“Well, for what it’s worth, it was good…really good,” Johnny reiterated. “But, I won’t ever touch it again. I just want to make sure you and I are good still. You mean the world to me.”
“We’re good,” Nicholas said as he tried to smile and fight back the tears of happiness that were trying to push their way out from behind his eyelids. He had never felt so close to anyone and it felt great to know that Johnny cared for him in such a deep way as well.
For the first time in his life, Nicholas finally felt truly happy.
Chapter 4
Three weeks later, the happiness that Nicholas felt with Johnny was tested. For the first time since their friendship began, Johnny was starting to spend time with someone other than Nicholas.
“It’s just an after school date,” Johnny explained as they sat on the bus ride home. He had asked out Amanda Nivel, the smartest and prettiest girl in their class. She was captain of the Dance Squad, and Class President.
For weeks, Nicholas had to listen to Johnny go on and on about how beautiful he thought Amanda was. Nicholas didn’t really have anything to contribute to the conversations because he had yet to become interested in girls. But, he listened like a good friend would. It wasn’t until the date was actually set that he grew jealous. “But, you were going to teach me how to throw a curve ball,” he reminded Johnny in hopes that Johnny would cancel the date and instead continue spending his time solely with him.
“It’s one date, and I can spend the next day with you,” Johnny answered, not seeing it as any kind of a big deal. To Nicholas, though, it was a big deal…a very big deal. He felt as though he were being cast aside like a toy that a kid no longer played with because he had a new favorite toy.
After the date, Johnny returned to the foster home full of excitement. “She took me to her house and played a song on the piano for me,” he rambled, telling Nicholas every detail of his time with Amanda. “And, then we sat on the porch swing and held hands.”
Nicholas felt like his heart was being stabbed with a sharp knife as he listened to every detail. He felt guilty that he couldn’t be happy for Johnny. They were best friends and he didn’t want to feel the way he did. He knew Johnny would be happy for him if he had a girlfriend.
The next day, Amanda joined them at lunch. “Isn’t Johnny great?” she asked as she kissed him on the cheek.
“Yeah, great,” Nicholas agreed, but with not much enthusiasm. Amanda was a nice enough girl, but he didn’t see why she had to spend every second of her time with Johnny.
Rather than feel angry and upset, he decided to just discuss it with Johnny on their way home. “Johnny, remind me to talk to you about something later,” he said, hoping that after having brought it up he wouldn’t be able to chicken out later.
“What is it? You can tell me now…I have no secrets from Amanda,” Johnny replied as he made goo-goo eyes at his new girlfriend.
Feeling flustered, Nicholas used the excuse that the bell was about to ring. “We can talk about it on the way home. Just remind me,” he said as he got up to throw his trash in the bin. If he had to sit and witness the love between Johnny and Amanda for one more second, he was going to barf.
Before he could get far, though, Johnny told him that he was going to go back over to Amanda’s after school. “Can it wait til I get home?” he asked.
“Sure.” Nicholas had to turn his back on the table so Johnny wouldn’t see the extreme disappointment on his face. Johnny didn’t even remember he had promised to teach Nicholas how to throw a fast ball after cancelling on him the day before.
When Johnny got back to the foster home later that night, Nicholas had already had dinner and had climbed into his bunk. First, he did his homework on Johnny’s bunk so he could try to recapture the warm feeling he felt the first time he slept in Johnny’s bed. It wasn’t the same though…nothing was the same. Nicholas returned to his own bed where he once again brought out his notebook.
He was in the middle of writing a poem about losing his best friend when Johnny entered the room, tossing his book bag at the end of the bed, and quickly stripping down to his boxers and t-shirt.
“What’s up, homie?” Johnny said as he effortlessly hopped up and sat on the edge of Nicholas’ bunk.
Nicholas kept his eyes glued on his notebook. He knew if he looked at Johnny’s smiling face, he wouldn’t be able to hang onto his anger. “You were supposed to teach me how to throw a fast ball today,” he said without looking up.
