“Possibly.” She pushed open the door to the supply room. “Or perhaps he’s a test.”
“Can you pass it?” Malachai shouldered into the room after her.
Grabbing a box of latex gloves off the shelf for Trevor, she answered, “I don’t have a choice.”
He crossed his arms, displaying beautifully defined biceps. “That’s not much of an answer.”
“Listen, Mal.” She let him see clearly into her eyes. “I admire his resiliency and his heart. I’m touched that he’s so grateful instead of angry and resentful. And I feel guilty that we’re supposed to be protecting him from what he suffered and we failed. I wonder how many others we’re failing right this minute. That’s it. That’s the connection.”
“How do you know that’s not the precursor to a romantic attachment?”
“Malachai . . . what is this about?”
His square jaw tightened. “Something about this makes me antsy. I’ll feel better when he’s gone.”
“I’m sure everyone will. So leave me to his recovery and we’ll see that happen as soon as possible.”
“How will you feel, Siobhán?” he asked quietly.
She sighed and reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Like we might’ve gone a little ways toward making restitution for what he’s suffered.”
“Let’s hope that’s all,” Malachai muttered.
Chapter 6
Trevor looked at his face in the gleaming reflection of the aluminum countertop and winced. He looked hallowed out—not exactly the look he wanted to present to Siobhán, the most gorgeous creature he’d ever seen in his life.
But she didn’t appear to care that he was less than his best. When she returned almost precisely thirty minutes later, she beamed at him. “You look better already! How do you feel? Is your stomach okay?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s like it’s made out of cast iron.” He’d eaten every last crumb of a meal that could’ve fed a family. Apparently he’d kept the appetite of a starving man with none of the negative side effects. And it felt like all of the fats and whatever nutrients were available in the food were quickly dispersing through his system. Holding up his hand, he could almost watch it filling out and looking less bony.
“I’m going to check on the subjects,” Aurelia said, heading toward the door. “It was great chatting with you, Trevor.”
“Same goes,” he said, although in truth he’d found it weird. She was very nonexpressive, so very different from Siobhán, who was so warm. And she studied him like some rare bug under a magnifying glass.
“I brought you some gloves.” Siobhán held up a box. “And I thought I might walk you through my research and findings, and get your opinion.”
“My opinion?” He smiled. “I’m flattered. I’m also very rusty.”
“I can help with that.”
She reached out to him, but he hopped back quickly. “No, no. We need to talk about the mind-meld thing first.”
Her frown was adorable, as the rest of her was, when it wasn’t making him think thoughts he shouldn’t. He’d be better off if she kept her wings on display, so he didn’t forget that she was way, way out of his reach.
“Mind meld?” she queried.
“When you wipe my memory . . . what will I lose?”
Her face cleared into an impassive mask. “Aurelia talked to you about that? She shouldn’t have.”
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t need anything else to worry about. You have enough on your plate as it is. And it’s pointless to worry about it. You can’t fret over what never happened—for all intents and purposes.”
He assessed her, taking into consideration her pronouncement that she didn’t feel emotion. “I’d be glad not to have these memories. I know I’m screwed up over them and I’d rather not be. But how do you take out pieces of a man’s life and not fundamentally alter who he is?”
“What do you mean? Don’t you want to be the man you were before this happened to you?”
Was it really that simple? he wondered. She made it sound like she could turn back the hands of time and maybe, in a way, that’s what she would do. Reset him back to where he’d been before his abduction. “But the world’s changed around me. Wouldn’t I become a man out of time?”
She sighed. “It’s not quite like that. You would be the man you were before, a year later. If that makes sense. You still have to live with the external ramifications of what happened to you. Trevor Descansos is presumed dead; you can’t change that. But I can lessen the drive for you to want to.”
“Whoa. Now you’re talking about changing the way I feel about things.”
“I can’t do that. No one can do that, Trevor,” she assured him. “Your feelings are your own. But the motivation for your feelings can be altered slightly. Such as the desire to call your sister.”
“How?”
“If you know, really know, that she’s all right, you won’t feel an overwhelming need to contact her. You may still have the desire, but it won’t weigh on you.”
He stepped closer to her, unable to resist doing so. “Is this about protecting me? Or protecting the Sentinels?”
“See?” She shook her head. “You should be focused on getting better. Not this.”
“Promise me you won’t mess with my memories without telling me. And that no one else will, either.”
Her eyes widened. “It’s best when it’s done when you’re not thinking about it.”
“Promise me, Siobhán,” he insisted. “This is important to me.”
“Okay, yes. Fine. I promise.”
“Good.” His breath left him in a rush. “Can you give me an update on my family?”
“I requested some updated photos for you while you were healing. As soon as they come in, I’ll turn them over to you.”
“But they’re okay?”
“Yes. They’re well. Your sister’s last child was a boy. They named him after you.”
He pivoted away as his eyes burned with tears. Jesus. That hurt like a bitch. He rubbed at the ache in his chest.
Her hand came to rest on the top of his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Trevor.”
