*
When Yuffie came into the upstairs room at the inn expecting to find Natalie, she found Vincent staring at his claw with an ominous darkness to his face. She hesitated, not really wanting to get involved with what she was sure was a very deep subject, but then she gave a shrug and stepped forward. She pulled up a chair and straddled it. "What's up?"
Vincent crossed his arms to glower out the window. "Time."
Yuffie frowned, confusion wrinkling her nose before she remembered Cid had announced the completion of the generator the previous night. "Oh. Nat's going to start today, huh?" Vincent didn't reply. Yuffie nodded. "Yeah. Thought so. I knew there had to be a reason she wasn't up here. She's at the mansion, isn't she?"
"Yes. She left early this morning."
"Then what's the problem? I thought you wanted this to happen."
"I do."
An eyebrow twitched. "You afraid it won't work."
Vincent shook his head, his gaze focused solely on the well outside. "I have a bad feeling."
"Bad feelings aren't cool, Vinnie."
"I know."
"You think it's about the experiment?"
"No."
"So, you're pretty sure it's going to work?"
"Yes."
She frowned down at the back of the chair, tapping her fingers on her arm. "Hm. Creepy."
"Yes."
"You don't think Nat's going to change her mind about you when you're back to normal, do you?" Vincent remained silent. She stood and clomped over to stand beside him. "Dude, Vincent, there is no way in hell that's going to happen. She's crazy for you in a major way. Worse than Tifa and Cloud, if that's possible. C'mon. Don't worry about that."
He still said nothing.
Yuffie grimaced, remembered something Natalie had shown her, and made her way over to the dresser beside her bed. She searched through dresser drawers and under tidily folded socks. "Here it is." She turned back to Vincent. "Here. Look."
He shifted his view to the picture in her hand. He took it from her. "Where did you get this?"
"Nat showed it to me once. When we were talking about you, of course. She got it from her teacher, who got it from his sister, who got it from her best friend . . ." Yuffie grimaced again. "I can't remember the details. It gets confusing."
"Yes. I remember."
She gestured to the small picture. "This is you. Right?"
"Yes. When I was a Turk."
"That's when she first heard about you. I think. No, wait. She first heard about you when she read about Hojo's experiment. But I know that's the first time she saw you. That picture. She loves that picture, Vinnie. I've seen the way she looks at it." Yuffie wrinkled her nose. "It makes me wanna hurl, but I've still seen how she looks at it."
He pushed the photo back at her.
"I know what you're thinking, Vinnie, but it does mean something. Don't be dense."
"Yuffie--"
"Save it." Yuffie growled. "I can see that you just want to feel sorry for yourself or something. Well, I don't have to stay here and listen to it, or watch it for that matter. Deal with it. Okay? I've never seen no one so wild for you then Nat. I've never seen no one so wild for anyone. If you start second guessing everything about you two . . ." She snorted and took the picture from him with a rough motion. "Hell! Why do I even bother? You'll do what you want anyway."
She stormed from the room, slamming the door behind her. Vincent stared at it for a long moment before looking away. He knew the picture meant a lot to Natalie. It reminded her what Hojo took from him. It reminded her what she wanted to give back: his life. Somehow, deep within, he knew Natalie's feelings wouldn't change should her idea work. Their souls had entwined, drawing too close in a short amount of time for such to be a danger. What bothered him was his sudden reluctance to venture where she waited. She would see his regret at the squandered opportunity for intimacy the previous night.
The decision was right, this he knew, but the regret still tainted his thoughts. He simply could not now allow her to give herself freely to what he never held as his true reflection. When he felt her against him for the first time, he wanted to make love to her as a man and not a monster. When she spoke his name in the midst of an intimate embrace, he did not the monster within to hear the passion. He wanted to caress her with his hands of warmth and tenderness, and not the cold and lifeless claw.
He, alone, wanted to experience her.
Vincent scowled down at his claw again as a trace of her heady aroma filled his nostrils. He took in a deep breath, and his eyes glowed as he heard her voice again. 'I just want you here with me . . . Just for me? I just want you to hold me, so that I can sleep . . .' Of all the things she could have asked of him, that one request had been impossible. Impossible because I desire it so utterly. And the power of his desire terrified him more than the original discovery of his growing fondness. To have her look at me with those rich, emerald eyes and speak my name--Vincent pushed it away, fisting his hands to do so.
Natalie said the Jenova and DNA manipulation done would not affect his offspring. His children. Children to be tutored and schooled in the genetic/cellular sciences. Children to be trained to one day find his cure if Natalie were not successful. Vincent shook his head, squeezing his eyes tight with the effort to banish the thoughts. Bringing a child into the world should be done for an entirely different reason, but should she fail, what choice was left to him?
