All of a sudden, her husband’s head snapped up, and Catherine clasped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. Had he heard her?
A moment later, she received her answer as he craned his neck, brows furrowed, and searched his surroundings. The second his eyes settled on her, a deep smile came to his face that took her breath away, and she had to reach for the backrest of her chair in order to steady herself. Maybe there was hope after all.
Although a hint of confusion rested in his eyes, the smile on his face spoke of true delight before he turned back around and swiftly climbed down the ladder, then walked over to her. “I have to admit I did not expect to find you here,” he said as his eyes travelled over her undone hair to her eyes down to her dressing gown tied loosely in the front. He drew in a shaky breath, and in that moment, Catherine was certain that he felt something for her. But was it love? Or only desire?
“I couldn’t sleep,” Catherine said, her voice as unsteady as her hands. “I wanted to go outside, but then I remembered…”
He glanced at the window and the snowflakes still falling to the ground, and a grin came to his face. “I suppose it is not the kind of night to venture outside,” he chuckled before his eyes became serious. “Do you generally go outside when you find yourself unable to sleep?”
Catherine shrugged as an intimate memory rose before her eyes. “Usually, I do not have trouble…sleeping,” she said, feeling the hint of a blush rise to her cheeks. Forcing herself not to drop her gaze, she hastened on, “However, during the day whenever I find myself at odd ends with…something, I do go outside. There is nothing more calming than a walk in the fresh air away from the hustle-bustle of other people, alone with your thoughts.”
A knowing smile came to his lips, and he nodded. “I feel the same way.”
Catherine sighed. If only he would feel the same way for her as she felt for him.
He glanced behind her at the chair. “Would you mind if I sat with you?”
“Not at all,” Catherine said, her heart jumping with delight as she settled back into the cushions. Once more drawing up her legs, she watched him pull up another chair, placing it at the perfect angle next to hers so that they would still be able to converse while watching the snow fall outside the window.
“Forgive my ignorance,” he said with a chuckle as he settled into his own chair, “as well as my intrusion into your life−please tell me if I’m being to forward−but I have been wondering why a woman like you is not already married.” He spoke lightly, and yet, Catherine thought to detect a hint of apprehension in his eyes.
Once again forced to walk the fine line between being herself and pretending to be her sister, Catherine sighed, then shook her head and decided to lead their conversation away from the seriousness in his tone. “Why? Do you believe all women dream of marriage?” she asked mockingly, the gleam of a challenge in her eyes.
William laughed. “Judging from the many parents who parade their daughters under the eyes of every eligible bachelor would consider that to be true.”
Delighted, Catherine huffed, “I was speaking of what women want, not their parents. Although mine would never parade me under anyone’s eyes, my parents have urged me to find a husband as well. I, however, am currently disinclined to acquiesce to their request.”
“I see,” William said, the tone in his voice brightening with their friendly banter. “If you do not seek marriage, what is it that you wish for in life?”
Backed into a corner, Catherine shrugged. “I have not yet decided, and besides, I merely said that I wasn’t currently interested in finding a husband.” Who knew? Her sister might change her mind someday.
Her husband nodded. “I admire you for being who you are and not bowing to another’s wishes,” he said, his voice still light but serious. “I suppose such a choice is especially hard for women, who are quickly considered on the shelf if they’re still unmarried at a certain age.” The moment the last word had left his lips, his eyes suddenly went wide and he leaned forward, waving his hands in apologetic regret. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to offend you in any way. I was just…”
Leaning forward as well, Catherine placed a hand on his, a soft smile on her face. “You did not. You merely spoke the truth, a truth I am well aware of.”
Relieved, William exhaled. Then he tensed, and his gaze shifted down to where her hand still rested on his.
As though slapped, Catherine pulled back her arm while her fingers still tingled with the unexpected rush of emotions stemming from such a normal gesture. A gesture that was normal for husband and wife, but was it also normal between brother-in-law and sister-in-law? Catherine wouldn’t have thought so. However, in that moment, even such a small gesture seemed overly intimate.
Finding the same confusion she felt in her heart reflected on her husband’s face, Catherine cleared her throat, determined not to allow one awkward moment to come between them. “Did you come here looking for a book?”
Meeting her eyes, William nodded, and his shoulders relaxed slightly. “I did.”
“Which one? Maybe I can help you find it.”
“Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift.”
“May I ask why you felt the need to read that book in the middle of the night,” Catherine asked, wishing to restore the familiar ease between them.
William shrugged. “Like you, I found myself unable to fall asleep, and I remembered my brother once recommending it to me.” He chuckled. “In all honesty, I cannot be certain that I haven’t read it in the past five years. All I can say is that I don’t remember reading it.”
Catherine laughed. “I suppose there is a bright side to everything. Now, you can read all those books you’ve read before and experience them for the first time. What I wouldn’t give to read certain books with a fresh set of eyes?”
Although his brows were drawn down in doubt, a grin pulled up the corners of his mouth. “Would you truly trade five years of your life for that opportunity?”
