The dark night reigned over the mountain slope, but the moons cast a warm glow wherever they could breach the thick pine tree crowns. The snow shimmers caught my eye as I looked out the window of one of the second-floor bedrooms, which I’d decided to claim for the night. I heard the floor creaking back on the ground floor.
I went back to see who was left by the fireplace and saw Patrik as he scooped a sleeping Scarlett into his arms, then gently carried her upstairs into the first room. Hundurr stayed behind, groaning as he watched the Druid close the door behind them. They were both exhausted. Hell, we all are.
After a day spent stuck in Dhaxanian frost, the prospect of sinking into a bed had never sounded so appealing. Heron cleared his throat as he came up to the room, his arms crossed and his brow furrowed, still.
“We can take this room and leave the others for the Imen,” I suggested, my cheeks burning. The prospect of sinking into a bed was even more appealing when the bed included Heron, as I looked forward to melting in his arms like before. This would be the third night we’d spent together, though we’d done a decent job of not tearing the clothes off one another so far.
He seemed off, though. A mixture of sadness and frustration flickered in his jade eyes. He was still sullen and grouchy over Nevis. I stifled a smirk, struggling to keep a straight face as he looked at me. I found his plight endearing, and I didn’t know what else I could possibly say to get his mind off Nevis.
“It’s fine,” he muttered. “You sleep. I can hang out with Dion and Alles, then crash on the couch, downstairs, by the fire.”
“There’s a fireplace here, too,” I said, pointing at the small furnace in the room, lined with rounded river rocks. The wicker basket next to it was loaded with wood and coal, and candles were half-melted on the mantelpiece. “Once I light it up, it’ll keep us warm.”
“Well, you can toss that snowflake out into the northern wind if you need someone to keep you warm. I’m sure Nevis will come flying,” Heron retorted, then, judging by the boyishly sad expression he wore, he instantly regretted saying such a thing.
In hindsight, my glare must’ve played a part, too. I could feel it burning through him. I took a deep breath, enjoying the awkward silence between us. I could’ve snapped back with a more painful sting, but I’d already understood that this wasn’t really Heron, but rather a very insecure side of him rearing its ugly head with Nevis’s presence in our lives. He just needed to admit it, and having a confrontational attitude would’ve only made things worse between us. I didn’t want him to retreat and leave me. I didn’t want to lose him, either, so I took on the role of the adult in the room, instead.
“You know that’s a flimsy comeback, given that Nevis is literally cold natured, right?” I murmured, feeling the corner of my mouth twitching. Heron didn’t reply. Instead, he just stared at me, most likely afraid to say anything else. Maybe I’m too calm. Maybe he’s thinking this is the calm before the Avril storm. I gave him a soft smile. “Listen, if you change your mind, I’ll be here. You go hang out with Dion and Alles, if that’s what you really want. In the meantime, I’ll light the fire to make it warm and toasty and draw myself a quick bath.”
Heron blinked several times, baffled. He’d really expected me to be more aggressive after his childish jab regarding Nevis. I wasn’t going to indulge in his attempt at self-sabotage. After everything we’d experienced together, and, most importantly, after having felt his lips on mine, there was no way he was getting off the hook that easily.
We had feelings for each other; that much was clear. Neraka was either going to make us or break us. Personally, I had no intention of allowing the latter to happen. Heron was strong, determined, resilient, funny, and devastatingly charming when he wanted to be. He made me look forward to every moment I could get with him, even when that meant navigating his foot-in-mouth syndrome and childish displays of masculinity. I was crazy about every part of him, even the frustrating bits.
He nodded slowly, then walked out of the room and headed back downstairs. I could hear Hundurr huffing, pleased to see him return. He took the pit wolf outside, joining Dion and Alles by the fire.
I chuckled softly, then lit the fire. I rummaged through the bedroom dresser and found a long, off-white linen shirt to sleep in, along with a bunch of towels. I commandeered the bathroom for about twenty minutes. The water was cold, but it felt amazing, as I scrubbed off days’ worth of running for my life. Whoever had used the cabin before us had even left some bars of soap tied up with twine under the sink.
