to this description, if Ithought for a moment that these lines would be read by man--save andexcept the tradesmen engaged in their production--I would never penthem. But as the editor and publisher will be careful to announce thatthey are for ladies only, I write in full.
First of all the eyes seemed to be quite small, but, oh! so piercing;while I can only compare the sensation to that of a couple of beautiful,bright, precious stone seals, making impressions upon the soft wax of mybrain. And they did, too--such deeply-cut, sharp impressions as willnever be effaced.
Well, as I seemed to be sitting in the train, the eyes appeared to comenearer, and nearer, and nearer, till I could bear it no longer; and Iopened mine to find that my dream was a fact, and that there really werea pair of bright, piercing orbs close to mine, gazing earnestly at me,so that I felt that I must scream out; but as my lips parted to giveutterance to a shrill cry, it was stayed, for two warm lips rested uponmine, to leave there a soft, tender kiss; and it seemed so strange thatmy dream should have been all true.
But there, it was not all true; though I was awake and there were a pairof beautiful eyes looking into mine, and the soft, red lips just leavingtheir impression; and as I was fighting hard to recover my scatteredsenses, a sweet voice whispered--
"Don't cry any more, dear, please."
I saw through it all, for the dear girl who had just spoken was ClaraFitzacre; but just behind, and staring hard at me with her great, round,saucer eyes, was a fat, stupid-looking girl, whose name I soon learnedwas Martha Smith--red-faced and sleepy, and without a word to say forherself. As for Clara, I felt to love her in a moment, she was sotender and gentle, and talked in such a consolatory strain.
"I'm so glad to find that you are to be in our room," said Clara, whowas a tall, dark-haired, handsome girl. "We were afraid it would turnout to be some cross, frumpy, stuck-up body, weren't we, Patty?"
"I'm sure I don't know," said the odious thing, whose words all soundedfat and sticky. "I thought you said that you wouldn't have anybody elsein our room. I wish it was tea-time."
"But I should not have said so if I had known who was coming," saidClara, turning very red. "But Patty has her wish, for it is tea-time;so sponge your poor eyes, and let me do your hair, and then we'll godown. You need not wait, Patty."
Patty Smith did not seem as if she wished to wait, for she gave a great,coarse yawn, for all the world like a butcher's daughter, and then wentout of the room.
"She is so fat and stupid," said Clara, "that it has been quitemiserable here; and I'm so glad that you've come, dear."
"I'm not," said I, dismally. "I don't like beginning school overagain."
"But then we don't call this school," said Clara.
"But it is, all the same," I said. "Oh, no," said Clara, kindly; "weonly consider that we are finishing our studies here, and there are suchnice teachers."
"How can you say so!" I exclaimed indignantly. "I never saw such a setof ugly, old, cross-looking--"
"Ah, but you've only seen the lady teachers yet. You have not seenMonsieur Achille de Tiraille, and Signor Pazzoletto--such fine,handsome, gentlemanly men; and then there's that dear, good-tempered,funny little Monsieur de Kittville."
I could not help sighing as I thought of Mr Saint Purre, and his long,black, silky beard; and how nice it would have been to have knelt downand confessed all my troubles to him, and I'm sure I should have keptnothing back.
"All the young ladies are deeply in love with them," continued Clara, asshe finished my hair; "so pray don't lose your heart, and make any onejealous."
"There is no fear for me," I said, with a deep sigh; and then, somehowor another, I began thinking of the church, and wondering what sort of aclergyman we should have, and whether there would be early services likethere were at Saint Vestment's, and whether I should be allowed toattend them as I had been accustomed.
I sighed and shivered, while the tears filled my eyes; for it seemedthat all the happy times of the past were gone for ever, and life was tobe a great, dreary blank, full of horrible teachers and hard lessons.Though, now one comes to think of it, a life could not be a blank if itwere full of anything, even though they were merely lessons.
