her 30’s, Kat wondered if she would ever get married. Some people don’t, she knew. She thought about Mary Lynn, and wondered if she would end up like that herself. Not that there was anything wrong with Mary Lynn, she kept herself busy giving lessons and doing housework and maintaining a part-time job. And she did seem to be happy, despite not being in a relationship (as far as Kat knew). Kat considered the Bible in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul talks about how it’s good to marry, but it’s better not to marry if you can.
It did seem like Kat found the most joy in doing things for the church. Part of it was that she felt like she was using her God-given gifts in a God-glorifying way. The other part of it was that she felt supported and loved in the context of the church. Sure, there were some gossipy ladies who didn’t like the way Kat dressed, but you’re never going to please all the people all the time. And Kat still dressed more conservatively than a lot of the women she knew… or used to know.
Indeed, it seemed like all of the friends she used to go clothes shopping with had gotten married and had children, and were now dressing more like Mary Lynn than Kat. As she was picking out her outfit for church tomorrow and the Night of Outreach, Kat put on a familiar tunic top and tights, then walked over to her full length mirror. She noticed that when she bent over just a little, her bottom peeked out from under the tunic. “Girl,” she said to herself, “Zumba or not, you may be getting a little old for this ensemble.”
She grabbed another tunic top from her closet; it was one she hardly ever wore because it was a bit larger in size, hiding the majority of her curves. As she held it up in front of her, looking into the mirror Kat sighed, “Curse you boys and your stupid mind games.” She looked back at her closet, and then at the outfit she had on, then at the larger tunic in her hands. “Alright Katherine Driggers,” she resolved, “we get out the same way we came in… a little bit at a time.”
Kat threw the larger tunic on her bed as she walked out the bedroom door. She went to her garage and grabbed a large cardboard box. Taking it back to her bedroom, Kat set it on the floor beside her bed and took off the smaller tunic, tossing it into the box. She put the larger tunic on and went back to the mirror. As she turned around and bent over a little, she smiled a half-hearted smile.
Walking back into her closet, Kat grabbed several pairs of shoes, including a very worn pair of fire engine red stilettos. Tossing them into the cardboard box on the floor, she stopped for a moment and picked up the red shoes. She smiled a knowing smile and placed them back into the box. Kat went back into her closet and started going through the outfits. “Probably not... okay... okay... probably not…” she said as she alternately moved the clothes to the side or tossed them into the box. She had relinquished half a dozen outfits in all before telling the box, “That’s good enough for now.”
Kat picked up the box and headed into the living room. Setting it down, she walked into the kitchen and grabbed her coat and purse off of a chair. She picked the box back up and headed out the door. After setting the box in her back seat, Kat hopped in the driver’s seat and started up the car. She was pulling out of her housing addition and taking off down the road before she noticed what song was playing on the radio. ‘Ever Be’ was one of the ones they were singing tomorrow, and one of Kat’s personal favorites, so she began singing along with it:
“Now You’re making me like You, clothing me in white, bringing beauty from ashes, for You will have Your bride. Free of all her guilt, and rid of all her shame, and known by her true name…”
Suddenly Kat’s voice broke off and a tear started running down her cheek. She tried sniffling and wiping it away, but more started coming. “Come on Kat,” she said out loud, “pull yourself together. It’s just a song.” But she knew better. Kat was quite familiar with guilt and shame, and the song lyrics were hitting a little close to home this afternoon. Realizing that it might be safer to pull over and cry this one out, she pulled into the courthouse annex and put the car in park. Then the floodgates opened.
About half a minute into her cry, Kat heard a knock on her car window. Looking up, she saw a uniformed officer standing there, so she rolled the window down.
“Ma’am?” the officer asked.
“Yes officer…” Kat squinted at the name on his uniform through her tears, “Murray?”
“It’s ‘Murphy’ ma’am.” the officer corrected. “Are you okay, do you need anything?”
“No...” she answered, “No, I’m good thanks.” She mustered a smile, but by now her mascara was running wild.
