Chapter 6
The Storm
Thunder crashed and lightening lit up the dark night sky. The noise was startling and Ava jumped awake with a scream.
“It’s just a storm,” I said, calming her quickly and quietly in between kisses pressed to the top of her head. “It’s just a storm, calm down. Shh.”
She let out an unsteady breath. We were knotted together -- our arms and legs entwined like a tied shoelace. Her head was pillowed in the dip of my chest and her skin was hot. We were both sweaty.
Ava let out another deep, shaky breath in an effort to calm herself. “I was having a nightmare. Oh, God.” Another deep breath and then, “Oh, God. It was just a nightmare.” Her speech came rushed and panicky.
“I’m here.” I held her tighter, enveloping her in my arms and she breathed me in, sucking the air away from my skin. “I’m here. What was it? What were you dreaming?”
“It was so real, Ari. Promise me, promise me you’ll never stop loving me. Not ever.”
“Whoa...,” I said and adjusted my body to look into her face. “Not ever. Is that what you were dreaming? Me not loving you?”
Ava’s head bobbed in a sad nod and she wiped her eyes and nose with the back of her hand.
“Of course, I promise, Ava. I’ve built my universe around you. Without you, my world crumbles. I won't stop loving you. I can't. Not ever.” I lifted her chin to look into her eyes. “Tell me your dream. Talk me through it and you’ll see just how silly a bit of imagination it was ... an absurd and irrational fabrication.”
Her face pinched. “I don’t think I want to talk about it.”
“You sure? It helps to talk -- you know it helps.”
“I can’t.”
“Ava, please. Don’t shut me out.”
“I’m not, Ari. I just don’t want to think about that dream anymore. I want it out of my head. I can’t bear the thought…”
“Ok, ok. Shh. All that matters is that I am here and I love you. My finger tapped on her chest just above her heart. “You hold my heart in here, Ava. How could I live without it?”
Her lips pressed into mine and I tasted the flavor of her salty tears on my tongue. Her hands searched my body and our heartbeats blended and pounded in time with one another.
“Ari, I…” She pressed herself back against my chest to look at me.
“What, Baby? Tell me.”
“I…” Her eyes were wet with unshed tears.
“Mama!” Max screamed loudly from his bedroom and the sound echoed through the monitor.
Ava pushed off me, untangled her body from my limbs and the blankets, then was up and out of our room and into Max’s in a flash.
“Shh, sweet boy, I’m here.” She shushed and hushed him and then calmed Max down by reading his favorite story.
“Llama Llama…” she started, and I leaned back against a pile of pillows with the new tiny and soft baby blanket draped over me. I listened to the story being told in her gentle voice through the baby monitor. Thunder continued to crash outside and our house shook with the vibration. Eventually, Ava’s words drifted away and I knew the two of them had fallen back asleep together.
I stayed awake, my eyes focusing in and out on the ceiling above me. I sometimes cannot sleep without her. For months after I met Ava but before we were intimate, I struggled with insomnia. I saw her and I loved her with an intensity that was hard to fathom. Now that I belong to her, every part of me needs every part of her. I need her like I need air. I’m restless without her near me. Her presence calms my soul and stops the near-constant noises in my head, nagging noises reminding me constantly of the filth in my blood. Without Ava the walls close in around me. The mere idea of no longer having her to love makes my stomach heave with nausea. I pushed out of bed to go for her and bring her back to me.
The wind howled and rain pounded on our rooftop, smacking against the glass. Palm trees danced wickedly with each gust and cast elongated ghostlike figures on the walls. The nearby white-capped waves crashed angrily and pummeled the shore with rage; sprays of seawater hissed and thunder reverberated, shaking our windows and causing our picture frames to vibrate against the walls.
Through the chaos in the dead of night came the near silent swoosh of our glass door sliding open. My scalp prickled and tiny hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood up on high alert. Someone was entering our home uninvited. Standing in our upstairs corridor, my hand gripped the stairwell banister in a tight, white-knuckled squeeze. My gaze, struggling with the dark, picked out and followed a tall, slender figure gliding in through the door and into our kitchen.