I went down with Clara to tea, and managed to swallow a cup of thehorribly weak stuff; but as to eating any of the coarse, thickbread-and-butter, I could not; though, had my heart been at rest, thesight of Patty Smith devouring the great, thick slices, as if she wasabsolutely ravenous, would have quite spoiled my repast. At firstseveral of the pupils were very kind and attentive, but seeing how putout and upset I was, they left me alone till the meal was finished;while, though I could not eat, I could compare and think how differentall this was from what I should have had at home, or at dinner parties,or where papa took me when we went out. For he was very good that way,and mamma did not always know how we had dined together at Richmond andBlackwall. Such nice dinners, too, as I had with him in Paris when hecame to fetch me from the sisters. He said it was experience to see thecapital, and certainly it was an experience that I greatly liked. Thereis such an air of gaiety about a _cafe_; and the ices--ah!
And from that to come down to thick bread-and-butter like a littlechild!
After tea I was summoned to attend Mrs Blunt in her study--as if theold thing ever did anything in the shape of study but how to make usuncomfortable, and how to make money--and upon entering the place, fullof globes, and books, and drawings, I soon found that she had put hergood temper away with the cake and wine, as a thing too scarce with herto be used every day.
The reason for my being summoned was that I might be examined as to mycapabilities; and I found the lady principal sitting in state, supportedby the Fraulein and two of the English teachers--Miss Furness and MissSloman.
I bit my lips as soon as I went in, for, I confess it freely, I meant tobe revenged upon that horrible Mrs Blunt for tempting mamma with heradvertisement; and I determined that if she was to be handsomely paidfor my residence at the Cedars, the money should be well earned.
And now, once for all, let me say that I offer no excuse for mybehaviour; while I freely confess to have been, all through my stay atthe Cedars, very wicked, and shocking, and reprehensible.
"I think your mamma has come to a most sensible determination, MissBozerne," said Mrs Blunt, after half an hour's examination. "What doyou think, ladies?"
"Oh, quite so," chorused the teachers.
"Really," said Mrs Blunt, "I cannot recall having had a young lady ofyour years so extremely backward."
Then she sat as if expecting that I should speak, for she played withher eyeglass, and occasionally took a glance at me; but I would not havesaid a word, no, not even if they had pinched me.
"But I think we can raise the standard of your acquirements, MissBozerne. What do you say, ladies?"
"Oh, quite so," chorused the satellites, as if they had said it hundredsof times before; and I feel sure that they had.
"And now," said Mrs Blunt, "we will close this rather unsatisfactorypreliminary examination. Miss Bozerne, you may retire."
I was nearly at the door--glad to have it over, and to be able to beonce more with my thoughts--when the old creature called me back.
"Not in that way, Miss Bozerne," she exclaimed, with a dignified, cold,contemptuous air, which made me want to slap her--"not in that way atthe Cedars, Miss Bozerne. Perhaps, Miss Sloman, as the master ofdeportment is not here, you will show Miss Laura Bozerne the manner inwhich to leave a room.--Your education has been sadly neglected, mychild."
This last she said to me with rather an air of pity, just as if I wasonly nine or ten years old; and, as a matter of course, being ratherproud of my attainments, I felt dreadfully annoyed.
But my attention was now taken up by Miss Sloman, a dreadfully skinnyold thing, in moustachios, who had risen from her seat, and beganbacking towards the door in an awkward way, like two clothes-props in asheet, till she contrived to catch against a little gipsy work-table andoverset it, when, cross as I f
elt, I could not refrain from laughing.
"Leave the room, Miss Bozerne," exclaimed Mrs Blunt, haughtily.
This to me! whose programme had been rushed at when I appeared at adance, and not a vacant place left. Oh, dear! oh, dear! I feel thethrill of annoyance even now.
Of course I made my way out of the room to where Clara was waiting forme; and then we had a walk out in the grounds, with our arms round eachother, just as if we had been friends for years; though you will agreeit was only natural I should cling to the first lovable thing whichpresented itself to me in my then forlorn condition.
CHAPTER THREE.
MEMORY THE THIRD--INFELICITY. AGAIN A CHILD.
The next day was wet and miserable; and waiting