Read A Bohemian Mess: Sherlock Holmes Mystery Page 3
t'follow yo' Majesty. Slap mah fro! If dis yung sucka' should produce ha' letters fo' brothermailin' o' oda' purposes, how be she t'prove deir audenticity?"
"Zeere-a is zee vreeting."
"Pooh, pooh! Right on! Fo'gery. Slap mah fro!"
"My preefete-a nute-a-peper. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!"
"Stolen. 'S coo', bro."
"My oovn seel."
"Imitated."
"My phutugreph."
"Bought. Man!"
"Ve-a vere-a but in zee phutugreph."
"Oh, dear! Right on! Dat be very baaaad! Right on! Yo' Majesty gots indeed committed an indiscreshun."
"I ves med--insune-a."
"You's gots compromised yo'self seriously. Slap mah fro!"
"I ves oonly Croon Preence-a zeen. Bork bork bork! I ves yuoong. I em boot thurty noo."
"It gots'ta be recovered."
"Ve-a hefe-a treeed und feeeled. Bork bork bork!"
"Yo' Majesty gots'ta pay. Slap mah fro! It gots'ta be bought. Man!"
"She-a veell nut sell."
"Stolen, den. 'S coo', bro."
"Feefe-a ettempts hefe-a beee mede-a. Tveece-a boorglers in my pey runsecked her huoose-a. Oonce-a ve-a deeferted her looggege-a vhee she-a trefelled. Bork bork bork! Tveece-a she-a hes beee veyleeed. Bork bork bork! Zeere-a hes beee nu resoolt. Um de hur de hur de hur."
"No sign uh it?"
"Ebsulootely nune-a."
Holmes laughed, cuss it all t' tarnation. "It be quite some fine little problem," said he.
"Boot a fery sereeuoos oone-a tu me-a," returned th' Kin' reproachfully.
"Very, indeed. And whut duz she propose t'do wid de photograph?"
"Tu rooeen me-a."
"But how?"
"I em ebuoot tu be-a merreeed. Bork bork bork!"
"So's I gots heard."
"Tu Cluteelde-a Luthmun fun Sexe-a-Meneengee, secund dooghter ooff zee Keeng ooff Scundeenefia. Yuoo mey knoo zee streect preenciples ooff her femeely. Bork bork bork! She-a is herselff zee fery suool ooff deleececy. Bork bork bork! A shedoo ooff a duoobt es tu my cundooct vuoold breeng zee metter tu un ind. Bork bork bork!"
"And Irene Adler?"
"Threetens tu send zeem zee phutugreph. Und she-a veell du it. Um de hur de hur de hur. I knoo thet she-a veell du it. Um de hur de hur de hur. Yuoo du nut knoo her, boot she-a hes a suool ooff steel. She-a hes zee fece-a ooff zee must beooteeffool ooff vumee, und zee meend ooff zee must resuloote-a ooff mee. Rezeer thun I shuoold merry unuzeer vumun, zeere-a ere-a nu lengths tu vheech she-a vuoold nut gu--nune-a."
"You's is sho' man dat she gots not sent it yet?"
"I em soore-a."
"And why?"
"Becoose-a she-a hes seeed thet she-a vuoold send it oon zee dey vhee zee betruthel ves poobleecly prucleeemed. Bork bork bork! Thet veell be-a next Mundey. Bork bork bork!"
"Oh, den we gots dree days yet," said Holmes wif a yawn, as enny fool kin plainly see. 'S coo', bro. "Dat be very fo'tunate, as ah' have one o' two matters uh impo'tance t'look into plum at present. Man! Yo' Majesty will, uh course, stay in London fo' de present?"
"Certeeenly. Bork bork bork! Yuoo veell feend me-a et zee Lunghem under zee neme-a ooff zee Cuoont Fun Kremm."
"Den ah' shall drop ya' some line t'let ya' know how we progress."
"Prey du su. I shell be-a ell unxeeety. Bork bork bork!"
"Den, as t'bre'd?"
"Yuoo hefe-a certe-a blunche-a."
"Absolutely?"
"I tell yuoo thet I vuoold geefe-a oone-a ooff zee prufeences ooff my keengdum tu hefe-a thet phutugreph."
"And fo' present 'espenses?"
Th' Kin' took a heavy chamois leather bag fum unner his cloak an' laid it on th' table.
"Zeere-a ere-a three-a hoondred puoonds in guld und sefee hoondred in nutes,"
Holmes scribbled a receipp upon a sheet of his note-book an' han'ed it t'him, dawgone it.
"And Mademoiselle's address?" he axed, cuss it all t' tarnation.
"Is Breeuny Ludge-a, Serpenteene-a Efenooe-a, St. Um de hur de hur de hur. Juhn's Vuud. Bork bork bork!" he said, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Holmes took a note of it. "One oda' quesshun," said he. "Wuz de photograph some cabinet?"
"It ves. Um gesh dee bork, bork!"
"Den, baaaad-night, yo' Majesty, and ah' trust dat we shall soon gots some baaaad news fo' ya'. And baaaad-night, Watson," he added, as th' wheels of th' royal brougham rolled down th' street. "If ya' gots'ta be baaaad enough t'call to-mo'row afternoon at dree o'clock ah' should likes t'chat dis little matta' ova' wid ya'."