Nathan had spent nearly three weeks or twenty days to be exact, in this white-washed, over sterilized and compulsively beeping environment and it was beginning to ware on him. He desired, as would most anyone, to be out in the fresh air and the warm sunlight. He longed to go for a run through the town and try to free his mind, if only for an hour or so. But it was not to be so, he was confined to a fairly motionless existence other than the occasional trip to the rest room and that was, by no means, his normal routine.
Every few hours a nurse would visit to check his comfort level, though he knew there wasn’t much that could be changed. The nurses would administer his medicines and check his monitors making notes on a computer beside the bed. It felt like a revolving door had been installed on his room as the nurses funneled through. A tall woman in her early silver years with happy eyes and thin hands was followed by a Hispanic younger woman with shiny onyx black hair and eyes to match and then another and another.
Nathan found himself looking at people in the eyes more than before, as if he was trying to read their true life in the reflections of their eyes. He could see happiness and sadness but he was sure that if he looked deeper he might see beyond the façade of professional politeness that these individuals were accustomed to displaying. He wasn’t trying to be nosey, or maybe he was, but it was because he truly wanted to help.
He felt compassion for others that were hurting, instead of pity for himself. He felt pleasure for those that were happy in the place of anger for what had happened in his life. He wanted to get to know people unlike before where he knew about people. He was healing inside as well as out and it felt good.
One large burly man walked in with granny smith green scrubs and eyes the color of dried leaves in the fall. He was wearing a variety of unique bands and bracelets that went from his hands half way up his forearms. Some of the trinkets were what looked like leather, some were rubber and some were metals like copper and silver and gold. One of the bracelets stood out and caught Nathan’s attention. Three bands of leather, dyed progressively darker and braided into a single flat band that was tied together with a small wooden toggle.
Nathan watched as he went about his business in a somewhat mechanical way. The questions were routine; how are you feeling, is there anything you need, blah, blah, blah. He checked the I.V. and the monitor and then he did something quite unexpected. He stood next to Nathan’s bed and leaned down close and said, “You seem to be healing pretty well, so…” he looked over his shoulder, “Is there anything you want?” He whispered. He leaned a little closer, “Candy bar, soda, newspaper, anything to make you a little more comfortable?”
“Really?” Nathan whispered back?
“Sure, you name it.”
Nathan thought for a few seconds and then said, “Ya, I don’t know if you can do this, and I understand if you can’t but...”
“What is it?” The man coaxed.
“Well, there are two things. I would love a meatball sub from Antonio’s. I’ve been on a health kick for the past two decades and I don’t want to just survive anymore, I want to live a little too.” He said with a goofy smile.
“I like your attitude.” The man replied giving way to his own modest smile and a wink. “What is the other thing?”
Nathan’s face became more serious, “There is a picture of my family on my desk at work. I would really like to have it also. I know it’s asking a lot but…”
“I’ll see what I can do.” He replied.
Nathan nodded. “Thanks.”
“Now just try and get some rest.” The man turned and started to leave.
“Hey?” Nathan called softly.
He turned back when he opened the door. “Yes?”
“What’s your name?”
“Max.” He said and left the room.
Not a minute passed and the door opened again, this time it was Bill. He came into the room with his cheerful but calm demeanor. “Hi there Nate, how you feeling today?”
Nathan didn’t care for the name Nate but after all Bill had done for him he figured that he’d let it slide. As long as it didn’t catch on. “Well they say I’ll live, but I guess that’s more up to me now than anyone else.”
Bill took the seat by the bed and got comfortable with one leg on the other’s knee and his right elbow on the arm of the chair. What exactly does that mean?” he asked leaning in for the response.
“I don’t know. I guess the doctors have done what they can to help me survive. But, to live? They can’t help me live, that’s up to me. Isn’t it?”
Bill sat back. “Well that’s very, um, what’s the word? Philosophical.” He said nodding and then continued. “So what other nuggets of wisdom do you have for me today?”
“I think I saw Jesus.” Nathan sated plainly.
Bill’s playful character dissolved and his eyebrows rose. “Come again?” He asked.