He felt the sharp sting begin to ease, but couldn’t be certain whether that was simply from her touch or from what she could do with that touch. Setting his hand over hers, he kept her in place while he turned to face her. He caught her before she could pull away, hugging her. He felt her gasp and tense, but he buried his face in her neck and held on.
Eventually, she relaxed. When she moved to put her arms around him, he circled her wrists and captured them at the small of her back. Knowing she could break free at any moment didn’t alter the effect of the dynamic—he felt a level of much-needed control and she consciously surrendered to that control.
Sighing, she rested her cheek over his heart. “This sort of contact . . . it’s important to mortals.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Why? What do you get from it?”
Trevor thought about it for a minute. “It’s comforting. It reminds us that even if we feel like we’re alone, we’re not. I don’t know . . . Isn’t that why Adam got Eve? Don’t you feel anything when I hold you like this?”
“Well . . . it’s pleasant,” she said tentatively. “You’re very warm and that’s nice. And you smell really good. I like to hear your heart beating. And to feel you breathing. I’m not sure about it being comforting, but it’s certainly very comfortable.”
“It’d be better if I had some meat on my bones,” he said drily.
She snuggled closer, her firm belly sliding against his cock. He winced as he swelled with arousal, unable to hold back his instinctive reaction to her proximity.
Siobhán froze. “Oh.”
But she didn’t pull away, even when he loosened his grip on her wrists.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, startled that he could become physically aroused after what he’d so recently been through. He knew it wouldn’t be possible with just any bea
utiful woman. Only Siobhán made everything else fade from his mind until there was only her and how she made him feel. “Please don’t be offended.”
She was quiet a moment, then: “You like women and you like sex, but you haven’t had either one for a long time. I don’t take it personally.”
He felt his face heat and cursed himself inwardly. Damn it, he was too old to blush like a fucking teenager with his first hard-on. “Siobhán . . .”
It was personal. Deeply so. But how did he tell her that without scaring her off? If she started avoiding him he’d lose it. He needed her.
“You won’t feel these things for me eventually,” she said softly, as if she’d read his mind.
Then Trevor realized she probably had.
He yanked away from her as if she’d burned him. “Damn it. That’s not fair. You shouldn’t invade someone’s privacy without their permission.”
Her arms wrapped around her middle and she looked contrite. “I wasn’t reading you.”
“Then how do you know what I’m thinking?”
She shrugged, but what should have been a nonchalant gesture came across as an uncomfortable one. “It’s well-documented that intense and traumatic situations often lead mortals to form in-the-moment attachments to others who share the experience.”
“You do feel something for me,” he realized with dawning awe and pleasure. “You’re talking to yourself as much as me when you say I’ll get over feeling this way about you.”
Her chest expanded on a sharply indrawn breath. “What way?” she whispered.
He debated his answer, wondering how far he could go. How far he should go. “I’m attracted to you, Siobhán. I don’t know what kind of trouble that’s going to get me into considering you’re an angel but it’s not something I can control. I’m just a man, and you’re a beautiful female with a kind heart and a dazzling smile. You’re also pretty damn scary when you want to be—you’d have to be to do whatever you did to get that blood all over when you found me—and I like that about you, too. I like that you’re tough and strong, and still soft and sweet. And you’re so damn sexy. I can’t figure out why you’d be so sexy unless it’s meant for me to be attracted to you.”
The door opened and a blond guy walked in. He stood on the threshold with his hand on the knob, holding the door open. His eyes were the same blue as Siobhán’s and they raked over Trevor with a hard, assessing glance.
“Should we go out again?” the guy asked Siobhán, ignoring Trevor completely. “Do you need any more sick vamps?”
She shifted, moving around and away from Trevor. “I made a mistake by not bringing some healthy vamps back with us. I should have, so I could interview them about how and when the infected got sick. Now Adrian wants me to find out how quickly the infected lose higher brain function, and I don’t have any healthy subjects to infect and test.”
“So we hunt,” the blonde said.
“The sooner, the better,” she agreed.
Trevor’s shoulders went back. “I want to go with you.”
“No.”
“Malachai,” Siobhán warned softly. “Can you see to the preparations? We’ll take the team out at sundown.”
Malachai stood unmoving for a long moment, his jaw working as if he was forcibly restraining words. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Thank you.”
The male angel was closing the door when he abruptly shoved it open again and stabbed a finger in Trevor’s direction. “He’s a major liability, Siobhán.”
“Only if you’re worried about keeping me alive,” Trevor shot back. “And why bother if you just want to wipe my mind anyway?”
Malachai’s gaze narrowed. “Siobhán’s gone to a lot of trouble to keep you alive.”
“Has she?” Trevor looked at his angel, noting how she avoided his gaze. “I’m grateful. But a life worth living is one worth fighting for. I’ve got combat training and experience. It’s nothing compared to you guys, I’m sure, but you can use me for something. I can drive, I’m a damned good marksman and bladesman, and I’ve got good eyes and sharp ears. Use me. Let me earn my keep.”
