Frowning in confusion, Loren shuffled forward and opened the blinds with her finger.
Jo Ellen gulped.
But Loren didn’t seem to notice what kind of lusty thoughts she’d been having. When she spotted Cooper, pain filled her features. Her lips trembled and Jo Ellen swore she saw tears collect in the older woman’s eyes.
“So Cooper’s finally made it home,” she said and promptly turned away from the window as if it physically hurt her to look at him. Jo Ellen frowned, shocked and confused. Were Loren and Cooper having problems? It didn’t seem possible. Cooper had always absolutely adored his mother.
“Here’s your sweet potatoes,” Loren said, thrusting them forward, unable to meet Jo Ellen’s gaze. “They’ll keep longer if you store them in a cool, dry dark place.”
Jo Ellen accepted the plastic grocery bag, nodding over her instructions, and the back door opened. A moment passed—just long enough for her to suck in a sharp, anticipatory breath—then his voice broke the air.
“Mama? I’m going to take a quick shower before Emma Leigh and her husband get—” He entered the front room, still bare-chested with his wet shirt slung over his shoulder and a dirty pair of dusty boots held in one hand to keep from tromping mud across the floor. The only thing he wore was a pair of socks, snug jeans, and his hat.
When he saw Jo Ellen, he pulled up short.
She swallowed, deciding once and for all, coming here had been a big mistake. She had to figure out a way to escape gracefully. Forget repaying him for a good deed done ten years ago, if she wasn’t careful, this man could crush her soul and she’d hand him the tools to do it.
“Jo Ellen,” he rasped. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
She opened her mouth, but no words exited.
Loren sniffed as if insulted on Jo Ellen’s behalf. “Of course, she came. You invited her, didn’t you?”
Cooper transferred his shocked stare to his mother, but he couldn’t seem to look at her long before he jerked his gaze away and cleared his throat. “Yes, ma’am. I did.”
“Emma Leigh will be along soon,” Jo Ellen rushed out the words, curious and concerned about the awkward vibe emanating from both Cooper and Loren as if they were two strangers trying to get to know each other.
But thank goodness, a car drew up the lane and parked behind her Kia almost as soon as she spoke, relieving her from the tense moment. She wasn’t sure what else to say next.
“And there she is.” Loren hurried to the front door so she could greet Emma Leigh from the porch.
Left alone with Cooper, Jo Ellen opened her mouth to ask about him and his mom, but when she glanced his way, she found herself eye level with his dusky, flat nipples circled by light tufts of golden hair.
Her throat went too dry for her to speak. Not only would she hand him the tools to hurt her, she’d probably wrap them with a bow and hand them over with a goofy smile on her face while she did it.
“Excuse me.” He turned away, leaving her forced to watch his nice backside in those sexy jeans as he exited the room.
At the last moment before disappearing from view, he glanced over his shoulder. Caught peeking again, Jo Ellen zipped her eyes up and found him watching her. With a slow, sensual smile, he winked.
Oh, Goodness.
The muscles in her stomach cramped with too many emotions. Relieved he didn’t seem ticked about her presence, the warmth gripping her grew intensely uncomfortable. He made her body respond too easily. And yet his confidence made him even more attractive and irresistible.
Cooper wasn’t a vain man by any means, but he certainly seemed comfortable in his own body, and he knew good and well when a woman appreciated what she saw when checking him out.
She wanted to run—flee the sensations bubbling inside her—but she was soon swept up into the activity of Emma Leigh introducing Bran to Loren, and her brother-in-law bombarding the poor farmer’s wife with all sorts of strange questions like, “Do those chickens really cock-a-doodle-do at dawn?”
Jo Ellen laughed, and Emma Leigh made fun of him, while Loren patiently answered his questions. When Cooper showed up a few minutes later, Jo Ellen had resisted another cookie but downed her tea, draining the cup. Yet still, her mouth went dry when he stepped into the room.
