Auschwitz, 25th July 1943
IT took them over an hour of marching before they reached the edge of the forest where they would be working that day, and Meyer’s feet hurt in the wooden clogs. The group was ordered through the trees until they reached a clearing where there were stacks of wood of various sizes and the beginnings of ditches dug at one end.
The men were instructed to line up in single file, and one of the guards unlocked and removed a padlock from a wooden crate where tools were stored. They were then handed tools and sent to do various jobs around the clearing. Some had saws for the tree trunks which lay there, some spades for continuing the ditches. Meyer and Geller were given no tools but were told to gather any wood lying on the ground and place it in the various piles according to size. It soon proved to be back-breaking work.
Meyer could only speculate on the uses of the wood which was being collected. The smaller pieces were almost certainly firewood for the stoves on the camp, the larger logs could possibly be for fencing. The very big pieces which were still tree trunks were probably gobbled up in the factories of war back in Germany. But then it occurred to him that crematoriums required fuel to burn. Is this what he was doing? Was he helping find fuel for the disposal of thousands of poor murdered souls?
As he worked, Meyer wondered how many had died here already. Death seemed to stalk each and every prisoner, just waiting for that moment, that illness, that mistake when death could step in and take away their life. How quick and easy it was to die here. And there was no mourning, no tears. It did not matter whether it was those who passed away in their sleep or those who were killed by the violence of the guards, there was no-one there to lament their passing, or to celebrate their life. No rabbi or priest prayed for their departed soul, no lifelong friend said any words. When life left you in this place you were alone. Your name was noted so that the next day, when roll call was taken, it did not appear as if you had escaped. You became a clerical notation. A tick or a cross against your name. Most likely with the date of your departure to keep the records straight. Then you were bundled into a wheelbarrow and your remains burned. There would be no burial or headstone. It was quicker, easier, and more efficient to dispose of your body by cremating it along with hundreds more. And then you were ash. Scattered to the wind through the huge chimneys.
“How long has the camp been open?” Meyer asked Geller.
“Hey! No talking!” came an order from a guard.
Meyer looked up from his bent stance. He felt sick as he saw an SS guard pointing straight at him and quickly returned to picking up the sticks and taking them to the piles in the centre of the clearing.
The forest carried the same strange, loud silence that the camp suffered from. There was very little talking. The guards chatted in between shouts at the prisoners. The prisoners were only allowed to converse when it was required for their work.
The guards permitted occasional stretches by those picking the wood from the clearing floor as they attempted to ease their backs, but anything more than that was met with a shout and sometimes a pointed rifle. There were no breaks or rests allowed, and Meyer wondered how long they could expect anyone to work like this without a respite from the constant bending and carrying.
It was mid-morning when Meyer first heard the distant sound of metal clanging. A shout came from one of the officers that work should stop and all but two of the guards made their way to the dirt track which led to the clearing. From between the branches of the trees, Meyer could see a horse, which was pulling an old wooden cart with an old cast-iron water tank on board, and being led by a soldier. As the horse came to a standstill, the cups and ladles which hung from the tank stopped their mechanical song.
Geller made his way over to Meyer, put his hand on his shoulder and, wiping the sweat from his brow with his sleeve, said, “Sit down Manfred. Take this chance to rest while you can.”
Meyer and Geller sat on the same cut log and watched as the guards drank from the cups, which had heralded the arrival of the water cart.
“You know, we used to call them ‘dead soldiers’ when I was in the army,” said Geller, before qualifying his statement. “The water tank. On the western front we called them ‘dead soldiers’ for some reason.”
“Do we get to drink?” asked Meyer.
“Yes, but only once they have quenched their thirsts. Then it will be our turn. They sometimes bring bread too, but don’t get your hopes up. The SS feel that one meal a day for Jews is enough.”
Meyer was thirsty but he had no appetite at all. He felt that his metabolism had slowed right down. He hadn’t really felt hunger since he had arrived, and he certainly had not needed to pass a stool. But he was thirsty and could not keep his eyes off of the soldiers drinking deeply from the tin cups.
He wondered about Klara and the girls. Where were they at that moment? Geller had explained that they would be barracked in the women’s camp near the crematoria in what was known as Birkenau. The men rarely saw the women, except occasionally, when they passed while being marched to their work details.
“I had been here for only a couple of weeks,” Geller had told him. “As we were walking back from digging drainage ditches along the road outside the town, there was a column from the women’s camp being taken in the opposite direction. Well, one of the men saw his wife and broke from our party to try to embrace her. You can imagine how the SS dealt with that. It was tragic. He never got to even hold her before they shot him. And then they shot her, too.”