After I washed my hair and wrapped myself in one of the large towels available, I slipped back into the room and settled by the fire, welcoming its warmth as I changed into the linen shirt. I could hear the guys outside, muffled voices at the front of the cabin.
I felt a little bad for Heron. All that time he’d spent locked up in Azazel’s prison had certainly wreaked havoc on his psyche and self-confidence, even though he didn’t show it. Azazel was dead, though. I couldn’t let that mangy old Druid ruin Heron’s life from beyond the grave. He’d suffered enough.
My gorgeous-yet-emotionally-clumsy Mara needed a boost of confidence. As I dried my hair with a fresh towel by the fire, I made an executive decision: I’d be the one to deliver said boost.
Patrik
The whole mountain could’ve come down in that instant. I doubted Scarlett would wake up. She was exhausted. The Dhaxanian frost had put me to sleep a couple of times, slowing me down both physically and mentally, but with her it hadn’t worked the same. She’d experienced an entire, full day’s worth of anxiety and stiffening fear, struggling against Nevis’s never-melting ice.
We’d followed that up with a subterranean sprint, running from daemons, followed by a mountain trek through thick, snowy woods. No wonder she was drained.
I spent some time watching her sleep, lying in bed next to her. She looked so peaceful, so calm and serene—nothing like the bullet she usually was. I traced the contour of her soft face with my index finger, feeling every cell in my body light up like the sun whenever I touched her. Scarlett had that effect on me.
After what we’d endured together on Neraka, it was time for me to admit it. I’d fallen in love again. Kyana would always have a special place in my heart, but she was gone, and I could never bring her back. The only thing I could do was keep living. She would’ve wanted me to do that, anyway. She would’ve done the same if I’d been the one to die that day, instead of her. It was time to finally turn that page and put my grieving to an end.
I had Scarlett by my side—such a wonderful, enchanting surprise. It was one thing to steal glances at her back at the GASP base on Calliope, especially during training sessions, and something else entirely to be able to hold her, to touch her like this. I was one fortunate Druid, for the universe had decided to go ahead and heal my pain, putting Scarlett in my path to help me rediscover the joy in living.
And what was there not to feel joy about, when I got to feel her lips on mine, when I got to taste her sweetness and feel her soften in my arms whenever I held her tight? How could I let this wonderful creature slip through my fingers when she was right here in front of me, willing to give me her heart?
Life was always going to be a sequence of missed opportunities, defined by the ones we were brave enough to chase. I’d missed my chance with Kyana due to a number of external factors. I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on an eternity with Scarlett.
I dropped a long, soft kiss on her forehead, listening to her even breathing and wondering if she was dreaming about me. The way the corner of her mouth twitched made me think that maybe there was a version of me already with her, deep down in her subconscious, worshipping her like the vampire goddess that she was.
The bedroom door creaked open, and I heard a familiar huff. I stilled, then raised my head to find Hundurr by the bed, sitting and watching us quietly. For a second, I thought he’d growl or make some kind of move to warn me away from Scarlett, but he didn’t. He was simp
ly here to keep her safe. His devotion made me feel small, somehow. His suffering, however, did not escape me.
That glimmer in his red eyes was far too familiar. I’d felt it in mine, months ago, while I was still a prisoner to my Destroyer form. The pain in his gaze was all too real, and it echoed deep inside me. A thought crossed my mind, and I decided to try something. I slowly and gently slipped out of bed, then walked over to Hundurr. He gave me a curious look as I nodded toward the open door.
“Do you want to grab a bite downstairs?” I whispered. “There’s still some meat left in the kitchen.”
Hundurr cocked his head to the side, looking as if he was contemplating my proposal. As big and as frightening as he was, there was still something about him that I found sweet, downright endearing. It certainly had something to do with my past as a Destroyer. I, too, had been enslaved and forced into a terrifying form designed to instill fear and dread into anyone who looked at me.