Johnny didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t stopped to think about how having a girlfriend effected Nicholas. He watched as a tear fell from Nicholas’ eye as he wrote in his notebook. He felt horrible, but all he could say was, “I’m sorry, Nicky.”
Nicholas didn’t reply or look at Johnny, but instead just waited on Johnny to go back to his own bunk. When he woke up the next morning, he found a note under his pillow that read:
Nicky,
I’m sorry for not remembering our plans. If you give me another chance, I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t hate me. –Johnny
True to his word, that afternoon, Johnny rode home with Nicholas and spent the entire evening teaching him how to throw a fast ball and a curve ball. By dinnertime, Nicholas had almost mastered the curve ball but was still having some trouble with the fast ball.
From that day on, Johnny made sure to balance his time with Nicholas and his time with Amanda more carefully, and Nicholas made more of an effort to not be as jealous that Johnny didn’t spend every ounce of his time with him.
Chapter 5
“Hey, what do you want for your birthday?” Johnny asked Nicholas as he lay in bed sick with the flu.
Nicholas was about to be fourteen. He gave up wishing for things on his birthday long ago, though. When you shared a foster home with thirteen other kids, you were lucky if anyone even remembered your birthday. A cake was a luxury, and presents were practically unheard of. “Nothing really,” Nicholas lied. There were lots of things he wanted….parents, a real home, privacy, more time with Johnny…the list went on. As far as material possessions, all he really needed was his notebook.
“Well, I’m getting you something anyways,” Johnny said in between coughing.
Nicholas felt bad for his friend for being sick, but a little sad for himself as well. He didn’t like having to go to school without Johnny.
“I’ll see ya after school and bring you your homework,” Nicholas promised as he gathered his book bag and closed the bedroom door behind himself.
At school, Amanda was the first to ask if Johnny was alright. “Let him know I asked about him,” she made Nicholas promise.
“Sure.” Nicholas rolled his eyes. He didn’t get the whole love-sick thing. Still, he figured it would be nice if someone worried about him the same way whenever he was sick.
At the end of the day, he was so anxious to get home to Johnny that he almost forgot all about baseball practice.
Most of practice was spent just running the bases. Coach said they had to work on their speed and endurance.
“You run like a girl!” one of the boys on the team told Nicholas in the locker room after practice.
“That’s ‘cause he is a little girl,” another guy said as he laughed at his clever remark with two other boys. Without Johnny there, it had become a free-for-all for everyone to harass Nicholas. The more he tried to ignore it and just hurry up and change so he could leave, the more he was picked on.
“More like a little faggot!” the first boy replied as he walked up to Nicholas and pushed him against his locker. “Aren’t ya? Tell everyone what a little fag you are!” the boy ordered.
“I’m not gay,” Nicholas said as he tried to control his tears. He wanted to run but the boy had him blocked.
“Yeah right, we see the way you look at us when we’re showing. Maybe we should beat the shit out of you,” the second boy suggeste
d and the crowd that had gathered laughed.
By the time the coach entered and broke things up, tears were freely running down Nicholas’ cheeks and he had almost wet his pants.
He normally got a ride home with one of the boys on the team, but since Johnny wasn’t with him he was forced to walk home.
When he got back to the Williams’ house, dinner was already in progress. “Where have you been?” Mrs. Williams yelled.
Before Nicholas could explain, he was marched to the living room where Mr. Williams was waiting with a social worker.
“We heard about the commotion you caused at school after baseball practice,” Mr. Williams said with a tern look on his face. “Starting fights won’t be tolerated!”
Nicholas was shocked. He wasn’t sure what the coach had told them, but he didn’t start anything. He wasn’t given the chance to explain, though. It had already been decided that he would be better off in a home where they could take more time to work on his issues. “We’ll miss you,” Mrs. Williams lied as she shed some fake tears. Nicholas was sure that she was only feigning interest to protect the checks the state was sending each month.
“Can I at least say goodbye?” Nicholas asked the social worker.
“We’ve already packed your things and really need to go, but if you make it fast you can have a minute,” she answered.