Meyer winced as he remembered Geller’s story and wondered if he could stop himself from suffering the same fate if he saw his wife or children. Would he be able to stop himself from running to them?
“What work do the women do?” he asked Geller.
“The same as us,” he replied, “they don’t make any allowances for sex or age.”
“I was wondering what my wife was doing just now.”
“I often wonder where my wife, Magda is,” said Geller, “and my boy Franz. I hope they are safe somewhere. I always imagine them both in a little village somewhere high in the mountains.”
It was the first time that Geller had mentioned family. He saw that Meyer was seeking more information from him but did not want to ask too much.
“We were trying to get out of Austria, to Switzerland. We were from Salzburg and had managed to save up quite a bit of money and provisions. We left on the train for Innsbruck, and from there we were going to travel by bus and on foot. There were only the three of us; our parents were no longer with us, so apart from friends we didn’t have anyone to leave behind. We only carried one small case. It was big enough for us to look like we were perhaps visiting friends for a weekend but small enough so that it didn’t look like we were fleeing the country with all of our belongings, and so arousing any suspicion. Franz had his canvas school bag. We carried our money sewn into our clothes, and I had painted two gold watches that I owned with black lacquer to make them look like cheap models from Romania. I wore one and kept the other in the case. Otherwise, we wore most of our clothes. It was winter, and no-one would question us being all bundled up with jackets and coats.
“Anyway, we made it to Innsbruck took the bus to the border with Liechtenstein. We were planning to cross into Liechtenstein by foot and then, from there, into Switzerland.
“It’s funny, you know, you think everyone is watching you. You think that they all know what you are doing and where you are going. I think perhaps this in itself makes you look guilty, and then people really do start to look at you.
“We had a real close shave in Innsbruck as we were getting ready to take the bus. We managed to buy tickets even though our travel permit was only from Salzburg to Innsbruck. Maybe the teller informed the police, as after we got on the bus there were three policemen who came over and were talking to one of the drivers. Just when I thought that they would be getting on the bus to check permits, the air raid sirens sounded. Th
e bus driver started the bus and headed as fast as he could out of the station and away from the centre of town. About ten minutes later, I could hear the explosions behind us. Everything was okay on the bus ride. We even managed to laugh a little.
“Then, maybe it was because we were so close to the border, maybe it was just bad luck, but we had just got off the bus. Magda and Franz had gone to the bathroom when this policeman started to follow me around the bus station. I don’t know what had made him suspicious. I don’t even know if he had seen us get off the bus. But he was definitely interested in me. I was waiting by a kiosk when he started to approach.
“Magda was just coming out of the bathroom and she saw the policeman heading my way so she hung back and acted as if she was waiting on someone. She managed to catch Franz as he came out too, and she held on to him.
“We only had travel permits for travel to Innsbruck, so when the policeman asked for my papers I made a big show of looking for all of my papers and then ‘finding’ them one by one. I was hoping that it would take so long that he would forget to ask for my travel permit. It was a forlorn hope though. Of course, when I handed it over, it only said travel from Salzburg to Innsbruck was allowed. I knew that when I showed him it that it was all over for me. But then I thought, there is nothing to say that I am travelling with someone except the suitcase, which had some of my wife’s clothes in. My arrest would leave my wife and son free to get away from the bus station and start walking to the border. The only problem was that I had the case at my feet.
“I could see out of the corner of my eye Magda and Franz watching. She was looking at the case and knew that if the policeman noticed it and looked inside then he would also be looking for a woman. She leaned over and said something to Franz, before heading my way with Franz being pulled along behind her.
“The policeman was now telling me that I would have to be put under arrest and all I could see was Magda getting closer. I didn’t know what she was going to do but I was certain she was about to make a terrible mistake and have herself and Franz arrested too.
“But then she did the most extraordinary thing. And it showed her to be...I don’t know, the strongest out of the both of us. With Franz in tow and not really knowing what was going on, she pushed past the policeman and me, excused herself and then picked up the case, giving Franz an ear-bashing about not leaving it alone in case someone stole it, then smiled and marched off.
“It was the last I saw of them as they rounded the corner out of the station. Magda managed a look back and I could see her face streaked with tears.”
Meyer patted Geller on the leg and said that he was sure that they would have made it. Geller wiped his nose on his sleeve and agreed that she would have definitely made it over the border.
Their talk was interrupted by shouts from the guards. They had finished with the water and it was now the prisoners' turn.
As much as Meyer missed his wife, on the march back to the camp in the late afternoon he walked in absolute terror of seeing her. What if he couldn’t stop himself from running to her? What if she didn’t know the dangers and ran to him? What if his girls ran to him? Would he be able to hide himself from them? Would he want to? He felt a strange feeling of relief as he walked under the gate of lies and back into the death camp.