Maybe she can help shed some light.
I was no longer afraid of her predictions—after all, my life could hardly get any worse.
I passed through her door, expecting to see the oracle standing, or perhaps sitting, in her usual solitude. But as I entered, I was met with quite a different sight.
I did find the oracle—perched on a rickety stool—but gathered around her were the three women I loved most in the world.
Ben
“The young spirit has arrived,” the eyeless oracle announced, almost gleeful.
I gazed anxiously at the pale faces of my mother, sister and girlfriend. They had figured it out. Due to the messages I’d left, they must have suspected I was a ghost, and perhaps it was River who’d suggested that they come to consult with the oracle. River was the only one of the three who had been here before. But how had they gotten here? How had they found her?
It didn’t matter. They were here. And I was here.
I knew that if I failed to find any kind of solution for myself, I would return to The Shade and find a way to communicate the truth to them. The full truth, not just dribs and drabs, so that it would be easier for them to move on. But I hadn’t been ready to tell them yet, not when I still held on to a sliver of hope that I might be able to return in some way, even if not in my own body.
Now, I had no choice in the matter. From the looks on their faces, it was clear that the oracle had already told them everything.
My eyes passed over a strange arrangement in the center of the dim room. There was a low, circular wooden table, upon which stood a rusted, medieval-looking dagger, positioned at a perfect ninety-degree angle. The dagger had a large, ornate handle and a thin blade whose tip was dug into the table’s surface, though it was hard to tell whether this positioning alone was what made it stand or if that was caused by the oracle’s magic. I couldn’t even begin wrapping my mind around what this was exactly, but whatever it was, I was sure that it had something to do with Hortencia summoning me here.
“How do we know that Ben is here?” River asked, her voice slightly shaky, as she furrowed her brows.
Hortencia whirled on her. “Do you suggest that I lie to you, girl?”
River pursed her lips in response.
“What reason would I have to lie, pray tell? You are the ones who disturbed me here and requested me to call a communion with your lost boy. I have frankly no interest in whether or not you believe me, but if you don’t, I suggest you get out of my cave since you’re wasting my time.”
Rose was looking uncertainly at the oracle, a mixture of disgust and fascination in her large, green eyes as she took in her appearance. This meeting would have been the first time Rose had ever encountered an oracle before, and for that matter, it was my mother’s first time too. Still looking doubtful, Rose placed a hand over River’s knee and squeezed it.
“I think we should believe her,” Rose whispered, as the oracle crossed her arms over her chest and headed to the other side of the room in a huff. “Like she says, what would be the point in lying? If she just wanted to get rid of us, she could’ve just said that she couldn’t call Ben, or heck, just forced us out of her cave with her magic. I don’t think she’s trying to fool us. There’s nothing in it for her.”
“I agree,” my mother breathed. Her eyes moved back to the oracle. “Please, Hortencia. River didn’t mean to offend you. It was merely a question… H-How do I talk to my son?”
“You already are,” the oracle sneered, still refusing to turn around and face my mother. “I told you, he has arrived in the room and whatever you say enters his wispy ears.”
I wondered if Hortencia could actually see me in her mind’s eye. But more importantly, I wondered whether she could hear me. I’d heard her in my mind while still outside the cave. I needed to test if the communication went both ways.
“Hortencia,” I said, before pausing for her response.
She turned slowly in my direction.
“Yes, phantom?” she murmured.
She can hear me. She can hear me! The realization was strange. This was the first time a living person had been able to actually hear me, in real life, outside of a dream, since I became a ghost. As repugnant and irritating as this oracle was, she had become my only link.
“Please, tell them that I love them,” I requested.
The small woman’s lips curled slightly, and I was sure that if she’d had eyeballs, she would’ve rolled them. She twisted to face my mother, sister, and River.
“He says that he loves you,” she said in a sickly sweet voice.
Not exactly the delivery I would’ve wanted, but it was better than nothing. In fact, it brought about a much stronger reaction than I had wanted.
Tears began spilling down my mother and sister’s cheeks, while I could see that River was on the verge of breaking down too. I didn’t think that River missed me any less than my mother and sister, but she was more practiced at holding in her emotions than they were.
I stalled, wondering what to say next. What could I say that wouldn’t hurt them, that wouldn’t rip their hearts to shreds? Though it was probably too late for that now.
“So… you told them everything about me?” I clarified.
“Enough about you,” Hortencia replied before grimacing. “Enough for them to insist that I call you here.”
“She told us what happened to you, Ben.” River spoke up, her voice deep and low. Apparently she’d cast aside her doubts as to whether I really was present. She looked around the room, uncertain where to focus her gaze as she continued, “She told us that you sacrificed yourself to prevent the Elders’ uprising, and she told us… what you are now.” Her voice went quieter still. “She told us how you saved me from hunters.” She stopped, her throat clogging up.
Her voice slashed my heart like a knife.
By now Hortencia had resumed her seat on the stool, and I moved next to her.
“Will you tell them that I’m standing right next to you, on your right side?” I said to the oracle.