A small bit of relief came to me as the visitor slid out of wet shoes at the door mat. This was someone we knew, someone who knew us well enough to know and follow Ava’s exacting house rules.
“Hello?” I called out.
A gasp echoed quietly in the night, barely audible from the storm that raged on outside.
“I know you’re there, Jules. What are you doing here so late?” I called out from the top floor. She turned around and searched the dark house for me. The sound of my footsteps as I came down the stairs gave my location away and her eyes caught my movement in the dark moonlight. Her gaze followed me as I approached her.
“What do you need, Julia? It’s late. Rory is probably in an agony of worry. Let me drive you home…”
Lightning struck the ocean with a magnificent crackle and the blackened house flashed with a brilliant, bright light, giving me my first real glimpse of her. Her skin was ashen despite the weekend spent in the California sun. Her hair was wet and her clothing was too. She had on a dark, hooded, unzipped sweatshirt with a pair of Rory’s boxers and a tank top of his that was entirely too loose on her thin frame. She was cold and tears streamed down her cheeks and clouded her eyes.
“Julie Baby, what’s wrong?”
She fell against me, throwing her arms around my body. She let go of whatever strength she had been holding on to and sobbed savagely into my chest.
“You haven’t called me that in a long time,” she said, sniffling and nudging herself closer to me, tightening her cold, wet arms around my bare body. “You’re so warm.” She held me even tighter still. “You are always so warm.”
“Are you alright?”
“I am now.” She breathed me in just as Ava does, sucking the air away from my skin with need.
I pulled back from Julia’s grip on me and held her shoulders an arm’s length away. I studied her.
“You’re freezing. Why are you here so late? Does Rory know you left the condo? He’ll be worried, Jules. This storm is too dangerous to be caught out in. Let me call him and then I can drive you home.”
She let out shiver and her teeth chattered. “No! Don’t tell him anything.”
A heavy sigh left my lungs and my mouth pulled into a deep frown. “Stay put for a second.”
Down the hall, on the other side of the kitchen, was our laundry room, which had become a sort of adjunct closet for Ava. It housed a bunch of stuff that didn't fit her new baby-carrying shape along with some other odds and ends that had taken up semi-permanent residence. I found a pair of her running shorts and an old DPI tee-shirt. On top of the dryer was a folded stack of beach towels and in the dryer was a forgotten-about load of wrinkly whites. Yanking out an undershirt, I pulled it on over my head, and took the shorts, tee-shirt and towel to Julia.
“Put these on and give me your wet clothes.”
Standing before me, Julia removed the sweatshirt and then crossed her arms at her waist and pulled at the hem of her wet tank, removing her shirt in one swift move. I shifted uncomfortably and looked everywhere but at her. She flopped the wet tank in my open palm and exchanged it for Ava’s dry tee-shirt. She did the same with the shorts while I fidgeted.
“Done?” I asked when Rory’s wet boxers joined the tank top in my hand.
“Done. At ease, Ari, I don’t have anything that you h
aven’t seen before.” Julia grabbed the towel and ran it vigorously through her sopping wet hair.
She followed me into the kitchen and I dumped her wet things into the sink, then turned to look at her, crossing my arms over my chest.
“What are you doing here at three in morning?”
She climbed onto a stool and fidgeted with Max’s sticky toy dinosaur.
“I’ve … It’s just,” and she started to cry again in a choking sob. Scrambling for a tissue, I had to settle for a roll of toilet paper from the guest bath down the hall.
“I had no idea this was going to happen. Ari, I am so sorry.”
“Ok, what is happening? And why are you sorry?” Chills crept up my spine.
“You would do anything for me right, Ari?”
I didn’t answer her.
