He looked at her again. “You understand, Ali. Right?”
Wherever she was, whatever place in heaven shone a little brighter because of her presence, she would have to understand. Because the promise to love again was overshadowed by a bigger promise. The one he’d made to her that day on the bluff overlooking her parents’ ranch. The promise to love her forever and always. He touched the frame once more. “Good night, Ali.”
Death might’ve had the last word for Ali, but not for him. So he would love her and he would carry her with him every day, every painful step. Year after year after year.
As long as his remaining lung drew breath.
Chapter Three
Carl Joseph stood at the window next to the front door and waited.
He didn’t mind waiting. Brother was coming home, and that was worth waiting for two minutes or two hours. Even two days.
“Cookies are ready!” Mom came to him and smiled. “Want a chocolate chip cookie, Carl Joseph?”
They smelled really good. Chocolaty and warm all through the house. Carl Joseph thought about saying yes. But he couldn’t. “First cookies with Brother.” He looked out the window. “I wait for Brother.”
Mom said okay and went back to the kitchen.
One way to make the time go faster was to count. He counted the squares on the windows at the front of the house. Then he counted the lines on the sidewalk outside—the part he could see. And he counted the tree branches on the big tree out front. He was on the thirty-seventh branch when Dad pulled up.
“He’s here!” Carl Joseph shouted loud, but that was okay. Daisy wasn’t here to tell him to be quiet. “Brother’s home! Brother’s here!” He jumped up and punched his fist in the air. “Yea for Brother!”
When he opened the door, he was out of breath. He bent over and blew out, and then he stood up and there he was! Brother! Brother stood up from the car and grinned. The same kind of grin like when he was on TV all those times and he lasted eight seconds on a bull. That grin.
“Buddy!” He had his bag tossed back over his shoulder because he was strong. Brother was very strong. He ran to the porch and dropped his bag. “Give me a hug!”
Carl Joseph wrapped his arms around Brother and lifted him up. Then Brother did the lifting, because Brother was stronger. Brother spun him around in a circle and set him down. “I missed you, Buddy.”
“Missed you more!” Carl Joseph stretched up and looped his arm around Brother’s neck. “Come on! Mom has chocolate chip cookies. Just like every time you come home!”
They went in and ate cookies and milk and all day, the whole time, Brother stayed with him and talked to him.
It was the best day Carl Joseph could remember for the longest time. And the whole time he kept talking to God about his number-one wish. That one day Brother would stay at home. Because as good as hellos were, as good as it was to share warm chocolate chip cookies with Brother, there could be something better.
To never have to say good-bye.
BROTHER HAD BEEN home for a full day and life was happy times.
Carl Joseph planted his feet in the play yard and studied the sky. Clouds. All clouds. And clouds were not good for Daisy. They were on a short break, so maybe the rain would stay locked up there until they got back into the classroom.
“Fresh air is good.” He linked his arm through Daisy’s. “Tetherball?”
Daisy squinted up at the sky. “I guess so.”
“Don’t be afraid, Daisy. It won’t rain today.”
She looked at him and nodded. Very slowly. “Okay, CJ. Okay. I’m going to believe that.”
They walked across the yard to the tetherball pole. Carl Joseph let go of her arm and walked backward a few feet in front of her. “Knock knock.”
The first part of a smile was on her face. “Who’s there?”
“Lena.” Carl Joseph clapped his hands and laughed. Because if he laughed, maybe Daisy would forget about the clouds and maybe she would laugh, too.
“Lena who?” Daisy smiled bigger.
Carl Joseph stopped walking backward. He took a step toward Daisy. “Lena little closer!” Again he clapped, and he laughed harder than before.
“Lena little closer?” Daisy thought about that for a minute. Then her hands shot up in the air and her eyes lit up like sparkly diamonds. “Oh… I get it. Lean a little closer!” She put her hands on Carl Joseph’s shoulders. “I like that one the best.”
A funny feeling swirled around in Carl Joseph’s stomach. His cheeks felt hot, the way they felt when he stood close to Daisy. He took her hand and skipped with her to the tetherball pole.
