As July warmed the beach there was a new development that warmed Grace’s heart. She waved to a couple on the beach, and Winnie said, “Who is it, Grace?”
“Ginger and Matt. Holding hands and strolling.” She sighed. “They’re in love and together every weekend.”
“Do I know this Matt?”
“I don’t think so, Mother. We could have them to dinner some weekend if you like. He’s very nice. He’s a farmer from north of here—the Portland area.”
“A farmer? That sounds tedious.”
Grace laughed. “It’s Peyton’s brother. They’re not very showy people but that farm is enormous and very successful. Peyton tells me Matt is a scientist with an advanced degree, science applied to farming. He’s very smart.”
As the couple stopped on the beach and kissed, Winnie made a sound. “Well, there’s what your generation calls something...public displays of something.”
“Is called PDA,” Mikhail informed her. “Public displays of affection, Babushka. Something you have never been accused of.”
Winnie leaned toward him. “I’m not agile and I’m not strong anymore, but if you call me that again I’m going to hurt you.”
That made Mikhail grin. “Is adorable name for you, my dove. Is sweet Russian name for grandmother.”
“I’d rather be a dove than a sweet Russian grandmother.”
The sound of the front door opening and closing announced the arrival of Winnie’s nurse. She yelled, “Good morning,” from the foyer. Then she migrated to the deck. “How is everyone this morning?”
“Very well,” Winnie said. “All things considered. Now, Grace, who is that boy down there by the dock?”
“I don’t think I know him, Mama. A kid from town, no doubt.”
“That’s my son, Charlie,” Lin Su said. “I’ve brought him to the beach before. Don’t worry, he’s just going to hang out while I’m with you.”
“Can’t we meet him?” Grace asked.
“I didn’t want to bring him to work, exactly. But I don’t want him to sit in front of the computer or TV all summer while he’s out of school. So on nice days I bring him along, and he gets some fresh air.”
“No, you shouldn’t allow all that TV and computer nonsense,” Winnie said. “He’ll go blind and his brain will rot. But what will he do? Sit there all day?”
“He has the run of the town. If he makes the slightest effort, he could actually meet people.”
“Oh, Lin Su, you shouldn’t let a child that young loose all day without your supervision.”
“He’s not as young as he looks,” she said. “He’s fourteen, just kind of small for his age. And when he was little he had health problems—I suppose he’s still catching up. He won’t be any trouble for you, I promise. He has money for lunch. And sunscreen and stuff in the car, like his laptop, which he can only use for an hour or two. And we have our cell phones for texting so we can keep tabs on each other.”
Winnie turned and looked up at Lin Su. “I want you to go down there and tell him he’s welcome here anytime as long as he’s not too wild or loud because sometimes I have to rest or I’m useless. Tell him you’ll make him lunch here—there’s an abundance of food, and Troy keeps buying more. He can even watch TV, just not all day—he needs air and sunshine.”
“That’s very sweet, Winnie, but—”
“I’m done talking about it. Be a good little nurse and go talk to your son.”
Lin Su turned desperate eyes to Grace. “We don’t want to be any trouble... This is my job. I’ll leave him home if—”
“You don’t have to leave him home if he’s no trouble,” Winnie said. “I didn’t know you had a son. You never mentioned it.”
“Lin Su, you must have been pretty young. You don’t look much over thirty yourself,” Grace said. “Oh, I’m sorry—that was rude. I didn’t mean to pry!”
“Maybe I’m catching up, too,” she said. “I’m not married. We make a pretty good team, me and Charlie. And now that he doesn’t need babysitting or after-school programs, we do very well. But Charlie is kind of shy...”
“My specialty,” Troy said, jumping up from his spot on the deck. “I’ll go invite him up.”
“Oh, Troy,” Lin Su said, embarrassed.
“Let him,” Grace said. “Troy needs a playmate.”
“As do I,” Mikhail said, rising a bit more slowly to follow.
Grace looked at Lin Su’s almost pleading expression and laughed. “Try not to worry, Lin Su. We’re not exactly a traditional family. Charlie might fit right in. After all, you have.”
* * *
Matt’s world had changed because of Ginger. He was experiencing life in a whole new way, in a way he hadn’t even been smart enough to long for, to hope for. Because the farm was stable, no drought, no damaging storms, no infestations or illnesses, he was sneaking away for at least three nights every week. He drove to Thunder Point on Thursday afternoon and home either Sunday night or Monday morning. Because his eyes were bright and his smile quick, Paco kept telling him to take time while he could.
“Come August, things will be crazy again,” he warned Ginger. “First the grapes—Uncle Sal’s grapes. I could probably get out of it, but I shouldn’t. Those early grapes have to be brought in and we depend on his people when the pears are ready. It’s steady for a couple of months. It’s hard work.”
“I could come to you,” Ginger said. “I could help a little. If you showed me what to do.”
“Peyton will spend a couple of weekends at the farm, she hardly ever misses it. But Grace needs you,” he said.
