CHAPTER XV.
This taunting reproof from Sandford made little impression upon MissMilner, whose thoughts were all fixed on a subject of much moreimportance than the opinion which he entertained of her. She threw herarms about her friend the moment they were left alone, and asked, withanxiety, "What she thought of her behaviour?" Miss Woodley, who couldnot approve of the duplicity she had betrayed, still wished to reconcileher as much as possible to her own conduct, and replied, she "Highlycommended the frankness with which she had, at last, acknowledged hersentiments."
"Frankness!" cried Miss Milner, starting. "Frankness, my dear MissWoodley! What you have just now heard me say, is all a falsehood."
"How, Miss Milner!"
"Oh, Miss Woodley," returned she, sobbing upon her bosom, "pity theagonies of my heart, my heart, by nature sincere, when such are thefatal propensities it cherishes, that I must submit to the grossestfalsehoods rather than reveal the truth."
"What can you mean?" cried Miss Woodley, with the strongest amazement inher face.
"Do you suppose I love Lord Frederick? Do you suppose I _can_ love him?Oh fly, and prevent my guardian from telling him such an untruth."
"What can you mean?" repeated Miss Woodley; "I protest you terrify me."For this inconsistency in the behaviour of Miss Milner, appeared as ifher senses had been deranged.
"Fly," she resumed, "and prevent the inevitable ill consequence whichwill ensue, if Lord Frederick should be told this falsehood. It willinvolve us all in greater disquiet than we suffer at present."
"Then what has influenced you, my dear Miss Milner?"
"That which impels all my actions--an unsurmountable instinct--a fatality,that will for ever render me the most miserable of human beings; and yetyou, even you, my dear Miss Woodley, will not pity me."
Miss Woodley pressed her closely in her arms, and vowed, "That while shewas unhappy, from whatever cause, she still would pity her."
"Go to Mr. Dorriforth then, and prevent him from imposing upon LordFrederick."
"But that imposition is the only means of preventing the duel," repliedMiss Woodley. "The moment I have told him that your affection was butcounterfeited, he will no longer refuse accepting the challenge."
"Then at all events I am undone," exclaimed Miss Milner, "for the duelis horrible, even beyond every thing else."
"How so?" returned Miss Woodley, "since you have declared you do notcare for Lord Frederick?"
"But are you so blind," returned Miss Milner with a degree of madness inher looks, "as to believe I do not care for Mr. Dorriforth? Oh! MissWoodley! I love him with all the passion of a mistress, and with all thetenderness of a wife."
Miss Woodley at this sentence sat down--it was on a chair that was closeto her--her feet could not have taken her to any other. She trembled--shewas white as ashes, and deprived of speech. Miss Milner, taking her bythe hand, said,
"I know what you feel--I know what you think of me--and how much you hateand despise me. But Heaven is witness to all my struggles--nor would I,even to myself, acknowledge the shameless prepossession, till forced bya sense of his danger"----
"Silence," cried Miss Woodley, struck with horror.
"And even now," resumed Miss Milner, "have I not concealed it from allbut you, by plunging myself into a new difficulty, from which I know nothow I shall be extricated? And do I entertain a hope? No, Miss Woodley,nor ever will. But suffer me to own my folly to you--to entreat yoursoothing friendship to free me from my weakness. And, oh! give me youradvice, to deliver me from the difficulties which surround me."
Miss Woodley was still pale, and still silent.
Education, is called second nature; in the strict (but not enlarged)education of Miss Woodley, it was more powerful than the first--and theviolation of oaths, persons, or things consecrated to Heaven, was, inher opinion, if not the most enormous, yet among the most terrific inthe catalogue of crimes.
Miss Milner had lived so long in a family who had imbibed thoseopinions, that she was convinced of their existence; nay, her own reasontold her that solemn vows of every kind, ought to be sacred; and themore she respected her guardian's understanding, the less did she callin question his religious tenets--in esteeming him, she esteemed all hisnotions; and among the rest, venerated those of his religion. Yet thatpassion, which had unhappily taken possession of her whole soul, wouldnot have been inspired, had there not subsisted an early difference, intheir systems of divine faith. Had she been early taught what were thesacred functions of a Roman ecclesiastic, though all her esteem, all heradmiration, had been attracted by the qualities and accomplishments ofher guardian, yet education, would have given such a prohibition to herlove, that she would have been precluded from it, as by that barrierwhich divides a sister from a brother.
This, unfortunately, was not the case; and Miss Milner loved Dorriforthwithout one conscious check to tell her she was wrong, except that whichconvinced her--her love would be avoided by him with detestation, andwith horror.
Miss Woodley, something recovered from her first surprise, andsufferings--for never did her susceptible mind suffer soexquisitely--amidst all her grief and abhorrence, felt that pity wasstill predominant--and reconciled to the faults of Miss Milner by hermisery, she once more looked at her with friendship, and asked, "Whatshe could do to render her less unhappy?"
"Make me forget," replied Miss Milner, "every moment of my life since Ifirst saw you--that moment was teeming with a weight of cares, underwhich I must labour till my death."
