The three of them climbed back into the chariot but this time there was a somber air about them. Nathan took the reins without even realizing that he had. He held them loosely in his hand and the animal understood. He gently pulled the chariot and its occupants along the hallway that brought them to the dining hall, his fiery mane and tail illuminating the beautiful stone walls and tile floor.
The blueish glow lit up Nathan’s face and although he was still unsure about all that Lilly had said, one thing imprinted on his mind and heart, “Kathleen is no longer sick or in pain.” That eased his sorrow some. Although he missed his wife more he could ever express, he realized that he would rather have her here and not be with her than for her to suffer anymore. She had done so much for him through the years that he knew he couldn’t let her go, but now he knew that he had to let her be.
So as he guided the chariot along the hall with Lilly and Vigil silently on his shoulder. As the blinders of anger and self-interested faded he began to see more than he had throughout his life. He could see his children in the reflections on the walls. Their playfulness, their love of life and their smiles all were from their mother.
He watched Kathleen hold Rebecca as they sat in the swing on the front porch reading together. He watched Alex and Thomas tossing a baseball under an autumn sky in the back yard. Then he watched as Kathleen blew him a kiss and faded into the shadows once more. As he wiped his eyes with his sleeve trying not to let Vigil and Lilly see his tears the hallway opened into a brilliant atrium full of flowers and trees of all kinds some of which he had never seen before. Sparkling glass walls and doors let in light from all angles.
The chariot once again halted and the riders dismounted. Nathan started to walk around the indoor garden taking in its beauty and the fragrances that all blended together in a soft, sweet and lovely bouquet as fresh as mountain air after a summer’s rain. A gentle flowing stream wound its way through the amazing scene with tiny pearlescent fish swimming against the current.
He watched a few small yellow and blue birds cheerfully follow one another as if playing a game of tag as the twittered a cheerful song. Lilly and Vigil, still on Nathans shoulder were also enjoying the garden when Nathan said, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
Lilly sighed, “Every time we come her it feels like the first time. There are new things to see and new life moving about.”
Vigil wasn’t paying attention to the conversation but rather he was intently studying what looked like a new butterfly working its way out of a cocoon. When Nathan saw what he was intrigued by he moved a little closer so Vigil could get a better look. When the butterfly finally emerged and spread its wings to dry. Vigil whispered to Nathan, “I don’t care how many times I see that, it still gives me chills.” Then he gave a little shake, and his tiny armor rattled and his fur fluttered and the butterfly took flight. Its red and yellow wings like stained glass against the bright sunlight.
They continued around the atrium still in awe when Nathan stopped cold beside a pair of open glass doors that led out into a large well-manicured yard. There were dozens of children setting on the thick emerald-green grass and a man rested on a simple wooden bench in front of them as if teaching a class. The man was in a white robe and his dark chestnut hair reflected the sun giving the appearance of golden strands being entwined in it. It was rather thick and wavy, not quite able to reach his broad shoulders. His thick, callused hands, rested in his lap, occasionally he would raise them up to emphasize a point. This thing was this large or this other thing fell down like this…
The children wore all manner of clothing from all walks of life and eras. He noticed children in modern American attire some that might be seen in a school like his. He saw robes and suits, jumpers and lederhosen and garments he had never seen before. He noticed faces from what might be; Asia, India, all parts of Europe, the Mediterranean, Mexico and even an Eskimo Girl. Then he spotted a very young child, an infant, wrapped in a pink and white blanket sleeping peacefully in a small wooden cradle. There were so many children, and with all the distracting things around, they still remained focused on his every word.
Nathan looked at the man as if trying to recognize him. There was something familiar about him but it wasn’t his appearance. It was more of a feeling, like the way you can walk outside and the stillness in the air reminds you of a pleasant memory from long ago. He couldn’t lock onto it, but as it soaked in, permeating through his hardened heart, it began. His oil and water soul began to separate, defining the two halves of his life that had blended into a murky mixture of condescension and recklessness. He pointed slowly and looked at Vigil and Lilly who were watching him with knowing eyes. “Go on.” Lilly coaxed. “It’s ok.”
Vigil the chatty warrior said nothing, he just nodded in agreement.
Nathan walked through the open glass doors slowly, his heart pounding in his chest so hard; he thought it might break through. He found no words in his mouth that felt like spun wool. But he continued on, anxious, and terrified. Each step feeling lighter than the one before. He viewed the children, and although a few looked his way, it was nothing more than a glance and then back to the teacher.