“You don’t have to earn anything,” Siobhán retorted with a bite to her words. “In fact, you’re owed a great deal for what you suffered, through no fault of your own. We failed you, Trevor. It’s our responsibility to protect you and we didn’t.”
“Okay.” He crossed his arms. “Let me go for my sake, then. I’ve been helpless and useless for too long. It’s time I got a little payback.”
“These are vampires we’re talking about,” Malachai said derisively. “They move faster than you can see. You’ll be dead in the blink of an eye.”
“You can move just as quick as them, right?” An idea occurred to Trevor, something he could do that they couldn’t. “Are you raiding another nest?”
She shook her head. “We know there are more out there, but it’s somewhat rare for us to find them. We’ll need to sweep until something flushes out.”
“You’d do better with bait.”
Horrified understanding lit her eyes. “No!”
Her vehemence took both him and Malachai by surprise.
“Why not?” Trevor challenged. “They obviously like my blood, since they kept me like a damned wet bar for a year. And like I said, I’m not your average civilian. I’m not without skills. The minute they latch on to my neck, they’re not moving anymore and then they’re vulnerable. I can hold my own against something attached to me if I’m not chained and facing twelve-to-one odds.”
“That’s the most—”
“He has a point.” Malachai released the door and stepped into the room.
“You just said he’d be a major liability!” she protested.
“I’d only considered the idea of him attempting to be useful alongside us. As bait, however, his idea has merit.”
“After what he’s already suffered, you’d leave him hanging in the wind?” She shook her head violently. “I’m ashamed at the very idea.”
“We don’t have time to dick around, Siobhán. If we fly back up to Seattle and put him out there, it’s damned likely his scent will get picked up by someone who’s tasted him and they won’t be able to resist.”
“Because they’ll want to retaliate. Their nest was razed while they were out prowling, and he’s walking around renewed and unscathed,” she said.
“And we’ll be right there to catch them,” Malachai said grimly.
“I said no.”
Trevor reached out to her, touching her arm. “Hey,” he said softly. “I want this. Let me do it.”
She looked at him and in one unguarded moment, he saw how worried she was. “I don’t want you to, Trevor. I don’t like it.”
“I know. I get it.” He stepped closer, very much aware of the brooding male angel watching them so intently. “But right now I’m a victim, Siobhán. I’d prefer to be a survivor, a fighter. Those vampires are out there terrorizing others like me. Let me help you stop them.”
“Trevor . . .” Her breath left her in a rush. “Please don’t ask this of me. I’m not comfortable with it.”
And he wasn’t comfortable with her going hunting without him. He knew it was ridiculous for him to feel that way, she wasn’t an ordinary woman, but he couldn’t fight his need to watch her back if she was going to be in even the remotest danger.
“There’s something I’ve long believed and lived by,” he said. “Everything happens for a reason. Usually it takes hindsight to figure out what that reason is, but still.”
He wanted to pull her back into his arms, and that longing brought home how attached to her he’d become. He was a friendly guy by nature, affectionate and quick to touch, but he had never felt this proprietary about a woman. “All we can do is be true to ourselves and the ones we love, and hope for the best.”
“We’re facing the worst.”
“Let him come, Siobhán,” Malachai said. “He’s right. There’s a reason we found him when we did.”
“It’s too soon! We just pulled him from that hellhole!”
“But you said I’m physically fit,” Trevor argued. “It’s not like time is going to make me any healthier. Bigger, yes. But not healthier.”
“Okay. Fine.” Her eyes blazed with blue flames. “But you have to let me refresh your memories of your combat training. I want to bring them closer to the surface, make them more vibrant. And Malachai will get you some high-caloric protein drinks. I want you to drink as many as you can between now and dusk to put some weight on. My blood will ensure that the effects manifest quickly.”
“Whatever you say,” he agreed readily. “You’re the boss.”
“If that was true, you’d listen to me,” she muttered.
“I’ll make it up to you.” He didn’t mean for the promise to sound suggestive, but the husky note in his voice belied his intentions. “You can boss me around all you want in the infirmary.”
“I’ll boss you around during this crazy sting operation, too.” She stalked toward the door. “Come on. Let me show you the armory.”
Chapter 7
“You have a lot of weapons for a group that doesn’t need any,” Trevor said, eyeing the armory Carriden had built over the last few months.
“Vamps and lycans use them,” Siobhán explained, standing slightly behind him so that he didn’t see how she admired his backside. It startled her that she could find his physical form so attractive after spending the entirety of her existence surrounded by perfect Sentinels. But then it was Trevor’s flaws that she found most appealing. Like the way his left ear was just a tiny bit higher than the right one and the slight imperfection of the bottom row of his teeth. “We collect them as we go.”
“Lycans?” He faced her and her breath caught. Thanks to three high-caloric energy shakes, his features had filled out further, making him even more attractive. In a day or two, he’d be ready to leave. “As in werewolves?”
“Not quite.” She gestured to one of the chairs set in front of a table used for cleaning and loading the guns. “I’ve explained to you about the Sentinel angels and the Watcher angels who fell and became Fallen vampires.”