I hadn’t even thought of going to her, of all people, for help. I usually avoided Gamble’s wife at all cost. Not because I didn’t like her. She seemed nice enough, and she made my best friend insanely happy. But it was hard not to think of her as my professor instead of my buddy’s wife, because that’s what she’d been when I’d first met her. Plus, I’d kind of cussed her out one night when she and Gam had been dating—or more actually, when they’d had a mini split. But she’d used me to keep him away from her so he couldn’t become embroiled in some dirty student-teacher affair scandal. She’d been trying to protect him, sure, but I hadn’t liked getting dragged into the middle of anything that involved upsetting him like that had.
And though we’d all moved past that and everything had miraculously turned out okay for them, I still hadn’t apologized to her for yelling at her that night...or other things I’d done that weren’t quite respectful to her.
I glanced at Caroline and wrinkled my face, letting her know how uncertain of her idea I was. “I don’t know. You think she’d be willing to help me?”
She just laughed. “Um...it’s Aspen. The engrained English teacher. She lives for this kind of stuff.”
“Well, okay. I guess...I’ll ask her, then.”
Caroline glowed with approval and kissed my nose. Then she returned her attention to the listing of job openings. “Wow, there sure are a lot of opportunities for you...” Her gaze froze on one detail. “And they sure are far away.”
When she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear—her nervous hair fiddling—I knew she didn’t like the distance aspect. I wanted to reassure her and tell her I’d never leave if she didn’t want me to go. But shit, we’d officially been an “us” for all of two minutes now. It was probably a little premature to go making any such promises.
“From the way you marked this one, I can tell it’s your favorite.” She turned to show me which job opening she was talking about. The one I’d circled five times and underlined. The one located in Lake Tahoe. When her fingers went to her hair again, I clenched my teeth.
“Yeah,” I said. It sounded like there was a ton of gravel in my throat. “It’s got the best pay and benefits and is exactly the kind of work I want to do.”
Caroline nodded. “You should definitely apply there, then.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.” I stared at the sheet that was starting to tremble slightly in her hand.
She sniffed as if my indecision was ridiculous. “You should. I mean, it sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime.”
When her hand lifted for her hair a third time, I couldn’t handle it. I caught her wrist to keep her from touching a single lock. Then I brought her fingers to my mouth and kissed them. Her blue eyes looked watery when she looked up at me.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I repeated.
But I did know what I wasn’t going to do. I wasn’t going to let her stress about this.
“It’s late. I should be getting you home.”
She groaned and dropped my mock-up resume into her lap. “I hate the going home part of our nights.”
“Me too.” I kissed her hair and slowly removed my portfolio from her lap. “I don’t have to work tomorrow night. How about you tell Gamble you’re doing something with Blondie and come see me instead.”
She hummed and melted into me before saying, “I’m working until nine.”
I growled back. Work, school, brothers. I was tired of everything constantly coming between us. I nipped at her ear, then moved my mouth down to her neck. “Tell him Blondie’s picking you up from work then, and I’ll pick you up instead.”
Her head fell back as I feasted on her neck. With a whimpered moan, she gave in. “Okay.”
Nearly three weeks after starting an affair with Oren, I visited the doctor late on a Friday afternoon. I’d been lucky and gotten in a checkup as one of his last patients of the day so I could go after my classes.
I kind of thought I’d just tell him what I needed and he’d hand me a prescription and maybe a couple free sample packs of birth control. But apparently, that was delusional thinking. Before I quite knew what was happening, I was peeing into a cup, changing into a skimpy sheet thing that opened in the front, and being asked to put my feet into the stirrups of horror. God, I hated gynecologist visits.
I started to think it’d be over and done after a quick pelvis exam, and then I’d finally get my nifty pills to go off and have dirty, amazing sex with Oren. But there was nothing quick about what happened next. In fact, it felt as if time slowed down and every second clicked by at a day’s pace.
