Chapter 34
“Ebony, what’s wrong?”
The stress in Brian’s voice was audible. How many times had he asked me this week?
His fingers were warm when he brushed them over my skin and pulled my hair from my face while I threw up.
Yasmine is going to marry Javan.
What happened? They weren’t supposed to be together this long. This was my fault. I should have told her; now it was too late. Protecting her emotions had been one of the reasons for keeping what happened private. Now, things were ten times worse. She’d done the one thing I never dreamed she’d do.
She let her heart get involved.
I couldn’t let her go through with it. I had to tell her about Javan.
“Ebony, talk to me.”
Oh, God, telling her meant Brian would find out, too. What choice did I have? Continuing to keep this secret would only ruin Yasmine’s life. Hadn’t I done enough already?
I rose from the toilet’s edge, moved to the sink, and rinsed the taste of bile from my mouth.
“There’s something you’re not telling me. You’ve been acting strange lately, crying, and now you’re throwing up? What is really going on?” Brian grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to face him. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
Confusion and fear were etched into Brian’s brow. I could no longer continue to live this lie. I had to have faith in our love. I had to trust Brian would believe me. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words I needed to say stuck in my throat.
“No, I’m not.” I pulled away and turned back to the sink.
“Then what is it? Why do you cry all the time? You’ve been shedding tears as though, I don’t know…as if you’re not happy with me. Damn it, Ebony, you even cry when we make love. Is it me? Am I right? Would you rather be with someone else?”
I turned around to face him, leaning against the counter’s edge for support. I had to find my voice. “No, Brian, it’s not that. I want to be with you…it’s just…”
He eyed me suspiciously. “It’s just what?” He huffed. “Ebony, you’ve changed. We used to get together any chance we could and it didn’t matter where we were. Now we only spend time together on your terms. At your place, or anywhere but here. I damn near dragged you inside tonight. You’ve never acted that way before. And now the moment Yasmine says she’s marrying Javan, you run in here and…” His eyes narrowed. “That’s it…shit!” He spun and punched a hole in the bathroom wall.
I shrunk back, my heart pounding at his outburst. I’d never seen him angry before. Fear crept into my veins.
“Baby, what are you talking about?”
“You’d rather be with Javan,” Brian said through tight lips. “He warned me, he flat out told me you’d been with someone else, but I didn’t believe him. I didn’t want to believe him. What he really meant is you’d been with him.” He shook his head in disgust. “Why? Ebony, you said you loved me. And Yasmine…your best friend?”
“He told you I slept with him?”
The arrogant son of a bitch. He wasn’t sure I wouldn’t tell Brian what he’d done and covered his ass.
“I didn’t sleep with Javan. He raped me.”
The moment the words left my mouth, my eyes widened. The ugly truth was out on the table.
“That’s a lie,” Brian spat out.
I was speechless. That’s not how he was supposed to react. Angry, yes, but not at me. The man who loved me was supposed to pull me in his arms, tell me everything would be okay.
He was supposed to go find Javan and beat his ass.
Brian stalked the small space in the bathroom. “How could you lie? Rape? That’s the one thing a woman can say to ruin a man’s reputation for the rest of his life.” He faced me; his blue eyes now ice cold. “You’re a grown-ass woman, Ebony. I’m a grown-ass man who,” he chuckled darkly, “loves you so much I was ready to step aside and let you decide if you wanted to be with someone else.” The tone of his voice went frigid as he squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply. “Apparently I waited too long. Since you’ve made up your mind, we don’t have to waste any more time. Who do you want, me, him, or someone else?” His eyes flashed opened and zeroed on me.
I was in complete shock. Did he not hear a word I said? How could the man I love not believe me? What reason did he have to accuse me of defamation of character?
I breathed deeply. I had to make Brian believe me.
“I would never lie about something like this.” My voice and body shook; it took everything within me to project my voice.
His expression continued to show disbelief. My word against Javan’s strategic lie was not enough.
“Do you remember the day after you left? You called…I told you about my lost ID?” He glared but didn’t answer. “You told Javan to let me in. He did. He followed me to your room and questioned me about our relationship. He cornered me, Brian. I made it to the living room.” My throat tightened, my breathing became rapid, making me lightheaded. I shut my eyes, unable to avoid visualizing the scene once again.
“He told me I should give him a try…” My voice faltered. “He backed me into the bookcase…your CDs fell…” Javan’s ragged breathing flooded my ears. “I begged him to let me leave. He laughed. He laughed.” Tears sprung as the pain of the past few months forced its way out. “Oh, God, Brian, I ran…I fought, but he slammed me into the wall…” My rapid breathing made it impossible to articulate. “He dragged me to his room…and raped me.”
Brian stared, his jaw clenched and he drew his lips into a tight line. “If he raped you, why didn’t you tell me? Why wasn’t he arrested?”
“Because, I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to stop what you were doing to see about me, I didn’t─”
His hand flew up and stopped me in mid-sentence. “You know, I thought we could work through this. I want you to be honest and just admit you slept with him. I can deal with that. But I can’t deal with the lies. I’ve never lied to you, Ebony. Never about my feelings, my family…nothing. I expect the same from you.” His eyes held pain and disbelief. “If all you can do is lie to me, then it’s best if you leave.” Brian punched the door and stormed out of the bathroom.
Unable to stand on weak knees, I slid soundlessly to the floor.
What the hell happened? I had been honest. I had told the truth. And now he no longer wanted me.
Javan’s cynical laughter replayed in my head. ‘You cheated on him. That’s what he’ll say. Why would he believe you?’
He was right.
Brian believed the liar, convinced the person who told the truth was the one being deceitful.
Javan won.
I lost everything that mattered most.
The man I loved walked away from me.
The moment Yasmine learned the truth; I would lose my best friend.
And I lost the baby that could have been.
My heart broke into pieces on his bathroom floor. I did the only thing I could do, pulled myself together and went to his room. He wasn’t there. I dressed quickly and gathered my things.
Brian sat on the sofa in the living room with his head in his hands. Disheveled blond curls and blue eyes rimmed in red regarded me. His lips parted to speak, but nothing came out.
So I spoke instead.
“You’re right, Brian. I have lied, and I’m sorry. But I would never lie about something like this.” My voice remained unbelievably controlled despite the whirlwind of emotions that flooded me as I died inside. “You asked about me being pregnant. No, I’m not, but I could have been. Now I’ll never know. Javan didn’t use a condom. I took a morning-after pill to protect myself, to protect you. I couldn’t stand what would have happened if I was pregnant, not knowing whose child I carried. What would have happened if I gave birth to a child that wasn’t yours? Could you live with that? I never wanted you to find out about this, Brian. I wanted to have your baby. Now, because of what Javan did to me, I may have very well ki
lled it. You have no idea how much that hurts me.” My balled fist went to my stomach and my heart; my voice began to warble. I took a deep breath to steady myself.
Brian’s eyes widened.
“Now I have to live with the consequences of my decisions. You wanted honesty, there it is. I swear to you, I’ve never lied about my feelings for you. I wish you would believe me, but if you don’t…” Unable to continue, I took one last long look at him, praying he’d say something.
He didn’t.
I turned and walked out the door.
I managed to hold my emotions in check as I backed out of his driveway.
Two miles down the road I pulled into a gas station and succumbed to tears.