All cleaned up, but still donning blue jeans and a t-shirt advertising the local grain elevator, Cooper looked even better than he had ten minutes before. His gaze met hers as soon as he entered the kitchen, but he just as quickly turned his attention to Bran and Emma Leigh, greeting them. For the next hour, he ignored her. Not that he had a lot of opportunity to pay her any special notice. With Branson and Emma hogging the conversation, he didn’t have any reason to even glance her way, which he didn’t bother doing. She wasn’t sure why that disturbed her so much when it was best if they just stayed away from each other. But it did.
When Cooper agreed to take Branson for a ride on a ‘real’ tractor, she and Em stayed behind to catch up with Loren. Finally, she learned the names of Cooper’s two sisters—Brendel and Stacia. From his mother’s scattered bits of conversation, it was obvious the old woman had grown lonely since Thad’s admission to the nursing home. Every time she spoke his name in passing, her lashes blinked rapidly. Then she’d mention Cooper and looked even worse.
Emma Leigh popped to her feet when they heard the men return, but Jo Ellen wanted to linger in Loren’s company just a little longer, maybe find out what had happened between mother and son.
Her sister, however, urged her outside.
“Damn,” Emma Leigh muttered, clutching Jo Ellen’s arm as she practically dragged her down the front porch. “I swear I was gonna burst into tears if I had to listen to Loren say Thad’s name one more time. She looked so sad.”
“I know.” Jo Ellen sighed sympathetically. “She sounded lonely too. We shouldn’t have left her so soon. We should’ve stayed and talked just a little while longer.”
“Are you crazy? Since Brand was born, I’ve been an emotional time bomb. I can’t cry now. Once I start, I won’t stop. And another minute in that woman’s company would turn me into a perpetual fountain.”
“Okay, fine.” Jo Ellen gave in. But she glanced back to wave when she saw Loren in the doorway, watching them from dejected eyes.
“Dear Lord.” Emma Leigh fanned at her face, already forgetting Cooper’s mother. “Is it ever hot out here or what?”
“I told you to borrow one of my thin shirts,” Jo Ellen argued, growing more tense the closer they moved to the men who’d parked Cooper’s tractor by the barn.
“Uh, hello. If you haven’t noticed, we no longer wear the same shirt size.”
When Emma Leigh splayed a hand over her chest, Jo Ellen groaned. “Yeah, you do look like the porn star version of me now that you’re breastfeeding, don’t you?”
Emma laughed. “Branson doesn’t seem to mind.”
With a snort, Jo Ellen rolled her eyes. “I should think not.”
As if hearing his name, Bran glanced their way. Emma Leigh waved and stuck out her huge boobs. Her husband grinned and his gaze grew heavy, making Jo Ellen feel like a voyeur for watching the two simply look at each other.
“Pervert,” Emma Leigh whispered the word lovingly as if she was mouthing them for her husband’s eyes alone.
Branson’s grin only widened. He said something to Cooper and both men laughed as they focused on the ladies’ approach.
Emma Leigh bumped her elbow into Jo Ellen’s. “Don’t you love it when you know two handsome men are checking us out?”
“Em, I’m only pushing a C cup over here. Trust me, it’s not me they’re ogling right now. It’s all you.” But as she glanced at the men again, she found Cooper’s stare nowhere near her sister.
Emma chuckled knowingly. “You were saying?”
Jo Ellen couldn’t seem to drop her gaze from him, her body stirring with more tense energy. This was exactly why she needed to stay away from him. His effect on her was too powerful. He could hu
rt her so easily, in so many different ways.
“Ready to fish?” Branson called.
“As long as you bait your own hook like you promised,” Emma Leigh sassed back.
Turned out, Bran couldn’t bait his own hook. When his wife wasn’t looking, Cooper slid the live worm in place for him. Jo Ellen grinned and shook her head when the Reno city boy gagged but thanked his new guy pal with a conspiring wink when Cooper handed him his pole.
“I think we’ll start over there across the lake,” Emma Leigh decided as she returned from scouting the area. “You two okay here?”
Jo Ellen gulped, wanting to kick her sister when she saw the mischievous, matchmaking glitter in Emma’s eyes. But from somewhere behind her, Cooper innocently answered, “Yep. We’re fine.”