The sensation of years had passed an hour later when I walked into the back door of Noel and Aspen’s house, numb and stupefied. Absolutely bone-crushingly numb. I wasn’t even sure how to process what I’d just learned. I sank into the first kitchen chair I encountered.
Aspen found me just like that a few minutes later as I stared in dazed, dull shock at all the pictures Colton had drawn for Aspen tacked to the refrigerator with little fruit magnets.
“Caroline?” Aspen paused and tipped her face to the side. “Are you okay?”
I nodded without thought, but then I said, “No.”
She started forward and pulled out the chair next to me. “What’s wrong?” When she sat, she grasped my limp fingers that’d been resting in my lap and sucked in a shocked breath. “Your hands are freezing.”
“Are they?” I looked down at them. I didn’t really feel them, but they looked pale and rubbery in Aspen’s grip. She tried to rub some life into them, but that only made me want to yank them away.
So I did pull them back to me. I cradled them to my chest, wanting them to remain cold. Lifeless. Dead. Exactly how I felt, how I deserved to feel.
Aspen lifted her face in shock. She opened her mouth and then wisely shut it.
I couldn’t handle hurting her and I knew pulling away had, so I cleared my throat. “I...” Then I shook my head. I just couldn’t say it. “I...I went to the doctor today, to get set up on birth control. And—”
“Oh!” Her eyes grew wide as she pressed a hand to her chest. “I...I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were...seeing anyone.”
I blinked. Crap. Had I just blurted that out? Face flaming red, I began to shake my head but Aspen lifted her hands. “Ignore me. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. What were you saying...about the doctor’s visit?”
I continued to gape at her. “Are you going to tell Noel?” I held my breath for the answer.
“Um...” She glanced away, her expression giving away all her uncertainties. Loyalty to her husband battled with loyalty to me. “I don’t—That is...no, if you’d prefer I not...I’m sure it’s no more his business than it is mine what you do in your...private time, but...as a friend, and new sister, I know I’d very much like to meet your...young man.” Then her eyes flashed wide as if a new thought had just struck her. Leaning closer, she lowered her voice. “There is just one young man, right?”
I smiled. Actually, I blurted out a short laugh. She was just so cute when she was attempting to be appropriate and not cross any of my boundaries all while trying to tell me what she thought. “Yes,” I told her. “There’s just one...” I smiled wider as I stole her term, “young man.”
She flushed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Sorry, I didn’t know what to call him.”
My shoulders slumped, and suddenly everything awful flooded back to the surface. Feeling like shit, I confessed, “Yeah. Neither do I.”
Aspen reached for my hands again, but stopped herself as if remembering how I’d just pulled away from her. “You know,” she started slowly. “If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here. I’ll even promise not to report every detail back to Noel. But sometimes, people just...they need someone to talk to.”
I smiled softly and took one of the hands she was wringing in her lap. The muscles in her face immediately loosened, and she squeezed back on my fingers. I was about
to tell her I had Zoey to confide in, but then I wondered if she wanted a friend as much as she seemed to want me to have one. So I blurted, “The doctor doesn’t think I’ll ever be able to have children.”
Her eyes immediately filled with horror as her hands clamped around mine. “Oh my God, Caroline.”
I stared down at our connected fingers. “I...this was the first time I’d been back to a gynecologist since last year. I had no idea I’d messed so much up when I—” I lifted my face and tears filled my eyes. “I’ve completely ruined my future, haven’t I?”
“No! No, sweetheart. You can still have a full, happy life. You—”
“If I’d known that would’ve been my one and only chance to ever have a baby—”
“Please don’t think about that. I don’t want this to distress you.”
I shook my head. “What else am I supposed to think about, Aspen? I may never be able to hold my own child in my arms. Never watch him or her grow up. Never...” I shook my head when my voice wavered. “How can I not think about that? How can I not regret falling for some stupid, rich boy whose stupid rich parents talked me into doing something I didn’t want to do?”
