the command, “Get dressed!” The smile faded from my face.
I gaped at her and the rest of the group incredulously.
“Alright … I guess I’ll just go and change in the bathroom,” I said, looking around accusingly at the crowd in my room. I took my dress and shoes and retreated to the bathroom to get ready. I looked in the mirror. Ok, my hair is okay, I guess. I touched up my makeup, put on some lip-gloss, slid the dress over my head, put on the shoes and walked back into my room.
Emily whistled at me, linked her arm in mine, and led me out of my room. The contact was too close; I was instantly uncomfortable. I took my arm out of hers and took a few steps away. We went down to the lobby and out to the parking lot.
“Ava, you don’t drink, do you?”
“No.”
“Good, then you don’t mind driving us, right? Your car is big enough to fit us all and we need a sober driver. Ari would drive but his car is full of surfboards or something,” she said, rolling her eyes at him.
Unbelievable! They had actually dragged me out of my nice little cocoon just to take advantage of my sobriety and car space.
“Fine,” I said, fishing my keys out of my little bag.
Hitting the button on my key fob, my lights blinked, my doors unlocked and everyone clambered in my car. Emily sat up front and I looked at her.
“Ok, Em, where to?”
“Oh, I have no idea how to get there.”
Emily Martin, I am going to hurt you.
“Ari knows.”
She hopped out of the car, opened his door and had him switch places with her. Ari climbed into the front and my mind went fuzzy. He smelled so delicious, like summertime. Baio should bottle him. Margaux would make a fortune.
As soon as my engine purred to life, the gentle croons of Nick Drake rang out through the speakers. Ari smiled over at me and turned the sound down a little so he could tell me how to get to the bar.
He gave me turn-by-turn directions and I pulled into a gravel parking lot fifteen minutes later. I started getting nervous. What was I thinking of, trying to sneak into some bar? This idea was so stupid.
I looked at this group of people I hardly knew climbing out of my car. A neon sign over the door of the bar was flashing Hellenes’ Hideout in blue and white. The sign had a dancing, fat man in a toga with a green vine wrapped around his head; he was holding a glass of wine. Every time the sign flashed, the wine looked as though it was spilling out of his goblet. Emily and her crew started towards the front door where the bouncer stood. He had a big shaved head and a leather vest on. His face was full of silver piercings. Lovely. My car door opened, interrupting what was becoming a panic attack. Ari held his hand out to me.
“Coming?”
“Uh, I don’t know.”
“Don’t worry. Stay with me and you’ll be fine.”
The prospect of staying by Ari all night made me forget all my qualms.
I climbed out and Ari wrapped his arm around my waist, causing my stomach to do a million back flips, and walked me across the parking lot to the bar’s front door. Emily and her friends had all shown their ID’s and had been allowed in with no issues. Ari nodded at the door guy and he nodded back and let us in, no questions asked.
As soon as we walked through the door, Ari’s arm quickly released me and he took a giant step away from me. I could feel my heart sink – so much for staying by him all night.
As soon as Ari let me go, I was quickly engulfed in a big bear hug from Rory. He picked me up off my feet and spun me around twice.
“Ava!” he hollered. “I didn’t know you were coming. What an awesome surprise.”
I smiled a weak smile at Rory and as he talked, he led me to a table close to where the band was setting up equipment. Rory introduced me to his brother, Nick, and Nick’s friends, Collin and Misha.
Nick looked just like Rory except that he was a little taller and maybe a little leaner. He was super friendly and told me he had graduated from DPI two years ago and was now a full-time student at Pepperdine. Collin was quiet and didn’t say much to me, but he still seemed pretty friendly. He had short-cropped blonde hair and dark-rimmed, square glasses. Misha was sweetly pretty and quite talkative. She told us about being in school with Nick and about being good friends with the singer in the
band, Rachel. She promised the show would be a good one.
I sat down next to Nick, across the table from Rory. Ari took a seat next to Rory and talked amicably with Nick most of the evening. Emily stayed on the dance floor with Sophie, Viola and Sam. They stopped dancing just to get another drink or pee, as far as I could tell. I wasn’t sure how they were getting served beer, but then again I guess Emily could pull off anything.
The band was surprisingly good. There were just two people – a girl named Rachel and her friend Nigel. Nigel played acoustic guitar and he and Rachel sang. They played many of their own songs but occasionally they did a cover to keep the audience happy.
At one point, Ari got up and went to the bar and when he came back, he set a bottle of water in front of me. I looked up at him and smiled. He quickly smiled back, sat back down with his own water, and started right back up talking with Nick and Collin.
Rory talked to me all night long and managed not to run out of conversation topics. He is just about the most outgoing person I have ever met and has a funny story for every situation. I giggled at some silly thing he said and Ari whipped his head up and looked straight at me. He had a smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear. I felt my cheeks grow hot and pink, my stomach was assaulted with all kinds of pins and needles. Ari quickly looked away and washed the smile from his face as fast as possible.
I hated the way he made me feel. I lost all my senses when he was near me. Who I am kidding? I loved the way he made me feel. I just wanted to figure out what was going on with him. Why wouldn’t he talk to me? I had almost decided he was flat out embarrassed to be seen with me. Why else would he talk to me only in complete darkness when everyone else was asleep?
Rory was throwing drinks back faster than I could count. As the evening went on, he got louder and louder, then a little obnoxious.
Nick stood up and announced that he was going to take Rory back to campus. Rory protested for a while then finally gave in to a sober ride home. Misha and Collin went too. I looked over at Emily; she was nowhere near ready to leave. Rory gave me a hug goodbye and I was left at a table with Ari.