“I’m going to win today.” Daisy hopped around beside him. “I’ll beat you, CJ. Watch out!”
Carl Joseph laughed again. Daisy wasn’t thinking of the clouds anymore. He could tell. He covered his face. “What do you see, Daisy?” His voice was muffled, but it was loud. When he covered his face he had to talk loud. That way Daisy could hear him.
“I see you’re hiding from me!” Daisy took hold of his wrists. “Come on, CJ, take your hands down.”
“Surprise!” He dropped his hands and held them out to his sides. “You see me, Daisy? I’m the winner. That’s what you see. The winner of all.”
Daisy grabbed hold of the tetherball and gave it a hard shove. “Ready, set, go.”
“Awww!” Carl Joseph squealed out loud. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Just kidding.” She caught the ball by the rope and waited. “Ready now?”
“Wait.” He held up one finger. His breath was fast, too fast. He put his head down and blew out—the way Brother had taught him. After seven breaths he looked up. “Okay… ready.”
She slapped the ball and it came at him fast. Then he hit it so hard it soared up and over Daisy. Carl Joseph leaned his head back and laughed, but when he stopped laughing, the ball was already past him. “Ooops!”
Now it was Daisy’s turn to laugh, but she didn’t miss the ball. She smacked it loud, and it went round and round and round until it touched the pole.
“Winner!” She danced a pirouette. “Winner, CJ. I’m the winner!”
“Fine.” He didn’t want to play anyway. He pointed at the bench against the wall. “Let’s sit there.”
They each took one half of the bench, because it wasn’t nice to make a girl feel crowded. When he had his breath back, he smiled at her. “Brother’s home.”
“I know. You told me.” She swung her feet. “Is he better yet?”
“No.” Carl Joseph looked at the ground. “He’s riding Ace a lot.”
“Ace the dog?”
Carl Joseph laughed so hard his glasses fell onto his lap. He helped them back up onto his nose. “That’s funny, Daisy. You made a good joke.”
She put her fingers over her lips and giggled. “Riding a dog, CJ. That’s funny, right? Real funny.”
“Yeah.” Carl Joseph waited until he stopped laughing. “Ace isn’t a dog. He’s Ali’s horse. When Brother’s sad he rides Ace.”
“Oh.” Daisy patted his hand. “I’m sorry about that.”
Just as she said the word “sorry,” the first raindrops hit Carl Joseph’s forehead. He opened his eyes wide and looked at Daisy. “Uh-oh.”
At first she didn’t know what was happening, but then she felt drops on her arm. “Rain! Raaaaain!” She spread her fingers over her face, stood up, and began turning in tight circles. “Rain!”
“It’s okay.” Carl Joseph looked at the sky. He felt scared and nervous all at once. He reached out and tried to catch her, tried to make her stop turning circles. But by the time she stopped, the rain was falling harder and harder. He pulled off his jacket and held it over her. “Come on, Daisy.”
“CJ… I’m scared!”
He kept his jacket over her head and ran next to her toward the building. There was an overhang outside, and they reached the place beneath it at the same time as the other students. Everyone else walked past them into the classroom. A few girls patted Da
isy on the back as they passed. “It’s all right, Daisy. It’s just rain, that’s all.”
When they were alone, Carl Joseph pulled her into his arms. “It’s okay, Daisy. I’m here.” He wiped the water off her back and patted her hair. Daisy was scared to death of rain. She had been ever since they met. Teacher said it was a good thing they lived in Colorado where the rain didn’t come very often.
But when it did…
Daisy was crying. She put her face against his shoulder, and when she was done crying she looked at him. Fear was still in her eyes. “Water melted the Wicked Witch of the West, CJ. Do you know that?”
“I do.” Carl Joseph nodded. “The witch in The Wizard of Oz. She died from water.”
“Right.” Daisy peered out at the stormy sky. “That’s why I’m afraid.”
He patted her cheek. “But you’re not a witch, Daisy. You’re not a witch at all.”