“Grace and I can job share a little bit. I’m good at running the front of the store and I’m getting better at creating the arrangements. I’ve had days on my own with only delivery help from Justin. I can give her a couple of days off every week if she can give me a couple of days. You don’t care when I come, do you?”
“I just can’t think about not having you next to me for more than a week,” he said. “It’s torture.”
“You might be getting a little spoiled,” she said.
“And you’re not?” he asked, an evil little gleam in his eye.
Matt couldn’t remember ever feeling this way. He was a little embarrassed by that, though he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to know the difference between a good thing and the real thing. There was no question that when he was deciding to marry Natalie his life had seemed good. If she wasn’t having some wedding meltdown or issue with having Sunday dinner with his family, he was feeling pretty damn satisfied.
But Ginger took that to a whole new level. Just being herself, she made him feel like the richest man on earth. He had never before felt this secure with a woman; he never felt even a second of doubt. He’d heard those ridiculous love songs about being willing to die for someone and he always found himself thinking, I’d be willing to give up a few things—bowling, shaving, driving a truck, cutting my hair. But die for someone? A little extreme...
But here in his arms was a woman he would do anything for. Would he leave the farm for Ginger? He just might, except she wouldn’t ask him to. If he was wrong about her he was going to retire to a mountaintop and live a completely celibate life, but if there was one thing that seemed real it was what Ginger said to him. She liked his farm. She loved him. And when someone loves you, they let you know your happiness is paramount to them. He’d never had that before.
They had a few blissful weeks together that brought them to July; long phone conversations at night, long weekends filled with plenty of time in each other’s arms and also enjoyable time with Thunder Point friends. And with his sister.
“I have to admit, I never saw this coming,” Peyton said to him. “My brother, Mad Matt, all soft and cuddly.”
“I told you if you’d just get out of my way, I knew what I was doing,” he said.
“Except, did you? Know what you were doing?”
“Not really, but fortunately Ginger did.”
“Really? And ar
e you a man to be led around by the nose?” Peyton teased.
“Yes. I am.”
There was a moment of doubt and worry in the middle of July when Ginger became a little quiet. It was sudden. He was getting ready to go back to the farm when she seemed very tired, a little down in the dumps. He wasn’t used to seeing her eyes downcast. She wasn’t as talkative on the phone that night or the next night; she didn’t seem to have much to say. She complained of having a headache and being tired.
“I thought I drove away the headaches,” he teased.
“It’s very unusual for me and it’ll pass. Thanks for understanding.”
Of course Matt didn’t understand at all. But he just kept telling her he loved her. He didn’t know what else to do.
* * *
Al Michel climbed the back stairs to Ginger’s little apartment and tapped on the door. When she answered, it was obvious she’d been crying. “Hi,” he said. “Got a minute?”
“Is it important?” she asked.
“It is. I think it’s important. Could I just have a few minutes?”
“Is Ray Anne all right?”
“She’s excellent, but I wanted to talk to you,” Al said. “I won’t take too much of your time.”
“Okay, I guess,” she said, opening the door. “I’m a little under the weather, though.”
“Sure you are, honey,” he said. “Let’s just sit down in there.”
She shrugged and let him follow her to the sofa, where they sat.
“I know what tomorrow is,” Al said.
Immediately, tears began to run down Ginger’s cheeks. “Ray Anne told you,” she murmured.
“Sort of. She told me a long time ago but it’s possible she doesn’t even remember. I remembered. I stopped by the shop late today and you’d already left, not feeling so good, Grace said. And she mentioned you were taking tomorrow off. She didn’t think you were real sick, though.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” she said.
“What you’re feeling, it’s okay,” Al said. “I’ve felt it myself. Felt it deep. Do you have a plan for how you’re going to spend the day tomorrow?”
“Driving,” she said, letting a slightly embarrassed laugh squeak through the tears.
“I figured as much. How about I take you?”
“You?” she asked, shocked.
“I have experience with this. Ray told you, I’m sure. I lost a son to SIDS. We think it was SIDS—it was a real long time ago. Doctors know a lot more about it now. I was a young husband, only about twenty. Just a kid. I didn’t go to his grave on the anniversary of his death. I went on his birthday every year. Every summer for over thirty years. You and me—we have some things in common.”
“I don’t know anyone else who lost a baby to SIDS,” she said.
“There aren’t that many, thank God. My wife and I didn’t stay together. She went on to have a good marriage and a couple of healthy kids. It took me a long time to give up going to that grave in absolute agony every year.”
“Can you still feel him?” she asked, fresh tears escaping.
“Not anymore, honey. For a long time I could feel him against my shoulder, his little head lying against me right here,” he said, demonstrating by positioning his hands. “I finally let the kid rest. I know you’re going to do what you have to do, Ginger. I hope there’s some way I can help. And I hope you don’t dedicate as many years to grief as I did. Remembering is good. Agonizing is useless.”
“It’s the first year,” she said, sniffing.
“Let me take you so you don’t have to drive. I can manage not to talk. I won’t ask questions.”
She shook her head. “I just want to have a day alone to remember, that’s all.”