He grumbled softly, then stood, waiting for me to leave first.
I closed the bedroom door behind him, then went downstairs into the kitchen. There was nobody on the ground floor. Dion and Alles were outside by the campfire, and Arrah and her Imen were still circling the cabin area before they’d resume their two-hour shifts.
I fished several large pieces of meat from a bowl, handing each over to Hundurr. He gobbled them up, one by one, licking his snout in between. I could swear he was even smiling at me.
“Listen, Hundurr, I’ve been there,” I said slowly, and Hundurr listened, his ears popping up. “You know this already about me. My life as a Destroyer, stuck with a half-serpent body under Azazel’s bloody, evil rule. I was a slave. I was miserable, and there were times when all I wanted was to die. Kyana was the only reason I didn’t get myself killed. I could’ve joined one of the combat missions, I could’ve let my guard down and allowed one of the more capable succubus rebels to cut my head off. I could’ve. But Kyana made me want to live. The thought that, one day, I’d be with her again… It kept me going. It even made me break out of my Destroyer body. My love for her brought me back, Hundurr. It took a lot of hard work, but I did it.”
I paused, carefully analyzing his expression. For a pit wolf, Hundurr was displaying a fascinating variety of emotions, all crystal clear in his red eyes. There was sadness, there was grief, and, most importantly, there was a mixture of hope and longing that I’d also seen in myself.
“I can tell you see Scarlett the same way I did Kyana. You love her, don’t you?”
Hundurr didn’t move. He didn’t even breathe. I’d hit the nail on the head.
“If only you could talk again, huh?” I said, giving him a sad smile. “Thing is, the power I needed to break free of my Destroyer curse was always inside me. I just needed to channel it into an emotion that was strong enough to pull me through. For me, it was Kyana. For you, it could be Scarlett. It didn’t happen overnight, Hundurr, but it happened. I broke a seemingly unbreakable curse, and I’m thinking that maybe you could do the same.”
Hundurr was more than curious. He sat on his hind legs, breathing heavily. I was ready to guess that he was willing to give this a shot. Maybe I could be his Vita and help him return to his Adlet form.
“There’s no harm in trying, right?” I continued. “Just fight it. Think about what it felt like to shift into a wolf. Focus on that. Use your feelings for Scarlett to keep you afloat. You love her. That part should come easy.”
I could see him trying, and I was impressed. His muscles twitched as he grunted and growled, experiencing physical pain. He then whimpered, panting, his tongue sticking out. “Yes, it’s exhausting, I know,” I said, patting the top of his head. “It hurts like hell, too. But keep at it. Little by little, every day, until you can feel your bones crack, your body wanting to go back to its original form. You weren’t born a pit wolf, Hundurr. This isn’t you.”
Hundurr nodded slowly. I couldn’t help but smile at the rapport we’d reached.
We both loved Scarlett, and, though he could’ve been his most primal self, ripping my throat out to eliminate the competition, Hundurr seemed to open up to me in ways I didn’t think were possible. It only confirmed what we’d already sort of known, that there was still an Adlet beneath that leathery black skin, and behind those big red eyes.
“Tell you what,” I chuckled softly. “If you manage to turn back to your Adlet form, you’ll at least have a decent shot at Scarlett’s heart.”
His ears popped up again. I crossed my arms and put on a pretend frown, without bothering to hide my amusement.
“However, I will, of course, defend my position in her life,” I added, grinning. “But you’ll still have a shot. Maybe the thought of that will help you break through. Who knows? Worst-case scenario, she won’t be interested, but you’ll still have regained your natural freedom, after what those daemons put you through. Best-case scenario? You’ll get the vampire, too.”
I ignored the pang of jealousy tugging at my heart. I wasn’t leading him on, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him intervene between Scarlett and me—not that he could. Scarlett loved me. I could feel it. I could see it in the way she looked at me, the way she held her breath whenever I got too close. But there was still a part of me that was afraid I’d lose her, somehow.