“I know.” She hugged him again. “But it’s still water.”
Carl Joseph thought about that. “True.” The rain stopped then and he led her to the edge of the dry area. “Look out there, Daisy.”
“I’m scared.” She clung to him, and she wouldn’t look up.
“Please, Daisy. Please look.” He put his arm around her. “I have a secret for you.”
That seemed to make her think. She relaxed her shoulders and sniffed. “What?”
“Good!” Carl Joseph clapped his hands together loud. “I knew I could make you look.”
“But why?” Daisy shook her head. She looked ready to run away.
Carl Joseph didn’t want her to run. “Look up there.” He pointed at the sky.
She looked, but she stayed close to him. She was still afraid. “What?”
“There’s sunshine up there, Daisy.” He put his hand over his eyes and squinted. “Just beyond the clouds.”
For a long moment she thought about that. “Really?”
“Really.” He laughed but not because he had told a joke. Because he was happy. “Sunshine just beyond the clouds.”
He was about to take her back into the classroom when Teacher came out. “Daisy… I was in the supply room. I didn’t know it was raining.” The two sisters hugged. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” Daisy looked at him, and her eyes were sparkly diamonds again. The fear was gone from her eyes. “CJ helped me.”
“He gave you his coat.” Teacher smiled at him. “That’s very nice, Carl Joseph.”
“No, not that.” Daisy moved back beside him. She linked her arm through his the way she sometimes did. “He told me about the sunshine.”
Teacher looked unsure about that. “Sunshine?”
“Yes.” Daisy led Carl Joseph back to the place where they could see the sky. “Up there. Just beyond the clouds.”
Teacher looked up at the sky and little bits of tears came into her eyes. She hugged herself and then she said something quiet mixed in with her breath. “Yeah… I never thought about it that way.”
They went back into the classroom, but before they took their spots in the living room area, Carl Joseph watched Teacher. That’s when he remembered something. Daisy had prayed for Cody. She had told him a few times already that he should, too. So maybe it was his turn to pray. He could ask God to help Teacher. He found his seat and covered his face.
God… help Teacher, please. Whatever she needs. That’s all. Amen.
He opened his eyes and looked at Teacher again. She still looked sad. And those were for sure tears on her cheeks outside a minute ago. He understood when Daisy cried. She had a reason to be sad, because she was afraid of the rain. But Teacher needed a lot of prayers said for her. Because she was just as sad but there was no reason.
Teacher wasn’t afraid of the rain even one tiny bit.
Chapter Four
Cody finally felt as if he could breathe again. His parents owned twenty acres in the foothills near Colorado Springs, and after two days at home Cody wondered why he’d ever left. He had a small house at the far western end of his parents’ ranch. He didn’t need his own place; not while he was living on the road. The PBR season ran from January to November with only a six-week break.
He could get a house later.
For now, his parents’ place was enough. Ace was here, Ali’s horse. He could ride and remember and spend time with Carl Joseph. And now he could even think clearly. He showered early that morning and walked over to his parents’ house. The bad news about Carl Joseph was worse than Cody expected. He had epilepsy. Several times a week lately he’d fallen into major seizures—the type the doctors called grand mal. The seizures came along with another diagnosis. Carl Joseph’s heart disease was worse. Not just his arteries, but the heart itself.
His prognosis for a long life was dim.
Cody wasn’t willing to settle for that, any more than he’d been willing to settle for Ali’s diagnosis. There had to be something they could do to help Carl Joseph strengthen his heart.
His buddy must’ve seen him coming, because he opened the back door and came running out. “Hi, Brother! It’s a good morning!” He pointed at the sky. “See that? A bright sunny good morning.”
“Yeah, Buddy.” Cody smiled. What was it about the kid? Every time Cody was with him he felt happier, like he might just survive after all. “It’s a great day.”
“You know what?” Carl Joseph put his hands on his knees. His eyes lit up. “I think I wanna be a bull rider like you.”
“I know, Buddy.” Cody messed up his brother’s hair. “You tell me that every time.”