Tears filled Aspen’s eyes as well. “You’re right,” she admitted. “It would devastate me too.” When she leaned in to hug me, I hugged her back hard and buried my face in her shoulder. She was petting my hair and murmuring soothing words of comfort when a fist banged against the back screen door.
“Yoo hoo.” The door came open. “Damn handsome hunk calling.”
I jerked away from Aspen and frantically dabbed my wet eyes. But Oren already stood frozen in the doorway, seeing everything. The ornery grin on his face instantly dissolving, he glanced from me, to Aspen, and back to me.
Shit. I’d forgotten he was coming over tonight to get help from Aspen for his job applications.
“What’s going on?” he demanded.
“Oh, nothing.” A sudden flurry of motion, Aspen popped from her chair, waving her hands. “You know us girls. We cry at happy greeting cards.”
Oren arched her a disbelieving glance before he turned back to me. His gaze tracked every tear that had slipped down my cheek. “I don’t see any greeting cards.”
Aspen cleared her throat and sent him a tense smile. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, Mr. Tenning?”
It took a few more seconds for Oren to drag his attention from me, but when he did, he still looked distracted as he turned to Aspen.
Lifting a folder in his hand, he reminded her, “Resume. Proofreading. Your red pen once again slashing its way across one of my papers.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.” Pressing her hand to her forehead, Aspen blew out a frazzled breath. “I forgot.” Then she frowned slightly and set her hands on her hips. “And for your information, I no longer use red ink.” Then she cleared her throat discreetly. “It’s green now.”
One corner of his lips hitched up at her joke, but his gaze strayed back to me and his smile fell. I knew as soon as he opened his mouth, he was going to ask all over again what was wrong. But thank God, the ringing of Aspen’s cell phone in the charging station on the counter interrupted him.
Aspen hurried to it and checked the screen before a soft smile lit her face. “There’s Noel. He’s at the grocery store and probably has a question. Excuse me a moment.”
As she walked stiff-backed from the room, Oren shook his head, staring after her. “She’s still so formal and teacher-ish sometimes; it freaks me the fuck out.” Then he turned to me and lowered his voice, “Now, seriously. What the hell is wrong?”
No way could I put any of this on Oren. It was way too personal and distressing and...and deep for whatever we had going on between us. I stood up so quickly I almost knocked the chair over backwards behind me. Rushing to catch it, I fumbled awkwardly. “Oh, it’s just—shit, sorry—you know, girl stuff,” I answered vaguely, mimicking Aspen’s term.
Oren caught my hands, trapping them on the back of the chair. “Don’t pull that bullshit on me, Caroline. What the fuck happened?”
I met his near-angry gaze. “I said it was girl stuff. Do you really want the grisly details?”
“Like a heavy fucking menstrual cycle is going to scare me off. Besides, I know that’s not what this is about. You’re crying, and I want to know why.”
“Fine,” I snapped. I tried to pull my hands from his, but he locked his grip around my wrists. “I went to the doctor today for...for birth control.” I could feel the challenge in my stare when I lifted my face to meet his gaze, and I don’t know why I put it there. Maybe I was daring him to back down and leave the issue alone. Sharing distressing doctor’s news meant we weren’t just bed buddies. It meant there was more to us than just sex.
But he didn’t back down. “And.?”
“And he had to do an exam first.”
Instant understanding lit his gaze, and I was once again overwhelmed with the need to cry. “Shit.” He closed his eyes briefly. When he opened up, his hazel eyes were full of misery. “The abortion messed you up down there, didn’t it?”
“Yeah.” My shoulders curled in around my chest as I bowed my head and squeezed my eyes closed. “He doesn’t think I’ll ever be able to get pregnant again.”
“Damn,” he breathed out softly, his warmth soaking into my cold, numb bones as he shifted closer. Then his breath was in my hair. “I’m sorry.”