Vincent turned and strode from the room. Desperation pouted behind.
Red waited by the gate to Shinra Mansion. Vincent regarded him with a wary gaze. "Red."
"Hello, Vincent. Might I have a word with you before you make your way into the mansion? It will only take a moment."
"She has been waiting for me," Vincent made a move to pass. "Perhaps later."
Red pointedly ignored the subtle hint as he moved into Vincent's path. The scruff of hair on the nape of his neck bristled a bit as he looked up at him. "I need to speak with you. It's important."
"Red--"
"Now," he intoned with a growl.
Vincent's temper sparked. "No. I need to go to her. She has been waiting. Again." He needed her confidence to assuage the doubt. Needed to hear the soothing of her voice to quiet the building darkness. Vincent made another move to pass.
Red snarled, giving a warning snap of his jaws. Vincent stepped backward. "She will wait. She has done so her entire life. I need to speak with you." Red took a step forward. Vincent backed away. "I don't have any warnings or chastisements or anything that will cause you humiliation. I need to confide something to you that I believe you would want to hear."
Vincent's glower deepened. "Fine. Speak."
The hair on Red's back settled, and his angry expression faded. He looked almost apologetic as he cleared his throat and sat on his haunches. "I'm sorry, Vincent. I didn't mean to lose my temper."
"It is all right."
"No, it isn't, but thank you for accepting my apology." He examined Vincent's face before stepping forward. "Can we go for a walk?" Vincent's impatience must have been obvious. Red gave a nod. "I know. You want to hurry to her, but it will be just a moment. Besides, she's just now setting up. She's not ready for you quite yet."
Vincent reluctantly acquiesced, falling into step beside Red as he made his way toward Mt. Nibel. "What did you wish to confide?" Red seemed to hesitate a moment, as if he was unsure where to begin. Vincent examined him, and then he refocused his attention to the path ahead of him. "I know she doubts the wisdom of this procedure."
"That isn't what I was going to tell you." Red passed him a look. "You're a bright fellow, Vincent. I knew that you would have already reasoned she feels overwhelmed with the not-so-pleasant possibilities as to what might or might not happen. If she hadn't already confessed them to you."
"Then what is it?"
"I wasn't sure if she told you that she feels as if she is playing at the role of 'Hojo' by experimenting her idea of a cure on you."
Vin
cent sent Red a sharp glance and halted his progress forward. "Hojo? Why would she believe she resembled that madman?"
Red sat on his haunches, curling his tail around his forepaws as he gave himself time to think of a reply. "Much as I hate to admit it, I see a reason for her fear. You must also admit, Vincent, that she's taking your life into her hands. Isn't that what Hojo did?"
"But this is my choice," Vincent insisted through his wavering calm. "Hojo never gave me such a luxury. She did."
"Did she?"
"What are you saying? Of course."
"Vincent, hear me out." Red gathered his thoughts. "Her mind continues to reason that there was no choice given, on the grounds that she simply offered the possibility of something you already wanted. She knew you wanted freedom from what Hojo made you, and that is what took away your choice."
Vincent clenched his jaw. His muscle twitched wildly. "What should I do to convince her that if I hadn't wanted to do--"
"That is the problem," Red interrupted. "She knew you wanted this. That is why she feels there was no other option for you. You don't care about the danger, therefore there is no choice."
"I do care about the danger!" Vincent's amber eyes sparked. "Do you really believe I am oblivious to the possibility I may be forever without her? Or she without me? Do you believe I wish for her to always lay awake at night wondering if there could have been something different done in order to save my life? Do you believe I want her to be tortured with the fact that she was the cause of my death?"
"No. I don't."
"Then tell me," Vincent raged. "Tell me what I could possibly do to get what I want! Tell me what other option is available to rid me of this mutation that twists my insides with hate and grotesque wickedness. I will never accept it as who I am. I have told her this!"
"I know."
Vincent continued as if Red had not spoken. "She must try because it might work. She must try because it is my only option. The only other is to remain as I am, never knowing if there was a way to win. Never knowing if there was a way to sneer in Hojo's face and say 'I have won against your insanity. Your life is not mine.' That was my choice before. Now I have chosen the possibility of life instead of complacency. I have explained that to her as well."
Red nodded and released a quick breath. "She knows all this, Vincent. I just thought you should be told it still bothers her. Natalie wants to protect you so completely that, at times, she doesn't see that her desire defeats all reason. She will go on with her idea because she wants you to be free as much as you do. She goes on because she cares for you, deeply, as I know you care for her."
Vincent gathered his control, frayed at the edges as it was, and spoke after a long pause. "Red, what can I do? She should not be tortured with accusations comparing her with a madman. What can I say that will put it out of her mind once and for all?"