“I would … I would do anything for you. You and I have been through a lot together. I … you mean so much to me. We have a bond that no one else has. When my parents died, you were the only one I would talk to -- remember? It was just you and me. I was so scared of everything, so scared that those men were coming back to kill me. I was so terrified in the dark at night that I would hide under my bed, but you always found me, and you would crawl under there with me with a flashlight and sometimes you would…” she sniffled and wiped tears away from her cheeks. “You would read to me. Remember? You probably read me The Lord of the Flies more than fifty times.” She laughed in spite of her tears.
“You always cried when Piggy died.”
She smiled at me and then paused. “Yes, I did -- poor Piggy. You fixed me, Ari. You took every damaged and broken piece of me and made me better. You made me whole again. I owe you.”
“You don’t --”
“We grew older and the stories stopped.”
My eyes closed at her words.
“You kissed me under that bed, Ari … every night. You had sex with me under there. We turned into adults together. You told me things I know you’ve never told her. You told me, Ari, remember? I know who you are. I loved you. You told her you never loved me but … I know you did. I know you still do love me, too. You would do anything for me … even now. And I will do anything for you, too.” She picked at the small, dirty Band-Aid on her wrist.
“Julia, we shouldn’t be talking about our past together. This is inappropriate. If you need to talk with me, come by my office. I’m free for lunch on Monday. We can talk then.” A breath pushed heavily from my lungs. “I know what I told you in the past, but who I am does not matter. My bond is with Ava. Only Ava. I’ve made my promises to her and there isn’t anyone left to make me honor my heritage. I do love you, Jules, but I love you like --”
“Like family?”
“Yes, family. Now, let me call Rory. My cell is upstairs. Stay here. He can come get you.”
“You can’t. He can’t know I am here.”
“You're worrying me, you know.”
“I need you to help me.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“I need you to tell lies, Ari.”
“I don’t--”
“Don’t say you don’t lie, because I know you do. You lie. I’ve caught you. You may not be as dishonest as the rest of us and you may not fib, but you do tell lies. Everyone lies, Ari and you will lie for me. I know you will and I will lie for you, too.”
“I am not keeping anything from anyone.”
“Liar.”
Cries rang out through the house.
Julia jumped at the piercing sounds of Ava’s tortured screams and I turned on my heels without saying another word, running up the steps two at a time. Julia’s shadowy frame slipped the sopping wet hooded sweatshirt back on as she opened the kitchen door and stepped into the stormy darkness.
My night would be one nightmare followed by another.
I went to Ava and Max and found them coiled together. Both were crying, their eyes squeezed tightly shut. Max’s pillow was wet with tears. Ava’s was wet with sweat and she was talking in her sleep, uttering scared, rushed words that I couldn’t understand.
I stayed with them and soothed their sobs all night as the thunder rolled, the lightning struck and the rain pummeled our beach home.
Max woke at daybreak with swollen red eyes. His face and nose were chapped from having had his tears wiped away all night with the hem of my undershirt. Max gasped at the sight of me sitting there at his bedside. He pushed himself down from the mattress and ran the few steps to his reading chair in the corner where I sat. He threw his arms around me and then pulled back and held my face in his hands. His heart hammered through his chest. He looked me straight on in the eye and then wrapped his arms back around my neck in a tight squeeze. I hugged him back, my arms wrapping all the way around his small frame and I held him as closely as I could.
“What did you see, Max? What made you so sad?”
“You,” he whispered.
“Me?”
His head dipped in a sad nod.
“Alright … can you tell me what was I doing?”
“Walking away.”
My forehead pulled into a crease and I eased Max back so I could look closely at him. “Was your mama in the dream with you?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“I was walking away from you both?”
Max nodded again and wiped his nose with his shirtsleeve.
“That was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real. I will never walk away from you, or Ava. I promise you, Max.”
Resting his head on my shoulder, I rocked him back and forth while I watched Ava sleep. Her nightmares passed and she visibly relaxed. Ava buried her face into Max’s pillow and began to stretch out her legs. With a smile on my face, I watched her move her arm to feel around the blankets for me. Setting Max on his feet, I went to her side and sat on the mattress next to her, stilling her dancing fingertips with my hand. Her eyes opened at my touch and she stared wide eyed at me.
