“You need to ignore what Olla said,” Bess said.
“How can I?” Yasra asked. “She’s supposed to be one of his closest friends.”
“I suspect that Wil is more of a friend to Dendri than his sister is. It’s almost as though she comes with the package. From what I heard, Dendri doesn’t go out of his way to spend time with Olla and Myra so much as he does Wil and Jory.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Just listening to the stories they told. Jory and Wil seemed to know him best and they had more anecdotes than the women did.”
“I didn’t notice.”
“Is it any wonder? You were upset by what Olla said. Listen,” Bess said, making sure to meet Yasra’s eyes directly, “you are just scared. You are looking for reasons to run away and hide. It’s easier to run away than it is to face your challenges.”
Yasra frowned. “I’m not hiding or running away.”
“Aren’t you? You’re looking for reasons to push Dendri away. Olla is just giving you the reasons you are looking for, whether they are true or not. Don’t you think you owe it to Dendri to give him the benefit of the doubt? Doesn’t he deserve as much of a chance to get to know you as anyone else does?”
“The problem with that,” Yasra said with a sigh, “is that I don’t usually let people get to know me. There’s a reason why you’re my only friend.”
“Because I’m the only one who will put up with your goosey quirks,” Bess said with a grin.
“Yes. That and more. I…I don’t trust people very easily. Especially majji. Growing up in my parents’ house I got to know those people very well. All of the backbiting and backstabbing, the cold constant competitiveness. It’s always about who has the most power. You admire those in power to their faces, cut them with your contempt once they aren’t in the room to hear you. Bess…I spent so much time longing for majic…I never took the time to realize what it would mean once I got here. I forgot how much I hate these people.”
“Not all of them are like your parents. It’s not fair to judge them based on the kind of people your parents were surrounded by. Dendri is a very nice man. Wil is wonderful and charming. Jory and Myra were kind and pleasant. Olla is the only one we can take exception to. One out of five.”
“I suppose. But maybe Dendri is just being nice because of the Gestalt between us. Maybe he’s going to change once he has all of the power he wants at his fingertips. What if I find myself forever attached to a man like the one Olla described?”
“What if he’s the kindest, gentlest man around, who gives you the respect you deserve and will nurture you and care for you throughout your development?” Bess countered.
“You are scared to death of majji, Bess. What makes you want to encourage me into a world that terrifies you as much as it does me?”
Bess thought about that a moment. “I’m afraid of majji because I think they will see me as less. And I guess I am less. Their power frightens me, since there’s nothing I can do to stop them from using it against me if they happen to decide to do so. But…I’m not afraid of Dendri. I don’t know why exactly. Something about him…I just feel at ease around him. At first he scared the hell out of me, but now that I know him better, I’m not so scared anymore.”
“There has to be a reason you feel that way,” Yasra said with a furrow to her brow.
“There is,” Bess said with a nod.
“Oh?”
“Yes.” She gave Yasra a winning smile. “He let me bring Bicky here.”
“Oh Bess,” Yasra chuckled.
“It’s true. He didn’t have to do it. Here we are, invading every part of his life. Have you stopped to think about how his life must have been before we came along? Living here all alone, a bachelor’s existence. But how easily he discarded it to help care for us. To help protect us. To protect you.”
“I had thought about it. I didn’t understand why he did it until tonight at dinner. But is he protecting me for my interests or his own? If something happens to me, he will lose access to all the potential power I represent for him.”
“Oh Yas. You’re so jaded when it comes to majic.”
Yasra didn’t counter the observation. She knew Bess was right. But she didn’t know how to not feel the way she did. She had a lifetime of experiences with majji to go by. Growing up in her parents’ house, she couldn’t remember a single person she had liked. That she had thought of as kind and good.
“It’s all right,” Bess said as she reached to pet her hair soothingly. “Just promise me you’ll give him a fair chance.”
“I am. I will,” Yasra said.
And she meant it. She would try and be as fair as possible. But unlike Bess she wasn't willing to disregard all Olla had said entirely. She would keep her guard up. She would safeguard her emotions and her trust.
It was the best she could do.
The next morning Yasra awoke before Bess and slipped out from beneath Bicky and the covers. She gave Bicky a scratch where she had learned from their brief connection she enjoyed it most. It made her smile. Even if nothing else good came of this, at least she would know that much about Bicky. It was a silly thought, but she allowed it.
She dressed, firmly choosing black breeches and a blouse of soft white cotton. She slipped her feet into her ankle boots and laced them up quickly. Then she hurried out of the room. She was determined to go for a morning walk, to break free of the feeling that she was cloistered inside the walls of Dendri’s home. She knew it wasn't fair to feel trapped, that she had only been there a short while…too short to start getting cabin fever. But she wanted a little freedom.
It was very early, but not too early for the servants to be up and going about their usual morning routines. She got Tudman to open the door and went through the portal, ignoring his look of worry. If it could be called that. The butler was inscrutable for most of the time, but she got the sense that he felt uneasy about letting her out of the house.
