“Okay.” She sighed softly.
“Promise?”
“Yes. I promise. Love you.”
“Okay, babes. Love you.”
Ellie was in the bathroom. I glanced at my watch, wondering when Harris would come up to the room. My friend was a disaster. There was no other way to put it. She’d worked hard to keep the problems to herself and not let Jen or Aaron in on the drama during this weekend, but Jenna could sense it as easily as I could. Both she and Harris had put on good game faces and got through it, but they were struggling and my heart was breaking for them.
Ellie was taking a bath in an attempt to calm down and I dug some Advil out of my purse and put it on the bedside table with a glass of water. I also had Tylenol PM, but since she’d had wine tonight, I decided the other would be best.
“Julia?” she called from the other room.
I stood up from the edge of the bed and went to the door. “Yes, Ellie? Do you need anything?”
“Thank you for being with me so much tonight. I get that Ryan is unhappy that you’re with me instead of him.”
I put a hand on the door. “He’s okay. He understands and he loves you, too. He wants me to take care of you. You’ve done so much for us, so don’t worry.”
The sound clicking as the keycard was inserted on the other side of the door alerted me to Harris’s arrival. “Harris is here, Ellie. I think I should go now, okay? Give you guys some privacy?”
“Okay, Julia. Thank you. Will I see you tomorrow?” Her voice held prevalent evidence from her tears, her nose clearly stuffed up.
“We don’t leave until the early afternoon, so sure. Just call me when you get up.”
“Okay.” I heard the water slosh as she got out of the tub. I turned to see a weary Harris enter the room. My arms opened and his folded around me automatically. He buried his face in my neck.
“I’m so sorry for the both of you, sweetie,” I said softly and stroked the back of his head. “I hate to see you suffering like this, but don’t give up.”
He nodded against me and then moved out of my arms to pour himself a drink from the refrigerator that was hidden in the armoire below the television. They didn’t have a suite like Ryan and I did, but the room was still very nice.
“Thanks, Jules. You and Ryan are good friends.”
“Ellie told me you’re going to Canada early. What time is your flight?”
“Six AM,” he said sadly. “Did she tell you that she thinks I fucked a groupie? Because, I didn’t.”
I sighed, my heart tightening in my chest. “I know you didn’t. She said she saw…”
“Yes. I’m sure it looked bad, but I didn’t start it, and I didn’t encourage it. In this life that shit happens. There are always women around but I don’t ask them to be there. Some don’t even give a damn what band they follow around or even know who we are. There are some that think it’s a status thing to screw a rocker. And, I won’t lie. There are guys in my band that take full advantage of it, but not me.”
I walked up to him and rubbed his back lightly. “I’ve told her the same thing, Harris. It’s very hard for Ellie to be away from you so much.”
“But she won’t come with me. Believe me, I’ve asked.”
I nodded. “I know. She told me, but to her it appears you think her job is disposable but it means a lot to her. She works hard. I wish I had a solution for you.”
“How do you and Ryan…” he began, but the bathroom door opened and Ellie emerged in a fluffy pink robe with her hair wrapped in a towel. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked stiff.
“Hey,” he greeted her.
“Hey,” she said in return, hanging in the doorway without really moving toward him.
I got up and gave her a hug. “Okay, I gotta go. I love you.”
Ellie nodded, her eyes filling with tears.
“Have faith and listen to his words,” I whispered into her ear. “He loves you, Ellie. Believe that.”
Her arms tightened around me as she nodded without saying a word.
I turned and put my arms around Harris. “Thanks, Julia.”
“I’m waiting patiently for a signed CD as soon as you get it off the presses.”
There was an uncomfortable silence behind me as I left the room and I realized how tightly I was wound. The muscles in the back of my neck burned and my heart was sick for the both of them. How in the hell does something like this happen to two people who love each other so much?