Nicholas ran to his room to say goodbye to Johnny. For the second time that day, his face was soaked in salty tears.
“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked when Nicholas woke him. He had been sleeping for the last several hours and wasn’t even aware that Nicholas’ belongings had been packed up.
“They’re taking me to live somewhere else,” Nicholas explained. “I only have a minute to say goodbye.”
The two boys hugged and Nicholas gave his notebook to Johnny to keep. “I can’t take this…it’s too important to you,” Johnny said as he tried to hand it back.
“I want you to keep it so you always remember me,” Nicholas replied. He told Johnny he could give it back when they see each other again in the future, but he knew the chances of that were slim.
“Wait!” Johnny said as Nicholas turned to leave. “Take this with you to remember me.” He handed Nicholas his favorite jersey. It was a little big for Nicholas, but smelled like Johnny. “I love you, Nicky.”
It was the first time Nicholas could remember anyone saying they loved him. It felt good, but was bitter sweet. “I love you too, Johnny,” he reciprocated. He meant it and didn’t want to leave, but had to.
He held Johnny’s jersey close to his face as he rode in the backseat of the social worker’s car to his new home.
Chapter 6
Nicholas was dropped off at the O’ Malley’s house shortly after eight o’ clock. The drive took over an hour and with each passing minute, Nicholas knew he would never see Johnny again. He had hoped he’d be staying in the same school maybe, but that wasn’t the case.
Mr. O’ Malley wasn’t home, but Mrs. O’ Malley seemed nice. They all seemed nice though in the presence of the social workers.
“Well, we’re happy to have you hear, Nicholas,” Mrs. O’ Malley said after introducing herself. She showed Nicholas to his room. It was small, but he wouldn’t have to share it with anyone else. The only other foster kid in the house was an eight-month-old baby girl, named Chelsea.
As Nicholas unpacked his book bag, he looked around the small room. There was only a small night stand and twin sized bed that looked like it was likely left on the side of the road for the garbage men. Nicholas could imagine Mr. O’ Malley pulling over his pickup truck and throwing it in just so they could take in another kid and collect another check.
Nicholas curled up in the bed, making sure to keep a close grip on the jersey Johnny gave him. With the lights off, he could at least imagine he was back in his old bunk bed and that nothing had changed.
“Time to wake up,” Mrs. O’ Malley announced at five thirty. She asked what Nicholas might want for breakfast, and for the first time, Nicholas thought maybe living there might not be so bad.
“Do you have some frosted flaked?” he asked. It wasn’t his first time starting a new school but he always felt nervous. Being able to hold onto parts of his old routine calmed him.
“Of course, dear,” Mrs. O’ Malley said. She seemed very meek and mild. He still hadn’t seen any sign of Mr. O’ Malley, but his pickup was in the gravel driveway as he and Mrs. O’ Malley headed to school to get him registered.
He didn’t make any friends at school, though he liked his teacher, Mr. Ford. He also didn’t make any enemies that he knew of, so the day was a success. He told Mrs. O’ Malley that he would ride the bus home and hoped that he would remember what their house looked like. He hadn’t really been able to see much the night before, and only got a glimpse of it that morning.
“How was school?” Mrs. O’ Malley asked when he walked in the door. She was busy feeding Chelsea. Nicholas assumed she stayed at home each day and didn’t work.
“It was okay,” he said. He still hadn’t warmed up to her enough to shirk off some of his shyness. “I need some school supplies for my classes,” he said and handed her a list. On it, he included an extra notebook so he could start writing his poems and thoughts again. Though he wasn’t about to tell anyone that it was his birthday, he considered it his present.
“Okay, dear,” Mrs. O’ Malley answered. “I’ll ask Mike to leave some money so I can run to the store tonight.” Nicholas thought it strange that Mrs. O’ Malley had to ask for money from her husband. Didn’t it belong to both of them?