Hortencia jabbed a finger at me, and said, “He wants you to know that he is standing next to me.”
My mother, sister and River’s eyes shot toward my direction and, if I’d possessed insides, they would’ve squirmed. It was a bitter reminder of how lost I’d become, how out of touch. This was the closest I’d come to real-life contact with them in what felt like forever. How I wished that they could actually see me the way I saw them.
I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to say to them. I realized that I felt grateful to the oracle for having revealed everything beforehand, saving me the pain of having to do it myself.
It didn’t seem that there was much more to be said about what had happened to me. Now I just felt a burning urge to comfort them somehow.
I left Hortencia’s side and approached my mother, who sat nearest to me. Bending down, I kissed her cheek. I was about to request Hortencia to inform my mother that I was inches from her when, apparently sensing my desire, she blew out a sigh of impatience and revealed it herself.
“Mother of the dead, he has just kissed your cheek,” she said, her tone infused with boredom.
Mother of the dead. I glared daggers at Hortencia. It was ironic, for all her infinite sensitivity to the universe, how insensitive she could be to the feelings of those around her.
My mother raised a hand in the air, which passed right through my chest.
“Ben,” she whispered. “I love you, Ben. And—” She drew in a heavy breath as her voice cracked. “I need you to know how proud I am of you.”
I placed my translucent hands around her hand and planted a kiss over her knuckles. “I love you too, Mom.”
“He repeats that he loves you,” Hortencia murmured to my mother.
Next I moved to my sister, and dipping down, kissed her cheek too. My twin. I gazed down upon her pretty, innocent face—or should I have said deceptively innocent, after her recent misadventures. It felt like I had grown so far ap
art from Rose. We had been practically inseparable as children and recently—even when I was still alive—we’d been away from each other for so long that it almost felt like our connection was fading. We didn’t share the same uncanny mental connection that my father and aunt had… at least, neither of us had experienced it yet.
“Hortencia, please tell Rose that I’m next to her now.”
As the oracle did, tears flowed more heavily down Rose’s cheeks. “Dammit, Ben,” she croaked. “You don’t know how much I miss you.”
“I know,” I replied. “I know.” Replying that I missed her too felt almost redundant. Of course she’d know that I missed her just as much.
I remained gazing into my sister’s face for several moments before finally moving to River. My heart ripped as my love’s gaze turned upward, as though already expecting that I was moving on to her. Her turquoise eyes… they fixed so near to where mine were. I lowered myself a little, so that I could be looking directly at her.
“Tell River I’m looking into her eyes.”
The oracle blew out sharply. “My patience wears thinner than a ghoul’s skin. You have five more minutes in my abode, the lot of you. These ladies have already eaten into too much of my precious time.”
Five more minutes.
“Tell her,” I urged the oracle.
“Your ex-lover is peeping at you now, half-blood,” Hortencia said, her voice monotone.
Ex-lover. I wanted to swear at the woman.
Finally, the tears that had been welling for so long behind River’s eyes overflowed like a dam breaking and streamed in rivers down her cheeks. She bit down hard on her lower lip as she continued to stare determinedly at me.
Moving closer, I moved my lips over her forehead, then her nose, then her lips.
“We need you back, Ben,” she said hoarsely. Her voice dropped quieter. “I need you back.” As more tears spilled, she reached up to brush them away roughly with the back of her hand, though they were instantly replaced by more.
What could I say to her? That I would come back? That I would find a way?
“I’m trying, River,” I said, my own voice close to breaking. “I promise you, I’m trying.”
The oracle let out a wild cackle. “No, you’re not!” she shrieked.
I whirled around to face her, baffled.
“What?”
“Don’t try to fool the girl that you’re trying. You’re not trying. You’re simply wandering.”
If I was still a vampire, my hands would have been twitching to wring her neck.
Her words made my ego flare. What else could a person be doing in my position that I hadn’t already done? That I wasn’t already doing? What more could I possibly do? Dammit, I wasn’t all-seeing like her. All-seeing and all-useless.
Then I caught myself, realizing the stupidity in letting myself get carried away with my ego. Perhaps she’s on the verge of offering up her own suggestion, her own solution to my predicament.
I humbled myself before her, and, gazing at her intently, asked, “Then… if I am not trying, will you enlighten me and tell me how to try?”
The oracle stood from where she had been perched on her stool, and, fighting to pull a straight face, she panned her head up to me.
“You need to stop being a coward, that’s what you need to do,” she said, planting her hands on her narrow hips.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What are you talking about?” Rose blurted over the top of me, indignation flushing her cheeks. “My brother’s no coward!”
The oracle ignored my sister, keeping her attention on me. “I meant exactly what I said,” she replied. “You need to stop fearing what you must face.”
Is this oracle really so incapable of just giving me a straight answer? I realized how strange it must’ve been to my mother, sister and River to be listening in on what for them would look like a one-sided conversation—the oracle talking to herself. Then again, maybe that wasn’t so strange.
“What must I face?” I urged.
