Ben pulled back slowly and helped Maggie back to the bed. “Her adoptive parents died nearly three years ago, Maggie.” He held both her hands and she was sure he was looking straight into her soul. “She’s been in the foster system, up for adoption ever since.”
Maggie gasped and her hands flew free of his to cover her mouth. Three years ago? For three years her daughter had been in the foster system? And though Maggie and Ben had been licensed foster parents they hadn’t even known about her. How could that be? It was devastating. But at the same time it offered the slightest ray of hope. If she was still up for adoption …
Ben framed Maggie’s face with his hands. “She’s in the lobby, Mag. I didn’t know if you’d want to see her today or not.”
This final shock was greater than the other two combined. Every day since determining she would find her daughter, she’d prayed that God would make the way clear. And now, here was Ben, offering not only sorrow and forgiveness without reservation, but also the moment she’d dreamed of every day since letting her daughter go.
Maggie let loose a laugh that was half cry, half triumphant shout. “Are you serious?”
“She wants to meet you. She’s been wanting to find you as badly as you’ve wanted to find her.”
“But why do you have her—? I don’t understand.” Again she wondered if she were dreaming. God, I can’t believe this … You’re so good …
“Her social worker assigned me as her temporary foster parent. We didn’t know if you’d … how you’d feel about meeting her.”
Fresh tears stung at Maggie’s eyes. Was it really possible? Was her daughter actually waiting in a room just down the hall … waiting to meet her? “Oh, Ben, please go get her.” She was on her feet, hugging him as her heart filled with the greatest anticipation she had ever known. “Hurry, Ben. Please.”
At first Amanda had made time go by with watching the people who passed the reception desk. But after a while her stomach grew nervous, so she closed her eyes and prayed. Make my mama happy again, dear God. She’s been here a long time because she’s sad. And I know You don’t want her sad anymore.
Just then Mr. Stovall walked around the corner and smiled at her. “You ready?”
Her heart jumped inside her and she was on her feet at his side in an instant, her hand safely in his. “Yep.” She grinned up at him. The butterflies weren’t because she was worried; they were because she was happier than she’d ever been in her entire life. She was actually going to get to meet her mother!
Amanda could hardly wait.
36
The moment Maggie saw her, she inhaled sharply.
Lord, she’s exactly the same girl … The precious, blond child I’ve seen so often over the past year.
And now she was suddenly standing there for real, hand in hand with Ben, looking so like Maggie at that age that she wondered again if it weren’t all part of some marvelous, imaginary moment.
“Hi, honey.” Maggie held her distance, not wanting to frighten her. She’s beautiful, Lord. I can’t believe she’s here …
With eyes that glowed, the child smiled sweetly at Maggie and stepped forward, one hand outstretched. “Hi, I’m Amanda.”
It was actually her, the daughter Maggie had held only a few hours, the child she’d loved every moment these past eight years. She reached out to shake the girl’s hand, then caught herself. What was she doing? This was the daughter she’d dreamed of holding as far back as she could remember.
“Oh, Amanda! Honey, come here.” Maggie felt tears in her eyes as she slid to the edge of the bed and held out her arms. Amanda ran to her, and they joined in a way that only mother and child can. Ben moved into the room but allowed them this time. Maggie’s heart was nearly bursting with gratitude for him and a love that seemed to be blossoming by the moment, a love far more intense than anything they’d shared in the past.
The details about Ben and Maggie would have to wait. Right now she had Amanda, and that was all that mattered. She held onto her little girl and allowed her tears to mingle with her daughter’s long blond hair. “I’ve wanted to find you since the day I gave you up.”
Her daughter’s arms were locked around her and she could feel her small body convulsing with sobs. “I’ve p-p-prayed for this f-f-forever.”
Maggie couldn’t tell which emotion was stronger: the heartache for the years they’d lost or the joy at having found her now. She pulled back a bit and gently moved Amanda’s bangs out of her eyes and wiped her daughter’s tears with her thumb. “So who are you, Amanda? Tell me about yourself.”
