Chapter 4
We moved in the morning. I grabbed my holocom, the only "possession" I had, and followed the bot Charles down the glass hallway again, and then down, down, down, instead of up, up, up. After a few minutes, the doors of the elevator opened to a "suite", as Ralph called it, that Charles insisted up and down was no more than "standard human accommodations on Earth". The rooms were like nothing I'd ever seen. There were five large rooms, for starts, and each single room was larger than any three combined on Condor One. They reminded me of the palace on Laak'sa in size, but not in style. On Laak'sa, everything was the smooth, pearly metal mined there. Smooth and cool to the touch, which was always refreshing even through the mesh of my suits, in the humid climate. Our suite was...fluffy. Like the chair in Reginald's office. The couches could eat you. They kept pulling and pulling until I had to struggle and beg for help. The chairs around the big table in the dining area were the same. How was I going to eat my dinner if I spent the whole time trying to pull myself out of the chairs?
The bedrooms were even worse. The floors were covered in thick, poofy carpet. I told Ralph it felt like walking in the bogs of v-2445, and he laughed. He wasn't mad at me anymore, not exactly. But there was still something between us. Maybe it was just part of growing up. I said my good byes to Mother and Dad. Would Ralph be next?
I hated the bed the worst. It was enormous. I was used to sleeping in my cubby on the ship, a firm mattress just big enough for sleep with the lock-in straps cocooning me in a safe net. The bed in our first set of rooms on Utopia was larger, but it was still firm. Ralph called it a hospital bed, and said, "Well at least some things didn't change." The beds in the new place were too soft to sleep on. I climbed in the middle and it felt like I was being consumed by a Nha-ne, only this time, Little Blob wouldn't be there to save me. I had to roll for what felt like hours, but eventually I plunked off the edge and landed on the fluffy floor. I'd sleep there. It was still soft, but at least I knew I wouldn't drown in it.
We had to wait for "the team". We didn't meet them the night before after all. Reginald wisely decided enough was enough for one day and let us go back. It meant crossing the terrifying glass bridge of doom again, but I was just glad to get away.
"It's a lot to absorb. Sleep on it. We'll get a fresh start in the morning."
I didn't do much sleeping. But my resolution to be so good that he could not deny my little payment did make me feel refreshed. At least I knew. At least I had a plan.
The other rooms in the suite were just as different. I had a bedroom, as did Ralph. There was a living/dining/kitchen area. Daniel would be beside himself if he saw the kitchen and all the room to work. I took a few pics on my holocom to show him and make him green with envy next time I saw him. There was an enormous bathroom. I didn't understand why it was so big. The toilet sat at one end, in the middle of a tiled wall, all by itself. There was a sink on the far wall with a mirror, and on the opposite wall there was a shower. I could probably fit two rooms from Condor One in the empty space in that bathroom.
"People like space," Ralph told me, laughing.
To me it just felt like I was hanging out in space itself when I was doing my business. It echoed in there. Echoed. It was big enough to echo. You could easily fit twenty people inside. Was that why it was so big? Did people want to fit twenty people in the bathroom at a time? It was creepy.
And then we had another conditioning room. "Home gym," corrected the Charles bot. It had all the equipment the conditioning room had, it was just more...homey, I suppose. Instead of looking like an extension of a hospital ward, it was all different colors, with fancy panels instead of the clinical equipment we'd been using. Home versions. And in the center where all the machines pointed was a large plasma monitor.
"TV," corrected Ralph. "Like I've been saying."
"But it's not a television."
Ralph sighed. "Technically no. But I call bandages band-aids even though they aren't. People are used to televisions. Had them for three hundred years. It doesn't matter that it's actually a plasma display monitor that works on completely different tech. They know it as a tv, they call it a tv, and they always will."
"But tvs couldn't do holo displays."
Ralph gave me that look. I shut up. He flicked on a show and I spent the time waiting for the team watching...something. I don't even know what. There was artificial laughter, so it was one of the comedies Ralph likes. He laughed. But I didn't get the jokes.
"He's pink," I pointed out.
"Tats."
"What?"
"Tattoos. It's all the rage. Didn't you notice in those zines Lena had you look at?"
I had. But pink? "He looks ridiculous."
"To you. To me. Sure. But that's because we're not used to it. All of them have something like that, though."
Horror! "No way are they doing that to me!"
Ralph laughed. "Calm down. I'm sure they wouldn't dream of it. I do kind of like that blue streaky look he's got, though..." Ralph rubbed his chin. I can't picture Ralph with blue streaks across his eyes and forehead.
"Why do they even do that?"
"Same reason Qitanis implant jewels across their collar bones and cheeks. They think it's beautiful."
Something to think about.
"The knock at the door", as Ralph said, even though it's a chime and not any kind of knock, made us get up. I suddenly felt nervous and didn't know why. The bot Charles strode in, followed by five people. Or bots. I'm still on the fence about a couple of them. We were introduced quickly and they started their jabbering even quicker. We'll start with what I caught and then try and catch up from there.
Christophe Venderi almost pushed Charles out of the way, so obviously he grabbed my attention first. We were told that he's the official press secretary to Reginald. I took that to mean that he's in charge of everything that they say to every other body outside StarTech. The most important thing to know about Christophe Venderi is that he was always perfect. There was never a wrinkle on his clothes, a wave in his hair, a freckle on his cheeks. He looked so perfect, in fact, that I was sure he was a bot until he shook my hand. They can make some convincing bots, but no one had been able to simulate the feeling of a real hand. He was real. I don't know where they found him, but he was real. He spoke perfectly, too. He sounded like a human HuTA. And he stood out in my mind for this, for being so perfect, and for the first thing he said to me. About me, actually. I don't think he spoke to me directly the whole time that first meeting. He said to Ralph, "I've never questioned Reginald's lead before, but putting so much on the shoulders of a recluse kid? Oh well. We shall just have to make the best of it, won't we?"
Yeah. Nice guy, that Mr. Perfect.