Red shook his head. "I don't know. I've already told her that she shouldn't ever doubt what her heart tells her is her purpose, but I don't believe that is the same as believing she's following in the footsteps of someone like Hojo. That may be a battle she must fight alone, within herself."
"I will not let her fight alone."
Red smiled. "No. I suppose you wouldn't. Perhaps that is what she needs. Just you."
"I don't know how that could be enough for anyone, but she seems content."
"It's because she loves you. You may not understand why, but love is never understood by those who experience it."
Vincent looked over toward the mansion. "So I have noticed."
Red examined his face before nudging at his leg. "Go. I've kept you long enough, Vincent. I'm sorry."
Vincent released a slow breath as he turned for the mansion without a word. Red's confession of Natalie's fear bothered him. Am I truly helpless? Is there nothing I can do to assure her? He had tried, so many times, to set her mind at rest regarding the experiment, but was there nothing else he could do? Is it truly up to her whether or not she accepts what I've told her? Vincent clenched his jaw. He never cared for feeling helpless, and that hadn't changed.
He pushed through the gate and made his way inside the mansion. His mind remained strangely silent as he navigated the rooms that would lead him to the basement laboratory. The silence seemed to leer at him. Ridiculing his attempt at humanity. Sneering at his endeavors to act tender and understanding. 'Why do you not hide again? If things are so difficult, run away. As you did before,' the silence seemed to say. But what would that prove? Nothing. Things would be the same. Dead. Lifeless. Empty. Alone. After having Natalie as an active part of his dreams and his reality, there was no way he would relinquish it. He wanted it all.
Vincent paused outside the laboratory door. It stood ajar, and he could hear Natalie's voice as she walked herself through a procedure. Guiding herself through it with occasional words of praise and encouragement. Then she moved to a different project and was heard telling herself different possibilities as well as the reasons why one would be more plausible than the other. Listening to her . . . his lips rose in a smile and he reached out to push the door wider open, gently and without a sound. She intently examined a slide under a microscope while her free hand held a book.
"See?" Natalie told herself with a hushed voice. "There isn't much difference from this one and the original DNA, yet this is after Hojo determined the experiment to be a success. Let's see . . . what was the date on this sample?"
She moved her gaze from the microscope to the notes carefully arranged on the desk and began searching for the information she needed, not noticing Vincent as he stepped further into the room. A slight breeze carried the fragrance of her toward him and he halted, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath. His pulse quickened. The crinkle of paper opened his eyes. She had found the report she sought and now nibbled on the end of her fingernail as she read it over. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes again, snatching at his dissipating restraint.
"That can't be right. Hm. Where was that other paper . . . Ah-hah!"
She leaned far over the desk, reaching just as Vincent opened his eyes. His gaze relished the curves of her, inviting a touch and caress--Vincent shook his head, clearing away the poignant desire. He cleared his throat.
Natalie gave a start, and straightened with a muffled yelp. When she faced him, a smile caressed those rose lips and set her emerald eyes afire. She leaned back against the desk, closing the book to hug it against the curves of her chest. "Good morning, Vincent." Her tone caressed his soul. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yes." His tone was surprisingly even, and she didn't seem to notice his struggle to keep his distance. "You?"
She lowered her gaze with a one-shouldered shrug, kicking at the carpet with the toe of her sneaker. "I dreamt of you. We were having a picnic in the Temple of the Ancients, and then we walked around the Sleeping Forest. It felt nice, being there with you."
He had dreamt of her as well. Her laughter. Her smiles. The way her touch would linger on his golden claw and human arm alike . . . Vincent's throat tightened, and he balled a fist behind his back. "I am glad. You needed your rest."
Natalie released a slow breath, catching his gaze after she set the book aside. "Are you ready?"
"Yes. You?" Her lips were caressed with another smile, and Vincent felt the heat rise to his ears.
"I have been ready for years, Vincent."
"As have I."
She turned away, and Vincent relaxed his stance, taking in a deep and silent breath as he hurriedly captured the remnants of his self-control.
"Very well then. We should get started." She pulled out a chair and turned to offer him another smile. "Could you sit here please? I am going to begin by taking a blood sample."
He clenched his jaw and stepped closer. She was wearing a new fragrance. Something reminiscent of the flowers Aeris had grown in the slums. "Very well."
Once he sat in the chair, her hip continued to brush his shoulder as she reached for the syringe, alcohol, and other miscellaneou
s paraphernalia needed. Vincent felt hard-pressed to keep his eyes from rolling back in his head as he gripped the arms of the chair.
"Now, this should not hurt." Natalie set aside the syringe and leaned forward to roll up the sleeve of his black shirt--he'd left his red cape in his room at Cloud's.
Vincent wisely decided to hold his breath. The warmth of her breath on his arm did enough to cause distraction.
