She sat down in the peace and quiet of the main living area and fed her son with the sound of the lake lapping against the shore in the background. She looked down at the baby, and two soulful brown eyes stared back. What wisps of hair he did have on his head were dark.
He had his father’s eyes. She would never forget those eyes for as long as she lived.
She turned to look out towards the lake, and tried to ignore the tears that were blurring her vision.
Joss was her saviour. He’d released her from a hell on earth. Why was she suddenly thinking about Evans? She had Liam back now. All was well.
“Some coffee here for you, darling.” Liam placed a steaming cup on the table in front of her.
“Thanks. I’m nearly done now.”
“Amy’s getting dressed. She wants to go down on the beach.”
“Yes; give me another half an hour and I’m there.”
Warmly dressed against the March elements and carefully holding the baby, she followed Liam and Amy out of the back door, across the decking, and down a wooden flight of stairs. Standing on the sand close to Liam with the chilly wind on her face, she watched her daughter run happily along the vast expanse of empty beach.
“This is a dream come true for her, and for me. You’ve no idea.” She cuddled her son closer, pulling a blanket in around him.
“It’s quite a bit warmer in the summer, but there’ll be more people around.”
“I’ll bring a bikini next time then.”
“I’ll look forward to that.” He kissed her and waved to Amy. “Mom and Harry will be here soon. They’re probably on their way now.”
CHAPTER 42
“Beth, it’s so good to see you again!” Constance Ayres kissed the woman whom her son obviously adored, and whom she wished could have become her daughter in law.
“Connie! We meet again at last! This is your granddaughter Amy.”
“Hello.” Amy shyly came forward to meet her grandmother.
“My, my! What a pretty child! She has the look of Liam about her.”
“Yes I know. The older she gets the more she’s looking just like him.”
Beth turned her gaze to a tall, elegant, quiet middle-aged man keeping himself in the background as Connie made the introductions.
“Beth, this is Harry. We’ve been married a few years now.”
“Hi, Beth! Pleased to meet you!” Harry kissed her and solemnly shook Amy’s hand. “That’s a fine little brother you have there, Amy!”
“He’s called Joss, after Philip’s uncle.”
“Who’s Philip?”
“He’s in my old book, but I don’t read it now. I used to read it when I slept with Mummy in the house with no windows. Daddy sleeps with Mummy now because they’re grown-ups, and I have a new book that Daddy bought me.”
“I see.” Harry looked slightly puzzled.
“Shall we go into Kincardine? The market’s on this morning.” Connie saw the look of embarrassment briefly fall across her son’s face, and decided to change the subject.
“Sure. I’ll just put a clean nappy on Joss and then we’ll be ready.” Beth reminded herself to have a little word with her daughter in private regarding their sleeping arrangements.
“Lunch out; our treat!” Connie took Amy’s hand.
“Come and see the sea Granny!” Amy pulled her grandmother towards the back window.
“It’s a lake, darling. It eventually drains into the sea, but it’s a lake.” Connie laughed at Amy’s exuberance.
“Daddy says we can swim in it in the summer. I’m learning to swim at school, but have to put armbands on.”
“Daddy could swim by the time he was five years old.” Constance then mentally kicked herself for running her mouth before putting her brain into gear.
“We only had a sink in the house with no windows.”
“Of course. You’ll soon learn. Don’t worry.”
“Ready to go?” Liam popped his head around the bedroom door.
“Yep. One clean bum for five minutes.”
“Butt. It’s a butt, or an ass.” He loved to make her laugh. The dimples were still there on her cheeks when her mouth turned up at the corners.
“I’ll smack your butt if you don’t shut up.”
“Promises….promises!” He took the baby from her and watched as she put on her coat.
“You look beautiful. I can’t take my eyes off you.”
“You’re not so bad yourself. Come on, they’re waiting for us.” She took his hand and kissed his lips. He moved his free hand around her waist and touched the tip of her tongue with his own.
“I can’t live without you.” He buried his face in her hair and sighed.
“Mummy! Daddy! We’re ready!” Amy threw open the bedroom door.
“You’ll have to learn to knock, Amy.” Liam hoped his jacket covered his growing erection.
“Why?”
“Well, grown-ups might not be ready even though children are.” He heard Beth stifle a giggle as she let go of his hand.
“Granny’s going to take us out to lunch to a restaurant overlooking the harbour. She says there’s a light house and sometimes there’s a piper with a bag walking around it.”
Liam laughed out loud.
“Not this morning there isn’t. Amy, you’re a princess!”
“I’m not! I don’t want to be a princess!” She ran out of the room suddenly and into the waiting car.
“Did I say something wrong?” He looked at Beth questioningly.
“He always called her his princess. She hated it.”
“Oh God, sorry; I had no idea.”
“It’s ok; she’s doing really well, but every now and then something will remind her of him. You weren’t to know.”
“I’ll be extra careful from now on.”
CHAPTER 43
“I think she’s forgiven me. When I read her a story tonight she gave me a hug.”