The officer was not amused. “Well ma’am, you’re parked in the Judge’s spot so you’ll have to move your car.” he said solemnly.
“Oh…” Kat said, somewhat surprised. She looked directly in front of her and saw the sign saying “Judicial Parking Only - All Others Will Be Towed”. Raising her hand to her mouth, she blurted out, “I’m so sorry officer Murray…”
“Murphy…” he corrected.
“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. “I’m just… you know… girl stuff…” she smiled again.
“Yes ma’am...” he replied as somber as before. “Have a nice day.”
Kat put the car in reverse and backed out of the judge’s spot. She waved to the officer as she pulled up to the road, but he just shook his head and turned back to the courthouse. Kat pulled back on the main road and continued down the street until she got to the secondhand store. She pulled up to the ‘drop off’ area, got out of her car and opened the back door. She handed the box to a clerk waiting there, who looked a bit shocked and said, “Um… you need to check your mascara…”
Kat ran two fingers across her cheek and checked the result. She looked up to the sky as if pleading with someone up there, then headed back to her car. The clerk shouted after her, “Do you want a receipt?”
“No, thank you.” Kat shouted back without looking.
Back in her car, Kat addressed her makeup issues, then pulled onto the main road and headed to her family’s store. When she got there, she parked the car and headed in the front doors. One of the cashiers said, “Hey Kat, I didn’t know you were working today…”
“I’m not,” she said. “Just need to pick up a few things.”
Kat headed back to the department where she normally got her clothes and started searching. She pulled out a top and looked around, as if she was on a mission. Soon a clerk came over to help and said, “Hey Kat, I didn’t know you were working today.”
“I’m not.” she said. “Susan, what do you think of this top with that skirt?”
“Love it,” Susan replied. “Is this for… an older friend?”
Kat stopped and looked at Susan. “Susan…” she began, “what do you think of the way I dress?”
Susan seemed suddenly flustered, “Um… you’re very fashionable… you always wear...”
“Clothes fit for a 20-something?” Kat finished her sentence. “I’m 36 you know.”
“Kat,” Susan’s voice became almost maternal, “honey, what’s going on?”
Kat looked down and a tear started rolling down her cheek again. Then she blurted out “Robert said I didn’t care about my appearance but I did, but not like that, but then things changed, and now I’m 36 and my bottom peeked out from the mirror this morning even WITH Zumba, and then the song on the radio made me cry and Officer Murray kicked me out of the Judge’s parking spot!”
Susan put her arms around Kat to hug her and said, “It’s okay honey, you go ahead and cry it out. That’s it...”
Kat cried for a minute, then stopped and looked at Susan. “Susan,” she said, “you’re my friend, right?”
“Sweetie, of course I am.” Susan said reassuringly.
Kat went on, “I need some new outfits, something different. Will you help me?”
Susan took hold of Kat’s hand and smiled. “I’d be happy to,” she said, “let’s see what we can find.”
> The two ladies went through nearly every piece of women’s clothing in the Misses and Women's departments. They talked and laughed and both wound up trying on clothes before it was all said and done. While Susan had indeed been Kat’s friend for over 12 years, there were certain ‘professional’ barriers set up. Those barriers came down and a new, stronger friendship was formed.
As Kat was folding up some of the new pieces she was purchasing, she addressed Susan again. “Susan” she smiled, “I needed this. Thank you.”
“Oh honey, anytime.” Susan said. “I had a blast.”
Kat paused for a minute and her smile faded. “I don’t think the ladies at church like me very well.” she added solemnly.
“It’s not that they don’t like you…” Susan said, searching for the right words. “You are absolutely beautiful, Kat. And for some reason when our husbands see you they revert back to Junior High, and that’s intimidating to some women.”
“Do you think maybe if I dress more appropriately… things will get better?” Kat questioned.
“Who you are and what people think of you isn’t about how you dress.” Susan told her. “I think you’ll have a healthier self-image with your new wardrobe decisions, but for whatever life change you seem to be looking for, it’s going to involve more than a new wardrobe.”
“Like what?” Kat delved.
“Kat, how is your