It was almost ninety minutes since I’d spoken to my husband and I was hoping he was asleep. I worried about him so much. The residency was so demanding. He didn’t get enough rest, didn’t eat right and worked himself silly. It was his habit to worry more about me than himself.
I pulled the keycard out of my purse and inserted it in the door, carefully turning the handle so as not to make too much noise and then held it as it closed to keep it from slamming. He’d left a light in the sitting room on for me, but the light was off in the bedroom. The darkness was visible through the crack in the door and I could hear his even breathing. It was a comforting sound and the love I always felt filled my heart to the point of bursting. I couldn’t wait to slide in between the sheets next to Ryan and be wrapped in the strong arms that would unconsciously come around me, even in deep sleep. I went and turned off the light and immediately; the entire suite was shrouded in darkness. I let my eyes adjust for a moment so I wouldn’t knock into anything and make noise that would wake my husband.
I kicked off my shoes and unzipped my dress, dropping it in a puddle of fabric at my feet. I continued to peel off my bra and panties, leaving a trail behind me like Hansel and Gretel in the forest. Once in the bedroom, I could see Ryan in the bed. He was lying on his stomach with the sheet dropping low on his waist, the strong expanse of his back and shoulders visible. His arms were curled under the pillow he held to his head and his left leg was bent out to his side.
I stopped to take off my earrings and necklace and place them softly on the nightstand before lifting the sheet on his right side. I slid in and curled up behind him, touching as much of his body with mine as I possibly could. This was the last night in a while when we’d get to sleep in each other’s arms and I wanted to get as much of him as I could. He moaned slightly as my arm went around him and I nuzzled into the back of his neck.
“Hey, you.” I tightened my arm around him as his came down to cover mine, the fingers of his hand threading through mine. I placed my open mouth on his shoulder blade and prepared to drift off to sleep, sucking in the musky scent of his skin and letting the heaven of his skin on mine wash over me and through me.
“You’re supposed to be asleep. Are you asleep?” I smiled against his back.
“You’re supposed to wake me up, wife,” he said huskily, turning and taking me into the fullness of his embrace, almost pulling me completely on top of his body. His mouth found my forehead as I snuggled into him, my head coming to rest on his chest and my leg getting sandwiched between both of his. I started drawing circles on the skin of his chest and abdominal muscles, mostly because I couldn’t keep myself from touching him. “Is Ellie okay?”
“Time will tell. Harris came to the room right before I left, so hopefully they’re talking or making love right now.”
“Mmmm…” he stirred underneath me. “Harris is quite upset, Julia. I think he’s as miserable as she is. He said she doesn’t trust him.”
“I know,” I said quietly into the darkness. “He told me his side while Ellie was in the bath.”
Ryan’s chest rose and fell underneath my cheek and I closed my eyes, so grateful that he was mine and everything was so perfect.
“I don’t know what I’d do if something like that happened to us. It would kill me to have you doubt me.” His voice was soft, but urgent in the silence
I lifted my head and rested my chin on his chest so I could look up at him. Even though it was dark, I could see his eyes sparkling as he looked down at me. “I wouldn’t. I
couldn’t.”
“Aaron teases me that I’m too in love with you. I know I tell you a hundred times a day, but I can’t help it, Julia. I won’t let anything come between us.”
Yet again, his words moved me to the point where my throat ached and my eyes stung. “If it was a thousand times, I’d never get tired of hearing it. Aaron can bite me.” I tried to laugh.
Ryan’s breath rushed out in an amused huff. “Julia, the other night when we talked about the baby, you seemed hesitant. If you want to wait, I’m okay with it. It has to be right for both of us.”
I swallowed at the reverent tone in his voice. It was like a caress that I could physically feel as it flowed over me, so loving and safe.
“I want to. More than anything, but I’m just worried about the timing. This…” I stopped and kissed his chest with an open mouth and his lungs filled beneath me as he sucked in his breath. “This… as you say, our mad love… it means everything. These moments between us are so, so precious to me.” I shrugged slightly in his arms. “I want a baby, but I don’t want to lose us. We’re so incredible together. Nothing is more important than being with you right now.”