"And even in death," replied Miss Woodley, "do not hope to shake themoff. If unrepented in this world"----
She was proceeding--but the anxiety her friend endured, would not sufferher to be free from the apprehension, that, notwithstanding the positiveassurance of her guardian, if he and Lord Frederick should meet, theduel might still take place; she therefore rang the bell and enquired ifMr. Dorriforth was still at home?--the answer was--"He had rode out. Youremember," said Miss Woodley, "he told you he should dine from home."This did not, however, dismiss her fears, and she dispatched twoservants different ways in pursuit of him, acquainting them with hersuspicions, and charging them to prevent the duel. Sandford had alsotaken his precautions; but though he knew the time, he did not know theexact place of their appointment, for that Lord Elmwood had forgot toenquire.
The excessive alarm which Miss Milner discovered upon this occasion, wasimputed by the servants, and by others who were witnesses of it, to heraffection for Lord Frederick; while none but Miss Woodley knew, or hadthe most distant suspicion of the real cause.
Mrs. Horton and Miss Fenton, who were sitting together expatiating onthe duplicity of their own sex in the instance just before them, had,notwithstanding the interest of the discourse, a longing desire to breakit off; for they were impatient to see this poor frail being whom theywere loading with their censure. They longed to see if she would havethe confidence to look them in the face: them, to whom she had so oftenprotested, that she had not the smallest attachment to Lord Frederick,but from motives of vanity.
These ladies heard with infinite satisfaction that dinner had beenserved, but met Miss Milner at the table with a less degree of pleasurethan they had expected; for her mind was so totally abstracted from anyconsideration of _them_, that they could not discern a single blush, orconfused glance, which their presence occasioned. No, she had beforethem divulged nothing of which she was ashamed; she was only ashamedthat what she had said was not true. In the bosom of Miss Woodley alonewas that secret entrusted which could call a blush into her face, andbefore her, she _did_ feel confusion--before the gentle friend, to whomshe had till this time communicated all her faults withoutembarrassment, she now cast down her eyes in shame.
Soon after the dinner was removed, Lord Elmwood entered; and thatgallant young nobleman declared--"Mr. Sandford had used him ill, in notpermitting him to accompany his relation; for he feared that Mr.Dorriforth would now throw himself upon the sword of Lord Frederick,without a single friend near to d
efend him." A rebuke from the eye ofMiss Woodley, which from this day had a command over Miss Milner,restrained her from expressing the affright she suffered from thisintimation. Miss Fenton replied, "As to that, my Lord, I see no reasonwhy Mr. Dorriforth and Lord Frederick should not now be friends.""Certainly," said Mrs. Horton; "for as soon as my Lord Frederick is madeacquainted with Miss Milner's confession, all differences must bereconciled."
"What confession?" asked Lord Elmwood.
Miss Milner, to avoid hearing a repetition of that which gave her paineven to recollect, rose in order to retire into her own apartment, butwas obliged to sit down again, till she received the assistance of LordElmwood and her friend, who led her into her dressing room. She reclinedupon a sofa there, and though left alone with that friend, a silencefollowed of half an hour; nor when the conversation began, was the nameof Dorriforth once uttered--they were grown cool and considerate sincethe discovery, and both were equally fearful of naming him.
The vanity of the world, the folly of riches, the charms of retirement,and such topics engaged their discourse, but not their thoughts, fornear two hours; and the first time the word Dorriforth was spoken, wasby a servant, who with alacrity opened the dressing room door, withoutpreviously rapping, and cried, "Madam, Mr. Dorriforth."
Dorriforth immediately came in, and went eagerly to Miss Milner. MissWoodley beheld the glow of joy and of guilt upon her face, and did notrise to give him her seat, as was her custom, when she was sitting byhis ward and he came to her with intelligence. He therefore stood whilehe repeated all that had happened in his interview with Lord Frederick.
But with her gladness to see her guardian safe, she had forgot toenquire of the safety of his antagonist; of the man whom she hadpretended to love so passionately--even smiles of rapture were upon herface, though Dorriforth might be returned from putting him to death.This incongruity of behaviour Miss Woodley observed, and wasconfounded--but Dorriforth, in whose thoughts a suspicion either of herlove for him, or indifference for Lord Frederick, had no place, easilyreconciled this inconsistency, and said,
"You see by my countenance that all is well, and therefore you smile onme before I tell you what has passed."
This brought her to the recollection of her conduct, and now with looksill constrained, she attempted the expression of an alarm she did notfeel.
"Nay, I assure you Lord Frederick is safe," he resumed, "and thedisgrace of his blow washed entirely away, by a few drops of blood fromthis arm." And he laid his hand upon his left arm, which rested in hiswaistcoat as a kind of sling.
She cast her eyes there, and seeing where the ball had entered the coatsleeve, she gave an involuntary scream, and sunk upon the sofa. Insteadof that affectionate sympathy which Miss Woodley used to exert upon herslightest illness or affliction, she now addressed her in an unpityingtone, and said, "Miss Milner, you have heard Lord Frederick is safe, youhave therefore nothing to alarm you." Nor did she run to hold a smellingbottle, or to raise her head. Her guardian seeing her near fainting, andwithout any assistance from her friend, was going himself to give it;but on this, Miss Woodley interfered, and having taken her head upon herarm, assured him, "It was a weakness to which Miss Milner wasaccustomed: that she would ring for her maid, who knew how to relieveher instantly with a few drops." Satisfied with this, Dorriforth leftthe room; and a surgeon being come to examine his wound, he retired intohis own chamber.