“The same that all ghosts must face. At least, those who are not numbskulls, or gluttons for punishment.”
I paused. The frustration boiling within me gave way to slow realization as to what she was getting at. “You’re… you’re telling me that… I need to go to the ‘other side?’”
“The penny drops!” she cackled, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“But how would that bring me back to my old life?”
“I never said it would,” Hortencia countered. “Though I never said it wouldn’t, either.”
Impossible woman.
“For the love of God,” I hissed, “will you just spit it out already? Is there any way for me to return to my old life, or not?”
“That is not for me to say, but for you to find out…” She snapped her face away from me, her focus switching back on the other three in the room. “Now, five minutes has long passed. Take your leave. I tire of your miserable auras.”
“Wait,” I growled. “You can’t just leave me hanging like this!”
“You see the future, don’t you?” River spoke up. “You know what’s up ahead of him. Please, tell us.”
As she’d disregarded my sister before, now she ignored River.
“Up and out, children!” she shrilled.
When the three made no motion to move, she strolled up to them and began grabbing their arms, pulling them out of their seats and bustling them to the door.
“It is rude to outstay one’s welcome.” She scowled.
My mother stopped by the door and refused to budge. “Hortencia,” she said, her eyes wide and desperate. “I thank you for all that you have told us, but please, will you just tell us something more? Anything more that could help my son. Please.”
“I have told him all he needs to know,” Hortencia replied, her lower lip curling. “And I have given him my advice—that he must stop trying to push backward and instead roll forward.”
As the oracle pushed the three women out of the door and moved to slam it in their faces, River stuck out her foot and jammed it in the door. She squeezed back through, her eyes traveling around the room wildly, as if in search of me again.
“Ben,” she called, her eyes bloodshot. “You have to find a way. You have to.”
The desperation in her voice shook me. I wasn’t used to River breaking down like this. I was about to respond again that I would try, but recalling the way the oracle had admonished me before, I thought better of it.
“I will,” I said, with confidence I did not possess. “I will, River.”
To my surprise, the oracle took it upon herself to relay my message without my asking… albeit changing my words in the process.
“He says he will stop being a coward.” And with that, the oracle shoved River’s foot away from the door and finally slammed it shut.
Now it was just her and me alone in the room. Though not for long. Before I could ask anything more of her, she moved to the dagger sticking out of the table in the center of the room and clasped her palms around its hilt. The next thing I knew, the same invisible force that had carried me here was sweeping me away, out of the oracle’s living quarters, out of her cave. I was whizzing so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to catch a last glimpse of River, my mother and sister. They might attempt to harass the oracle for answers some more, but eventually, they’d have no choice but to return to The Shade.
When the force finally relinquished me, I found myself back on the same snowy mountain plateau—just feet away from the portal.
Damn oracle.
I’d hoped to find enlightenment in that dingy room of hers, but now I only found myself more confused. The woman seemed to get more and more batty each time I saw her. What was I supposed to make of her words? What was I supposed to think?
The only conclusive thing she had said to me was just the opposite of what I’d wanted to hear. I already knew that ghosts did not belong in this physical world. I already knew that
they were meant to pass on. That wasn’t what I’d asked her about—and yet that was the answer she’d thrust in my face.
She had never answered my question, because the idea that the solution I sought—a way to remain in the life I knew, with the people I loved—could be on this elusive “other side” was absurd.
Still, if only out of frustration, I wandered over to the entrance of the gate and gazed down once again into its swirling, starry depths.
I couldn’t help but wonder, What really is beyond that tunnel wall?
Drifting down into the gaping hole, I took a closer look at the wall. Reaching out a hand, I dared touch it. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to feel—some kind of sensation? Resistance? I felt nothing. My hand moved through the swirling substance and passed right through it, as though it were nothing but air. I sank in my other arm, and then half of my body, until I’d stepped completely through the wall and left the portal entirely.
All noise disappeared. I couldn’t catch even the slightest sigh of the wind up on the mountain top. It felt like being in a sound booth, buried hundreds of miles underground.
As I gazed around at what appeared to be an endless world of stars, it felt like a dream. What were those sparkling dots? Were they really stars? Planets? What was this place? Feeling like I was in space, I dared drift a little further away from the tunnel, deeper into the vacuum.
Slowly but surely, I moved further and further away from the tunnel, until I was about twenty feet away. I turned around to examine the portal from the outside for the first time. It was like a wide, smoky tube, attached beneath the mountain and extending much further into the blackness than I could see.
This is just weird.
And was this where Nolan and Chantel—wherever they are now—believed they would be taken on a full moon night?
I wondered if any other ghosts had dared venture through the walls and out into this wilderness by themselves, rather than wait for the elusive ‘midnight light’.
I began wandering with no particular direction as I attempted to make sense of my surroundings. Every speculation or idea I came up with was just as stupid and far-fetched as the others. My attention focused on the shimmering stars. I wondered just how far away they were from me. How long it would take to reach the nearest one. Whether they were inhabited planets, or just burning balls of fire…