I brushed it off as post-traumatic stress and shifted my focus back to Hundurr. He needed my help, not my insecurities. He seemed willing to fight and, just like Vita had guided me back to the surface, I was going to do the same for Hundurr. The young fae had put her faith in me at a time when I could barely find the strength to open my eyes in the morning. Hundurr deserved the same.
“I was once lost, Hundurr. But I found myself, and, well, here I am. I know you can do it, too. It’s written in your eyes, you know. I can see the fire, the will to beat this,” I said, as Hundurr nuzzled my face with unexpected affection.
We were going to beat this, sooner or later.
One day at a time.
Avril
Maybe an hour went by as I gazed at the snowy forest rising behind the cabin, sitting in a chair I had pulled next to the defrosted window. Shadows rushed from left to right—wild, nocturnal animals no bigger than dogs, probably hunting or moving farther to the west. It was still snowing, with large clusters of flakes slowly building up on top of the existing pristine white blanket.
The pine tree branches were loaded and bent down. Some were bound to cave and break under the weight by dawn. I looked up at the sky, finding myself fascinated by the dark gray and milky swirls of clouds, and the billions of snowflakes sprinkling down, ever so quietly. It all reminded me of a Christmas postcard illustration—peaceful, serene, and silent.
The flames crackled softly in the fireplace, spreading an even heat throughout the bedroom. The bed was covered in fluffy covers and animal furs, soft enough to sink into. I thought about going to bed and not waiting for Heron, since there was a chance he was actually going to stick to his grumpy mood and sleep on the couch downstairs.
But I held on to a sliver of hope that he would get past that senseless insecurity regarding Nevis and me, and that he would, eventually, join me. My heart ached a little as I realized that I really wanted him up here, with me. Up until a few hours ago, when I was still trapped in Dhaxanian frost, I’d experienced the crippling flickers of despair, the thought that our journey ended there, beneath the Athelathan Mountains, as daemons came for us.
When Nevis released us, however, hope filled me up to the brim again, but my legs were still shaking. I didn’t fare well with the thought of losing this battle, of losing my freedom, and, most importantly, losing Heron. I understood that, out of everything I could be deprived of by the daemons, Heron would be the single most painful absence in my life, should I end up in a meranium box.
So, when he started getting all nervous and frustrated about how Nevis looked at and talked to me, I experienced a different kind of fear. I worried he might close himself back down, put on his nonchalant mask, and
abandon what he and I had just started. I’d just opened myself up to him. I’d laid my feelings out for him. I wasn’t one to take such risks. To me, that had been an extra mile I’d gone because I was irredeemably and irrevocably in love with him.
I couldn’t let him get all scared and walk away. If he was going to do this whenever some guy paid attention to me, it was going to spell doom for our relationship. I could only imagine the string of broken hearts he’d left behind for me. What if I reacted the same whenever a female fluttered her eyelashes at him?
Sure, a hint of jealousy was somewhat sweet, and it did make me feel precious, but Heron was taking it to another, more difficult level. And it had something to do with his insecurities, not with me or with Nevis. I needed Heron to talk to me about this. I needed him to understand that my heart was his and no one else’s.
Yet, after a whole hour of sitting by that window, Heron didn’t seem to be in a rush to come back to me. With everything that was already going on in this world, it felt as though he was wasting precious time being childish. We could have a night together, in peace. Why spend it huffing and sulking over a Dhaxanian prince who’d expressed interest in me, when I’d clearly told the guy “no”?
The door opened with a creak. I sat up straight, careful to keep the blanket around me.
My disappointment fizzled away when I saw Heron standing in the doorway, but my stomach tightened into a painful knot when I noticed the look on his face. He was still brooding, a deep frown drawing deep shadows between his piercing jade eyes.
He looked at me for a while without saying anything. I held on to the light inside me, the glow his mere presence was able to generate, and kept my expression calm and soft, as if beckoning him to come closer.