Jillian was much more interested in me. She hovered like the caa flies of Laak'sa. "Look at him! Thank God he got his mother's cheek bones. He's pale...maybe purple? Whatsa matta, kid? Don't like the tats? Fine. Wholesome's a better sell anyway. Dear god, Chris, we've got to get him a better wardrobe. I'll get on the com to Honree himself and special order..."
"No, not Honree," Christophe butt in. "Keep him humble. StarTech."
Jillian looked at Christophe and for a minute I thought there would be a fight. But it was clear who ran the show. "You're right. Something new, though. New designation."
"Quite," concurred Christophe, before ignoring me again and talking with Ralph.
Jillian measured and poked and said stupid things until I wished she'd go away. And then she did, and I was sorry I wished it because Karl Dresche took her place. And his pokes and prods were not silly or friendly. He was a bot. I was almost sure of it. I would have been positive, in fact, if I didn't know Mother. That's it! He's the male version of Mother!
"You have been working, but not enough. I read your medicals. Children in space." He shook his head, and I felt very defensive.
"What's wrong with children in space?"
He launched into a rant like Mother, about my heart rhythms and brain waves
and oxygenation and hydrolization and calcification and transmogrification and on and on until my head spun. He worked himself up good, too. By the time he had my chart open on his VitalCheck he was gesturing wildly and almost frothing at the mouth. I knew what to do. I was raised by Mother, after all. He needed to vent it out. I waited. I wiped off the spittle from my cheek. And when he was blue and had to, had to pause for a breath, I asked him why he was taking it out on me. That stopped him. I knew it would...logic always stopped Mother.
He fixed his hair. "Yes. Yes, you are right. I can't blame the hapless result of the folly of others, can I?" I couldn't really be offended, since I pretty much expected that result. He straightened himself and tapped his VitalCheck. "New regimen, starting tomorrow. We'll begin each day with a stat check, a series of mental exercises, and then a physical run down of all the vital organs." I groaned, and he gave a laugh. I think it was a laugh. It was a small noise that was not filled with contempt, so I assume laugh. "You groan now, but you will realize I'm on your side. You think this is bad? If I don't do all of this and appease the governments, they will put their own people on the task. And they aren't nearly as friendly as I am."
Fortunately he turned his attentions to Ralph. The next was the doppel-bot of Justin Bradley. We went in to our meeting knowing he was a bot, but I'll admit he's a very good one. His voice was smooth with no hitches. He introduced himself to me with a slight bow, something Ralph told me later was creepy because it was so exactly Justin that it gave him the willies.
"Young man, it is a pleasure to meet you. A pleasure indeed! Eunice's son, in the flesh. We had wondered, hoped at times. And didn't she just find a way? Yes. Yes." He smiled and nodded. His eyes. If you look close enough you can see the mechanics in his eyes. Ralph's right. It's unnerving, and I never knew the actual Justin Bradley.
"To a tee!" Ralph said later, drinking something he called "hooch" and almost shaking on the couch. "Lance is never going to believe this."
"I wanted to meet you," the Bradley bot said. "I hope we shall interact later. I'd love to interview you on the validation some latest theories."
I told him I wasn't up on theoretical physics. He refused to believe me. I am, after all, Eunice's son. He left, and I can't say I missed him at all.
That left two people I hadn't met yet, one girl, one boy, and neither seemed inclined to step forward.
"Hi." I tried to break the ice.
"Look, kid, let's not beat around the bush." It was the boy. "I don't want to be here."
I frowned at him my best frown. "Then don't. I didn't ask you to come."
"I have to. It's my ticket back Earthside." He pointed at me. "So this is how we're doing it. You're going to listen, do what I say, and play nice. Then I'll get my ticket and blow this..."
"Marlon," said the girl quickly. Marlon shut up but kept glaring at me. "I'm Lynette. I'll be your cultural liaison."
I knew what that meant. That's basically what Dad did. It suddenly struck me as funny, and I couldn't help but laugh. Lynette quirked her eyebrow and Marlon rolled his eyes. "Sorry," I said. "I've just never been on this side of it before."
Lynette's eyes went wide and Marlon said something rude and sat in one of the poofy chairs. Lynette clucked her tongue and waved a hand at him. "Forget him. He's just mad that he had to leave the banks."
"Banks?"
"Yeah, computer banks. It's why he's up here, a techie. Do you mean it?" She switched gears a lot and without warning. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with her. It was almost like inspeaking. Almost.
"Do I mean what?"
"What you said. That you've never been on this side of it before. Have you really...I mean...they said you had but I thought they were blowing smoke. Have you really met...aliens?"
Here we go again. I tried not to get angry, but by the look on her face I knew I failed. "They are not aliens. They are people. Alien implies that they are strange, or weird, or less than humans. They are not. They are people, just from a different place."
"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean anything by it. It's just the word we use."
"It's not the word I use."
She gave me a wry smile. "And that's exactly why I'm here. You have to learn how to be one of us."
"What if I don't want to be one of you?"
She flicked her hand, completely dismissing that idea. "It's not up to you. StarTech says and I does. And that's the first thing you should learn. You wear the uniform, you walk the walk. Now, back to the aliens."
I ground my teeth together. "I said they are not aliens."
"And like I said, it's just the words we use, it's what people know. Jeez, Jake. You can't get so worked up over a word."
"But it's not just a word," I protested. "It brings up a whole image, a whole package."
"So? What's wrong with that?"
"It's wrong thinking, that's what!"
She held her hands up. "Oh boy. Calm down. I didn't mean to tick you off, not so quickly, anyway. Fine. You're hung up on this alien thing. What word do you want me to use?"
"They prefer the word 'shuntah'."
"Shoetie?"
She wasn't trying very hard, but something about it made me want to laugh. Who was the alien now, hm? "Close. Shuntah. It means tribe or sect, roughly. Most Qitani words don't directly translate."
