Chapter 25
There had been a few days of rain, so when the sun came out on Saturday Jennifer thought it would be a good opportunity to get out of the apartment. The pool would most likely be pretty cold from the recent rain, but the sun would be warm and sitting out to read sounded like a good plan. So down beside the pool it was.
As Jennifer gathered up her book, a diet soda and a reclining lawn chair, she was thinking about how much better she had been feeling lately. Still not ready to talk with David just yet, but not as concerned about bumping into him either. She thought how it wasn't too long ago that she was kind of a shut in. She wouldn't have dared gone down to the courtyard and run the risk of being approached by David or anyone, especially Amy Helmer. Now she realized she really didn't care. No, Jennifer thought to herself; it's not that I don't really care; it's that I've gained the strength to deal with it. That's it ? strength. She felt good about herself as she stepped out of her apartment.
The stroll across the courtyard to the pool was pleasant. The sun was warm on her face, and the air smelled very fresh; washed clean by the recent precipitation. Jennifer picked a spot with good sunlight and situated her chair so that she had the perfect natural reading light without being hit directly in the eyes by the sun. As she leaned back in the reclining chair and opened her book she took a deep breath and smiled.
Jennifer's smile did not make Amy happy at all; in fact, it infuriated her. See Amy, from her kitchen window, just happened to notice Jennifer down by the pool. She watched Jennifer intently from her perch. She felt as if she were stalking her prey. Indeed she was.
Oh, what to do ? what to do, thought Amy. Having it out for little Jennifer Holmes was becoming all consuming to Amy's psyche. Obsessed is a good word to describe her. Obsessed with revenge, wrath, come-up-ins; just general mean things.
Amy finally turned from her kitchen window and found her way to the cabinet. She needed to calm down a bit, and think. Nothing better to calm the nerves than a few shots, she thought. As she opened the bottle of whiskey she took a big whiff and then smiled herself; a smile much larger than Jennifer's had been. This pleased Amy, very much so.
After one jigger ? one after another that is, Amy felt the calm wash over her. She stopped at three (or was it four) because she wanted to keep her bearings. Yes, she thought, calm but stay composed.
Now what shall I do? There's definitely more to be done to the smiling little Jennifer Holmes, thought Amy. I suppose I could just let her stew a bit more. From what I can tell she and David haven't been seeing each other anymore, so I know my plan has at least partially worked. Maybe I should just lay low and be patient? Let the magic work ? hmmm.
"No, no that's too easy," said Amy right out loud as she pounded her fist on the kitchen counter; hard enough to hurt. I'm not one to lay off when I have someone on the ropes. She needs to be on the ground, beaten down; or something like that. I've never been served well by inaction. Doing something is the way to winning something. "A-c-tion is sat-is-faction." Amy laughed loudly as she said again, almost singing "action is satisfaction!"
Amy decided to go straight down there and confront Jennifer. Well, not be so obvious as to actually confront her, but seem to just happen to show up by the pool and then gradually lay into Jennifer. Amy thought she would be subtle. However, subtlety is not something Amy has in her bag of tricks. Nevertheless, Amy was off to the courtyard.
As Amy headed out her front door, with a book and a beer, she realized her anger was welling up again. She had intensity to her that she would have to mask if she were to be effective in her initial approach.
Amy was surprised when she approached the pool. She was surprised that Jennifer did not even look up from her book, even though she figured Jennifer clearly knew she was approaching.
With very little subtlety Amy stepped between Jennifer and the sun, taking her reading environment from sunny to shady and leaving no doubt to Jennifer that Amy was present. Jennifer looked up.
"Hello Amy," said Jennifer with a polite smile, not showing the least bit of concern about Amy blocking her light. Amy did not like this calm behavior from Jennifer, she saw it as fake. She wanted to see a down in the dumps, blue, beaten down Jennifer; a girl that had lost her man to the better and prettier Amy Helmer.
"What are you reading?" Amy asked this with a cold quick tone.
"'An American Tragedy' by Dreiser."
"Sounds fitting," Amy replied, referring simply to the title as it related to Jennifer's tragedy of losing David. Amy, of course, had not read the book or even heard of it before.
"It's pretty good ? what're you reading Amy?" Jennifer had a genuine interest in what Amy liked to read. She always enjoyed finding out what others like to read, as she feels it tells a lot about a person. With Amy it certainly does.
"Oh, just some tawdry romance novel I picked up in the grocery store," replied Amy without even bothering to tell Jennifer the title. Amy didn't feel Jennifer deserved the effort of looking at the book cover, and she had forgotten what the name of it was anyways; the book wasn't important, that's not why she was down by the pool.