Amanda looked at Ben and a grin flashed on her tearstained face. “I’m braver than the Crocodile Hunter, that’s what Mr. Stovall says.”
Maggie laughed. “You mean you’ve been watching that crazy crocodile guy on TV?”
Ben and Amanda exchanged a smile, and Amanda’s laughter rang across the room. “Mr. Stovall says there’s nothing like the freshwater crocodile gallop and that the Crocodile Hunter is the only guy who thinks rattlesnakes are beautiful.”
“He’s got that right.” Maggie beamed at the girl in her arms and cupped her face tenderly in her hands. “I can’t believe you’re here, Amanda. And you’ve been in foster care how long?”
In the background, Ben shook his head and mouthed the word, “Later.” A sick knot formed in Maggie’s stomach, and she remembered the columns she’d written on the Social Services department before going to Orchards. She flashed him a questioning look, but he only shook his head and something pained in his eyes told her that Amanda’s time in foster care had not been good.
“A l-l-long time. But I had Kathy, so it was okay.”
“Kathy?”
Ben cleared his throat and cut into the conversation. “Kathy’s the wonderful social worker I was telling you about.”
Amanda nodded. “Kathy was going to adopt me, but the state said her house was too small. So I had to keep going to foster homes. Whenever things didn’t work out there, I stayed with Kathy.”
Whoever this Kathy was she had found a special place in Amanda’s heart, and Maggie couldn’t wait to fit the pieces together and meet the woman. Whatever had happened during her years of foster care, they could talk about it later. Now was the time to hold her and laugh with her and help her understand that even though they barely knew each other she would always be safe and loved with them.
Is this a forever thing, Lord?
She ran her hands down Amanda’s arms as she studied her daughter again. It was utterly unreal that she was here—a living, breathing little girl standing before her, and that she was indeed the child she’d wondered about for so long.
She wanted to ask Amanda never to leave, to consider staying in Cleveland and live with them for always. But that, too, could wait.
Amanda hugged her again and this time when she pulled back, she looked sad. “Mr. Stovall says you’re here because you’re sick. And that you’ve been sad. Are you getting better?”
Maggie caught Ben’s eye in the background and tried to convey to him the love that was bursting in her heart. “Actually, I’m not sad anymore at all. In fact, I can probably go home today if I want.”
Ben’s eyebrows raised and he started toward her, then stopped. She understood and again she was grateful. This was Amanda’s moment not his, and he obviously wasn’t going to do anything to interfere.
She grinned at Ben, then back at Amanda. “So what do you think of old Mr. Stovall?”
“He’s great. We got to do all kinds of things the last couple of days. He even bought me a new bedspread—it’s pink with flowers on it.” Amanda cast Ben a look of trust and admiration. “Best of all, he prays with me whenever I feel like it. No one ever did that before except for Kathy.”
Ben shrugged and returned a smile to Amanda.
Maggie’s jaw dropped as she watched the exchange. The situation grew more amazing by the moment. Her husband had clearly been captivated by Amanda’s beguiling charm and was now so smitten by h
er little-girl love for him that he was looking every bit the proud father.
“Can you believe it, Maggie?” Ben’s eyes said the things his words didn’t.
“I keep pinching myself … ”
All her life she’d feared Ben might refuse contact with her daughter if Maggie ever found her. I didn’t really know him, either.
Trust in Me with all your heart. My daughter.
Maggie chuckled. “I guess God must be smiling pretty big right now.”
Amanda clung to Maggie again, and she could feel the girl nodding in agreement. “I’m so glad you’ve been thinking about me, Mrs … ”
She let the word hang there for a moment, and Maggie leaned back far enough to see her daughter’s questioning eyes. “What’s wrong, honey?”
“I guess I d-d-don’t know what to call you yet.” Amanda’s face was a mixture of fear and anticipation, and Maggie felt a wave of protective love more powerful than she’d known could exist.
“Sweetheart, what do you want to call me?”
“Well … Mrs. Stovall seems kind of funny.”