Well.
If he was fine, then she could be fine. She nodded and waved her sister off. Focusing her attention on her task, she baited her hook, brushed the excess dirt and slime off her fingers onto her shorts and found a nice spot from which to cast her line. After deciding this was as good a place as any, she settled herself on a patch of ground littered with clumps of drying grass dotting the rocky, clay banks of the lake.
She ignored Cooper, though she heard him fiddling around behind her slightly to her right. Then he grew silent. When she couldn’t stand it a second longer, she peeked over her shoulder to find him about twenty feet away, his legs stretched out in front of him as he rested back on his elbows and watched his bobber lazily float through the water. He’d tipped his cowboy hat so low the rim shaded his face from the setting sun.
Her attention shifted to his long legs. This was the third time in the past twenty-four hours she’d seen him sprawl them out like so. The man obviously enjoyed his space, probably detested tight, cramped places, and crowded hordes, like a big city. He’d hate living in Dallas. No matter where you turned, someone was always there.
He could never comfortably squeeze into the life she led, even if she could open herself to him long enough to give him the chance to try, which she couldn’t.
A sad sigh later, she returned her gaze to her own bobber and wiped at the perspiration on her brow. The hopelessness of the situation depressed her. Swallowing, she realized how dry her throat had grown.
“Is there anything to drink in that cooler you brought?” she asked before she could stop herself.
Cooper tilted his chin up so his light brown eyes could meet her gaze from under the brim of his hat. “I’ve got some beer. You can help yourself to it.”
“Beer?” She glanced toward the cooler where the live bait was also being stored in a small Styrofoam container and winkled her nose.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he harrumphed. “But I’m fresh out of white wine and spritzer.”
At the acid in his tone, Jo Ellen glared, upset he’d totally misread her hesitation. She lifted her chin and sniffed. “Actually, I was thinking water sounded good.”
“Well, I don’t have any of that either,” he muttered, snapping his attention from her to scowl at his bobber.
Instantly, her ire died. Dang it, she hadn’t come here to irritate him; she only wanted to set things right between them. But no matter what she did, he seemed to grow more agitated around her. And here, she’d assumed his wink at the house meant things were okay between them.
Obviously, she’d been wrong.
With a relenting groan, she pushed to her feet, and fetched herself a beer. He didn’t notice what she’d done until she popped the tab, then his gaze jerked her way. She held his stare almost defiantly as she took her first small sip. His gaze fell to her mouth, and her stomach tightened with anxiety. Then his jaw went hard and he turned his stare back to the lake.
She breathed out the breath she’d been holding. “Cooper, I’m sorry.”
His lips twitched with sudden amusement. “Apologizing seems to be an obsession with you, doesn’t it? And here, I’m the one who was rude.”
“I’m serious. I behaved horribly last night, ditching out on you without saying anything after you opened up to me like that and—”
He lifted a hand, stopping her. “Don’t worry about it. I’m the one who should’ve stayed quiet and not put you on the spot like that.”
“But you were explaining to me reasons why you had done things I’ve been curious about for ten years. You didn’t—”
“Jo Ellen.” He released a tired breath and rubbed a spot on the center of his forehead. “It’s fine.”
“But I upset you,” she mumbled more to herself, feeling like she should do something to repay him for all the turmoil she’d put him through, not just from last night and today, but from ten years ago.
He sniffed out an amused sound. “You didn’t upset me,” he said. “I upset myself. I apologize for being short with you just now. I was starting to think about things I have no business thinking, considering impossible probabilities, and I was in the middle of giving myself a mental reprimand when you spoke. That’s why I snapped.”
She opened her mouth to ask why he’d been reprimanding himself but his gaze swept over her—almost longingly—causing the words to clog in her throat. She took a big gulp of beer because her throat went from parched to downright desiccated.
Across the water, Branson said something to Emma Leigh, tearing Jo Ellen’s attention from Cooper, but she couldn’t make out the words. She watched the two as Em showed her husband how to reel in his line and cast his bait in a different direction. They worked so well together. Envy swirled inside her, making her wish—
The carbonation in her beer created an air bubble and she burped. Eyes going wide, she swerved toward Cooper to make sure he hadn’t heard. But to her everlasting humiliation, he arched an eyebrow her way.
