Silas watched Amy turn suddenly from the front door and retreat behind the closed door of the bedroom. Mandy offered to go out to the swings with Becca. Silas followed his wife.
“I’m an ingrate, Silas, the biggest there is. God has given us these five wonderful children and still I want more.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you still desiring a baby of your own, Amy.” Another month had come, she’d told him that morning, and though it was easier with the children here, it didn’t diminish the ache inside to conceive and bear life on her own.
“I’m afraid the children will suspect how I feel. I can’t stand the thought that they would think they’re not enough. I do love them with all my heart and praise God for them every day.”
“They’re not going to think that. They know how you love them. Every Christian has hurts and this is one of yours, but you go to God every time and He holds you.”
“I keep thinking about what Mandy shared, you know, about all her mother’s pregnancies. I hurt because I can’t get pregnant, Si, but it’s nothing compared to having eight babies and having to bury three of them.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Silas’ arms were around her in a tender embrace. He’d felt the same way when Mandy had shared during Bible study one night. She and Carrie had been rather accepting of the whole thing, but the news was horrible to Amy. The fact that she was a woman made it more real for her than for Silas, along with her fatigue from the pace of being a mother to five.
“I’ve been thinking about us getting away for a few days. Gram wants Carrie and Mandy to come in this month and help her with the canning. I know Mac and Julia would take the boys, and I’m sure Mark and Sue would love to have Becca. It would just be a few days, over a weekend, but I think we both need it.”
“Oh, Silas, do you really think we could? I mean, you don’t think the kids will feel deserted?”
“Nope. The boys will have Cal and Charlie to fight and play with, and Becca has never seen as many dolls as Mark’s girls have. Carrie and Mandy were already going to stay with Gram. It’s perfect.”
Amy threw her arms around her husband’s neck and squeezed him. “I think you’re wonderful, Silas Cameron.”
41
“Thank you, Grandma Em.” Mandy spoke the words quietly as she took her place in church. On her way down the aisle, Grandma Em had reached out and given her the diary she left at her house the day she stayed there to rest.
She fingered the small volume lightly and almost wished they were headed home instead of to Grandma Em’s so she could ask Silas to open it for her right away. But then her eye caught the movement of Ross and Pete coming in to take a pew, and the hope that Ross would be at Grandma Em’s for dinner was enough to make her want to stay in town.
The congregation stood for a few songs and then Pastor Chad introduced a special musical number.
“Most of you probably remember last Easter when Amy wrote and sang a song for us. Even though it’s an Easter song, I asked Amy to sing it again. She calls it, ‘Song for the Other Mary.’ ”
Silas took his seat behind the piano and in a few moments the church was filled with the sound of Amy’s beautiful voice singing ‘Song for the Other Mary.’ ”
“Thank you, Silas and Amy, for those words taken directly from this morning’s passage. Let’s open our Bibles to the book of Matthew, chapter 28.
“It’s taken us a long time to get to this final chapter, with a guest speaker one week and me sick another. I also wanted to move slowly; in fact we probably won’t get through this chapter today.
“Last time I spoke about the cave where they laid Jesus’ body, covering the entrance with a huge stone. Now Jesus Himself foretold of His rising again on the third day and this worried the chief priests and the Pharisees. When they brought their concern to Pilate he told them to post a guard for three days, put a seal on the stone, and make it as secure as they could. They feared the disciples would come and steal Christ’s body to make it look like He’d risen from the dead.
Song for the Other Mary
“How blind they were to think that Jesus’ body would need to be smuggled out in the night. As if that stone, no matter how tremendous in size, or those soldiers could actually hold the Son of God when He rose from the dead. But of course in their unbelief they had no comprehension of God’s power.
“Now in chapter 28, it’s dawn. Some women, the Bible says Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, came to look at the grave. When they got there they found that a great earthquake had occurred. An angel sent from God came and rolled the stone away and sat on it. The Bible says he looked like lightning, and was as white as snow, and all the soldiers fell down as if they were dead.
“Try to picture this scene: The huge rock is rolled away, the entrance to the tomb is showing, and all the men they put to guard the grave are lying on the ground. On the top of this rock sits an angel.
“You can imagine how surprised the ladies were when the angel spoke to them. He said, ‘Fear not,’ which tells us they were probably terrified; I’m sure I would have been. And the angel leads them in and shows them that the body is not there. Christ had risen just like He said He would.
“The angel tells the women to spread the news. He also says that they will see Christ later. Verse 8 says they ran with fear and great joy to tell the disciples. Whom should they meet on the way—none other than Jesus Christ! The Word says they fell down at His feet and worshiped Him.
“Beloved, will you have a chance to fall down and worship at Christ’s feet? Have you ever faced eternity and believed that Christ died and rose again for you? Because if you haven’t, then you can’t plan on seeing the Lord, you can’t plan on living with Him for forever, as these women did.
“Recently I had the privilege of leading a young woman to the Lord. She is only 15 years old. Now you might say to me, what kind of sins can a 15-year-old commit—but she knew she needed a Savior. And I think you do, too. It’s so simple. Tell God you sin and need a Savior. He’s waiting to take you into His arms.”