“You can talk about it if you want to, you know.”
She gave her head a little shake.
“You can talk to Matt. He seems a real good man. And I can tell, he cares about you.”
“I just don’t want to put this on Matt.”
“Aw, he’s a big tough guy, he can handle it...”
“I want it to be mine,” she said. “Do you understand that?”
He laughed a little, a small laugh that said he knew exactly. “Ginger, I left my wife—I couldn’t even talk to her and it was her baby. Sweetheart, I know you’re in pain right now. I just hope you don’t do that to yourself. Don’t waste the years like I did. Remember him sweetly. Let him rest. Go forward and have his brothers and sisters.”
She nodded, looking down, tears falling on her hands.
“Let me drive you. I’ve arranged for a day off. No one knows why, not even Ray. Just let me drive you, keep you safe.”
She looked up. “Please,” she said softly. “This is mine to do. I promise you I’ll be all right.”
He gave her a look of acquiescence. “Come here, angel,” he said, pulling her against his big hard chest. She leaned against him and cried for a little while, but not for too long. He just stroked her back until the tears passed.
“I’m okay, Al. Just a tough day, that’s all. And I will—let it pass, let him rest. I have a lot ahead that’s good.” She sniffed and reached for a tissue.
“Yes, you do,” he said, running her pretty hair behind her ear. “Would it be all right if I called you tomorrow night? Just to be sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. Sure. But I promise you...I might need a couple of days to be done with this but I promise you, I’m not going back to that dark place I was in when Ray Anne rescued me. That wouldn’t exactly do my baby proud, would it?”
* * *
Matt had to get a map from the mortuary office so that he could find the right grave. The security patrol had no trouble finding the location and handed a copy to Matt.
He was not at all surprised to see Ginger’s car parked along the road. And there she was, sitting on the cool grass about forty feet from the road.
He took the flowers from his mother’s garden to the spot, walking past Ginger to put them on the grave. There were lots of flowers already there. She looked up at him.
“Did someone tell you? Call you?”
He shook his head, then crouched to her level, sitting on the heel of his boot. “No one called. No one told me.”
“Then why are you here?” she asked, wiping a tear.
Matt sighed and sat on the ground. “You’ve been blue and I thought I might find you here. If you weren’t here I would have just left these flowers from our garden to mark the day of his death. I’m not surprised to see you but you could’ve told me. You can tell me anything, you know.”
“You just...came? You just... How did you know?”
“You went inside yourself,” he said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “I could think of a few possibilities. So I went to the newspaper archives online and found the obit. I wanted to pay my respects.”
“I wasn’t hiding it from you.”
“I know, baby. Come here,” he said, stretching out his long legs and pulling her onto his lap. “I know it’ll take a little time for us to know everything about each other but that’s okay. I think we’ve got the important stuff covered for now.”
“Like what?” she said, laying her head on his shoulder. “What’s important?”
“You love me,” he said. “I don’t have the best instincts with women but with you I feel different—like I know what you say is absolutely true. And I know I meant it when I said it to you. And I trust you. When you got quiet and wouldn’t tell me why I figured it was something you were still working out. You don’t have to say anything. But I’m listening when you’re talking. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said. “It was the worst day of my life.”
“I can believe that...”
“I called the paramedics. I tried to breathe for him, but it was too late. Sometimes I pulled him into bed with me but not that night. That night I put him in his crib where he died without my warmth close by. Part of me wishes I had him in bed with me, but then I would forever worry that I rolled
over on him, suffocated him. And part of me is relieved he wasn’t in bed because then I didn’t hurt him... So the paramedics came and didn’t even try anything because he was gone, he’d been gone for a while. They let me hold him and we went to the hospital. I think they were breaking rules. I saw one of them crying; he was trying to hide it, but he had wet eyes and kept wiping them. At the hospital they asked for him and I wouldn’t give him up and I wailed. I went to the hospital in pajamas and not just any pajamas, the worst pajamas ever worn by the lowest vagrant—and I saved them, the pajamas. I saved his little onesie. And I wailed like a wounded animal and they had to give me a shot to get me to let go of the baby, of Josh.”
Matt started to rock her slightly, holding on tight, his lips against her hair.
“It was terrifying how crazed I was. And when they took him I couldn’t really believe he was dead. They did an autopsy, did you know? Because they had to make sure it wasn’t a disease or a homicide and oh, God...” She shook her head. “When I was able to see him again I didn’t believe it was him but I didn’t say anything because I knew they were this close to locking me up for being a lunatic.”
He kissed her temple. “Do you believe it now?” he asked in a whisper.
She nodded. “Yes. My baby died. There it is. It was no one’s fault. He wasn’t even a high-risk baby or in a high-risk lifestyle. Our pediatrician had two SIDS cases in his entire career and he was no kid.” She turned to look up at him. “Sometimes I wish I could just die like that.”
Matt shook his head. “No, sweetheart, no. We’re going to go forward. We have things to live for, I’m sure of it.”
“That’s what Al said,” she said. “Go forward and have his brothers and sisters.”