The man turned to look at him, then spoke, “Nathan,” his voice was welcoming and kind and yet firm as not to be ignored. “Come, Join us.” He stood up and turned to face Nathan. His average height put emphasis on just how powerful he was. Even with his robe draped loosely over his brawny frame there was no denying that this man was no stranger to hard work. He wasn’t the tall slender male model that little old women hang in their living rooms. He was hard as iron and yet kind, he was as strong as an ox but gentle.
He reached out his hand in friendship and as Nathan came closer the man placed his hand on the trembling shoulder of Nathan. At once his trepidation vanished and was sweep away with the breeze. On the other shoulder Vigil and Lilly sat in quiet reverence. ”Vigil, Lilly” the man acknowledged, “Always a pleasure to see you both.” They both tipped their heads but still said nothing. “Come sit with me,” he said to Nathan as he offered a seat on the bench where he had been sitting a moment earlier. Then they took seats and he spoke to the children, “Go, run and play.” He said in a fun-loving voice. And they did.
One by one they got to their feet and began to giggle as the broke off into groups and went about the yard, a small group gathered at the base of a large oak tree and took seats laughing and talking amongst themselves. A few boys grouped together and began running around chasing each other around until they also found a large tree and quickly vanished up into is thick leafy canopy.
Then he turned to Nathan, “What is it that you want of me?” The man asked.
Nathan sat there for a moment looking into his eyes before he found his voice, “Are you…”
“I am the Son.” He replied with a smile. “I am Jesus.”
Nathan still hadn’t been able to gather his thoughts and wasn’t completely sure why but he found it nearly impossible to even speak in the presence of the one called Jesus. Then Jesus touched his hand and softly said, “I have been with you for some time. When you were a young man you asked me into your heart. I have never left you, but you turned from me when your mother and father came home to be with me. I was with you on that day and I was with them too. I was with Kathleen when she came home to be with me also. And yes, I was with you too.”
Nathans eyes began to fill with many years of unshed tears, “You are real?”
“I am, as my Father is.”
Nathan lowered his face and wept. A lifetime of anger and doubt poured from his body and soul as he sat there on that wooden bench. Jesus sat patiently allowing Nathan to unload his burdens. Vigil remained quiet with his tiny head bowed but Lilly placed her paw on his neck and patted gently, “It’s alright now, let it all out.”
Nathan wiped his face and looked up at Jesus with tormented eye, “I am sorry Lord, I am so sorry that I ever doubted y
ou. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I already have. I love you, when did you forget that?”
“I have turned from you, I have cursed at you and I have blamed you for everything. How can you still love me when I have let you down so many times?”
“My child you are not required to be perfect. That is why I did this,” he said placing his hands in front of Nathan, so he could see the scars.
“Why would you die for a world that is so full of those that would reject you?”
“I did not die for the masses; I died for the individual that chooses life everlasting.”
“Then why even allow those that refuse to believe in you to remain and possibly taint those that do?”
“To do away with those who do not believe is to remove their free will to change. No testimony is as powerful as the one you see come about before you own eyes.”
“I know that I don’t have any right to keep asking question of you but as long as you allow me to, I want to know more.” Nathan asked as respectfully as he could, although he was sure that he wasn’t even close.
“Please, go on, you have time.”
“Why has the Father allowed there to be so much suffering in the world today?”
“The suffering that you see is less than a grain of sand in all the oceans of the world when measured to the suffering that awaits a nonbelieving soul. It is a result of the sin that has corrupted humanity from the very beginning.”
“But can’t the father stop the suffering for believer.”
“It is in how a believer handles that suffering that separates them from the rest of the world. A believer knows that it is only temporary. I would have no authority to talk to you about suffering without experiencing it myself first.”
Nathan pondered that for a moment and then asked, “But even though you came to earth as a man, you were still all God so that is not the same.”
“Isn’t it? When I came to earth I was all God and all man which means I was held to all the physical demands that you are. I was hungry, I was tired, I was tempted to disobey, I felt anger and I even felt anxiety at the thought of being tortured. That is why ask the Father if there was another way but there was not. I felt every snap of the whip, heard every taunt and then I was burdened with all the pain and suffering that all mankind would ever know. I faced the rejection of my Father as I felt the last breath leave my lungs, and I did that for you.”