“You’re on a winner then. If you’re out of favour she’ll soon let you know about it.”
They cuddled together on the sofa, clean after a shower and feeling warm and cosy:
“Your mom’s great. I remember seeing her years ago when she came over to visit your dad in Cley. She still looks the same.”
“Harry’s keeping her young. He’s about five years her junior.”
“She got herself a toy-boy? Good for her!” Beth snuggled into Liam’s shoulder, smelling his warmth and feeling safe in his arms.
“Can I be your toy-boy?” He stroked her hair and then rested his arm around her shoulders.
“I think it’s the other way around. You’re older than me, but I don’t think the six month age gap is going to make much of a difference.”
“When is Amy’s birthday?” He suddenly realised he had no idea of the date of his own daughter’s birth.
“Your guess is as good as mine. Dad registered her birth and I told him to use Christmas Day 1987, as that was my due date as I recall. We can always have a double celebration then at Christmas, and it’s made Amy feel special to have a Christmas birthday.”
He reached down to brush his lips against her forehead. She raised her head and found his lips with her own. Their tongues intermingled and she was aware of a throbbing sensation deep in her groin that she hadn’t felt for a very long time.
“I love you so much, darling.” He thought his body would burst with the frustration of wanting to touch her.
“Oh Liam, I don’t want to be anywhere else except right here with you at this moment.”
“Come to bed. Let me hold you in my arms. You’re my world; my everything. I can’t even think straight anymore.”
“I love you.”
She took his hand and led him to the bedroom. She thanked her lucky stars she had listened to her mother’s advice and had recommenced taking the contraceptive pill. She never thought she would ever want to have sex again. She thought back to the last time they had made love. So much had changed; she would never be the s
ame person again, but right at that moment she was as near as she could get to the 26 year old carefree and trusting young woman that she used to be.
She was shaking as she let her nightclothes fall to the floor.
“My God, Beth. You’re so beautiful. I love you so much!” Naked, he came over to her and lifted her up in his arms. “Will you marry me? I’ll never let you go again.”
She had waited a lifetime to hear those words. Before she lost herself in his kiss she managed to stumble out the few words he had been waiting to hear:
“Yes. I’ll marry you. You’re the only man I’ve ever truly loved.”
She gave herself to him willingly and with a strange delight that was both new but somehow familiar, and if the world had stopped outside they would have both been unaware. Their pent up emotion was released in a shuddering wave of mutual pleasure as their bodies found their old rhythm and rocked in complete harmony.
“Never leave me again. I don’t want to live if you’re not with me.” He lay on her body, spent and sated.
“I’ll never leave you, darling.” She put her arms around his neck and let the tears fall from her eyes, feeling the weight of his body and the love for her in his heart.
“Together we’re strong. We’ll face anything.” He worried momentarily that he might be too heavy, and so rolled onto his side and pulled her towards him.
They lay together, enjoying the easy familiarity they had once shared:
“Where do you want us to get married? Do you want to live here or in the UK?” Beth propped herself up on one elbow, eager to receive Liam’s reply.
“I don’t care. On the moon if you like. As long as I can keep in touch with Toby I’ll live where you want. I can set up a clinic anywhere. I have dual nationality, so it’ll probably be easier if we live in the UK in that respect.” At that precise moment he felt he could have inhabited a cardboard box.
“I was hoping you’d say that. Amy loves her school and I don’t want to uproot her.”
“Fine by me. It’ll take me a while to close down the clinic here and get set up again in the UK, but when I come to the UK it’ll be for good. We’ll come back to Toronto when we can to see Toby, and Mom will obviously let us use the cottage as often as possible.”
“It all sounds so easy in theory.”
“When you fly home I won’t be too far behind you. Before the summer’s out we’ll be married, I promise.” He kissed her passionately and felt himself becoming hard again.
They made love slowly for a second time. The urgency was gone. Taking their time, they delighted in exploring each other’s bodies until the owls could be heard hooting in the trees outside.
“Love you, Dr Darrah.” Beth could safely say that she had never felt as cherished as she did right at that moment.
“Love you too, my darling.”
They fell asleep locked in each other’s arms.
CHAPTER 44
“This is the touristy bit. You’ll see the real thing when we cross over the road and turn right.”
Beth felt overcome with the sights and sounds of Clifton Hill. Checking that Joss was still happy in his baby carrier on Liam’s back, she held on tightly to Amy’s hand as they weaved in and out through crowds of excited holidaymakers. The cacophony from the amusement arcades on either side of them spilled out into the street:
“Mummy, can we go in?” Amy’s gaze was drawn to a particularly noisome arcade, with a child posing for a photo outside it who was sitting astride a large Harley Davidson motorbike clamped to a stand.
“No, not now. On the way back to the hotel perhaps.” Beth wasn’t sure she could stand the noise even for one moment.
“We’ll see the waterfall quite soon, Amy.” Liam still remembered his first view of the Horseshoe Falls when he had been not much older than Joss. As far as he was concerned its magic never really went away.