"Oh," said Jennifer as she glanced back down to her book, thinking (and hoping) this little small talk with Amy Helmer was winding down to a close. Wrong.
"What you don't read romance, you prefer more heady pursuits?" Amy was ramping up her rhetoric.
"Oh I don't know, I guess I read just about everything," replied Jennifer with a smile, but without looking up from her book. She realized this was a bit rude but hoped Amy would get the picture.
"You certainly do seem to read a lot don't you? Takes up an awful lot of your time doesn't it? Perhaps if you were to spend more time on your people skills than having your nose in a book you might fare better." Amy took her volume up as she finished her not so veiled insult.
"I suppose you have a point there, Amy ? but one can learn a lot from reading as well ? things like how to deal with evil characters in a plot," Jennifer still had not looked up from her book, although she was obviously not reading.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Amy replied while placing her beer and book down by the pool.
"Just that art often mirrors real life ? therefore reading can teach us about life." Jennifer did raise her eyes now and looked Amy square on.
"Oh, well I guess you have your excuse to live in your books then huh?" Amy placed her hands on her hips while taking a step towards Jennifer's chair. She enjoyed the position of hovering over Jennifer, looking down upon her.
Jennifer chose to ignore Amy for the moment, moving her eyes back to her book. She thought reacting would only feed Amy's fire. However, the truth is, Jennifer's reaction was irrelevant to Amy as she had her plans in motion.
"You really think you're something don't you? Think you've got things all figured out." Amy moved even a bit closer to Jennifer's personal space.
"What on earth do you mean ? Amy?" Jennifer had full on sarcasm in her tone now. She thought it was probably a mistake but let it flow anyway. Her over inflection of Amy's name was like icing on the cake.
"I'm sure you know exactly what I mean little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. You've got a smug way about you don't ya?" Amy's voice raised on octave.
"I'm just sitting here reading by the pool, how exactly does that make me ? smug?" Jennifer realized this question would exact a strong response, but hey, at least I don't have to do the talking, she thought. She was not at all interested in talking to Amy Helmer. She thought, just maybe, she could ignore her and keep on reading. Good luck with ignoring little Miss Helmer when she's on a tear.
"You've just got a smartass attitude don't you now? You've got a fake calm and quiet thing goin' and you know it." Jennifer couldn't help but respond to this.
"You mean I'm quiet and that makes me ? bad?" Jennifer placed her book upside down on her lap. She realized this was a sure sign she had taken the bait; she was in the co
nversation now, whether she like it or not.
"You just have that quiet whisper tone like you're trying to be so soft and sweet, like churchy or something. No one is that nice and you damn well know it. You've got something up your sleeve; you've got a hidden agenda. This soft little mouse whisper thing you've got goin' may work on David but I'm on to you." Amy was getting around to her true motives; David.
"Oh you mean I talk softly ? too softly?"
"I'm not talking softly so I know you heard me!" Amy walked over and opened her beer; taking a big swig.
"Talk in a whisper voice?"
"Ah ? yah." Amy tried hard to mirror Jennifer's earlier sarcasm.
"Like I'm in a library or something?"
"What?"
"Like I'm talking softly to someone in a library?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" Amy wasn't catching on at all.
"Amy ?" The small pause left by Jennifer lead Amy to interrupt her rudely.
"What!"
"I'm a Librarian ?" again Amy interrupted.
"What?"
"I was saying ? I'm a Librarian ?" Amy talked over Jennifer.
"Oh bullshit!"
"Yup, I'm a Reference Librarian at Daviess County Public Library. You know it's that big building not too far from here where they keep books. People check them out and read them and ? stuff." Sarcasm had returned with a vengeance.
"Are you implying I don't know what a library is or that I don't know how to read?"
"Not at all," replied Jennifer with a smug smile. She figured if Amy was complaining about her being "smug", well then she'd give her something to complain about.
"So, then you think being a Librarian gives you the excuse to have such a fake tone?" Amy took another big drink from her beer.
Jennifer realized she was in a no win situation so she just replied: "I'll give you that Amy, I do talk too softy some times, but it's just who I am; you're welcome not to like it." Jennifer didn't sound sarcastic now; she had a more sincere timbre to her voice.
"You think you're pretty smart don't you?" Amy didn't even give Jennifer the time to reply. "No I don't like the way you talk, and anything else about you girl; and neither does David. That's why you lost him." Amy now sat down on the edge of the pool. She felt it was the right time to show the confidence to not need to tower over Jennifer in the heated conversation. She already had the upper hand, at least in her mind.
