CHAPTER TWENTY THREE.
THE MELODRAMA.
On Boxing Day, Lavender excused herself from joining a rinking party,and lay curled up on a sofa reading a Christmas number.
The following morning she stayed in bed to breakfast, and complained ofa swollen face. On the third day, the sight of the huge cheeks anddoubled chin sent the family flying for the doctor, and the tragicverdict of "mumps" was whispered from mouth to mouth.
Mumps in the Christmas holidays! Isolation for the victim for days,even weeks; the risk of infection for others; the terrible, unthinkablepossibility of "missing a term"! Mrs Vernon came nobly to the rescue,and invited Darsie to spend the remainder of the holidays under herroof, since, with a Tripos in prospect, every precaution must be takenagainst infection. For the rest, Lavender's own little eyrie wassituated at the end of a long top passage, and might have beenoriginally designed for a sanatorium and there, in solitary state, thepoor mumpy poetess bewailed her fate, and besought the compassion of hercompanions. Letters were not forbidden, and she therefore found a sadsatisfaction in pouring out her woes on paper, as a result of whichoccupation the following poetical effusion presently found its way tothe schoolroom party--
"All gay and fair the scene appeared: I was a gladsome maid; When the dire hand of circumstance Upon my life was laid. Upon the eve of festal day The first dread symptoms fell; And those who should have sympathised, Whose tender words I would have prized, Did sneer, and jeer, and with loud cries, Ascribe the reason to mince-pies!
"What time I woke the third day morn, By mirror was the sad truth borne; Not alone exile, grief, and pain Must fill my cup--but also _shame_! Gone is my youthful glee and grace, I have an elephantine face; My cheeks are gross, which were so thin; I have a loathsome pendant chin. All who behold me smile aside, And their derision barely hide. Oh, cruel fate! instead of tears, In my sad plight I get but jeers.
"Friends, comrades, readers of this ditty, If heart ye have, on me have pity. Go not unthinking on your way, Content to sing, content to play, While I and mumps sit here alone In an unending, drear `At home.' Put wits to work, think out some way To cheer the captive's lonely day, Forget yourself, and think of me, And doubly blessed you shall be. For since the days of earliest youth You have been brought up on this truth-- To help the ailing by your side Is the true work of Christmas-tide!"
To disregard so touching an appeal being plainly an impossibility, animpromptu committee meeting was held in the Vernons' study, when theidea of an open-air melodrama was proposed, and carried withacclamation. A melodrama acted in the back garden, underneathLavender's window, opened out prospects of amusement for the actors aswell as the audience, and a rainy afternoon was passed in the merriestfashion discussing the plot, characters, and costume.
Darsie sat on the hearthrug, and prodded the fire vigorously to markeach point scored. Vie wrote from dictation at the centre table. Dansat chuckling in his own particular chair, and allowed himself to becast as hero with lamblike calm, and plain Hannah affected diredispleasure at being passed over for the part of beauteous maid. It waslike the dear old days when they had all been young--_really_ young--inpinafores and pigtails, with no dread of coming Tripos, no agitationabout youthful lawyers to chase away sleep at night! Looking backthrough the years, that hour stood out in remembrance as one mosthappily typical of the dear home life.
The programme was delicious. Vie discovered a great sheet of whitepaper, left over from the parcel wrappings of the week before; Danprinted the words in his most dashing fashion; John nailed it on the lidof a packing-chest, and the whole party escorted it round the terrace tothe Garnett dwelling, and waited in the street beneath until it wasconveyed upstairs, and Lavender, discreetly swathed in a shawl, appearedat her lighted window and waved a towel in triumph.
This was the programme--
On Wednesday Afternoon Next (_Weather permitting_) In Aid of the Fund for Sick and Suffering Spinsters A First Performance will be given of The Blood-Curdling and Hair-Raising Melodrama entitled The Blue Cabbage by Allthelotofus.