“Oh, God!” Ava cried out and wrapped her arms tightly around me, just as Max had.
“It was just a dream, Baby. I’m here.” I ran my fingers down her soft arms. “I’m here.”
Ava nestled her face into my chest, inhaling deeply.
I kissed the top of her wild and messy bedhead. “I won’t leave you, Ava.”
“I know. I know you wouldn’t. I know you would never, could never. It was just a nightmare, Ari. Not all of them are real.”
“That’s right.” I kissed her salty pink lips. My hand rested on her stomach where I could feel the baby kicking and moving around.
“I bet you’re hungry. Why don’t you and Max clean up and I can start breakfast?”
“Ok,” she agreed. “We won’t be long.”
At the upstairs hall, I glanced down below and was surprised to find Rory walking into our kitchen and, just as Julia had done the night before, he kicked his flip flops off at the mat.
“Hey,” I called down to him and he turned to look up at me.
“What are you doing here this morning?” I asked and took the steps two at time towards him.
“I can’t find Jules. She bailed on me last night. I had this thing planned and she flaked…”
My stomach rolled and my esophagus was hit with rising bile. I swallowed acidic stomach juice. She should have been back to their condo hours ago.
“Shit.” The word was meant only for me but Rory heard me anyway.
He nodded a slow, sad agreeing nod.
“Ava’ll be down in a bit. We’ll have breakfast, you can clear your head with some strong coffee. She’ll turn up – this is Julia after all. Where can she possibly go?”
Rory nodded again and eased himself onto the same stool that Julia had sat in just a few hours earlier. Turning my back to him, I edged to the counter and gulped at the sight of Julia’s wadded-up damp clothes in the kitchen sink. A quick glance assured me he wasn’t watching, so I grabbed the boxers and the shirt and
shoved them behind the cans of cleaning concoctions in the under-sink cupboard.
“What’s going on with her?” Rory’s head was in his hands.
“I honestly do not know.” I hadn't strictly speaking told a lie, but my stomach reacted sourly anyway.
“She's sneaking around. I just don’t know why. I don’t know what she is up to.”
“Sneaking around? Julia? Like with another guy?”
“She has disappeared in the middle of the night four times now. When she comes back, she gives me no hint about where she's been. I don’t know what to think.”
“She’s having trouble sleeping. You know how she likes to go for walks.”
“Does she? Since when?” he grunted.
After a quick dig through a basket in the top kitchen cabinet, I found a half-full bottle of Pepto, Ava’s morning sickness relief, and I chugged it.
“Has she called you?” My question was dumb; of course she hadn’t called him.
Rory scoffed at me and then followed the noise up with a look to me as if I was a complete idiot. “Has she called you?” he asked bitterly, knowing that if she needed someone, I am still the first person that Julia would call.
“Ava had nightmares last night,” I murmured, realizing immediately that my comment had had nothing to do with anything but I was desperate for a change in conversation.
The sound of coffee percolating and the open refrigerator door helped me hide my desperation as I rummaged about gathering eggs, milk and orange juice.
The whoosh of the glass door opening was followed by Julia’s perfect accent, “Bloody hell, Rory, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you!”
Julia's entrance surprised and distracted me, and the plastic bottle of orange juice slipped from my full arms and smacked the hard kitchen floor. The impact sent the bottle cap flying and the ice-cold juice poured out at my bare feet.
“Me? Where were you?” Rory shouted.
“Didn’t Ari tell you?”
“Did Ari tell me what? No! He’s acting like a complete moron! What’s going on?”
I stood frozen, barefoot in a pool of orange juice.
“Ari!” Julia stomped her foot and smiled at me. She was fully dressed in her own clothes, her hair was done, her makeup perfect. “Rory, I was here! I thought Ari called you!”