Crossing over the main road at the bottom of the hill, Amy was the first to speak:
“There it is! That’s Niagara Falls!” She jumped up and down in excitement.
“No darling, that’s the Rainbow Falls, and to the left of it is the Rainbow Bridge. When you walk across the middle of the bridge you’re in America. There’s a spot right in the centre with a marker. Somewhere Mom’s got a photo of me as a kid with one leg in Canada and one leg in the USA. We’ll walk along a bit more and you’ll see an even bigger waterfall.” Liam smiled at his daughter’s enthusiasm, and put an arm around Beth’s shoulders.
“Ok, darling?” He smiled at the woman he adored.
“Yes. It’s beautiful here. Not sure about that street we’ve just walked down though.”
“We can go back a different way if you like, and give Clifton Hill a miss.”
“Good idea!” Beth laughed and gave her little finger to Joss to grip. The baby gave her a toothless smile.
“Wow! Look, Mummy!”
The first glimpse of Niagara Falls in the distance would stay in Beth’s mind forever. The sound of millions of gallons of water pounding into the Niagara River below the escarpment almost took her breath away. Seagulls flew amidst the white flume that reached up almost as high as the waterfall itself. A small boat bobbed about on the waves:
“Look at all those people on that boat! They’re all wearing the same colour coats!” Amy looked in amazement at the tourists hanging over the boat’s railings with their cameras.
“The boat is called The Maid of the Mist, Amy. We can go on it if you like. It takes you right up to the waterfall. People on the boat are all given those blue plastic covers to stop them becoming too wet.” Liam ignored the look of concern on Beth’s face.
“Oh Daddy, can we? What about Joss? Can he come?”
“Sure. Babies have smaller covers. We’ll put one on him and put him back in the carrier.”
“No, Liam. I don’t want to go.” Beth shook her head while still gazing at the mesmerising effect of the cascading water.
“You’ll be quite safe, darling. Honestly. I’ll look after you.”
“I’m scared, really scared.” Beth’s heart began to pound at the thought of it.
“Do this, and you’ll be able to do anything. Step outside of your comfort zone. You’ll be so proud of yourself!”
“Come on Mummy – we’ve got to do it! I’ve got to tell Penny Green where I’ve been!” Amy let go of her mother’s hand and went to stand by the railings overlooking the river.
Beth took another look at the blue-covered tourists down amongst the whirling waters:
“How long will I be on the boat? Amy, come away from the railings!”
“About half an hour. That’s all.”
“Ok, I’ll do it, but I’ll be as frightened as a rabbit in the headlights.”
“I told you, you’ll be safe with me. I promise.” Liam kissed her and stopped any further protestations.”
“Ewww! Stop all that kissing!” Amy launched herself between them.
“We can kiss, Amy, because we’re going to get married. How do you like that?” Liam ruffled the top of his daughter’s head.
“Really? Wow! That’s awesome!”
“You sound like a Canadian already, eh?”
“Would you like to be our bridesmaid?” Beth looked at their daughter and smiled.
“What will I have to do?” Amy had a puzzled look on her face.
“Look pretty and walk behind me.”
“Great! Ok.”
Wearing their blue plastic covers, they waited in line to board The Maid of the Mist. Joss slept soundly on Liam’s back, but Beth started to have second thoughts when they began shuffling onto the boat. She sat on a bench and watched Liam and Amy mingling with the tourists standing against the handrail:
“Here we go!” Liam glanced back and gave a thumbs up to Beth. “Come here darling, I’ve saved you a place!”
Reluctantly she came and stood in front of him. He placed his arms around her waist and kissed the top of her head:
“You’ll love this. Feel
the power of the water. A young boy was washed over the waterfall years ago and survived. Did you know that?”
“Good God. His poor parents. Amy, hold on to the rail!”
“I’m ok Mummy! When I was in the house with no windows I thought about going on a boat ride, and now I am!” Beth saw her child’s face shining with joy.
The boat rocked and swayed as it approached the waterfall. Cameras clicked, seagulls cried, and Beth realised that her fears were quite unfounded; in fact the ride was exhilarating and she didn’t want it to end. She turned around to Liam and kissed him. His face was wet in the misty air:
“I love it!”
“And I love you, baby.” He reached down, kissed her lips, and saw the love of life was back in her eyes. She felt his lips touch hers, and thought to herself that he probably had been right; now there was nothing left in the world that she could not accomplish if she just set her mind to it.
PART 9 - JOSS
CHAPTER 45 – MARCH 2012
The bell sounded for the end of lessons, and Joss Darrah heaved a sigh of relief. Double science on a Friday afternoon sucked; especially when he knew Tara Lambert had given up the subject in favour of music, and would now be waiting outside the school for her lift home. Mrs Lambert was always late, and if only Mr Bruton would shut the fuck up then it might be possible to leg it around the sixth form block, run along past the tennis courts, and then reach the entrance gates just in time to speak two words to Tara before her mother arrived. At this rate though he would have to wait until Monday to convince the most beautiful girl in his class that he actually did exist; not that she seemed to care a jot if he did or if he didn’t.