_Dramatis Personae_. Efflorescence (A Guileless Maid)--Miss Darsie Garnett. Meretricia (1st Villainess)--Mr Harry Garnett. Mycrobe (2nd Villainess)--Mr Russell Garnett. Elijah B. Higgins (Hero)--Mr Dan Vernon. Sigismund La Bas (A False Caitiff)--Mr Percy Lister. D. Spenser (Certificated Poisonmonger)--Mr John Vernon. Endeavora (A Well-Meaner)--Miss Clemence Garnett. The Greek Chorus--Miss Hannah Vernon.
_N.B.--_There is no Cabbage!
Imagine the feelings of a solitary invalid on receipt of such aprogramme as the above--a programme of an entertainment organised,composed, and designed wholly and solely for her own amusement!Lavender's mumps were at a painful stage--so sore, so stiff, so heavy,that she felt all face, had no spirit to read, craved for companionship,and yet shrank sensitively from observing eyes. Let those jeer who may,it _is_ an abominable thing to feel a martyr, and look a clown, and poorLavender's sensitive nature suffered acutely from the position. Thenoh! it was good to feel that to-morrow something exciting was going tohappen--that she would be amused, cheered, comforted; that her dearcompanions would be near her, so near that once again she would feel oneof the merry throng.
If only it were fine! Really and truly Lavender felt that she could notsupport the blow if it were _wet_. Mumps seem to sap the constitutionof moral force; if she could not see the melodrama, she would weep likea child!
It _was_ fine, however. The very elements conspired in her behalf, andproduced a still, unshiny day, when the pageant of the melodramaappeared to the best advantage, and the voices rose clear and distinctto that upper window, before which Lavender stood, a muffled figure, ina fur coat and cap, and a great wool shawl swathed round face and neckafter the fashion of an English veil.
The melodrama proved even more thrilling than had been expected. Onhis, or her, first appearance on the scene, each character advanced to aspot directly in front of the upstairs window, and obligingly relatedthe salient points of his life, character, and ambitions, together witha candid exposition of his intentions towards the other members of thecast; the while Hannah, as Greek Chorus, interposed moral remarks andreflections on the same. After an indulgent hearing of theseconfessions, it would appear that two ambitions were common to theactors--either they wished to elope with the hero or heroine, or topoison the False Caitiff, and the Villainess Number One or Two, or sucha contingent of these worthies as excluded themselves.
The Well-Meaner assiduously endeavoured to foil these intents, andreceived the scant amount of encouragement which falls to well-meaninginterference in real life; the Certified Poisonmonger presided overthree tin pails of liquids, labelled respectively, "Lingering,""Sudden," and "A highly superior article in writhes and coils. Aspatronised by the Empress of China" and the demand for these wares wasnaturally brisk in so quarrelsome a company: the False Caitiff chose asudden death for his rival, the Hero; Meretricia, the first Villainess,poisoned the Caitiff by a more lingering means; Villainess Number Two,under the false impression that the Hero had given his heart toMeretricia, poisoned that good lady, sparing no money on the deed,whereby Russell was afforded an admirable opportunity of exhibiting hiswriggling powers. The guileless maid poisoned herself with the dregs inher lover's glass; and the Poisonmonger, fatigued with the rush ofChristmas business, fainted away, and, being revived by potions from hisown pails, survived only long enough to administer a forcible dose inrevenge. The Well-Meaner's fate differed from that of her companions inthat she was insidiously poisoned by each actor in turn, so that,figuratively speaking, the curtain descended upon a row of corpses, inthe midst of which the Greek Chorus intoned exemplary precepts andadvice.
Hannah, as Greek chorus, was by common consent pronounced the star ofthe company, her interpolated reflections being so droll and to thepoint that even the lingering victims found themselves overcome withlaughter.
As for the audience, her joy, though great, was
not unmixed with pain.As the melodrama approached its critical point the actors could see herat her window, holding up her mumps with either hand, and the piteousplea--"Don't make me laugh! Don't make me laugh!" floated down on thewintry air.
Next day Lavender was worse, and melodramas were banned as a means ofrecreation; but she sent a touching message of thanks to the troupe, inwhich she declared that "the joy outweighed the pain," so that, allthings considered, "The Blue Cabbage" was voted a great success.