But Ari disappeared as soon as the bar door closed behind Nick and Rory. I watched him walk up to Emily and whisper something in her ear. I felt that I might cry. What was wrong with me? When had I become so pathetic?
Sitting by myself at a huge table covered with little plastic cups and empty beer bottles made me feel like a dejected loser. The guitar began to hum with the first few notes of “Pink Moon” and I couldn’t help but smile a tiny bit as I stared down at my knotted fingers. “Pink Moon” was one of my favorites, no matter how sad I felt.
Out of nowhere, Ari came to my side, put his hand out, and waited for me expectantly. “Dance with me, Ava.”
I looked up at him with a bemused look on my face and he wiggled his fingers waiting for me to take his hand. His beautiful smile was on his face again. I put my hand in his and he pulled me up to my feet with ease. Ari wrapped his arms around me and held me close and he swayed gracefully to the music. He didn’t even bother to take me to the dance floor. We danced right there in the middle of the bar; people moved to make room for us and smiled with indulgence at our little embrace. He held my body close to his, put his forehead on mine, looked me in the eyes, and smiled. We were caught up in an unexpected moment, unexpected and absolutely wonderful.
As soon as the song ended, Ari took my hand in his, and led me out the door and to my car. The backseat was already full of Emily and her friends.
I drove us back to campus, battling the insane tension I felt in my tummy and pretending to listen to Emily blabber on about some guy she met until she got the hiccups and couldn’t talk anymore. By the time we got back to campus, Emily and Viola had both turned various shades of green. They stayed outside by the bushes and Sam and Sophie helped hold their hair back.
Ari got on the elevator with me and casually leaned up against the wall next to me. Our shoulders were touching. I thought I was going to melt.
“So did you have any fun at all?”
“Yeah, I did actually. Thanks for getting me in and everything. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know I didn’t have to; I wanted to, and you’re welcome, Ava.”
He turned and we were face to face, our lips a measly inch or two apart. Ari placed a hand on the elevator wall behind me, propping himself up. My face, I could feel, was inflamed with red-hot heat. Ari brushed his fingertips against the top of my lip where my little freckle is. His hand lingered there and I felt a warm tingle spread through my whole body. My lips parted at his unexpected touch and my mouth turned bone dry. If Ari Alexander were to kiss me in this elevator, I might combust. I could feel my heart pounding. My brain was pleading with me to take a breath.
The elevator dinged loudly. Ari closed his eyes and shook his head from side to side. He pushed himself away from me and turned towards the elevator door. I watched Ari coolly move down the hall and disappear to his dorm room. Meanwhile, I was still recovering from the near kiss. I sucked in much-needed oxygen, found my bearings and walked out into the commons. Rory was seated on one of the couches watching TV; he beamed a friendly smile at me. I returned his smile with a friendly one of my own and quickly retreated to my room.
With a knotted, twisted and butterfly-infused stomach, I had a mini freak-out in my room. I sat on my bed and bit at my fingernail. I am such an idiot. I wanted him to kiss me. Was my wanting him obvious? I didn’t think so. I mean he was the one who chose to stand so close, not me. What had I done to get such a cold shoulder after he had been so nice to me?
No one else in the whole world had the power to make me feel so many ridiculous emotions.
Eventually, I changed into my tee-shirt and boxers. I climbed under my blankets and cried quietly to myself. The weight of having so many sudden changes and death in my life and now sorting through these unfamiliar and uncharted feelings with this strange, beautiful boy was more than I could handle. I had been in my room a total of two lonely and pathetic hours when Ari appeared in the door way. My eyes were dewy from tears. I quickly sat up and patted under my cheeks with my blanket.
“Hi,” he whispered.
“Hi.” My voice cracked.
“Are you crying?”
Shit.
Ari regarded me for a moment, and I responded by wiping more tears from my eyes.
“Oh, no. Don’t cry.” His voice was almost panicky.
I took a deep breath and gained a small amount of composure.
“Did I do this to you?”
I shook my head no. I lied. I could see Ari’s jaw clench.
“Do you mind if I come in?”
“I don’t mind.”
Ari walked into my room and stood at the side of my bed for a moment. He paused then turned around and walked to the bathroom. I watched him switch on the light, he searched around for a bit and seconds later, I heard the faucet run. He came back to my side and held out a glass of water.
“That’s Emily’s cup,” I hiccupped as I wiped my nose with my shirtsleeve.
Ari smiled and then laughed.
“Don’t worry, she doesn’t have to know.”
I took the glass and drank and when I finished, I watched Ari return to the bathroom, he rinsed the cup and then switched the light off and came back to my side. He handed me a tissue.
More tears sprang to my eyes and I wiped them away.
“Why are you doing this?”
Ari looked at me confused.
“I don’t want to see you cry.”
“No, Ari. Why are you doing this?” I pointed back and forth between the two of us. “Why are you so nice to me one minute and then the next minute you act like you don’t know me?”
Ari shook his head from side to side. He let out a breath from his cheeks. He looked at me, opened his mouth as though he was going to say something and then closed it again. Without a word, without answering my question, Ari took a seat next to me on my bed.
He wrapped his arms around me in a hug and held me tight. After a moment, Ari pulled the blanket back up over me and lay down beside me. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling my back to his chest. His head and mine shared a pillow. I could feel his chest rise and fall with each breath he took. I moved my body back closer to his. I could feel him adjust his arm, wrapping himself tighter around my waist. He nestled his face into my hair. After that, I fell asleep. I had no nightmares. When I woke up, he was gone. My room held the smell of him.
The rest of my nights were spent in Ari’s arms.
The rest of my days were spent being ignored.