Biting her lower lip and scrunching up her nose, Catherine shook her head. “I guess not.” Then she nodded, a hint of jest in her voice. “You’ve made your point, my lord.”
His eyes crinkling with delight, her husband laughed, and they both sank back into their chairs, completely at ease in the other’s company.
***
Over the next fortnight−to William’s utter delight as well as heart-wrenching shame−he found himself thinking of his sister-in-law at all times of the day…and night.
Whenever she wasn’t around him, his mind involuntarily conjured the soft curl of her lips when she smiled at him or the slightly mischievous sparkle in her eyes when they spoke without restraint, jesting to their hearts’ desire.
Whenever he would come upon her unexpectedly, his heart would jump into his throat and for an awkward moment he would simply stare at her, unable to utter a coherent greeting. She, too, seemed delighted whenever their paths crossed, and William soon found himself waking up in the morning with a single desire on his mind: to go to her.
It was as though his world had narrowed and all that mattered was her. They would take strolls about the estate together−to his mother’s dismay−engage each other in countless snowball fights or sit in the library long after dark, sometimes talking and sometimes enjoying a silence so natural it seemed as though they had known each other all their lives.
And for a short while, William allowed himself to be happy. He put all thoughts of his accident as well as its consequences out of his mind and simply lived in the here and now.
As the heavy snowfall continued, country lanes became increasingly difficult to travel, and they felt as though they were almost cut off from the world. Did anything else exist outside the estate’s borders?
William didn’t care as his heart and mind were solely occupied with a single question: was this what falling in love felt like?
According to his brother as well as Christine, he had fallen in love with his wife at first sight. However, to William, eve
rything about that recounting continued to feel as though they were speaking about someone else’s life and not his. He still had no recollection of the past five years, and he had to admit that a part of him was relieved.
As the days passed, William’s delight with his sister-in-law’s company was increasingly overshadowed by feelings of shame and regret. Why did this have to happen?
Apparently, he had found the woman of his dreams, married her, only to wake up one morning and not remember her at all. And now, he found himself falling in love with her sister. Could fate be any crueller?
Raking his hands through his hair, William sank down onto the settee in the front parlour. Even after hours of debating with himself what to do, he was no closer to an answer. After all, there was not much he could do. Even if Christine were to feel for him the same way, they could never be together. No matter what either one of them felt or wished for, he was married to Catherine, and he always would be.
Objectively speaking, everything seemed rather simple for there was not a choice to make at all.
“Are you all right?”
Gritting his teeth, William took a deep breath before lifting his eyes to her.
She stood by the doorway, her eyes slightly narrowed in concern as she regarded him with a familiarity that touched something deep within him, and a part of him urged him to get to his feet, cross the room and draw her into his arms.
Shaking his head to clear it of the tantalising image, William rose and forced his feet in the opposite direction. He cast a hesitant smile in her direction before he stopped in front of the window, eyes fixed on the heaps of snow outside.
“Something is bothering you,” she observed, and her dainty footsteps echoed softly on the parquet as she came to stand behind him. “I can see it on your face.”
William cringed inwardly. How was it that she knew him so well?
His throat seemed to close up, and he drew in a laboured breath, willing the trembling in his hands to still. “I’m perfectly fine,” he bit out, regret filling him instantly at the harsh tone in his voice.
To his dismay, she took neither affront nor believed his lie. Instead, her hand came to rest against his back , and he was certain she could feel his heart thudding against his ribs. “Speak to me, William.”
Cringing at the endearing tone in her voice, he gritted his teeth and the muscles in his jaw tensed as though ready to snap. As her hand slowly slid down his back, he drew in a sharp breath, then forced himself to take a step forward.
Her hand fell from his back, and as he turned to face her, he thought to see a hint of pain in her beautiful eyes.
Again, William felt the desperate urge to take her in his arms, and yet, he resigned himself to the one thought that had echoed in his mind from the beginning, the one thought he had sought to ignore the hardest, the one thought that he knew would break his heart.
He needed to be strong. If not for himself, then at least for her, for what was developing between them was nothing but wrong and impossible.
Meeting her questioning gaze, he straightened his shoulders and spoke the words he knew needed to be said. “I think it is time for…my wife to return.”
Instantly, her eyes flew open and she swallowed. “Why?” she gasped before she cleared her throat, fighting to get her emotions back under control.
Looking at her, William felt the echo of her regret and desperation in his own heart. Of its own volition, his hand reached out to touch her face and wipe away the single tear that rolled down her cheek.
A ragged breath escaped her, and she seemed to lean forward, welcoming his gesture of comfort.
Only it wasn’t a gesture of comfort. William realised the truth just in time, and he instantly let his hand drop down, a hair’s breadth from feeling her soft skin under his fingertips.
Straightening, he met her eyes. “I want to thank you for your kindness,” he said as the knots in his stomach twisted and turned in agony. “I have…enjoyed these past two weeks, but I believe that it is time for me to speak to my wife. Maybe after hearing our story from you, I will remember the feelings that I once had for her.” He swallowed, his mouth dry. “I believe this to be for the best.”