“I’m not sure.” He clarified, unsure of his own statement.
“Here?”
“No, after I was shot. I think I went to heaven for a while.”
“I don’t know.” Bill said, adjusting himself in the chair. “I’m not saying that you didn’t, but I don’t think you can visit heaven and come back here just like that.” Bill stood up and went to the window. “Maybe you were hearing some of what I was reading to you and you just incorporated it into your dreams.” He added in a dismissive tone. “A near death experience can have very powerful effects on a mind and…”
“Bill.” Nathan’s voice was steady and calm as Bill turned from the window and looked back at him. “As a preacher, I’d hoped you would be able to give me some insight, but as a man I see it’s more than you can comprehend right now.”
Bill was getting noticeably upset at the idea that he felt Nathan was mocking him. “So now you're some kind of holy man?” Bill laughed and reached down to the table by his chair and picked up his bible and held it for Nathan to see. “Everything I know from in this book, says that what you are telling me is impossible.”
“I’m not saying that I did go to heaven, I just wanted to talk to someone I could trust and see if we could figure out what happened.” Nathan fixed his blanket then laid his arms at his side. “Listen, I didn’t mean to make you mad, I just thought you might have some answers.”
“Nathan, to the best of my knowledge, once you are in heaven, you are there for good.”
“Ok, then maybe it wasn’t heaven.” Nathan looked around the room as if waiting for a sign to help him out. “What if we are really in the end times? I know that every generation thinks they’re in the end times but what if this is it? What better way to gather up his children than to show someone what is waiting for us if we died today?”
“I don’t know Nate, that’s a pretty amazing thing. Giving a glimpse of tomorrow, or wat tomorrow might be for some of us, a sneak peak into heaven and meeting with Jesus too?”
“Why not?”
“Because, it doesn’t make sense. The whole point of being a Christian is faith.”
“Ok, then what was it Pastor?” Nathan fluffed his sheets again. “You tell me.”
“I don’t know.” Bill said leaning against the windowsill. “I don’t know. God can do whatever he wants and although I have my doubts, I can’t say for certain that you are wrong.”
“Can I ask you something without you getting upset again?” Nathan requested.
“I don’t think so,” Bill said with a sight grin. “What is it?”
“If we are all born with an innate desire to find God, then why is it so easy to doubt his word and his miracles?” He tapped his chest. “I should be dead but I’m not. Why?”
Bill didn’t respond, he just looked at Nathan and shrugged his shoulders.
“I need to ask you a favor and if you can’t do it I understand.”
Bill took a second and then with hesitation asked. “What?”
“I need to borrow your Bibl
e.”
“Why don’t I get you one and bring it by?”
“Ok, better yet. Can you go to my house and get Kathleen’s bible. It’s in the night stand in our room.”
“Sure.” Bill agreed. “Anything else?”
“Ya…”
“Stay here for a bit.”
“Sure.”
Bill stayed with Nathan for some time and prayed with him and read some scriptures and then prayed again. Once the initial shock of Nathan’s claim wore off, Bill was back to being his old charismatic and patient self. The sun began to stretch shadows down the street and dim the yellowish brick hospital to an orange when a nurse opened the door and let Bill know that visitation was over in five minutes.
The men shook hands and Bill gathered his things but as he walked to the door he laid his bible on the tray by Nathan’s bed. “I’ll get that tomorrow when I bring you Kathleen’s.”
Nathan smiled knowing how much that simple act meant. “Thanks.”
The rest of the evening consisted of visits from nurses, medication and reading. At first he jumped from book to book; Genesis to Revelation to Romans to Psalms. But it wasn’t until he flipped to a verse that Bill had highlighted in yellow. Most of the bible had notations or verses that were underlined but this one was highlighted.
John 3:16; For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
He thought that from the beginning to the end, this was the axiom that most completely simplified all of life and what it means to love. As he read these words over a few times he began to become sleepy and in a few minutes he had fallen fast asleep. His mind was clear, his heart was restored, and his life was secure. What more could anyone ask for.
Chapter 13