They shared a quiet dinner together, after which Nicholas retired to his room to do his assigned reading. Just as he turned his light off and climbed into bed, he heard the front door slam and a man yelling about something. The conversation was too muddled for Nicholas to tell what was being said, though. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night, he was awoken to a bright light shining in his eyes. “So you’re the new bastard?” Mr. O’ Malley demanded to know as he hovered over Nicholas’ bed.
Nicholas could smell the alcohol from both Mr. O’ Malley’s breath and clothes.
“Ye-yes, sir,” Nicholas answered as he tried to focus his eyes. The light from the hallway was blinding him. It didn’t even occur to him that he was agreeing to being a bastard, though, he technically was he guessed.
“Don’t take that smart assed tone with me boy!” Mr. O’ Malley said as he yanked Nicholas from his bed and to his feet. It scared Nicholas so much that he wet himself. “What the fuck?” Mr. O’ Malley shouted.
“I’m, I’m so- sorry,” Nicholas immediately apologized, half stuttering. He was crying and shaking uncontrollably.
“Shut your fucking mouth!” Mr. O’ Malley yelled as he drew his hand back and slapped Nicholas across the face. “I’ll give you something to cry about!” With that, he ordered Nicholas to clean up the mess he made when he wet himself.
It took Nicholas almost an hour to stop shaking. He hoped he didn’t have a mark on his face from where he was slapped, though if he did maybe he would get to go back to the Williams’ and Johnny.
Once the mess was all cleaned up and Nicholas had changed his boxers, he sat in the top corner of his bed, and stared at the door, scared that Mr. O’ Malley would come back if he fell back to sleep. It was a fourteenth birthday that he would never forget.
Chapter 7
Just like the previous morning, Mrs. O’ Malley woke Nicholas up for breakfast. He had fallen asleep eventually, but only got a couple of hours of sleep. As he opened his sleepy eyes, his muscles ached from the cramped position he fell asleep in.
At breakfast, Mr. O’ Malley sat opposite him at the table. Although Nicholas made an effort to keep his head down and not make any eye contact, he could feel Mr. O’ Malley’s eyes drilling a hole into h
im.
“Why is half of your face all red?” Mrs. O’ Malley asked as she put Chelsea in her high chair so she could eat breakfast as well.
“I think I slept on it wrong,” Nicholas answered. As he looked up at Mrs. O’ Malley, he caught sight of Mr. O’ Malley’s cold, bloodshot eyes sending him a message.
“Oh, I almost forgot. I picked up your school supplies. I’ll be right back.” Nicholas didn’t like being left alone with Mr. O’ Malley but he was too afraid to get up and leave.
“You listen here you little shit,” Mr. O’ Malley whispered loudly after making sure his wife was far enough away to not hear him. “You better keep your fucking mouth shut about last night, if you know what’s good for you!”
For the second time in less than twelve hours, Nicholas felt the need to wet himself. He was able to control it, though.
As soon as Mrs. O’ Malley came back with his school supplies, he quickly excused himself to his room so he could get ready for school.
With shaky hands, he put one of the notebooks under his bed’s mattress and shoved everything else in his worn book bag. After getting dressed and ready, he planned to remain in his room until it was time to walk to the bus stop. At least that way, he could avoid another encounter with Mr. O’ Malley.
Shortly before he had to leave for the bus stop, though, he heard Mr. O’ Malley’s truck rev up and leave.
“Nicholas! It’s time for you to get to the bus stop,” Mrs. O’ Malley reminded him. On his way out the door, she kissed his forehead and told him to have a great day. He wondered how such a nice, motherly woman could be married to someone so opposite.
It would take a few days to get used to having the same teacher for all of his classes. The other schools he had been in for his eighth grade year required him to switch classes with each subject.
“Welcome back, Nicholas,” Mr. Ford said as Nicholas entered class and took his seat. As the day went on, Nicholas liked Mr. Ford more and more. He never expected that he would look forward to being at school much more than his time at home.
During his English Composition class, Mr. Ford assigned the class to write a poem about their favorite person. Immediately, Nicholas thought of Johnny. Although it had only been a couple of days since they had seen each other, it felt like a lifetime.