"I know right where David is ? he's not lost," Jennifer said with a smug laugh. She thought it was a bad idea to egg Amy Helmer on, but did it anyway.
"Oh, you've lost him that's for sure. The best girl won, and that ain't you." Amy laughed in an odd cackle even she thought was weird after she'd done it. Jennifer just looked at her for several seconds perplexed by her strange behavior.
"What's the matter toots; cat got your tongue? You're not so smart now are you?" Amy was itching for a response. She was enjoying the back and forth argument. Amy just loved arguments she thought she could win. Jennifer really didn't like any argument regardless of the outcome, but seemed to be going right along; at least until now.
"Well Amy if you're looking to win then congrats. I'm not exactly sure what you've won but I hope the trophy looks good on your mantel." Jennifer continued speaking quickly so Amy wouldn't have the chance to interrupt her. Jennifer noticed Amy had a look on her face like she desperately wanted to say something. "Winning and losing implies playing a game, and I gave up games a long time ago." Amy quickly jumped in at this point.
"That's exactly what it is Jennifer; it's a game. You're a game; a game to be played and you've been played like a ? a violin, or a ? well a smug, sheltered Librarian type. You see your book smarts don't equate to street smarts hon, and all your reading won't help you beat me at the game of attraction. You just don't have the tools girl; inside ? or out for that matter." Amy flipped her hair back with this last statement, as if flirting, trying to accentuate that fact that she believed she was prettier than Jennifer. It was a weird display, thought Jennifer.
"Well ? Amy ? as I was saying, I don't play games. So, how do you win in a game when the other party isn't playing?"
"You played, you're just saying you didn't 'cause you lost."
"Oh, I see." Jennifer saw Amy's logic in this. In fact, she was a little right and that made things worse, thought Jennifer. One of the key differences, at the moment, between Jennifer and Amy appeared to be perspective. Jennifer could see where Amy was coming from, but with Amy it was not a two-way street.
"Good, then you're beginning to accept your loss," laughed Amy.
"Well Amy, my point of view on this issue is ?" Amy interrupted her.
"Oh, oh I just can't wait to hear this from the highly education and well read book worm Librarian with zero people skills. This ought to be good, let me get myself all situated and ready, should I go get pen and paper to write this down? Will it be profound and life changing; your wisdom and all?" Amy turned around and sat Indian style directly in front of Jennifer's chair now. She moved herself around as if preparing to hear important news. She was beyond condescending with her mannerisms and posture.
"Amy, to me a man isn't a prize, it's called a relationship, and people aren't there for you to win ? or lose." Jennifer had a thoughtful tone to her voice.
"Said the loser!" Amy quipped.
Jennifer laughed loudly at this, as if it were so absurd. Amy stared at her intently.
"Oh so now you and David are in a r-e-l-a-t-i-o-nship, huh?" Amy's tone was quite dramatic.
"I didn't say that now did I?" Jennifer was growing tired of this conversation all together.
"You certainly alluded to it."
"Well if you wish to call David a game then you win. If he's able to be won or lost in your game then you can have your win. Happy now?" Jennifer began to gather up her things.
"Yes, Jennifer, I'm very happy thank you; I'm freaking ecstatic!" Amy especially liked that she seemed to be running Jennifer off. "Oh didn't mean to chase you off sweetie," said Amy with a pompous tone.
"I have things to do Amy," replied Jennifer as she casually headed to her apartment. Once again Amy felt as if she'd won. She wore Jennifer down and then ran her back to her apartment with her tail between her legs. Sweet success!
As Jennifer entered her apartment she began to think about her strange encounter with the aggressive Miss Helmer just now. As she put her folding lawn chair in the closet and walked to the kitchen for a drink of water, she was surprised how good she felt about herself. She thought; there was a time when such an obvious insult laden conversation would really bring me down. Perhaps Amy doesn't have that power over me, or perhaps no one does anymore. Maybe having this self confidence is one of the good things about getting older? Gaining maturity in those tough social situations and holding onto your self-worth while under attack certainly feels good. It's quite the confidence builder.
As Jennifer dropped the ice cubes in her glass and filled the glass with water she looked in the mirror over the sink and said: "I'm beginning to heal now ? no I'm probably done with that. I'm healed. I can face Amy. I can probably even talk to David." She felt good.