Pastor Nolan closed then with a prayer that no one would leave the room unless they were sure of where they’d spend eternity. He also announced before he prayed that he would be down front if anyone wanted to come and talk with him about salvation.
During the prayer Carrie felt Mandy’s eyes on her. She looked beside her to see her sister’s very wet smile. Carrie’s heart overflowed and so did her eyes. They hugged as soon as the prayer was over.
“Two of us down and three to go, Carrie,” Mandy whispered in her ear. “It’s just a matter of time.” Carrie couldn’t answer, so tight was her throat. They clung to each other for a few seconds longer, each praying that she would be sharing heaven with her siblings.
42
Later at Grandma Em’s, Mandy looked across the table at Charles as he told about the first few days of school.
“The most fun is watching Cal go up front and stand next to Miss Franks. He’s about three feet taller than she is.”
“Charlie, she’s not that short,” Cal said with a good-natured grin. He took in stride the fact that he was probably going to be as enormous as his father.
“She’s not much bigger than Robyn, Cal, and you know it.”
Calvin laughed at the image of his teacher being the same size as his four-year-old sister. It was just the reaction Charlie wanted. He was the character at the MacDonald house, with the ability to make people laugh in every situation. His grin was downright infectious.
“I hope you boys are not being disrespectful. Miss Franks came very highly recommended,” their father remarked.
“Well, that’s the only thing that is high about her ’cause she looks like a stiff breeze could carry her away.”
“Charles,” Mac reprimanded him.
Mandy had to bite her lower lip, she found Charlie’s description so amusing. She picked up her glass and her sparkling eyes met those of Ross, framed by the doorway where he was seated at the dining roo
m table. Mandy watched as one eyebrow winged its ways upward and she had the distinct impression he’d been watching her. The thought made her face heat.
“I’ll bet it’s quiet around the house these days, Mandy,” Julia said as she passed her the squash.
“Becca says there’s no one to play with. I offer, and she tells me I’m too big. About the only thing she wants my company for is to push her on the swing.”
“I’ll have to come get her one of these days to play with Robyn. We’re looking forward to having Levi and Clovis next weekend. Are you excited to be staying with Gram?”
“We’ve never lived in town before. I can’t wait,” Carrie enthusiastically answered for both girls. Julia smiled. She hoped that Robyn would be half as sweet as either of these girls when she got to be their ages.
Both Mandy and Carrie stayed out of the kitchen during cleanup because there were plenty of hands. Mandy was at the bottom of the stairway when Rachael’s cry sounded from upstairs. Knowing Christine was in the kitchen, she went up to get the baby.
“Rachael Amanda,” she crooned in a singsong voice. “Mama is busy and you’re not going to starve.” The words had no affect on the screaming infant, but Mandy wasn’t the least bit intimidated by tears and patiently stood in the bedroom and continued to reason with her cousin.
“Are you pinching her?”
“No,” Mandy smiled at Ross. “This is a mad cry because no one is feeding her.”
“Give her to me.” Mandy’s look spoke volumes of skepticism, but Ross ignored her and took Rachael into his arms. To Mandy’s amazement she stopped crying. Ross looked so smug, she chuckled.
“I can see you’re very proud of yourself.”
“It just takes a man’s touch.”
Mandy shook her head. “You’d better enjoy it while it lasts, because she’s hungry and watching you is only going to distract her just so long.”
As if on cue, Rachael’s features screwed up again and nothing Ross did could quiet her. Christine arrived shortly afterward, with Kate on her heels, to feed her infant daughter.
“How have you been?” Ross asked Mandy as they walked down the stairs.
“I’ve been fine. How about you?”
“I’m fine. I’ve done some checking like I said I would, and I’m not coming up with anything very remarkable. I’d like to go back out to the house but that would be considered trespassing, and asking for permission from Aaron Marks would be a waste of breath.”
“It’s not that important right now, since we live with Amy and Silas. But some day, when Levi and Clovis are older, it would have been nice to know they had a little bit of land they would call their own, to live on or sell if they needed the money. We even had a buyer.”
“Someone wanted to buy your land?” The attorney in Ross became very alert.
“The man who owns the adjoining land. His name is Mr. Brooks. He lives in Reedsburg, but he plans to move to Baxter when his children are grown. He loves the bluffs and rocks out our way and gave Pa some money a long time ago to give him first option if we ever wanted to sell. But it’s not our decision now. When Mr. Brooks builds on his land, his neighbor will be Aaron Marks.”
“Did your father and Mr. Brooks agree to this on paper? Did your father sign something, like a contract or an agreement?”
“Yes, I think it was all legal. There’s a paper in with Mama’s things that explains it all.”
“Could I see the paper soon?”
Mandy’s eyes widened. “You think there might be something on the paper?”
“I don’t want to get your hopes up but it would be very nice if we could get a judge to say that the first agreement cancels the one with Aaron Marks.”
“Ross, I never thought of that.”
“Well, I’m not sure it’s possible but it’s worth checking into.”