Well that was just too bad. She wasn't a prisoner. Dendri himself had said so. So she walked down the long drive at a rapid pace, following the path of crushed rocks down deep into the rolling landscape of the property. She left the path after a while when she hit the edge of the woods and followed the tree line for quite a distance. She had not realized just how far she had gone until she found herself coming over the rise and stepping into the apple orchard she had only briefly seen during their tour of the property.
The ground was littered with fallen apples and bushel baskets half full of apples. Clearly someone had been out picking the last apples of the season. There was a great variety. Some green, some red, some pink. She smiled. She remembered when she was young their non cook giving her toast with pink apple jelly on it whenever she was feeling blue. Her name had been Hana. When she thought of it, she realized she remembered the names of every non who had ever worked for her parents. The same could not be said for the majji who had been friends with her parents. The only ones she did remember were the ones who had cut her in some way. With disapproving looks or outright derogatory comments about her lack of power.
You’re an embarrassment to your parents, one had said to her once. You could at least try to have the smallest bit of majical talent. As if she had had some kind of control of it all. As if she had not longed to somehow live up to her parents’ expectations.
As if she had not longed for their approval with all her heart.
Tears stung behind her eyes as she realized this. That all this time she had spent being angry with her parents it had not been because of the way they treated her, but the way they hadn’t treated her. She was angry with herself for wanting the approval of such selfish people.
For still wanting it.
She swallowed back her tears and walked slowly through the orchard, stepping over the bumpy carpet of apples. She would not think about her parents. No good ever came of it. Dendri had put them firmly out of her sphere for the time being. She would have to face them eventually, but for now,
she would enjoy a life free of them. She would learn about her majic in her own way and at her own pace, with no pressure from them or anyone else.
She realized then that that was one thing Dendri had never done. He had never pressured her to perform. Encouraged, yes. Demanded, no. He had been very gentle with her. The only thing he had demanded of her was…
She blushed as she remembered the feel of his hands on her body. Of the way he had made her respond to his touch. He made it all feel so easy, as though she had been just that responsive all of her life.
She took a deep breath in. Everything was so jumbled up inside of her, and the closer he got to her the harder it was for her to sort through everything. How was she supposed to think clearly when she was right within his reach at every moment?
But where else could she go? He had made her realize last night the danger she could potentially be in. Now that she thought about it, now that she recalled the way majji in her parents sphere had tried constantly to tear each other down, she felt foolish for not realizing there could be a potential for danger in becoming part of a Gestalt pair. But should she just stay there and let Dendri protect her? What of his life? This had been the last thing he had been expecting. Surely he would want the freedoms he had had before all of this to be returned to him. And what of what Olla had said? Was she merely the flavor of the moment to him?
What she had to do was base her relationship with him on the idea that she was, indeed, the current novelty in his life. That he would enjoy her and probably tire of her just as quickly. If she went into it with her eyes wide open to the possibility she would not get hurt in the process.
She left the orchard and paused a moment to look toward the rising sun. She drew a deep breath.
Yes. That was what she would do. She would enjoy him as if he would be just as easily gone the next day. That way when he did leave it wouldn’t be such a shock to her. That would open her up to all the possibilities and none of the hurt.
She turned back toward the house and began the long walk back, feeling that she at least had one thing settled in her mind. Whatever else came, she would be able to keep Dendri at a safe distance from her emotions. She could enter this relationship just as temporarily as he would. That way when he left…
Yasra ignored the twinge that came with that thought. No. She could be an adult woman about this. She wasn't a child. Besides, she had never been a romantic. She had never thought there was any such thing as true commitment and love. Not as a man loves a woman. She felt the love of friendship for Bess and didn’t know what she would do without her, but that was the most she believed in. Even that, she knew, was a rare occurrence. It had taken a great deal of time and attention to create the bond that she shared with Bess. And a great deal of reciprocal feeling.
She would be very lucky if she and Dendri ever reached the point of casual friendship. She still didn’t know him very well as yet. Unlike Bess, she was not willing to make snap judgments based on just a few days’ behavior.
The house came into view and she walked up the drive. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a man stepped into her path. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts she hadn’t even seen him approaching her.
“Easy Miss,” he said, holding out his hands to catch her by her arms when she stumbled.
”Who…?” she asked dumbly.
“No need to worry Miss. I’m just one of the Padoni guards here on the property. I was just coming to check and see who as walking hereabouts.”
“Oh. I see. I was just clearing my head.”
“I’m sure you feel the need. It’s no small thing what’s happened to you,” he said with a congenial smile. “Honestly, if it were me, I don’t know how I’d cope. I don’t envy you.”
“You don’t?” she asked. “The way Dendri makes it sound everyone will envy us.”
“Most will I expect. Majji and nons alike. He’s not wrong to want to protect you. But you’ve nothing to fear as long as we’re here.”
“Thank you,” she said. She held out her hand and he took it. “And you are…?”