She thought on: I absolutely have to return to that field and thank my friend the tree for beginning my healing process. A picnic, even if I have to go alone. Something told her that she would do this someday but couldn't bring herself to pin herself down to when. Again she thought about how most people just don't do things like that until they need a break. When things are good they just stand in their kitchen, all relaxed and confident, and talk to themselves in the mirror while drinking ice water. She laughed out loud at this thought.
She began to think about David; about the fun they had at dinner. She especially felt good about the times they ran together, with the small talk and the joy she felt finding someone with similar interests and even similar perspectives on life.
Jennifer then allow
ed herself to be upset with David as she thought about how someone like him could get mixed up with the sort like Amy Helmer. She's just trouble, bad trouble. David must be immature and thinking with his ? well not his brain, she thought.
Then Jennifer dialed herself back and cut out the pessimism. She thought, with all feelings aside, and looking at the possible realities of the situation there could be a simple explanation for the whole thing. Amy could be lying about most of what she'd said, and there could be an explanation for Amy and David kissing by the pool that day. Jennifer couldn't, for the life of her, decide what that explanation might be, but she thought it worth believing there could be such an explanation. An open mind is what I need here, she thought. With that she decided to rest her mind on the issue for the time being.
Amy decided to remain by the pool for a bit; sort of stake out her territory so to speak. She sat down on the edge of the pool and dangled her feet into the water, it was cold but she didn't mind, it made her feel good to conquer any obstacle that came her way. She finished off her beer and gazed about the courtyard. She was charged; energized.
Amy thought back to how smug and condescending Jennifer was in their conversation. She thought it was all a show, that Jennifer was just acting cool, but was probably all torn up inside. She hoped this was the case.
It wasn't long before Amy's normal nature came into play. The good feelings of victory were quickly replaced with the desire to continue to inflict damage; especially damage to Jennifer. She wanted some tears at least.
What if she really is Ok with things, thought Amy? What if she's not just acting cool, but really doesn't care. Surely not! Amy had begun to let her negative nature override her good feelings of victory. She often does this and it tends to drive her to her hateful activities. As Amy continued to fume over the calm and collected Jennifer she found herself kicking her legs in the pool and even splashing quite hard. She stopped suddenly and nearly shouted out "that bitch!" Amy didn't care who heard, but then again didn't want Jennifer to hear her and then think she'd gotten to her.
Amy collected her things and moved swiftly toward her apartment. She felt a little dizzy with rage and decided, as she so often does, to drown those feelings. As she entered her apartment, Amy turned on the radio to some modern pop station and moved to the kitchen cabinet. One or two ? that is one or two more than too many, and Amy was at least suppressing her constant thoughts of vengeance and destruction of Jennifer Holmes. She wondered, as she removed the shot glass from her lips, if she felt any better now than she did before she went down by the pool to confront Jennifer. Probably not, but it did not cross her mind that her actions were futile and possibly a complete waste of time. To Amy the act of aggression in itself was worthwhile; a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to live. Doing something is the way to winning something. Action is satisfaction! Regardless of the time or effort spent, Amy sees doing something as positive.
I see Amy's point about action and all. I mean doing nothing will certainly get you nowhere fast, but she really seems to take the whole philosophy of taking action and twists it up in evil. Don't you think? I mean if someone is dangling from a cliff and you help them by pulling them back up to safe ground, well then that's appropriate action. But ? if you're bored and decide to create some excitement in your life and push them off the cliff and leave them dangling, well that's not good action. My point being action toward bad is probably not what people mean when they say doing something is better than doing nothing. Something tells me that Amy doesn't even take the time to decipher the good or bad intentions of action. The action in itself is enough for her. The excitement of a fast passed, action packed life; the "I want it all and I want it now" syndrome, which may be Amy in a nutshell. But ? what do I know? I just observe people I guess; don't have those fancy letters after my name to psychoanalyze them.
Amy continued to drink for sometime then made her way to bathroom for a quick shower and then took an extreme amount of time to prepare her makeup and pick out her clothes. A night on the town was what she had in mind. Dancing, drinking, flirting, friends (or what she calls friends), more drinking and then possibly a new encounter. Her old standby "boys she calls friends" just didn't interest her tonight. She wanted to try on something new; to lead him on then let him be when she's done with him.
Amy was quite intoxicated when she climbed into her car in The Villa's parking lot, but she was confident in her abilities. She's one of those folks that believes they drive "better" when their drunk. At least the level of inebriation kept her from driving angry. She was relaxed and on top of the world. Amy knew it would be a good night out.