His hand that had been stroking my back came up to thread through my hair and then his thumb brushed my chin. “Julia, you’ll never lose me. Nothing could make this less than it is. Having a baby is the most intimate of bonds a man and a woman can share and nothing will make me happier than to be that close to you. Just you. It is mad love, you know. It drives me crazy. I sometimes wonder if I’ve imagined it and you. It’s so intense.”
Tears welled and I closed my eyes against them. His hand ran down my back and up again, his fingers curled and the nails scratched softly. Such an innocent touch, yet so arousing because it was Ryan. I knew what those hands and mouth were capable of and my body reacted of its own accord. He surged against me and I knew we wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. The answering throbbing started deep within me and I sighed against him, giving in to the deep-seated need that never ebbed.
I should have known he could read me like a book. His eyes never left mine and his hands moved down around both of my upper arms to bring me up so his mouth could close hotly over mine. Lately, he was ruining my plans to take care of him, to give him a massage, let him sleep or to taste him. He’d been so hungry for my body under his and his mouth on mine that I couldn’t deny him anything. His urgency echoed my own.
My hands slid into his hair as we kissed over and over, rolling around frantically on the bed until the covers were on the floor and my legs were curled around his waist. The air was cool on my bare skin wherever his body wasn’t covering mine, but the tremors weren’t caused by the cold.
“Uh….Juuuliiiaaa,” he groaned, as his body finally came into mine and we moved together in the love dance that was so familiar but surprising in its magnificence at the same time. He whispered against the erratically beating pulse at the base of my neck before dragging his mouth up over my jaw and back to my lips, “Is it wrong to be this happy when other people are hurting so badly? God, baby,” he grunted as I arched up to take him deeper into the warmth of my body.
I could feel every inch of him as we brought each other to depths of pleasure that transcend the physical, both of us panting love words and calling each other’s names over and over again, fingertips gently digging at the other’s flesh. Ryan loved hearing my sighs and moans, so I let them all out as he brought my body to fulfillment. Words weren’t necessary between us as we worshiped each other with our bodies and our mouths. It was breathtaking and soul shattering every time. Tonight our lovemaking was laced with a bit of the desperation we felt for our friends’ plight and the longing we would suffer in the coming days when we were apart; our kisses deepened and the touches became more clinging.
He filled me in every way. Heart, body and soul; I was bursting and I could feel the intense desperation that drove Ryan on as he made love to me as no one else ever could, touching me in places I didn’t even know existed. It was everything; it was amazing.
I wanted every day of forever to spend in his arms, secure in the knowledge that he loved me in ways I couldn’t comprehend and I loved him more than I could ever put into words.
“Julia…” he breathed as his body poured into mine.
The love between us was too much and yet… not enough. If we died drowning in each other’s arms, it would never be enough.
~3~
I threw the photos down on my desk in disgust. This is what I get! This is what I get for letting go of a project even one little bit. Fucking hell!
“Andrea!” I let go of the button on my phone that buzzed the intercom in her office. “Get in here, now! Who the hell is responsible for this?”
In fifteen seconds she was rushing into my office. “Julia, what is it? Do you mean Mike Turner? Kent? Me? What are you talking about?”
I was too pissed to sit so I stood behind my desk, glaring down at the photos that now represented hours and hours of extra work for me, Andrea, sales, layout and editorial. Time and, literally, tens of thousands of dollars down the fucking drain.
I glanced up at her and huffed. “Can’t I even be gone for five days? Five damn days?” I asked angrily and ran my hand through my hair. “This layout is not what I asked for. The storyboards I left were very clear. Everything was in-house, so how in the hell did this happen? I mean… shit!”
“Uh… I guess I don’t know what you mean, Julia,” Andrea answered. Her hesitation was clear and she moved closer to the desk to get a better look. “What did he do? The pictures are amazing.”