Nathan sat there unable to think of how to respond to such a statement, he had no idea what to say to that. So he humbly said, “Thank you.”
Jesus stood up and took Nathan’s face in his nail scared hands. “You are most welcome my child, but our time has come to say good bye.”
“Goodbye? But I just got here, why must you leave so soon?” Nathan asked a little hurt and a little frustrated.”
“I have another to see.”
“May I walk with you for a bit?”
Jesus didn’t even have to look at his face to see his longing. “Yes, and when I say it is time to go, you must go.”
“I will.” Nathan said with the excitement of a child.
They stood and began to walk across the yard toward the mountains off to the east. “Is God male or female?
Jesus laughed heartily, and then looked at Nathan. “My Father is... and that is enough.”
“Well people have been debating this for a while now and even though I know he’s a he, I just wanted to be sure.”
“The Father is the creator, the beginning and the end. He made everything without assistance and then he made man and woman to be a team, as if each were half of his whole. One without the other cannot sustain life. So perhaps it is time to stop seeing the father as man or woman. The father is everything; everything that is good and true and right.”
“Is that why God hates sinners?”
Jesus stopped walking and turned slowly, his face showing the hurt that those words inflicted. “Nathan, the Father does not hate people, he loves the preacher and the prostitute the same he loves the murderer and the mother; without condition. The father can separate the person from the act. The Father can love the sinner without loving the sin.”
They began to walk again. “The Father is life and love, so by design the Father loves that which brings life and love. The Father sees these things and calls them good. Death and hate come from the enemy. So if something does not sustain life it is not good. It is not the design of the Father to cause death, but rather to bring life. The Father created everything that you know, so by design it was meant to exist forever. Man and woman together bring forth life and that is good.” Nathan noticed they had covered more area than he realized but he continued asking questions.
“So what about the husband and wife that cannot have children; are they being punished for something they did?” Nathan asked.
“Sin was brought into this world from the earliest days and that sin brought with it death, disease and despair. Now that it is in the world, some will be affected by it. Don’t you know that the rains will fall on the just and the unjust alike, and the sun will rise on the evil and the good also? Do you understand?”
“I think so.” Nathan said with some hesitation. “So many kids have come into my office and now I think I may have given out some bad advice.” He said shaking his head. “What do I need to do now?”
“As with all of life, it is time to arm yourself with knowledge, truth and the love of the Father. If you have given bad direction you will need to locate these young people and offer the right advice. Some will hear and respond well, some will not want to hear and will reject you. Read the word, pray to the Father and stand firm.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“It won’t be easy, but it is simple. One step at a time; stay the course and remember this; if you are afraid of being led astray, then you need to be the leader. Simple.” Once again Jesus came to a stop and turned to Nathan, “This is where I must leave you.”
Nathan hung his head, “I understand lord. Thank you for taking time for me.”
“I will always have time for you.”
“Jesus, may I ask you one last question?”
“Yes.”
“How can I be sure that I will come back?”
“You have to accept me into your life and repent of you sins.”
“But that seems so…”
“Simple? It is; that is the point. It’s not always an easy thing to do but the act itself; that is a simple thing to do. When the young people that you counsel, enter your office, the act of entering is simple, one step in front of the other but the thought of opening up and revealing their problems and fears is never easy. As with the Father, the act of praying and accepting salvation is simple; but changing your ways, turning from evil, and leaving your old self behind can be very difficult.
The Father loves you, as do I and that will never change. But you know this already, you were saved once and you cannot lose your salvation. You can give it up by denying me, but you cannot lose it by losing your way.”
“Didn’t you see your name on the chair in the dining hall?”
Nathan thought back to the dining hall where he saw his name beside Kathleen’s name. “Yes. But I have done some terrible things in my life and…”
“Repent of your sins, and they will be cast away, then turn from evil. When you are full of the spirit and the love of the Father, you will strive to be pure and true in all you do, but each time you miss the mark as an arrow misses the target; you can ask forgiveness and it will be granted to you.”
“But…” Nathan began.
Jesus turned and started to walk away across the thick green yard and as he did the children came to him and walked with him until they were out of sight.
“I had so much more to ask him,” Nathan said turning to Vigil.
“Trust me, he knows, and he gave you the answers you seek in the book on your nightstand.” Vigil said wit
h a small grin. “Now let’s go we have a long road ahead of us.”
Chapter 11