She just stood and looked at me for awhile without speaking, long enough to start making me self conscious. Finally she did speak. "All right. Tribe. I'll give on this one. Seems important to you."
"It'll sell the package," said Marlon. I hadn't realized he'd been listening.
"That's what I'm thinking," Lynette agreed.
"Add a couple of 'golly gees' and 'yes'm's' and I think we got ourselves a wholesome farm boy."
I didn't like the tone of his voice. Hostile. Pitying. Debasing. I turned and was about to ask him just what his problem was when Lynette shocked me by agreeing with him. I had no friends there. None. The rest of the day proved that. Not even Ralph, since all he'd tell me was to "play nice" and do as they said.
I was taken to our home gym and put through Dr. Karl's medical paces. The testing was annoying, some of it was painful, but overall I could handle it. Not that different actually than anything I'd done for most of my life. It never occurred to me before just how carefully Mother did watch over me. I always thought she was studying for her own science. But as Dr. Karl administered the tests, I began to ask what they were for.
"Have to watch that heart. We want to build it up, not make it quit."
"Your oxygen levels fluctuate more than they should. I'm not worried yet, but we'll watch."
"Stop moving. I can't read the blood if you wiggle."
Everything he did was recorded. Sometimes he frowned. Sometimes he didn't, which I later learned was as close as he gets to smiling. And sometimes he'd explain why I should be doing something different or better or not at all. It took hours that first day, but he said the more routine it became, the faster we'd get through it.
"And you are not the doctor. It would speed things up significantly if you stopped hammering me with questions." He didn't really want me to stop asking, though. None of those science types ever really want that. They pretend to be annoyed and burdened by them, but they're secretly thrilled someone else shows some kind of interest.
I should have done that more with Mother. I think she probably wanted me to.
After Dr. Karl was done, I was shuffled to Jillian. Christophe was gone, and the whole suite felt lighter. I said as much to Jillian as she measured me.
"Are you always rude?"
That brought me up. I didn't think it was rude. It was never seen as rude by my parents, or the other crew members, when I made an observation. "I was just making an observation on the change of atmosphere..."
She sighed. "Yes. I know. But don't. First off, he's so far above your rank it's not even funny. If you didn't just come from a tin can in space you wouldn't ever be in the same room as him. He w
orked his way up, kid, and he's earned respect. Hold still." She measured uncomfortable areas, typed it in to her holo, then stood and looked at me. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." She straightened the collar of my suit. "You sounded just like my own kid when he starts mouthing off."
I felt my face turn hot. "I wasn't trying to mouth off."
"Well, you did."
"Honestly, I was just making an observation."
She gave a small laugh. "Oh boy you really were raised by scientists, weren't you? Kid, lesson one. You can't always say what's on your mind. It's not an observation, it's a jab at Chris." She put her hand up. "No, no arguing. I've been around enough of these sciency types to know what you're trying to say. But I've also been around the majority of humanity, and they aren't scientists. Let me give you an example. If I was wearing an ugly sweater, I mean, god awful makes you gag to look at...would you walk in here and say 'Why Jillian, that is the most unflattering, horrid, puke colored piece of clothing I've ever seen?' No. You wouldn't. And why? Because it would hurt my feelings."
Of course I wouldn't call her sweater ugly. I learned that lesson years ago when Little Blob's mother was trying something new with her hair. It hurt her feelings, and when you inspeak, that's a pain you feel echo through you until you feel small as dirt. But I didn't see the connection. I walked into the room, the atmosphere felt different. The only thing that changed was the removal of Christophe, ergo, Christophe was oppressive. He wasn't even in the room to hear, at any rate.
"Trust me, okay? At the very least, it's a crappy way to try and make friends."
"I have friends." I sounded defensive. I felt defensive.
She sighed again, and gave my cheek a pat. "No one can have too many. And right now, you could use some by your side. Now scoot. Go play a game with Lynette."
I never felt so much like a child before. There was absolutely no room in her tone for argument. As much as I would have loved to defy her, I knew she wouldn't have it. My face was still crimson when I went to my room to find Lynette and Marlon flipping through my holocom. My own mother didn't even cross that line! I snatched it from them before they even realized I was in there. They were looking at Little Blob. The pic on the screen was one Dad took of me and Little Blob before we shoved off for Laak'sa. They were in my personal room looking through my personal files. The holocom was the only thing I ever owned that was truly mine, and they flipped through it like it was nothing.
"Hey, Jake. So, what do you want to do?" Lynette acted like nothing happened.
"Look out, Lynnie. Space boy's mad."
"Get. Out." I was so angry that's all that would come out. I pointed to the door. I'd had enough for the day. Hell, I had enough for a lifetime. Poked and prodded picked at, picked on, picked apart by strangers all day long, people who already made their minds up. People who didn't really care beyond their "job". People who wouldn't listen, or assumed, or had their own agendas for me. I was tired. I was humiliated. And now, now I was over the edge.
Marlon jumped up. "Come on, Lynnie. You heard him. Time to leave."
"You mad at something, Jake?"
The anger built and built. "You had no right to look through my things."
Marlon sighed heavily. "Oh hell. Is this going to take long? Because I've got some heavy programming to get back to. You know, real work."
I opened the door. "Get out!"
Ralph was at the door in seconds. "What's going on, kiddo?"
"All day I've done what I was told. All day I put up with their garbage. And then I come in here and find these two grundhi going through my holocom!" I was on the verge of tears, and didn't even care that my voice cracked. I was so mad it felt like my hair was sizzling.
Marlon rolled his eyes again and pushed past Ralph. "Later, bots. I'm out."
"Jake, you need to calm down and..."
"Calm down? Calm down?! Did they pry into your personal files, Ralph?"
"Of course they did. Years ago. That's what StarTech does. You sign up for ST life, you sign away your own. That's just the way it goes."
