The two of them sat in the booth, and Jackie started by asking why Ethan had landed in San Antonio, of all places? Wasn't it kind of unusual for a Yankee to be in these parts?
Ethan thought for a moment, and then, as if peeling the layers of an onion, his eyes welled up as a solitary tear rolled down his left cheek. “I was running away from something,” he replied.
Jackie, just wanting to let things flow naturally, asked Ethan if it might have been a death in his family.
His eyes gazed out the window as he replied, “No Jackie, it was a girl.”
Jackie had heard this tale a million times before and asked Ethan if he felt comfortable talking about it.
It was if the weight of the world were about to be lifted from Ethan’s shoulders, as his lower lip began to quiver. He took a deep breath and said, "I always seem to screw these things up."
Jackie reached out across the table to touch Ethan's hand and said, “Darling, you ain't lived long enough to know what real pain is.”
Ethan then said that what he had felt inside was so real, and that it was hard to put this break-up behind him. Jackie let out a laugh and said, “Son, at your young age, even if you don’t really know what pain is, I do understand that to you, at this moment, the pain is real.”
Jackie went on to say that many will always tell you that in life there are never any guarantees, and that people in a relationship just may have decided that what they thought was their ideal at the time really wasn't, and perhaps it was time to simply move on, that it could be for the best.
Ethan appreciated what Jackie had said, but this was going to take time and in most cases, the commodity of time is what is required to let people heal emotionally.
As Jackie spoke, she noticed Ethan starring out the window again, and knew from her own life experiences that people going through this type of emotional trauma just need the time and space to re-center themselves and get on with the act of living each day as it comes.
Jackie explained that in her own life she had been married twice before she had hit the age of twenty five, and that she and her present husband and soul mate had been together a long time now. She looked Ethan dead in the eye, like a sharp shooter zeroing in for the kill, and said, “Ethan, don't you worry your pretty little heart over such things. A love lost is more like a bad toothache. Once the damned thing is out and over with, you start feeling so much better.”
Ethan let out one of his signature sighs, looked down at Jackie's hand holding his, and then allowed a sheepish smile to form. “You’re a lot older than I am, Jackie, and just maybe there is truth in what you say.”
At that moment, Jackie heard the small bell over the door jingle. “Hey Darling, we've got a customer. Kick those blues away, Ethan,” Jackie said. “You have a whole life ahead of you.”
Then both Jackie and Ethan got up from the booth and went back to the floor to greet their customers.
Chapter 17: Getting Started
Slowly but surely Ethan was beginning to understand that in one’s life, you have to keep perspective. His friend, James, was dealing with a real life and death issue like HIV, and Jackie seemed to have the knowledge of Solomon. His heartbreak over losing what he believed to be the love of his life was now starting to fade. What was helping Ethan over these difficult times was actually being around people, and he couldn't have ended up in any better environment than where he was, as he met both old and new customers every day. Ethan thrived in hearing the different life tapestries of all the people he met.
As Ethan's shift ended one day, Jackie asked Ethan if he might want to go out for a few drinks after work. He gave pause before answering, and finally said, “You know, Jackie, I think I'll just go back to my apartment, as I still have things to unpack. So if it's all the same to you, I'm going to take a rain check and make it an early night.”
Jackie replied: “Fine, Darling, maybe another time, Hun.”
It was comforting to know Jackie would always be there for him.
James had given Ethan a lead on an apartment that was small but clean, and the rent fit right in with his budget. There wasn't much there, but at least it was his own, and as long as this was home for now, he was going to make the best of it. The nights were long and thoughts of Jennifer at times rushed back as a flood of memories. Ethan wondered how Jennifer was and what she might be doing, but he also knew that in order to move forward he had to keep busy. So he set out to hang up all of his clothes and turned on a small black and white television that he had found for cheap at a local thrift store. Loneliness and memories can be difficult enough to deal with, but at least hearing other voices on the television broke the cold silence in the apartment.
