I woke up still beyond exhausted, lethargic and unresponsive. Some kind of commotion broke out in the kitchen; familiar voices filled my ears. I blinked my eyes open long enough to see that the room was filled with a deep orangey California sunset. I could smell freshly baked bread and roast with potatoes. It made my stomach hurt with hunger pains. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was screaming at myself to get up, but I couldn’t. I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me and my eyes fluttered closed. All conscious thoughts were forgotten.
When I came to for the second time, Ari’s room was pitch-black. I was tucked away under the blankets. Ari’s bare chest was serving as my pillow and I was wrapped up tightly in his arms.
I felt as though a weight had been lifted, as if my body and my soul had finally been reunited. My eyes filled with tears that began to spill over onto my cheeks and Ari’s chest. I snuggled in closer, basking in his warmth and scent, getting him wet with my unrelenting sobs. I felt his fingers run down the length of my spine sending warm tingles throughout my whole body. A cry broke out from my lips and I shed happy tears for the first time in my life.
Ari sat up and pulled me onto his lap. He held me to his chest while I cried and he rocked me back and forth, neither of us speaking. There were no words to describe the way I felt inside my soul.
“Ari, I love you,” I finally whispered.
I felt him let out a breath and his body relaxed. “I love you,” he whispered back in a sleepy voice.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the things I said and the things I did. I didn’t want to leave you. I always loved you – I never stopped.”
“Shh, Baby, it’s ok. I know. You did what you had to do, but you’re here now. It’s over.”
My chest tightened up. He was wrong, I knew. It wasn’t over. I never should have come back. This is bad. I am only making things worse by being here.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked in an attempt to change the subject. I didn’t want to think about leaving him, though I knew would have to. All I wanted to do was bask in the happiness of being in his arms again, if only for a few short days.
“Mmm,” he mused and nuzzled my hair with his nose, “there was no way I could interrupt such a beautiful scene as you sleeping in my bed once again. Well, that and I tried but you wouldn’t budge.”
I spied the time on the alarm clock. It read three a.m. I lifted my chin and kissed him with a kiss that was full of all the lust, love and passion I had been harboring inside me for the last six months. Ari let out a small gasp into my mouth. He lay my head down on the pillow and moved his body on top of mine. Our hands turned greedy as we searched each other’s bodies. Our kisses grew deeper and our breathing grew louder. I felt Ari’s hand move down my face then slowly across my neck and down my chest. His hand continued to move slowly down all the way to my hip bone. My skin tingled at his touch. I pushed myself against him. My lips moved to his ear lobe.
“Ari, please,” I begged him not to stop; my voice was a mere whisper in his ear.
Ari moved his hands away from my body. They found mine and he wrapped our fingers up tightly and moved our hands to the pillow above my head.
Ari whispered, “I love you, but if I don’t stop I’m afraid you’ll regret our reunion when the morning comes.”
He was right, of course. I had fully intended to give Ari all of the love I was capable of, but I knew I would later regret having let something happen because I had been uncontrolled. I didn’t want my first time to take me by surprise. Ari rolled over to my side and tucked me under his arm where I quickly fell back to sleep. I was so weak; I couldn’t have fought off the sleep if I had tried. My body was lashing out at me for months of malnourishment and sleep deprivation.