She covered her mouth with one hand and prayed to die quickly. “Excuse me.”
He flashed his teeth in an immediate grin. Then a chuckle burst from him. Before she knew it, he was cradling his belly and rolling across the grass, hollering with laugher.
Jo Ellen face’s burned. “It wasn’t that funny.”
“Hell, yes it was,” Cooper managed as he wiped tears out of his eyes. “You didn’t see the look on your face. It was the most hilarious thing ever.”
Jo Ellen sighed and shook her head. A second later, she grew fed up. “Stop laughing.”
“Sorry, sorry.” He tried to settle his face, but a second later, he burst out again. “Oh, God,” he hooted. “I can’t help it.”
Picking up a smooth, round pebble from the ground beside her, Jo Ellen chucked it at him and beaned him in the shoulder.
Immediately, he stopped laughing. “Ouch.” Rubbing his arm, he cast her a frown.
She preened and took another sip of beer, which suddenly tasted rather good.
Satisfied with her aim and her ability to control even a little bit of him, her courage soared. Before she could stop herself, she spoke up. “So, after I ran out on you, I thought about what you said last night.”
He glanced at her. She felt his stare like a physical caress, but she refused to return it. Hoarsely, he asked, “And?”
She gave her bobber a rueful grin. “I don’t know. I just thought about it. That’s all. I…I’m truly sorry if I broke your heart. I didn’t realize.”
Finally, she risked a glance his way.
But all he did was shrug as he fiddled with the reel of his fishing pole. “Don’t worry about it. It was ten years ago.”
The urge to argue with him filled her. Ten years ago or not, breaking someone’s heart was a very big deal in her book. And for her to do the breaking…
It bothered her. It bothered her a lot, especially since Cooper Gerhardt of all people landed on the receiving end of that breaking. All he’d ever done was try to help her.
Suddenly mad at herself for always wanting to do something—or wishing she’d grow the nerve to speak up—and never doing it, she straightened her spine. “Well, what if I want to worry about it?”
He looked startled before g
rinning. “And what’re you going to do? Duct tape the organ back together? I got over it, moved on with my life. There’s nothing to worry about?”
“Oh really?” she challenged. “Is that why you’re happily married with a crew of children running wild across your farm then?”
He went still as if she’d actually struck a nerve. In a deadly soft tone, he said, “That doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure? What if…what if my breaking your heart messed you up, made you lose all faith in women,” just as Travis had caused her to lose all faith in men. “What if I prevented you from having the happiness you deserve. You should be happy, Cooper. You should—”
He shut her up with a small, amused laugh as he shook his head. “You haven’t changed at all, have you? Still a bleeding heart, worried about upsetting everyone else.”
“You’re exactly the same way,” she accused.
He didn’t answer, but the strange wrinkle in his brow told her she’d struck another nerve. Looking moody, he studied the still water. “Yeah, maybe.”
She let out a sigh, realizing how different her life would’ve been if she’d at least known how he’d felt about her back then. Before Travis had come along and asked her out, she would’ve accepted a date with Cooper without question. Heck, even after Travis had come along, she might’ve—
Emma Leigh laughed from across the lake, and Jo Ellen glanced up. She watched Bran and her sister grin at each other, talking adamantly. Jealousy consumed her. Maybe, she could’ve been like that with Cooper. He was capable of so much love she would’ve fallen for him harder than she’d ever fallen for anyone. Maybe he wouldn’t have left her broken inside, deficient.
So much potential. And now it was gone.
Now it was too late. She wasn’t some young, naïve girl who could openly give her heart to just anyone. There was too much baggage in her past to trust like that again.
“Why me?” she wondered. When Emma Leigh’s laughter once again carried across the lake, she pointed. “Why not her? You were always her friend. And she’s so…so open and free. Confident. I was too insecure and fragile, always worried about doing the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing. I mean, I probably came off as a standoffish snob to you.”