"But I didn't sign up for anything!" I bellowed. I saw Jillian look up from her terminal in the living area. Dr. Karl stepped out from the gym where he'd been calibrating the machines for my new training. Lynette gave a little gasp behind me and I heard her get up from my bed. I wanted them out. I wanted them all out. All of them. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to be back in my own bunk in my own quarters and reach out and get comfort from Ashnahta.
"Jake," Ralph said in his "calm the kid down" voice.
"No," I said, getting myself under control. "I don't want to be calmed down, I want you to listen. I didn't sign up for this, did I?"
"Jake..."
"No! I have spent the day answering their questions. Now they can answer mine!" I pushed by Ralph and walked up to Dr. Karl. "You know everything about me. Every single detail. Did I ever ask to be any part of this StarTech?"
"Young man, you'll get your heart too worked up. I can give you a dose of..."
Forget him. I turned to Jillian. "Am I? Am I an employee? Can StarTech really hire people who don't want to work for them? Is that what kind of society you have here?" She made no answer. "It is, isn't it? I've got no choice. I've never had a damn choice in anything!"
I turned back to Ralph. "I'm playing along. Don't you try and tell me I'm not. I've done every stupid thing they've wanted me to for two months now. I have run their miles and lifted their weights and eaten their horrible food and read their stupid magazines about things that are inane and pointless and don't matter at all!" I whirled to Jillian again. "Blue paint on faces? Is that seriously what concerns your human race?" I didn't let her answer. I also didn't miss her squirm. I hit a nerve, with all of them then, even Ralph. I could feel it. "I just want to go home. I want to go back to a place where all people are just people and they can say what they think and not be called brats for it and where they are working for a future, not worried about suits and paints and stupid, trifling garbage." I was calmer now that it was out. I felt better at giving my honest opinion.
I turned to Lynette. "This is the one thing of mine. This is the only thing I've ever owned. It's my one link to my home and to my family. Not 'aliens'. My family. My friends. My life." I turned back to the stunned adults. "I'll play your games. I'll get StarTech their funding. I'll do what you say, Dr. Karl. I'll be the fittest little astronaut off planet. I'll wear whatever you put me in, Jillian. I'll stand tall and smile nice and say whatever Christophe wants me to. I'll do it because apparently that's what I am supposed to do. But you get this straight. I didn't ask for any of this, and I'm doing the best I can."
Have you ever gotten angry, really, truly angry, where you feel electrified? And then that energy gushes out in a tirade and you feel spent. That's how I felt. I felt truly tired. Not "I need a nap" tired. I mean, exhausted. "I'm going to bed." Dr. Karl made as if he was going to say something, but Ralph shook his head. I walked in my room and stood at the door. "Please leave." Lynette darted out and I closed my door. And then I let the poofy bed suck me in and I wished it would go ahead and swallow me whole.
Ralph came in during the night. He sat on the edge of my bed. I didn't turn to look at him. What more was there to say? So I let him talk. And I listened, even though at the time I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him.
"We knew she was pregnant. We all planned it, all of us."
If I hadn't already resolved to ignore him, and if I wasn't so damn stubborn that I'd stick with even a bad plan once I made that resolve, I would have been all over that. But I laid there, almost unable to breathe, as he spelled it out for me.
"She wanted to have a child in space. So we helped fudge the sterilization process. Oh, she got an injection, alright. But it was just harmless saline. Your father, too. And two others, in case..." In case what!? He didn't say, and I couldn't ask. "Well, that doesn't matter. It worked out."
So Reginald was right. They lied to me my whole life. I
'm just an experiment. I silently begged the bed to finish its job and drag me under.
"You were right. You didn't ask for any of this. But hell, kid. No one asks for what they get. I didn't ask my folks to be born. That's not how it happens." He sighed. "Maybe we did the wrong thing. Or maybe we did the right thing for the wrong reasons. Whatever. It made all those years in the tiny can bearable, having a little munchkin running around. I'm not sorry. And your Mother, she cried when you were born. I get that Eunice comes off as clinical, but she does care. And if I thought for a second you were thinking poorly of your father, I'd whoop you. You know he was thrilled to have you.
"So you're not where you asked to be right now. So what? I didn't ask to have that troll of a teacher Mrs. Plinket in sixth grade. I didn't ask her to hate children and whip my fingers with her ruler when she was having a bad day. I didn't ask for it, but that's what I got.
"I admit there are differences. But the overall's the same. This is what you have to do because this is what your folks need you to do. You're not an employee. You're absolutely right about that. And I agree that Lynette and Marlon had no right getting in to your holo, and I've already bitched them out good for it. I should have put my foot down about some things earlier, I guess." He gave a small laugh. "But I am an employee of StarTech. I have been since I was little older than you. I guess I forgot what civilians should expect. You should have privacy. I've made it clear to all of them, and Reginald agrees." Wow. He went to Reginald? He must mean it.
"In return, though... These people know what they're doing. Even Marlon, though I admit he's a jerk. They are here to help you. They may have started things off wrong, but they really are here for you. If you can't get along with these people, you're screwed on Earth. And if you're screwed, we all are." He waited. I know he wanted me to answer, but I just couldn't. Or wouldn't. If I went back in time, I'd probably say something.
Ralph sighed and stood. He walked to my door. "I've known you long enough to know when you're awake. I hope some of what I said makes sense to you, at least. Just one more thing to think over while you lay here sulking. Your mother and father risked everything to have you, and sacrificed more than you'll ever understand to raise you. So did the entire crew. Is it really too much to ask that you return the favor before you set out to live your own life?"
It wasn't too much to ask, but that wasn't really what I was saying. At least, that's not how I meant it to come out. My life had been taken away and there was nothing any of these people were letting me do to keep it. I felt so...helpless. I was the "alien", as much as I hated that word. To those people, I was completely alien. And if I was alien to people who lived on Mars and intentionally searched for oddballs like me, then how were the people on Earth going to take me?