“Axen. Kio Axen. You can call me Kio. And if you ever need me all you have to do is tear up something by the roots. I’ll feel it immediately and I’ll know exactly where you are. All right?”
“All right,” she said with a smile.
“Now I’ll be getting out of your way,” he said, stepping aside.
She smiled at him and continued walking up to the house. She entered the front door and ran into Tudman.
“My lord is in the morning room. Breakfast is waiting for you there, Miss.”
“Thank you,” she said, moving through the house and directly into the morning room.
Dendri was sitting at the table, relaxed back in his chair and reading his paper. There was a half drunk cup of coffee in front of him and a plate with a piece of toast and jam spread on it. It made her smile, remembering the pink apples and her memory of her parents’ cook.
He looked up when she entered the room, his dark green eyes fixing on her with an almost hungry regard, as if his appetites found her far more appealing than a piece of toast.
“Good morning,” he said, folding his paper and resting it down on the table beside his plate.
“Oh, don’t let me bother you. I just wanted some coffee,” she said as she moved up to a chair on the opposite side of the round, wrought iron table. He regarded her choice of seats with a silently raised brow. She ignored him and pulled out the chair.
She sat down and poured herself a cup of hot black coffee from the carafe in the center of the table.
“You’re very beautiful,” he said.
The compliment took her by surprise and seemed to come out of nowhere. She blushed and looked up at him through her lashes.
“I mean it,” he pressed. “Fresh in from out of doors, your skin aglow and your hair mussed by the wind. I like it that way, by the way. Down, that is. You wore it that way last night and it was all I could do to keep my hands out of it and to myself.”
Her blush deepened.
“Thank you,” was all she could manage to say. How else could someone respond to such outrageous remarks?
“And I shan’t even start on the way those breeches love your bottom. Here I thought dresses made you beyond ravishing…and now to see you like this, every inch of you on display…”
“Please stop!” she cried. She didn’t know if she could take much more. Her face was on fire and his words made inexplicable heat burn through her blood. It made her want things. Made her crave them. It was hard to keep her thoughts straight when he was overwhelming her like this.
“I think I will…for now,” he said, “if it makes you so uncomfortable.”
“It’s not that it makes me feel uncomfortable,” she said softly. “I’m just…I’m not used to it.”
He smiled. “Well, we’re going to have to get you used to it. I shall introduce my compliments to you more slowly. Give you time to adjust.”
She laughed at that. “Do you think that will work?”
“I have every hope that it will. Especially when coupled with…other methods of getting you to accept me.”
Her eyes darted up to his.
“Other methods?” she echoed. The minute she said it she wished she could call the query back.
He sat forward a little, that lazy smile smearing across his fine lips.
“I think you know the answer to that already. Albeit only in an introductory manner.”
Yasra had to clear a sudden catch in her tight throat.
“I think I should tell you that I don’t expect you to change your entire life for me. You needn’t…you needn’t pay attention to me if you don’t wish to. I’ll be all right with that.”
That brow shot up on one side.
“Is that so?” he said. His lips twitched as if he were trying not to laugh at her. “I trust you have learned that I am a man who knows his own mind. Perhaps through some of Wil’s anecdotes last night or through your own experien
ces?”
“I…well, yes of course.”
“So then you can be rest assured, Yasra, that any and all attention I focus upon you is very much what I desire. If you change my life it is because I wish it to be changed. You needn’t worry you are infringing on my life. That you are somehow an unwelcome intrusion.”
“I-I only meant that—“
“I know what you meant. I am merely explaining my perspective. I am very happy to find myself part of a Gestalt pairing.”
“Because of the power it will bring you,” she said, looking down at her coffee cup.
He was silent a moment. “I won’t pretend that this new power is undesired or unpalatable. It fascinates me. Excites me. But that excitement is separate and apart from the way I desire you personally. I hope you understand that.”
“You wouldn’t have even known I was alive if you hadn’t touched me,” she said softly.
“I thought the same thing at first. But when I rewound the experience…when I slowed it down…I found that I had noticed you on a visceral level even before we touched.”
She looked at him in doubtful surprise.
“Is that true?” she asked.
“Let us get one thing straight between us, Yasra,” he said firmly. “I always say what I mean. I do not lie. And I always expect my word to be taken at face value.”
“I’m sorry if I don’t know that,” she said in a prickly tone. “I don’t know you.”
He relaxed back in his chair again. “Ah, but you will. We are getting to know each other more and more with every passing moment.” He regarded her a moment. “It was your throat,” he said.
“My…what?”
“It was what I noticed first the day of the test. You were a very pretty girl in a very pretty dress, but you had an exceptional throat and neck. Long and graceful. Not white and pale…tanned as if you spend time out of doors a lot. Your neck at the yoke of your shoulder…it beckoned to me. Made me want to put my mouth on you there. But I dismissed the craving because I was…well, I was there for another reason. I didn’t want anything to interfere with that.”