"There will be a little pinch . . ."
All he could feel was the tender kiss of her fingers on his skin. He clenched his jaw harder.
"All done." She rolled down his sleeve and fastened the button at the cuff. "You okay?"
Vincent caught her gaze. They registered concern. "Yes." His voice was calmness itself.
Natalie's fingers lingered on the top of his hand for the barest hint of a moment, and then she gestured toward a machine on the far side of the laboratory. "I'd like to take an X-ray."
Vincent followed her, desperately trying to keep his eyes from her gentle sway as she walked. She stood to one side of the table and patted it with a reassuring smile. He stared at it a moment before swallowing hard and turning to push himself up.
"Now, lay back." Natalie placed a hand on his back and gently guided him to lean against the cold surface. She rubbed at his arm with another reassuring smile as she brought a machine over to the table. "I will simply X-ray your claw. It will only take a moment. Lay still."
She adjusted the settings on the machine and then stepped away. A few moments later, she was back and pushing the machine to the side. Her hand again went to his back to help him sit up. Their gazes locked, and she smiled. Vincent's eyes lingered on her lips a moment before he was able to look away, sliding off the table and walking toward the far side of the room under the pretense of examining the pages of research notes she had been perusing when he entered.
Natalie came to stand beside him. Much as he knew she would. "Notes. Mostly Hojo's and Gast's, but some are mine accumulated over the past several years."
Her breath smelled of honey and fruit. Vincent clutched a hand behind his back as he turned to face her. "What next?"
Her lips parted with a chuckle and she shook her head. Her curls--drawn up in a ponytail--danced around her ears and neck. He could see the tender pulse--he blinked and shoved the thought away.
"You, sir, are done. I, on the other hand, will be delving into the supposed boring aspects of the process over the next few days: outline a strategy and rule out possibilities, things of that nature. That way we can get more done. The longer days won't be until next week or after."
A stray eyelash fell to her cheek, and he reached out to touch it away before he could stop himself. They stared down at it a moment before she held his hand, closed her eyes, and blew it away. Then she looked up at him with a smile. Her eyes twinkled.
"What did you do?" This time, his voice wasn't so calm. It wavered, ever so slightly deeper than normal.
"I made a wish." She lowered her eyes, dropping her hand from his. "I suppose it is a silly custom, but I find it fun."
Natalie made a move to turn away, but he stopped her with a gentle grip on her arm. "Natalie."
She looked up, her eyes slightly wide. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." His eyes raked her face for a long and silent moment before he spoke again. "Just wait. Let me see you."
Her cheeks flushed a glorious crimson, but she did not turn away. Nor did she lower her gaze. "I promise I won't go anywhere, Vincent. I will still be here tomorrow."
"I know." He reached up to stroke her cheek and jaw, his touch following the line of her face before caressing her lower lip with a single finger. "Just wait."
"Vincent . . ." Her eyes closed as she leaned in. "Vincent, I . . . I need to work."
"I know," he repeated.
Vincent moved closer. Her breath tickled his cheek. He closed his eyes, relishing the silky softness of her skin against his lips, breathing in the delicate fragrance of blossoms from her hair and skin. She voiced a feeble protest as he pulled her into his arms. His lips wandered to the sensitive area beneath her ear.
"I need to say thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for offering me a choice other than isolation."
Natalie's arms encircled him as she released a deep breath. "You're welcome."
Her sweet breath feathered a cascade of flaming tongues down his spine--"I need to go now, Natalie."
Her arms tightened around him for the briefest moment before she nodded and loosened her grip. "I know."
He steeled himself against her warmth and honeysweet breath in his hair to push gently back. She hadn't opened her eyes and her lips were slightly parted. To kiss her . . . to kiss her would--"Natalie. Please. Turn away." He forced himself to release his grip on her arms. She turned, staggering forward to rest her hands on the arms of the chair. Vincent watched her in silence for a long moment. When it looked as if she would face him--"No. Don't. Wait until I leave, Natalie. Please."
She nodded, and he saw a telltale drip of a tear color the seat of the chair. His insides twisted, but he kept himself from stepping forward. "I will come out for lunch, Vincent," she whispered. "Will you meet me by the gate?"
"Yes. I will."
He made a move to turn away, but something stopped him. "Natalie, please remember what I said in your room last night. To be with you--" He clenched his jaw.
"I . . . I know."
And he could hear the smile in her tone. Relief loosened the tension in his back. "I will see you for lunch then."
She nodded. Vincent turned away, leaving the door as he found it: ajar. He paused there for a moment--he heard the creak of the chair as she sat. Then a deep exhalation of breath. "He smells so good," Natalie whispered.
Vincent smiled and moved away from the door.