When his fingers gently touched my shoulder, I stepped back and turned my face away. “Seriously, you don’t have to—”
“Will you just shut up and come here.” He grabbed me with more force and yanked me against him. His large hand cradled the back of my head, guiding it into place against his shoulder. Then his arms enfolded me, and he just held me like that.
I shuddered the moment his lips touched my temple. Burrowing deeper into him, I grabbed handfuls of the back of his shirt and held on for dear life.
My sorrow erupted, and I started crying again, in great sobbing heaves.
He rocked me back and forth, the warmth from his body soaking into mine. “Shh, baby,” he crooned quietly. “It’ll be okay.”
I had no idea how this could ever be okay. I lifted my face to look up at him. “Is it okay if I regret it? I know I was only seventeen and had no place being a mom. There was no money. It would’ve probably buckled Noel under completely with responsibilities. But I wish...I just...even from the moment it was done, I never felt relieved. I’ve only ever felt sick with regret.”
Oren leaned down and kissed away the tears on my cheeks. “You can regret whatever the hell you want to regret. I regret plenty. Just don’t let this suck you down and take over your life.”
What surprised me more than the fact that Oren Tenning was full of good advice was the fact that he looked completely serious and genuine when he gave it.
“How do I do that?” I asked. “How do I not let it take over?”
His lips softened and then spread into an encouraging smile. “Just keep going forward, I guess. Fuck, I don’t know.”
I laughed, and he leaned in to nuzzle his nose against my hairline.
“Keep smelling this good every day is a good start.” His voice rumbled into my ear and made me shiver...the good kind of shiver.
Then his hands slipped up my back in a sensual caress as he kissed my temple. “You could also keep driving me crazy with every breath you take, or—”
“Oren,” I said, my voice breathless as my arousal kicked into gear. “Shut up or you’re going to turn me on.”
He chuckled. “Going to? Woman, I know you’re already soaking wet for me.” His nose batted playfully against my ear before he whispered into it. “Aren’t you?” And then his teeth nipped the lobe.
My fingers curled into his shoulders as my neck arched back and my body crawled up his and pressed hot against his hard chest. “Nobody likes a braggart,” I panted, aching for him to kiss me already.
“Yeah, you do.” The rasp in his voice caused an electric spark
to shock through me. I shivered against it and curled even closer into him. “You like every fucking detail about me, from all the stupid, annoying lines I spew to how it feels when I’m buried so deep inside you, all you can think about is screaming my name.”
He was right. Shame on me, but I did love every aggravatingly flawed detail about him. “Damn it,” I muttered. He was going to make me be the one to kiss him, wasn’t he?
I grabbed fistfuls of his hair and slammed my mouth against his. His cocky, victorious laugh was cut short when my tongue spiked into his mouth. The groan that rumbled from his throat filled me with accomplishment a split second before he cupped my ass hard and lifted me off the floor.
Embedding myself in the distraction he offered, I relished the friction of our chests rubbing past each other as I rose above him. I wound a leg around his waist and he thrust his hips against my hip, letting me feel how aroused he was.
It totally didn’t occur to me how this was absolutely the worst time and place to kiss Oren Tenning until the back door swung open and two voices filled the kitchen.
Just as abruptly, they shut off.
Oren and I leapt apart. “Oh my God.” I pressed my hand against my chest as I gaped at Colton and Brandt. “What’re you two doing here?”
They stood frozen in the back entrance of the house, gawking between me and Oren, who’d turned his back to us and was breathing hard as he latched on to the edge of the counter, trying to calm his breathing and no doubt his libido too.
“We live here,” Brandt finally answered. Then the twerp glanced away from Oren’s back to send me a little smirk. “What’re you doing here, Caroline?”
“Why were you kissing Ten?” Colton asked.
Mortified heat washed over my entire face. “I...I wasn’t.”
Both brothers sent me a get-real glance. Finally, Brandt asked, “So, then he was...choking, and you were...trying to resuscitate him...with your tongue?”
When Oren laughed and finally turned around, I cast him a killer glare. “Why are you laughing?”