“Maybe Silas is coming into town this week and he could bring it. If not, they’ll be bringing me in on Thursday evening to stay here with Grandma Em and I could bring it then.”
“That’s fine.” Ross agreed with the plan, even as his hopes grew. He knew himself well enough that he would never be able to wait until Friday to get that paper. He thought of when he could ride out to get it and then he realized what Mandy had said, that this coming weekend was when she and Carrie were coming into town to stay.
“Why are you grinning at me, Ross?” His look had gone from business to something far more personal, and Mandy knew she was going to blush if he continued to stare at her.
“Can’t I smile at you, Amanda?”
She took refuge in a question she’d been wanting to ask him. “Why do you always call me Amanda?”
“Don’t you like your name?”
“It’s not that I don’t like it—it’s just that everyone calls me Mandy but you.”
They had walked out the front door as they talked and were headed for the backyard. Ross stopped her for a moment at the side of the house so they could be alone. He hesitated and then was as honest with her as she always was with him. “I think of the name Mandy as a nickname for a little girl and I do not, in any way, Amanda, think of you as a little girl.”
The low tone in his voice made her feel as if he were embracing her. She stood very still, wanting to take her statement back and trying not to read anything into the look Ross was giving her. She knew she couldn’t take another rejection. It would be better to never talk with Ross again than to get close and be pushed away.
“I need to check on the boys.” Mandy started away, but Ross caught her hand. She spoke without looking at him.
“I can’t take a chance, Ross, that I’m imagining what I see or that you’ll change your mind.”
“Amanda, you’re not—”
“Please let go, Ross,” she interrupted him. He did so, reluctantly. The pleading tone in her voice had been too much.
As Ross watched her walk away, it was his turn to plead. “Heavenly Father, show me, help me. She’s so precious and vulnerable, and I can’t get her out of my mind. But please, God, please don’t let me hurt her.”
43
“Thanks, sweetheart. Okay, Mandy, try this key from Amy’s diary.” Silas took the tiny key from his wife’s hand and handed it to his oldest adopted daughter. The whole family watched as she put the key into the lock and worked it gently.
“Let me try.” Silas took the diary and, after a few seconds of rattling and twisting, the small lock sprang open. Silas handed the book back to Mandy, and everyone crowded around to see her open it.
“I can’t see,” Becca complained and Silas swung her up into his arms.
“The first entry is in May, just after I was born!” Mandy exclaimed.
No one thought to get comfortable in the living room. They huddled in the space outside of Silas and Amy’s bedroom, looking over Mandy’s shoulder as she read several pages. Some entries were months apart and not every word was legible. But all were dated and the children were given a last glimpse, a last touch, from their mother.
When Mandy could no longer see the pages through her tears, she handed the book to Carrie. But Carrie was in the same state, and within the space of a few seconds all of the children were crying. Silas looked on helplessly, as even his wife’s tears fell, before going to the piano and playing very softly the song Amy had sung in church.
It took some time but eventually they were all gathered around the piano and Amy sang. Mandy and Carrie were still very emotional and their tears would not stop. Levi, Clovis, and Becca had stopped crying and were stationed as close to Silas’ moving hands as they could be. When he stopped playing, Clovis spoke. “Can you teach me to do that?”
“To play the piano?”
“Yeah.”
“Anytime, son.”
“Am I really your son?” Silas sat frozen for an instant. The quiet, well-behaved, seemingly needless Clovis was looking as if his very life depended on Silas’ answer.
“I would never do anything to make you forget your mother a
nd father, but Clovis, I think of you as my son. I think of all of you as my own children. It doesn’t matter that Amy and I are not your physical parents, you’re ours.”
Silas lifted Clovis into his lap and held him close. He reached for Levi next and cuddled the boy to his chest. Silas’ tears came when, for the first time, Levi hugged him back. His face was still wet as he put his arms around Becca. Mandy and Carrie, who had just stopped crying, were again sobbing when Silas came to embrace them.
There were no arguments about an early bedtime; everyone was drained. Amy lay dozing, comforted to feel the mattress beneath her back.
“I’m amazed, Silas, at how comfortable and responsive the children are and after such a short period of time.”
“It’s got to be the Lord.”
“I can understand why they go to you because their need for a father was so desperate, but me, Silas? I just can’t understand how loving they are to me.” After Silas had hugged them, the children had gone of their own accord to Amy and embraced her without a trace of reserve.
“I don’t think it’s hard to understand. A child couldn’t help but react in turn to the love and kindness you show.”
“Mandy’s not a child.” Silas said nothing in answer to Amy’s serious comment.
Both of them had been in the backyard when Mandy had come around the corner of the house, face flushed and looking miserable. Her very stance said she did not want to be questioned. Things became even more confusing when Ross, looking equally upset, followed her and watched her from a distance until it was time to go home.
“We’ve got to remember what Ross said to us the night he came to supper—that he wouldn’t hurt her.”
“That might not be as easy as he thinks. When one person’s feelings have gone deeper than another’s…” Amy did not go on. The words were too painfully close to the hard start she and Silas had shared.