Maggie glanced at Ben and saw tears form in his eyes as he watched the scene unfold. “Yeah, it is kind of funny, isn’t it? You could call me Maggie, I guess. If you want.”
Amanda cocked her head and seemed to wrestle with the idea for a moment. “No … not Maggie. That’s kind of like a sister or something.”
I don’t want to push her, Lord. “Is there something you’d like to call me?”
A single tear spilled onto Amanda’s cheek, but her gaze was unwavering as she looked deeply into Maggie’s eyes. “C-C-Can I call you Mommy?”
Maggie knew she wasn’t dreaming now, because as she pulled Amanda close again, her heart soared with a love that couldn’t be contrived even by her own imagination. “Yes, honey, yes. Call me Mommy, little girl. I’ve prayed for you every day, Amanda. Thought of you and wondered about you. I am your mommy, I’ll always be your mommy, and it would be the greatest gift in the world to have you call me that.”
Ben came closer and wrapped his arms around them both so that they were clustered in a group hug that seemed to need no words. When he straightened again Maggie saw him nudge Amanda and send her a lopsided grin. “I think I’m the only one with no name.”
Amanda laughed. “That’s silly. If she’s my mom, that makes you my dad.” A troubled look settled over her face. “You know that mean guy, the one who took me from the school bus?”
“Yes … ”
Alarm sliced through the warmth of the moment and Maggie flashed a wide-eyed look at Ben. He held up a hand and shook his head as if to tell her this, too, could wait until they had time to talk alone.
“He said he was my dad. Is that true?”
Maggie felt her heart lurch and she gulped back the questions she was frantic to ask. Then she reached for Ben’s hand and pulled him close. “Honey, I think you already answered that question a minute ago when you said if I’m Mom, Mr. Stovall must be Dad.”
Amanda sighed and nodded her head. “Good. That’s what I thought.”
Maggie smoothed a hand over Amanda’s hair. “What’s your middle name, Amanda?”
“Joy. Amanda Joy Brownell … unless I get adopted.” She grinned at Ben again, and Maggie wondered what they’d been talking about the past few days. She had so much to catch up on; she could barely wait to hear the weeks of details she’d missed out on.
Then it hit her.
“Joy? Your middle name is Joy, honey?”
Amanda nodded. “Isn’t it pretty? The Brownells told me they gave me that name because I brought so much joy to their lives.”
Maggie caught her breath. Joy was what she’d been missing all these years and now, when she finally had been set free from the darkness, joy had come to stay. Homeless, full-hearted, lonely little Amanda Joy.
“Well, it’s almost dinnertime … ” Ben met Maggie’s gaze and held it, his question clear.
She smiled at him. Dear, sweet Ben. How had she ever for a moment thought he’d turn his back on her for telling the truth? God You were right again … I had only to trust You and everything has fallen in place. She directed her gaze at Amanda again. “If you guys’ll help me pack, I’d like to join you for dinner. We have a lot to catch up on, don’t you think?”
At the thought of Maggie coming home with them, Amanda was back in her arms, her hands clasped tightly around Maggie.
Maggie smiled. “I love you, honey. I’ve always loved you.”
There was silence for a moment and then the muffled sound of Amanda’s voice, ringing with sincerity. “I love you … Mommy.”
In that moment Maggie knew she was blessed beyond anything she’d ever known or imagined, and that no matter what happened from that point on, she would be thankful for this time with Amanda as long as she lived.
That same afternoon a hearing was wrapping up in Judge Hutchison’s courtroom.
“Mr. McFadden, do you understand that you are being charged with felony kidnapping, and that the sentence for this crime—should you be found guilty—is a possible life in prison?”
John McFadden stood upright, his shoulders straight, and met the judge’s gaze head on. “Yes, your honor.”
“Very well then, how do you plead?”
“Not guilty, your honor.”
The judge wrote something on his pad of paper and checked a thick book at his side. “This case will be handed over for judgment and will be given a preliminary trial to be scheduled the third week of January. Your attorney will inform you of the exact date as the time draws closer. Until that time you will remain in the … ”
John tuned him out. The fact that he was the girl’s father should get him a lighter sentence. It was what his attorney had suggested, and it sounded all right to him.