Fear. I could never have admitted it out loud, not to Jillian, who would probably have just patted my head and say "yes dear." I could never have said that to Dr. Karl, because fear is not a word in the vocabulary of science. Christophe, he wouldn't have cared if I said it to him or not as long as it was in the script he wrote. Lynette? I was so mad that she went through my things, but still, there was something in me that didn't want her to think I was weak. There was no way in hell I'd admit anything like that to Marlon. In fact, I was very glad he left before the bulk of my tirade. I almost could have talked to Ralph about it. Almost. He'd made it clear he was StarTech, though. There was a difference between us that never existed before. Just one more thing taken away from me.
I was afraid. Ridiculous for someone who "tripped" on a spacewalk and had to wait four painful hours before someone could catch up to me. Insane for someone who wallowed in the mud outside of a suit on v-2445 just to feel what Little Blob was talking about. Hadn't I stood up to Morhal when she was in a rage over Ashnahta missing one of the most important ceremonies? Morhal, who sliced the heads off her own children. I stood up to her. I felt no fear then.
"You cannot be held responsible for your cultural differences." It was Morhal's own edict after she deliberated with the secondary. "Besides, you have a calming influence on Ashnahta her secondary feels she lacks. You shall live. Do not let her miss another ceremony, or I shall be displeased with my own decision."
That was the key right there. I could not be held accountable for my cultural differences. We didn't hold the Ehkin or the Qitani responsible when they offended us, and they didn't fault us for the same.
But I wasn't around the Ehkin. Or the Qitani. Or any number of other tribes we either studied from afar or heard about through our interactions with the others. There are not supposed to be cultural differences. I was human. I was supposed to be one of them, supposed to start acting and thinking liike one of them. And that was terrifying.
Rely on the people trying to help me.
One time I hurt Little Blob's feelings. I didn't mean to. I hopped from rock to rock across the sulfur river he was not allowed to try and cross. I laughed and had fun and easily got to the other side. And I felt it then, his longing, his jealousy. I crossed back, apologized, and still I felt that tug. When we returned to our ship that night, Dad came to my cabin. I was only eleven then, a little kid, really. He sat down on my bunk.
"I saw you jumping around in front of Little Blob."
"He said we can't cross the sulfur stream, and I said that I could."
"And then what?"
"Then he felt really, really bad."
"Do you know why?" I shook my head. "He probably thought you were showing off."
"I didn't mean to."
He put his arm around me. "Of course you didn't mean to. I'm not raising a meanie for a kid! But it doesn't matter, does it? It hurt his feelings. You could see it in his coloring." I nodded, miserable. "So now you have learned a big lesson. Little Blob can't hop across the rocks. And just because you can, doesn't mean you should in front of him."
"But he can do all kinds of things I can't!"
"He can do all kinds of things you don't know how to yet. There's a big difference. He will never, ever be able to hop across the rocks. And you doing it and laughing...I bet he felt like you were doing it to rub it in and you were laughing to laugh at him."
"I didn't mean to." I felt like a worm.
"I know. And he is your friend. He'll know that, too. But you need to say you're sorry. Even if you didn't mean to, you hurt him. And you need to tell him you're sorry."
That's how I felt the next morning when I sat at the breakfast table with the whole team, none of us able to eat because of what was still unsaid. Well, Christophe ate. He ate in silence and sized us all up, one by one. I could feel when his eyes were on me. And Marlon ate, but he would have even if he'd been in the room still when I went off. That's just the kind of guy he was.
"I don't like this tension," Christophe announced after awhile. "Jake, I am told there is some question of your employment status and benefits. Let's clear this up right now. You are henceforth considered a freelance spokesman with level G status." Ralph dropped his fork, and looked at Christophe in surprise.
"What?" Marlon sputtered. "This little space monkey get G? For what? I've been with the company for years now and I'm only a D!"
"Perhaps that says less about Mr. Cosworth and more about your own performance, Mr. Donnely. If I were you, I might spend more time working on the job you're assigned and less time worrying about other people." Marlon's face burned purple and he snatched up his fork and ate in angered silence.
"As such," Christophe continued. "You shall enjoy the privileges of all with level G status. Is that clear to all in this room?" Odd, there was a threat there. He didn't say it, but it was there as clear as if he had. They were being yelled out. Calmly. Professionally. Almost nicely, on the surface. But they were getting the reprimand. Not me.
I felt I had to say something. "I...thank you." I looked to Christophe, who simply raised an eyebrow. I was supposed to apologize. I don't know how I knew it, but I did. I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at everyone yeste
rday. I know you're just doing your jobs. It's just all very different and happening fast and..." I gave a shrug. I didn't know what else to say, but Christophe gave a little nod and I knew it was enough.
"I'm sorry I read through your holo," said Lynette sincerely.
"I'm not," said Marlon, shoveling in another bite food. He looked to Lynette. "What? I've got a job to get back to. The sooner we figure the space monkey out, the sooner I can get back to real work."
"And that, Mr. Donnely, is exactly what a level D would say."
Ralph gave a chuckle. Still chuckled when Marlon glared. He wasn't intimidated by the brute. No one actually seemed to be. Ralph gave me a small wink and flicked his fork towards my plate. I was supposed to eat. I picked up my own fork and found that a huge weight had been lifted and I was starving. I began to eat, and then the rest of the people did, too.
Dr. Karl started talking to Ralph about his own physical situation. Jillian and Christophe began chatting about the plans for the next week. Marlon ate in his purple silence. When I risked a glance at Lynette, she took that as a sign I'd forgiven her.
"What's a gundy?"
I frowned. "What?"
"You called us that yesterday. When you were yelling."
I felt the pang of guilt. Did I really say that? "Grundhi. It's a Qitani word."
"They have a language?"
Don't get mad. She's not being mean. The look on her face meant she was honestly curious. How's she to know if no one tells her? These people are here to help. I just need to keep remembering that. "Yes. They're actually far more advanced in some ways than we are."
"Are they those...uh...blob people?"
She was highly uncomfortable, and for some reason that meant a lot to me. She wasn't trying to be disrespectful. She just didn't know how to ask. "No, those are the Ehkin."