Chapter 18: Life is Getting Better
The next morning Ethan woke up to the sun streaming in his bedroom window while a bird was chirping endlessly outside. It was time to start another day. He went through his normal routine, and after cleaning up, grabbed a quick bite to eat, then headed out to work. As he left his apartment he looked at his wreck of a car and thought, Better to leave it there, save the gas money, and just walk while I think; after all, I could probably use the exercise.
So off he went, taking note of his surroundings. The different stores that lined the street, the looks of people he passed by, cars, sounds, smells, and all the rhythms of life on a daily basis that most people take for granted. It was a new day, a new life, and he couldn't wait to get into work.
As days morphed into weeks and then months, Ethan had come a long way from the heartbreak he had left behind in New York. At the restaurant he felt he was in his element, because there was something both old and new to experience each and every day, especially when it came to people. Ethan loved stories and he was very adept at sizing up people in a heartbeat. He had his regulars that would come in daily, as well as new faces with stories to tell.
Chapter 19: Everyone Has a Story to Tell
What struck Ethan the most were his regular customers, which gave him the time to get comfortable with them and they with him. There was Max, who was eighty-nine, and his lady friend, Betty, who would arrive every day at seven thirty in the morning. Ethan would seat them at their favorite booth, and would laugh every time Max put his arm around Betty, giving her a big wet kiss as only Max could do. Max had outlived all three of his wives, and Betty was a breast cancer survivor. Ethan thought to himself, How wonderful that in their golden years, both had found someone they truly enjoyed being with, and each of them was acting like a twenty-something.
There were Bill and Linda, who would come in at ten each morning like clockwork. Bill always accompanied Linda to the local hospital, where Linda was undergoing chemo-therapy for pancreatic cancer, a routine that lasted for over three months. Then one day Ethan realized that they weren't showing up at their regular time.
Several more months passed and then one morning Bill walked in alone. His face was sullen, and he seemed to walk more slowly and a bit more stoop-shouldered than usual. Ethan greeted Bill at the door and inquired how Linda was doing. Tears welled up Bill’s eyes and he began to shake; his voice broke as he said: “Ethan, my Linda is gone.”
Ethan reached out to Bill to hug him and tell him he was so sorry to hear of his loss. He asked Bill if he would like to sit at his regular table and Bill replied, “I think I'll just sit at the counter today, Ethan.”
Chapter 20: What Was in That Photo
When it comes to the loss of life, it's natural to retreat from all that once provided us even the simplest of pleasures. But Ethan was always like a human sponge, sucking in not only the emotions of others, but in allowing those emotions to affect his own life. Ethan's friend, Mark, back in New York, who knew Ethan better than most, warned Ethan about getting emotionally involved too deeply with other people’s problems, disregarding the emotional cost to himself rather than letting others deal with their own problems as they search for ways to heal themselves. It was a difficult lesson for Ethan to learn, yet in ti
me he would develop boundaries which he knew should never be passed.
Bill and Linda were rather unique in Ethan's eyes. They did everything together, from sky diving to taking cruises around the world, and with Bill's loss, Ethan sensed his own emotions taking hold, overriding his own love lost. These two people had been so much in love with each other, just as Ethan was with his ex, Jennifer. He paused for a moment and couldn't help but wonder, What if? What if my own life and vision of a long-lasting love affair had actually worked out? How might my life have been different, rather than ending up so far from home, having taken flight from all I knew back in New York? As quickly as that thought had entered his head, it had left, as customers began pouring into the restaurant to be seated.
Another frequent customer was John Hunter, who was as straight-laced a military man that the U.S. Army had ever produced. Over time Ethan would notice that John would always sit in the same spot. Having been in Special Forces, John always would situate himself in such a way as to be able to view both an entrance as well as an exit, which was probably a throw-back to his military training. This wasn't some form of paranoia, but obviously had to do with years of military service. Every day it was the same meal. The same number of sugars, not one more, not one less. John was as clean cut, precise, and disciplined as they came, with a neatly cropped beard as well as short hair and chiseled facial features. This guy was the real deal, a living Rambo in the flesh.