Her lips pressed into a thin line, Christine nodded as the muscles in her jaw quivered with the effort it took her to stand before him. “If you do believe so,” she whispered, her voice close to breaking, “then I will write to her.” Turning on her heel, she fled the room without a look back.
Staring after her, William felt as though someone had punched him in the gut, and all he could do to keep himself from running after her was reminding himself that it was for the best.
After all, he could not allow himself to lose his heart to the wrong woman.
If only it hadn’t already been too late!
Chapter Eight − A Wife Returns
After the past fortnight, her husband’s unexpected request for his wife to return pulled the rug out from under Catherine’s feet. Had she only imagined the bond that had formed between them? Had he not looked at her with something akin to love in his eyes?
Burying her face in her hands, Catherine sank down onto the armchair by the bay windows, wondering what to do. Once her sister returned, would William realise that he could not feel for her the way he expected? Or would he fall in love with her after all because it was what he expected?
With sorrow in her heart, Catherine realised that her sister’s daring plan had not brought her any closer to an answer.
He was her husband, and there was no legal way for him to end their marriage−not that she ever thought he would. After all, a word once given he would uphold no matter what. However, would he love her? Was there a way for her to be certain of how he felt? Had that not been the reason for this charade?
Although her heart had rejoiced more than once at seeing his eyes look into hers in such a familiar way that in that moment she’d had no doubt it had been love, Catherine couldn’t be certain. Doubt and fear ate at her, and she was far from trusting the instincts she had once thought infallible.
If he never remembered her, how could she ever know?
Rising from the armchair, Catherine made her way over to the pianoforte in the corner as her eyes began to fill with tears. She sank onto the small bench, and her fingers reached for the comfort of the smooth keys in front of her. She had not thought about what to play, but as though her heart knew what her mind could not gather, her fingers flew over the keys with such ease as though they had a life of their own.
A soft melody filled the room, its sad notes piercing Catherine’s heart, and yet, giving her comfort as the tears flowed over and ran down her cheeks as though her body felt the need to honour the sadness that clung to her soul in every way it could.
Lost in her misery, Catherine did not hear the footsteps that approached until their owner’s shadow fell over her.
Startled, she spun around, hands to her chest as she drew in a sharp breath.
“I apologise,” William said, concern in his voice as his eyes traced the wet lines on her cheeks. “I did not mean to frighten you.”
Self-conscious, Catherine cleared her throat and hurried to brush the tears from her face.
“Are you all right?” William asked, his jaw tense as though her pain somehow affected him as well.
Forcing a smile onto her face, Catherine nodded her head. “I’m fine,” she croaked, then cleared her throat once more. “This melody always makes me sad.”
“I see,” he said, the expression in his eyes, however, told her that he was not convinced. “You are quite an accomplished player.”
“Are you just giving me a compliment,” Catherine asked, determined to make use of the last few moments she had alone with him, “or do you truly believe so?”
A soft grin came to his face at her jesting tone. “Granted, I know nothing about music,” he admitted, and Catherine smiled, knowing only too well how true his statement was, “but from my uninformed perspective, I can honestly sa
y that my ears enjoyed what they heard.” Cocking his head to the side, he suddenly scrunched up his nose.
“What?” Catherine demanded.
A sheepish smile on his face, he shrugged. “While your playing sounded flawless, I admit I’d have preferred a more cheerful tune.”
Smiling, Catherine sighed, “I cannot deny that I agree. I admit I rarely play this piece for that very reason. However, something about it has me intrigued. I cannot say what it is though.” Determinedly pushing away all thoughts of sadness, Catherine patted the seat beside her. “Would you care to join me?” Although William had always been tone-deaf, that had never kept them from making music together. It had rather been about the fun they used to have together than the delight in a well-played piece.
“I’m afraid I cannot play,” William admitted, shaking his head. “That much I remember.”
“As do I,” Catherine said. “However, that does not mean you cannot try.”
Hesitating for a moment, his eyes drifted from her to the musical instrument, eyeing it with doubt as well as a hint of awe. However, when she thought he would decline, he finally nodded and took the seat next to her.
Sitting so close that his elbow brushed hers, William glanced at the long row of keys before him before he lifted his eyes to her. “What piece do you enjoy playing?”
As her heart hammered in her chest and she breathed in his familiar scent, Catherine smiled, a slight hitch in her voice as she spoke. “Oh, there are so many beautiful pieces that it’s difficult to pick just one.” And besides, whenever they had played together, she had simply shown him a little melody. Anything beyond that would have ended in a disaster. “Let me just show you something,” she whispered and placed two fingers on the keys. As their time together was to end soon, Catherine couldn’t help but hold on to one last precious memory.
Moving her finger over the keys with slow precision, she watched him out of the corner of her eye, delighted at his rapt attention. He leaned forward slightly as though to see better, and once more, his arm brushed against hers. Had it been intentional? She couldn’t help but wonder for whenever their eyes met, she thought to see something familiar: a fierce longing that echoed within her own heart.