Marlon snorted. "Sounds made up to me."
Lynette rolled her eyes. "So what does that word mean?"
"Grundhi means...uh...well, it doesn't exactly translate, but I guess the closest would be...uh...excrement."
Marlon snorted. He stifled the smile quickly, but it was there for a minute. Perhaps he wasn't completely unreachable.
Lynette bit back a smile. "Ah. I figured it was something like that."
"Sorry," I said with a small smile.
She took a bit and waved a hand. "No, I get it. I deserved it. I don't suppose I want you reading my entries. How many species are out there?"
"Tribes," I corrected. "Please. If you don't mind."
"Tribes."
"And as to how many..." I shrugged. "How should I know? I personally interacted with several. And they told us about more. And I bet those could lead us to even more and more and on and on."
"I knew it," Marlon butt in. "I always knew it."
Lynette shot Marlon a look. "Of course you knew it, moron. You work for StarTech. We all know it. You want a cookie or something?" She shook her head and turned back to me. "Jake, since I'm supposed to teach you about people...humans," she corrected quickly. I appreciated that correction. "The first thing you should know is that the average person has no idea other life forms exist. Some people, like us, think they might. We think that other...tribes might be out there. We've been taught it and we believe it, but we've still had no hard proof. So you sitting here, talking these other languages, talking about having these people as your friends, your family..." she shook her head.
"It's crap, that's what she means." Marlon pointed with his fork. "It's crap. A whole load of BS, as we say."
"But it's not crap. It's real. It's out there. They're out there and..."
Marlon snorted. "Good luck getting the average Joe to listen. I believe in it, but I'm a weirdo."
Lynette nodded. "He's right, he's a weirdo. Even by our standards."
"Thanks, sis."
"Anytime."
So they're siblings. That explains a lot.
"But they're real," I insisted again. "And we have proof."
"And it's all science and technical stuff. My job is to teach you how to talk about them to regular people. And let me tell you, regular people panic at the idea of other life forms."
I frowned. "Why?"
"Bad sci-fi," said Marlon.
Lynette nodded. "Stories. Fear. I think people worry that if there is another form of life it'll come take over Earth and eat people or something."
I had to laugh. "I can't imagine a Qitani take over. They don't even eat meat unless they're absolutely desperate, never mind humans. Besides, Laak'sa is superior to Earth in every way."
Lynette was smiling, Marlon was listening. "How so?"
"Two suns, for a start. More daylight, tropical climate, rainbows across the orange sky every morning when the primary sun rises and every night when it sets. Earth is blue, but Laak'sa is green, everywhere you look, everything you see. There are vast rivers that rush through dense forests that provide more food and resources than the Qitani could ever use, and everything has that rainbow effect to it. Their jewels, their wood, even their ores are washed in the colors Earth can only dream about."
"Tell me more," said Christophe. "Tell me of these Qitani."
"They are so close to humans that Mother believes a universal truth of the top of evolution might just be two legs, two hands, two thumbs, though we'll have to study far more than just one other culture for that to be true. They're taller than we are, but only slightly, and their rib cages are different. The oxygen level of Laak'sa is less because of a thinner atmosphere, so they've developed longer lungs. They only live about twenty years, and they spend those years moving their people further as a generation than we can in the hundred we have."
"What was your first meeting like?"
"Me? I was a kid. Ralph could probably answer better." Ralph made a motion to urge me on. "You have to remember I was only what? Twelve? And I'd just left my only friend back on v-2445, Little Blob."
"That's quite a name."
"That's the rough translation. I had just left him. He was my first friend off ship. But we were invited by Morhal, the primary leader of the Qitani. We set the coordinates she sent us into our small transport pod. Mother and Dad took me along, I think to show them our familial structure. At the time I thought it was just to have fun on a new world. Maybe it was both.
"We let the pod take us in. I heard Dad talking to our controller Alex about it later, and they had a lock on us. We couldn't have veered off course if we wanted to. The pod got closer. Their major city surrounds their one large ocean, though it's smaller than the oceans on Earth. Mostly the water is in rivers on Laak'sa. The buildings are huge, and made of their metal that shines like rainbows. Dad calls it the City of Jewels, and that's what it looks like.
"The people were waiting around the square of their palace. Millions of them, just standing there, silent. I had never thought so many people could be in one place at a time. The pod landed in front of the crystal steps of the palace. At the top were Morhal and Ta'al, the primary and secondary leaders of the Qitani, and their children. They're tinted green because of their diets, and their hair and eyes tend to be shades of blue. They wear flowing gowns of woven metal that's so fine it looks like it's almost not even there, and all of the people of importance have jewels inset at birth that follow the lines of the collarbone and cheek bones."
Everyone was paying attention, even Marlon. "Go on," urged Christophe.
"We got out of the pod. I think they planned the perfect timing of our arrival, because as we were motioned up the crystal staircase, the second sun was directly behind the great palace archway and the evening rainbow shone overhead. Morhal and Ta'al stepped forward and began speaking. I had no idea what they were saying, none of us did. But Mother and Dad did their best. They were all motioning and trying to come up with some kind of instant sign language and I found it boring." I laughed. "Sorry. I said I was a kid. You should really ask Ralph if you want more details."
"What did you do while they tried to talk?
"
"Looked around. Looked as Ashnahta, even though I didn't know that was her name at the time. She was glaring at me. She was a child, too, their primary in training. She had her arms crossed and I waved like an idiot." I had to smile at the memory. She looked so angry when I did that. "And then she looked away and I spent the rest of the time making silly faces at her brothers and sisters, and they back at me. We ate some food that Mother tested first, and gave them some of ours, that Morhal had someone test as well. And we took our masks off in short bursts, so that Morhal and Ta'al could study us.
"And after a few days of this, we started to really pick up words of their language. I was assigned to be by Ashnatha's side, and I can't tell you how resentful she was of that at first. But I decided to show her she was wrong. We spent the next year doing the same things day after day. We arrived there, and I was sent off with Ashnatha and her tutor to try and learn her language. There's just so much that doesn't translate, though. I struggled and struggled until I figured out how to inspeak."