Ethan noticed after a while that every time John sat down and got comfortable, he would pull a photo out of the pocket of his crisply starched shirt. As John would stare at it, Ethan would notice John's face turn from one of stony military silence to one of loss and sadness; and every time Ethan would approach John's table, he would quickly place the photo back into his pocket. Ethan, being inquisitive, wondered why John's picture seemed to cause the facial emotions he had noticed, but in time Ethan would again understand the many intricacies of the lives with which he came in contact.
Chapter 21: Let’s Talk
I've been a part of Ethan's life since its creation, and like all before him, he began as a work in progress, a blank slate, an untouched block of marble, yet to take form at the hand of the divine sculptor. At this point in his life and with the many souls that had crossed his path, Ethan was beginning to take form. This had nothing to do with his physical appearance, but rather the persona and character that he was well on his way to creating. Ethan was further maturing.
Ethan was always drawn to John. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that many of the men in Ethan's family had been in the military themselves. What was the photo that John always seemed to hide from view whenever Ethan had approached his table? Why would John always tear up while he was so intently viewing the picture? What deep-held secret could this photo hold? It took another three months before Ethan could even get John to utter more than a few pleasantries, and then one day it happened. Just as Ethan brought John his morning coffee, John looked straight at Ethan and said, “You’re not from these parts, are you?”
Ethan looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, and yet managed a quizzical smile. “No sir, I'm not.”
Ethan wasn't busy that morning and asked John if they might talk for a few minutes. Finally, John seemed willing to open up. "Sure son, have a seat."
Over several weeks John told Ethan about his military background and his travels around the world while in the service. John had asked at one point why Ethan had decided to come to San Antonio, and without hesitation Ethan stated that he was running away from a break-up and felt that the change of scenery would benefit him. At that point, both John and Ethan seemed to have made a connection, but Ethan could only speculate on what that connection was.
Chapter 22: This Can’t be Happening
Ethan never held back from John, sparing none of the details about his relationship with Jennifer, and John was more the listener rather than divulging a past that he held close to his own chest. Ethan told John of his grand plan to get married and have children some day, while growing old gracefully; but he always had the feeling that John was holding something back. It was almost as if John was holding the key to some deep dark secret that he dared not get into. So Ethan left well enough alone, and assumed John would at some point feel comfortable enough to share what secrets that picture held.
These conversations between John and Ethan had gone on for weeks, and then the day arrived when John would never show up again. Ethan asked others on the staff if they had seen John come in at other times of the day. Neither James nor Jackie nor any of the other staff had seen him either. Some three or four months had passed since John had been in, when a woman in a nurse’s uniform walked into the restaurant. While talking to Jackie, who had met her at the door, she said she was looking for Ethan. Was this a secret admirer he knew nothing about or was there something else at play?
When Jackie brought the young lady over to meet Ethan, she introduced herself as Cindy. The look on Ethan's face was one of expectant curiosity, as if preparing to open a gift on Christmas morning. Given John's absence, Ethan knew that what he was about to be told would cause some level of emotional pain at the loss of another customer he had come to know. He was right. Cindy told Ethan that after months of being treated for some undisclosed disease, that John had died.
I knew this was coming. As I've mentioned, spirit guides can see into one’s future; yet I wasn't certain how Ethan would react to the news. Actually he took it quite stoically.
Cindy said it was one of John’s final requests that she give Ethan a sealed letter after his death, and she felt it important to adhere to his wishes. She handed Ethan the letter, which was in fact sealed, using an old fashioned wax-hardened seal with the imprint of John’s initials, JO. She apologized for having to leave in a hurry, as she was late for an appointment; she then left, as abruptly as she had arrived.