“Because I wanna be a world-famous bull rider like you, Brother.”
“Bull riders get hurt.” He put his arm around Carl Joseph’s shoulders and they headed toward the back door.
“Yeah.” Carl Joseph’s smile faded. “That’s true.”
Cody pushed the door open and they moved inside to the breakfast table. Their mother was fixing scrambled eggs, cheese, and bell peppers. His favorite. When they were seated, Cody planted his elbows on the table. “You could work at the ranch here, Buddy. That’s good work for you.”
“No.” Carl Joseph shook his head. It took a lot to fluster him, but this time talk about bull riding seemed to be more than a lighthearted way to carry on a conversation. “No, that’s not okay. I wanna be a bull rider.” He slammed his fist on the table. “Starting today.”
“Whoa…” Cody looked from Carl Joseph to their mother. “What’s this all about?”
His mother was stirring the eggs. She looked over her shoulder at Carl Joseph. “You wanna tell your brother what this is all about?”
“Okay.” Carl Joseph sat up straighter in his chair. “Daisy likes bull riders. She told me so.”
Cody blinked. “Daisy?” He looked at his mother. Inside, the beginnings of something unsettling stirred in his gut. “Who’s Daisy?”
“She’s my girl.” Carl Joseph slapped himself on the chest. “My girl, Brother. She likes bull riders ’cause I told her you were a bull rider and she smiled really, really big. So you teach me, Brother, okay?”
“Tell you what”—he tried not to sound bothered—“let’s start with Ace. You can take a ride around the arena with me. How ’bout that?”
“ ’Cause that’s a start, right?”
“Right.” Cody stood. He tapped the table between them. “I’ll be back, Buddy.”
“Okay.” Carl Joseph chuckled and clapped hard. Then he looked straight up. “I’m gonna be a bull rider. Thank You, God.”
Cody turned his attention to his mother. She was stirring the eggs again, but she had to know he was coming her way. He reached her elbow and leaned around so she could see his face. “Who’s Daisy?”
“He told you.” She kept her eyes from his. “Daisy’s his friend.”
“I’ve been home for three days.” He made an exaggerated move and looked out the window. “I haven’t seen any girls hanging around the place. So who’s Daisy?”
His mother released a loud sigh. “Look, Cody, don’
t overreact.” She put the spatula down on the counter and faced him. “Your brother’s getting older. He has friends now.”
Cody’s head was spinning. Carl Joseph had friends? “Is this that class thing you were telling me about?”
“Yes.” She sighed and met his eyes. “I take him to a center in town. Everyone there has Down Syndrome.”
“Including Daisy?” He felt himself relax. The idea of an able-bodied girl falling for Carl Joseph seemed wrong. He couldn’t stand the idea that maybe his brother had fallen for a girl who would never have feelings for him. But if she had Down Syndrome like him…
“Yes.” His mother picked up the spatula again and started stirring. “Daisy has Down Syndrome. She’s twenty-one, four years younger than Carl Joseph.” She turned off the stove and wiped her brow with the back of her hand. “They like to swing dance and sing Mickey Mouse songs, and they dream of going to Disneyland one day. Daisy helps Carl Joseph talk quieter, and he helps her not be so afraid of the rain. It’s a simple, sweet friendship, Cody.” She moved the pan to the island countertop. “It’s good for your brother.”
“Okay.” Cody felt much better. “So he’s getting out more, socializing. This class thing is… I don’t know… sort of a play group kind of thing.” He looked over his shoulder at his brother, then back again. “Right?”
His mother tilted her head sideways, considering his definition. “Sort of. It’s good for him, that’s all I know. I’ve seen differences.”
Cody hesitated. “Good. Differences are good.”
“If he can keep going.” Her expression changed. “With the epilepsy… the doctor isn’t sure…”
“We can talk about it later.” He reached for a stack of plates in the cupboard just as he heard his dad’s voice behind him.
“Carl Joseph, you look good.”
“Thanks, Dad. I’m seeing Daisy today.”