Christophe raised an eyebrow. "Inspeak?"
"Ah, maybe that's enough for now," said Ralph quickly.
"Yes. It's how they communicate in that solar system. Really communicate, I mean."
"How does one inspeak?"
I shrugged. "I don't know how it's done. You just...do it. You open up and let someone send their thoughts and feelings to you."
"ESP?" He was asking Ralph.
"In a way. But really, he's the only one who's claimed to be able to do it and we've got no data..."
Christophe held up a hand, then turned back to me. "Tell me, is this something they did to you?"
"No." At his look, I repeated it. "I'm telling you, no. Mother always wondered that, too. Morhal believes it is because I was a child, that my mind was open. We use a different part of our brains than they do." He looked back to Ralph.
"That's true. That we do have data to support. Similarly structured, but different regions light up under load."
"Interesting," said Christophe. "So right now, if I was to think something to you, you'd understand?"
I shrugged. "I have no idea." He sat there and stared at me. I think he was trying, I really do. I didn't feel anything.
Or maybe he was just thinking. "Very well then. Your stories of Laak'sa are interesting, but need a little polish. I believe you when you say them, and that's something that cannot be taught."
"It's the truth. You should believe them."
He gave a quick smile. "Yes, but not everyone who says the truth is believable. You are, and that makes my job easier. I have a full schedule today, as do you." He put his napkin on the table and stood. Everyone rushed to do the same and a bot came scurrying to clear the table. He pointed at me and Ralph. "A word in the hall, gentlemen?"
We followed and once outside in the hall with the door shut, Christophe got right to the point. "Not another word about this inspeaking."
"But..."
"I believe you. That's the problem. Lynette was right when she was telling you that most people do not believe in other life forms." He quirked an eyebrow at my expression. "I am never too involved in one conversation to not pay attention to the others, Jake. Of course I heard that exchange. And she's correct. People will be beside themselves to hear about other life forms as it is. Put mind control on top of that and it'll be mass chaos."
"It's not mind control!"
"It doesn't matter what it is or is not. The public will believe it is. They will believe you have been sent by these aliens to take over their population and eat their babies and turn them in to zombies and any other number of idiotic mass hysterias that take control when people are faced with the unknown." His look changed then, to one of almost kindness. "Jake, don't misunderstand me. I am personally very interested in this inspeaking and perhaps we shall have some time to discuss it further. But I am a man of studied intelligence. I am not a scared public. You will never again speak of it to anyone less than a G level ranking, and that includes those yokels in there. Ralph, you will explain to them in an aside that he was simply a child playing make believe with friends."
Ralph nodded. I felt a quick flash of anger, but remembered that they were trying to help me. Indeed, that's exactly what Christophe was doing. I had seen the reactions of these people, these who worked for StarTech, of all companies. I had seen how shocked they were to find out their company had been right all these years and that humans are not alone in the universe. He was right. There were things to keep to myself. "I think that's wise," Ralph said.
"Good man. Now, I've worked our your schedule for the next week. I'll be back at the end of it to get you ready for cameras."
"Cameras?"
He grinned then, a real smile for the first time. "Of course! You can't be a star without them! Now do as you're told. And no more calling them excrement. I understand the feeling, but it doesn't help make friends." He gave a nod and entered the elevator.
"Are people really that freaked out about tribes?"
"More than you can imagine," said Ralph. "Look, Jake. You've lived a life that would terrify them. You have to listen when someone says to zip your lip about this or that, okay? For your good, more than theirs, at least from where I stand. The squeaks on Earth catch wind that you can send messages with your mind, and you'll be locked up as a lab rat faster than an Ehkin can change shape. They'll get you and keep you. Please, kid. Please keep it to yourself."
He meant it. I nodded. I'd do my best. But I still planned to keep trying. I hadn't given up hope on finding someone who could inspeak as well.
We went back in the room and Dr. Karl announced it was time for my testing. We went into the gym. Ralph got on his cycle and turned on what he stubbornly calls a tv and called for Lynette and Marlon to join us. Lynette came in and looked around, uncertain.
"In here?"
"You're his human liaison, right? Well let's start killing a couple birds with one stone. He's going to have to do this every day, might as well do it while the tv's on and while you answer questions about the culture." I groaned, Marlon groaned. Finally, something we had in common.
Lynette thought it was a great idea. She took a seat on a cycle, but just a seat. Obviously she wasn't on a conditioning regimen. "I don't know where to start. Have you watched any shows?"
"He refuses. Start at the beginning." I was breathing in to the machine like Dr. Karl wanted, so I couldn't look, but I knew by his tone that Ralph would have a smirk on his face.
"Yeah, Lynnie. Fill him in on your little soaps. Meanwhile, what the hell am I supposed to do?"
I heard a wrapper. Ralph was snacking again. Must be nice to relax, I thought bitterly as I puffed in and out of the machine.
"Oh go grab a terminal. You'll just get in the way," Lynette ordered. Marlon was out before she even finished.
The doc thumped me on the back and told me to get to my workout. I got up and turned on the treadmill.
"Okay, so you don't know tv at all. Well this is one of the most popular programs. The actors get a script and..." Hours. Hours of the same. I worked out, and she assaulted me with information. Who that actor was, how many divorces she had, who she starred with and what they starred in. Ads. The ads were probably the worst. Every commercial brought a wave of information.
"That's the very best paper towel. Hands down."
"Oh boy did they just lie. I'm sorry, but that will not make your hair shiny...unless by shiny you mean a fat blob of grease!"
"That's an okay band, but they tend to be more for the trancers. If you really want to dance, you should start listening to EMOverload. They're great in concert. Oh wait. Do you know what a concert is?"