Ethan was stunned as he stood there; Jackie, within earshot, walked over to Ethan and gently took hold of his arm. She looked at him and asked if he might like to take the rest of the shift off. Ethan looked confused, bewildered in fact, as to what had just happened; and so with Jackie's permission, he returned to his apartment with the letter in hand.
All manner of thoughts were racing through Ethan's mind, and with his hands nervously fidgeting, he opened the letter and began to read what Ethan would come to understand as probably John’s final thoughts, and perhaps an answer about the picture John had always carried with him.
You see, John knew his time was running out, but like so many that know their time in the physical plane is nearly complete, he felt he owed Ethan some final thoughts, and answers to Ethan’s questions that had never been asked. The letter itself was incredibly personal. You see, John, like Ethan, at an early age had found what he, too, thought was his soul mate, a woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life. They had the same plans that all couples dream of as the ideal, but as circumstance would dictate, that relationship, like Ethan's, was not to be. After the break-up, John traveled the world and visited all of those vacation spots that both John and his ex had spoken about.
Chapter 23: The River Keeps Flowing
Another year had passed and Ethan was beginning to accept his own loss; the emotional pain was passing with time. John had explained that he had tried making contact with his ex years later, only to discover that she had died after a car accident. John told Ethan that he had regretted not trying to make contact sooner, and that he wished Ethan well in his future endeavors. John’s closing remarks were: "Ethan, just know in your heart that the right person is waiting for you, whom you will find. It may even be someone you already know".
Ethan was amazed at how John’s life had seemed to parallel his own; yet from a spirit guide’s perspective, this theme continues throughout time. Boy meets girl, boy losses girl, and two lives move in different directions. Ethan wondered if this, too, was to be his fate, and the desire to make contact with his ex, Jennifer became f
oremost in his mind. But then Ethan wondered if this might be a mistake, only to reopen an old wound that he had worked so tirelessly to close.
But man is a product of human , with all of its frailties, and the desire to find out any information on his ex, Jennifer, was impossible to suppress. Ethan went through his personal phone book trying to find any of his old friends that would know the intimate details of the break-up, and came across the one person that he knew he could trust to be discreet while asking questions.
Chapter 24: That’s What Friends Are For
Mark and Ethan went way back as close friends, and Mark had been sorry to see Ethan leave for parts unknown after his break-up with Jennifer. Ethan felt a little guilty imposing on Mark, but John’s letter set a smoldering ember into a four-alarm fire. He needed to know. He just had to know if there was any chance that he might be able to salvage his lost relationship. It was nearly two years now since Ethan had left New York, but he felt it was worth one last attempt in possibly putting things back together. With a somewhat reserved excitement, Ethan called in a favor from Mark.
Mark said he would call with any information he could find, but it took several days for Mark to get back to Ethan on his request. Mark was a little older than Ethan, and their first meeting had been quite by chance. Mark was always into physical fitness and had belonged to a gym. Ethan also had an interest in staying fit, and with a little help from above, both Mark and Ethan had nearly bumped into each other on the same day entering a local gym. Mark smiled at Ethan and introduced himself, and asked if Ethan was a new member. Ethan said he was considering it, and Mark asked if he might like the grand tour. When Ethan had finished seeing the facility, he said to Mark, “I'm sold. Where do I sign up?”
From an introduction and chance meeting, both Mark and Ethan developed as deep a friendship as any two humans could , and in time, they both would learn of a more esoteric bond between the two of them.
Mark had always seen great potential in Ethan, and both of them had always talked about ways of getting ahead. Mark was never one to push his beliefs on Ethan, but rather Mark allowed Ethan to absorb different ways of looking at life. Both men enjoyed each other’s company, could finish each other’s thoughts, and did just about everything that two best friends could do together. Mark was happily the single bachelor, while Ethan always seemed to be chasing after his ideal in a relationship.