If it were possible, my back stiffened even more. “Andrea, he knows better, but I thought you were watching him? I rushed back from Spain as it was. And now…!” I threw my hands in the air. “There better be a good explanation why this happened. I mean, couldn’t Editorial get the story? Did Meredith change the directive?”
She stood looking at me as if I were insane. “What? Is this for the New Yorker project? The AIDS benefit?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s for the January issue of Vogue; the fashion feature. Hasn’t anyone noticed that the clothes on these models are the wrong damn designer? I mean, Jesus! Get Mike in here and call Kent Jared. Find out if the cover’s been printed yet and let Denise know what’s going on so she doesn’t waste time working on the page lay-outs until we know where we stand. If we’ve caught it in time, maybe we can shift cover stories between the two months. Dior will be pissed, but that’s the best case scenario we can get. If the cover is done, we are even more screwed. We’ll have to re-do the shoot in fast forward.”
Andrea stood frozen as I flopped down at my desk and put both hands in my hair. I looked up at her and stopped in my tracks. “What are you waiting for? Go!”
She scrambled out of my office and I stared as the door closed with a heavy thud. I sighed deeply.
The last week in Spain and dealing with Ellie’s fragile emotional state had been hard enough. I hadn’t even been home yet. Ryan was working so I came straight to the office and right away I was faced with this bullshit. I picked up the phone to call Meredith. She answered on the third ring.
“Hey, babe, didn’t think you’d be back in the office today.” She paused a second or two. “Didn’t your plane just land? I thought you’d be rushing home to that gorgeous man and humping his brains out.”
I frowned. “Well, Ryan is working all day and it’s a damn good thing I didn’t go home first. Are you aware what’s going on with the January feature?”
“I know the shoot was last Wednesday, but I haven’t seen the pics yet. Why?”
“Oh, nothing.” I leaned back and pushed my sandaled feet on the edge of my mahogany desk. I was in ratty jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. Slip-on shoes were mandatory for the airport security, albeit if all wrong for the New York winter. “Just the shoot was on the wrong designer. Not really a big deal. It could just fuck the whole issue,” I said with mock casualness that I wasn’t feeling. My heart was poundin
g and I was freaking out, perspiration was dotting my forehead.
She gasped and I could see her almost jump up from her chair in a frenzy. “How in the hell did that happen?” she burst out. “More importantly, can you save it, Julia?”
“How should I know at this point? I just found out ten minutes ago! I’m taking inventory of what’s been done and I’ll know more when I find out if the cover printed. Jesus, I’m glad I didn’t wait until Monday to come in here. Then there would’ve been no chance to salvage it.”
She sighed on the phone. “Well, fuck!”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” I retorted.
“What can you do?”
I loved how the messes always landed in my lap. No matter who caused it, I was expected to clean it up. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
“I’m going to concentrate on the fix and then I’ll figure out how this happened. I’m so pissed right now I’d like to fire whoever is responsible. I may have to order a reshoot or we may have to beg Dior to let us switch months. It won’t be easy because they have their show in January. Not fucking February! We’ll be lucky if they don’t pull all together. Either way, I’m left doing a completely new shoot and it’s gonna cost the magazine a bunch of money. If the cover is printed, we’ll have to reshoot with the correct material this weekend.” I wondered if the disgust I felt was obvious in my voice. Ryan was supposed to be off on Sunday and now I had to work. “Ahhhhhh!” I almost yelled into the phone. “This is not how I was planning on spending the weekend, Mere. Far from it.”
“Yes, I can imagine.”
I huffed. No, you really can’t.
My eyes sought out the wedding photo on my desk. Ryan was so handsome and the way he was looking at me melted my heart.
When I finished the call on my office phone, I pulled my cell phone out and sent a page to Ryan, letting him know that I was back in New York safely. Due to all of the equipment in the ER, the staff wasn’t allowed to have cell phones on during their shifts so I had to content myself with hearing from him during his breaks.