It was like all the zines Lena had uploaded for me all smashed in to one person. Her ability to talk was endless. She rattled on and on and on until my head was as sore as my muscles. I was never so happy for lunch break. I wiped off my sweaty brow and went back to the dining area where Marlon gave me a sympathetic smile. "Tired yet?"
"You have no idea," I whispered quickly before Lynette joined us.
"Try growing up with that twenty-four seven!"
He tapped away on his keyboard and our camaraderie ended as quickly as it began.
Lynette sat and smiled. "Well that's a great way to earn a buck! Are you getting the hang of things yet?"
"Sure," I said, even though I wasn't. How could I possibly absorb anything when it was being machine-gunned at me a mile a minute?
Lynette laughed. "You'll see. It'll all make sense once you're in it. Trust me. The day will come when someone asks you some pop trivia and won't you look like the hero for getting it right? It'll shove it right back in their faces. All of them!"
It was a surprisingly heated sentiment, and I still haven't figured it out. She was mad at people in general. That wasn't the only time she let something like that slip.
We ate lunch. I was informed that after lunch, my sessions with Marlon would begin. I had no idea what that could mean. Was I going to learn how to offend and irritate people? Or maybe I was supposed to learn how to intentionally be an outsider, or throw in cutting remarks. I finished my lunch giggling in my head to my own little jokes.
Marlon was a tech guru. I knew he was, because he told me so.
"I'm a tech guru. You will consider me your master."
"Yes, master," I said blandly. "Teach me your ways, oh great guru." I have not had much opportunity to use sarcasm. It's wasted on most scientists. But Ralph snickered, so I figured I was using it right.
"Har har," Marlon said. "I didn't know I was getting a comedian. My job here is to catch you up. In case you hadn't noticed, things have changed just a bit in the last hundred years." He looked at Ralph. "Wouldn't kill you to pay attention, either."
"Kid, I've been programming bots since before your grandfather was born."
Marlon shrugged. "Suit yourself. Oh, wait. Real quick. What's a LCP drive?"
Ralph crossed his arms over his chest.
"Oh, don't know that one. A little past your time. Okay, we'll go easy. What about a C-Cap?" Marlon's eyebrow went up. "No on that, too? I got it. Here's one every grade school kid knows. What generation of HuTA is institutional standard?"
"I get it," growled Ralph. He grabbed a chair and sat next to me. "I could do without the attitude."
"Same here, pal." Marlon sat back and studied us for a second. "Do you understand, yet? You've been gone for over eighty years. In tech terms, that's...hundreds of generations. Grandpa, when you left, HuTA's had just been adopted by public schools as secondary educators, correct?"
"I'm not your grandpa." Oh, I knew that voice. It's Ralph's voice that meant "all hell is about to break loose". Marlon must have sensed it, too. When he spoke again, his tone was less caustic. Still smug, but less. It was something.
"Since then, every public educator, and most private, have been replaced with the HuTA system. We're currently on the 27th generation and they're now in full bots. Like Charles and Bradley." He moved the screen on the terminal in front of him and typed in something. In a few seconds, a picture of the HuTA I knew was next to a picture of what I thought was a person. My HuTA was little more than a talking can. "That's what you've missed. Right there. I can't highlight it any better. That's what you knew as cutting edge tech, and that's where we're at now."
Ralph understood. I could tell by the way his jaw twitched. He understood but he still hated the fact that some punk with an attitude was more advanced than him. Marlon tapped on the keys again, and screens flashed by at lightning speed. In a second there was a picture of a holo of a HuTA. "And that's about to hit the market. That's all holo, all projection. Minimal cost, minimal upkeep, no physical presence. Tell me anything like that was possible when you were Earthside. You can't, because it wasn't."
He turned the screen again, tapped wildly on the keys. "This is a LCP drive. It stands for Laser Crystalline Propulsion. This is how modern space ships work. Takes one one hundredth of the energy of the system you know. The crystalline compound conducts the laser through these coils, amplifying the energy output exponentially."
"So the larger the coil..."
"The bigger the drive."
Ralph was hooked. He rubbed his chin quickly and leaned forward, two geeks speaking the same language. "But you still need to get out of the atmosphere."
"For that we still use the same tech as your jump pods." He tapped the keys and a familiar looking engine schematic showed on the screen. Something I understood! "See here?" He pointed to the core. "Modified. Fits in your hand now."
"Holy..." Ralph's voice trailed off.
"And once you're outside atmosphere, you fire up one of these LCP puppies, that's self refueling, by the way, and your travel is...well...infinite. Fast and infinite."
Ralph whistled.
Marlon gave a smug smile. "Told ya you missed a lot."
Ralph sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well then. Let's get to it." He pulled out his holo to take notes. He nudged me to do the same.
Two geeks, not three. I've never had any desire to learn more than I absolutely need to know about the technical aspects of keeping us in space. And, you know, alive. I can sub in a pinch, and follow directions when I need to. But that's where it ends. I don't want to make it my career. Let someone else worry about the PQD drives. Or whatever. "Why do I have to know this stuff?"
"You're a space monkey, kid. Everyone will expect you to know this."
I laughed, but stopped when I noticed that neither Ralph nor Marlon laughed with me. "Are you serious?" They waited. I sighed and took out my holo.
"Think of him as your new HuTA."
Marlon snorted. "I like it, Buttrick. Yes. HuTA version Marlon. So where should we start?" He looked to Ralph for guidance.
"The kid's been raised by squeaks. He's good with the relay drives, and he seem to understand the Qitani tech. Enough to fly their transports, anyway."
"Well that's one up on me then. Can't crack into that fart thing you brought."
"Fah'ti," I corrected.
"We'll get there. Maybe after you learn the ABC's, you'll actually prove useful. I doubt it, but there's always the chance." Marlon thumped my back. "Okay then. Since we have to start at the beginning, let's do it right. About two hundred and fifty years ago, there was a little invention that changed the world. They called it the micro chip." I sighed. He really was starting at the beginning. Ralph kicked my foot under the table and nodded toward my holo. Oh boy. What a long week it would be.