But it didn’t matter, really.
All that had mattered since that day was the way his little girl’s faith had been unwavering, even in the face of extreme danger. Jesus loves you … I’m praying for you … He might never see her again, but her words had come back to him over and over— and with them, he felt a certain … peace. They could do what they wanted with him now; his drug-dealing days were behind him for good.
Somehow he’d come to believe his daughter’s words, and that belief made his heart light with a hope that was as foreign to him as the message she’d given him that day.
Jesus loves you … Jesus loves you … Jesus loves you.
It didn’t make sense, not by a long shot, but John felt freed by those words. And if Jesus loved him, he was going to spend the rest of his life trying to figure out why.
37
Gradually the phone calls grew less frequent, and Kathy took that as a good sign. In fact, the letter was the first she’d heard from Amanda in two weeks.
Kathy waited until she was alone with a cup of coffee before reading it. She studied Amanda’s painstakingly neat printing—Amanda must have been doing better in school, penmanship was never her strong point. On the back of the envelope, Amanda had drawn two hearts and written underneath, “Love and kisses.”
Kathy slit open the envelope and took out the folded note inside. The carefully written sentences took up the top half of the page, and at the bottom was a picture of Amanda and the Stovalls with a caption underneath that read, “Mommy, Daddy, and me.”
The picture spoke volumes, and Kathy smiled and shook her head. Lord, You’re amazing. Who’d have ever thought this would happen to Amanda Joy? She moved her eyes to the top of the page and began reading.
Dear Kathy,
I just got legally adopted and I’m so happy. God has answered every one of my prayers. We went into court and Mr. Stovall told the judge he wanted to be my dad forever. Then my mommy told the judge she wanted me for always and ever. And the judge asked me what I thought and I said I wanted to be with them, too. So he made us a family. But really the truth is God did that, right? I miss you and the kids. But mostly you. I love you always.
Lo
ve, Amanda Joy Stovall.
Amanda Joy Stovall. Kathy’s heart swelled with gratitude for all God had done for the child. Thousands of kids were wasting away in state-run foster systems across the country, but Amanda had found a way out because her faith had never once wavered. She read the letter again and let her eyes settle on Amanda’s drawing. Kathy studied it and noticed something she hadn’t before. In the past, Amanda’s hand-drawn people had straight lines where the mouth should be. They weren’t dark or sad or odd-looking. Just adorned with straight-line mouths. But this picture was different.
All three people were smiling.
For just a moment there was a familiar stinging in Kathy’s eyes and a single teardrop landed on the picture. She would never forget Amanda, not ever. Her situation had seemed utterly hopeless to everyone—everyone but a little girl with a heart as good and big as her future had suddenly become.
And to her God—who in the end had been bigger than all of them put together.
The church service was under way and Amanda—wearing her pale pink chiffon dress—sat nestled between Maggie and Ben. It was her big day, and they had bought the new dress to mark the occasion. Maggie glanced down at Amanda and savored the way her daughter’s small fingers felt linked with her own. Amanda loved to hold Maggie’s hand, and although Maggie still felt deep sorrow for the years she’d missed with her daughter, she was too busy cherishing the current days to dwell long on the past.
The music that Sunday was particularly moving, and it allowed Maggie a moment to reflect on all she’d learned over the last three months. She’d worked through the feelings of shock and anger over the truth about Amanda’s time in foster care, and though she was grateful her daughter had survived, a part of her would always hurt over what had happened. She tried not to play the “what if” game, but now and then she’d catch herself wondering how different things might have been if she’d followed her heart all those years ago.
Then there were the details of Ben’s search for who she was; why she’d succumbed to the darkness of depression; his dangerous encounter with John McFadden; and the man’s eventual kidnapping of Amanda. Never had she imagined Ben would love her like that, without standards or expectations, but just because she was his wife. His other half. He was so much more a godly man than she’d ever believed possible, and she was struck daily by how horribly different things might have been if he hadn’t been devoted to God’s will through it all.