“What the hell, Ari!” Rory turned to me and I remained in the juice with my jaw hanging open and my eyes too wide.
“Uh.” I blinked.
Rory ground his teeth.
Julia tsked, stepped over the juice and flopped her purse on the countertop. “I was here.” She kissed Rory’s angry frown. “I couldn’t sleep. I swear, I tossed and turned for hours, so I went for a walk up the beach – you know I do that sometimes. Anyway, the rain came out of nowhere and I was nearly struck by lightning! I was soaking wet. Thank goodness Ari still leaves a key by the cactus, because I didn’t have my own keys or my cell. I came in here and heard Ava and Max both screaming in their sleep. Ari was running around in the dark house like a goon and found me. He got me a pair of dry clothes and then rushed off, promising to call you to tell you I was headed home. Why didn’t you call him, Ari?”
Completely speechless, I stared dumbfounded at her.
“Whatever.” She moved past the breakfast bar and pulled open a drawer filled with coffee mugs. She poured a cup for herself and one for Rory and then helped herself to cream and sugar.
“Is that true, Ari?”
“Uh.” My head bobbed in what could have been construed as a yes or no.
“For Christ's sake, Ari! Quit acting like a spaz!” Julia walked past the spill and joined Rory at the breakfast bar, kissing him again and messing his short hair with her fingers.
“Daddy, eww!” The squeal came from Max, who had spotted the mess on the floor. Ava, held him at her hip and stood just outside the kitchen with her head tilted to the side.
“I spilt.”
“We can see that,” Ava laughed at me and then came to my rescue, mopping the sticky mess from the floor, tossing the empty plastic container in the recycling bin and handing me a wet rag to clean my feet.
“Ari, you look awful. You’re really pale. Sit. I’ll make something easy for breakfast. How about toast or oatmeal?”
“Toast.” I agreed and she kissed my forehead and then poured me a cup of coffee.
“I think it’s supposed to rain all day,” Julia frowned at the weather and stared out the window. “What do you want to do today, Rory?”
“Honestly Babe, I’ve had one of the worst nights of my life. I really just want to go home and spend the rest of the day with you in our room. Maybe we can talk about some things and then watch that movie you keep blabbing about.”
“Love is Eternal?!”
“Gah, sure, whatever makes you happy.” He shrugged with another grunting noise.
Julia stood from her stool next to Rory and scooped up her purse, flinging it over her shoulder. “Sounds perfect. Let’s go then. Thanks for the coffee, Ari. See ya Monday. Bye Ava! Kisses for Aunt Jules, Max?”
Max stuck his tongue out at her but happily gave Rory a high five.
Rory didn’t speak to me. He only stood up from his stool, pushed the mug across the island and then kissed Ava on the cheek, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll never understand how you deal with him.”
“Bye, Roar.” Ava gave him an indulgent smile and hot toast popped from the toaster.
For once, Rory’s idea was actually a good one. I wanted more than anything to lock myself away at home with Ava and Max for the remainder of the rainy weekend. We did have plans with the whole family on sailing out to Catalina Island and I had promised to take Max snorkeling. One look at the choppy waves told me that plan was not going to happen; he was sure to be disappointed.
Biting into my dry toast, I pushed all thoughts of Julia out of my mind. She had left me in a whirlwind of confusion. The night before, she hadn't been able to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks and the emotion from cracking her voice. She had dredged up pointless old conversations and had left me scared that somehow Ava would find out who I was. Then, a scant several hours later, she had danced through the door acting chipper and nonchalant. I saw no coherence in her behavior. She had done a fair job of making me look like a complete and utter fool and Rory would not forgive me for quite a while, I knew.
“I’m gonna grab a shower.” I pushed my coffee cup away from my plate.
“Are you alright, Ari?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I won’t take long. Maybe we can do some couch time, too?”
“Definitely, whatever you’d like.”
“You’re so sweet.” Unable to resist, I kissed her perfectly pink lips.