Chapter Six
Training was every horror Rory imagined all rolled into one. She slept in a massive room filled with bunk beds. Forty women shared the space. Some smelled. Some were messy. Some hummed or sang. All were infested with germs.
She couldn’t even hide out in the filthy, overused bathroom. Instead, she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, trying to imagine she was in a pristine white space alone.
Her OCD fought her tooth and nail, but she reined it in as well as she could. Obsessive thoughts beat at her brain over and over again. She was sure the other women thought she was odd. It was impossible for her to hold a real conversation. Someone would speak to her, horrifying images would play in her mind, and when she looked up again, the person was gone.
If I can just hold on a little longer, this will all be over.
She rocked in her bunk, hands over her ears, repeating the comforting words over and over even as the intrusive thoughts roared louder.
These clothes are filthy.
The stains on the sheets are probably covered in germs.
Get out. Run! Go—
Someone touched her shoulder.
She uncovered her ears, realizing for the first time she was shaking.
“Rory?”
Looking up slowly, Catalina’s face came into view. Free of makeup, she looked different, younger. With an air of innocence that was completely unexpected for a killer. Or for the woman who has proved herself such a bad ass leader and fighter that she’s become the head of our squadron. Catalina’s dark brows arched over eyes that were such pale brown they were almost hazel. She smiled, softening her heart-shaped face even further.
“You okay?”
“I’m—“ She shuddered.
“Not okay.” Catalina finished for her. “Come with me, amiga.”
She wasn’t okay. Because she was spiraling. Because she was so close to losing all control, she followed Catalina. Untangling her legs from the bunk, she ignored the way conversations silenced as she walked past. How card games froze.
Catalina led her out the door and into the chilly air. Immediately, her anxiety seemed to decrease. Strange. She sucked in a breath. At home the outdoors makes me worse.
The base was quiet that early in the morning, the massive field of alien crafts strangely silent. The only movement came from the enormous fence surrounding the base, where armed military men paced. To keep us from escaping.
Some of the women whispered that bases just like this one had been created all over the world to house the women. To keep them prisoner until the aliens arrived.
Catalina took her to the small lake in the back of the base, where she sat down on a bench. Rory cautiously sat next to her.
“You have the virus.” Her words were a statement rather than a response.
But Rory answered anyway, “Yes.”
Catalina was quiet for a long moment. “My older sister had it too.”
She didn’t need to ask why the statement was in past tense.
“It must have taken everything within you to last this long. To come here and face your fears.”
Each time they have me fly the spaceship, the small space closes in on me. My hands shake, my vision goes black. I can barely hear the commands over the intercom.
And training classes are just as bad. I can barely fight. I’m so distracted by the smell of sweat. When I spar with the other women, I pray not to make contact with their bodies.
This place is torture.
Rory wrapped her arms around herself. “Maybe it was a mistake. I’m not hiding it well enough.”Catalina turned slightly to face her, and Rory noted that she was cautious about not touching her leg. “We only have one more day.”
All the air rushed out of her lungs. “I’m about ready to break. I don’t know how I’ll hide it that long.”
Catalina only laughed. “You can hide it.”
“Easy for you to say. One day you’re trying to kill our commanding officer, and the next you’re the head of our squadron.”
She shrugged. “Maybe I decided this is a cause worth fighting for. Or, maybe, I thought the nine of you needed me.”
We did. Their squad was the absolute worst. They would be the first to attack during the invasion. ‘Bullet Catchers,” as some of the other women mumbled. But Catalina had never hesitated in demanding that if she led, it be their group only.
“I want to be able to do this… but I’m going crazy.”
Catalina met her gaze. “You fly well. The ship responds to your commands faster than any other woman. It’s only your fears, your unwillingness to try during hand-to-hand training—“
“I am trying! I’m trying so damn hard!”
She put up a hand. “I know. But that isn’t how they see it. My point is, you’ll make it. Because I believe you can, and because I’ll help you.”
And because Darlene needs me to.
“But what about Zoey,” who seemed constantly distracted, “and Athena,” who was frighteningly angry, “and Clarissa,” who seemed terrified of her own shadow. “They all need you too.”
Catalina smiled. “Let me worry about our squad girls, you focus on yourself.”
If only it was that easy.
“Besides,” she continued, “I think at this point they’d let you fly no matter how crazy they thought you were.”
Not when they can simply take my healthy sister in my place.
Rory forced a smile. “That’s something.” She touched one corner of the bench, then touched it again. With each second that ticked by, she could feel training time drawing nearer, but she wasn’t ready to end the best moment in days. Not yet. “Can I ask you a question?”
Catalina nodded.
“Do you regret killing your grandfather?”
Geez, Rory, where did that come from?
“No.” There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in her voice. “My sister wasn’t safe, and no one would help her. She was too afraid to tell anyone else the truth. And my mom and the officers? They just saw a kind old man, not the sadistic bastard hiding underneath. It was all a game for him. All he had to do was not screw up while they were watching.” Her head sank a little. “So I did the only thing I could.”
The hurt in the other woman’s voice called to her. “I’m so sorry.”
Catalina nodded. “I’ll never trust another man again.”
“Well.” Rory smiled sadly. “That probably won’t be a problem at this point. For either of us.”
“Do you…do you have someone?” the woman asked.
Rory shook her head. “I’ve heard it’s better to have never loved than loved and lost though.”
“I guess we’ll never know.”
For some reason, they both laughed, even though the sound was sad to her ears.
A comfortable silence stretched between them.
“Why do you think only women can fly their ships?” Catalina asked.
Rory had spent too long the past few days thinking of this. “Maybe they’re all female?”
Catalina shrugged. “I guess we’re just lucky their scout ship crashed years ago, or we wouldn’t know about the invasion. They’d wipe us out and we wouldn’t have any real resistance.”
“I guess that’s something.” Her stomach turned in an unsettling way that made her want to curl up in a ball and sleep until this nightmare was over. If only. “So tomorrow then?”
Catalina stood and looked back at base. “Yup, tomorrow, and it looks like training is about to begin.”
Rory stood too. I can handle one more day.
But a cruel voice whispered in the back of her mind, No you can’t.