“She can visit.” His mother’s answer was quick. “Her parents can bring her over any time.”
“He has friends at the center.” Cody’s argument was only half-hearted.
“He’ll make new friends.” His father sighed. “We have no choice, Cody.”
Defeat settled in around Cody’s soul. He could hardly argue. After the accident, Carl Joseph might need a month before he was stable enough to leave the house. Based on the doctor’s advice and today’s accident they had little choice, really.
Cody felt his determination build. If this was a season in Carl Joseph’s life when Cody could help him get stronger or teach him how to be a ranch hand, so be it. He’d take him to the new classes and help him get stronger. He’d do it to the best of his ability. He owed Carl Joseph that much. Especially after today. His parents’ plan might work, even if it wasn’t what his buddy wanted.
Now it was only a matter of breaking the news to Carl Joseph.
Chapter Sixteen
Mary Gunner hovered over a stack of dishes in the kitchen sink and watched Cody pound out of the barn on Ace. His frustration was at an all-time high. Mary watched him go, and she felt her anxiety grow. So far the new plan wasn’t coming together the way any of them had hoped. She sighed and adjusted the drain plug so it was tight against the base of the sink. Then she squirted dish soap in and around the plates and cups and turned on the hot water.
The old farmhouse didn’t have a dishwasher, but Mary had never minded. She enjoyed washing dishes. It gave her time to look out the window at the distant fields and foothills. Here, with her hands in warm, soapy water and her eyes on the endless ranchland, she always believed that somehow everything would work out.
But today she had her doubts.
Carl Joseph had stayed in the hospital overnight while they watched his heart. It had slipped into a weak rhythm after the accident, and his doctor wanted to be sure he was completely back to normal before he came home. By the time they released him, all his tests were fine, and Carl Joseph was ready to go home, ready to get back to his life.
His new life.
That afternoon, she and Mike and Cody sat down to explain the situation to Carl Joseph.
Mike had started the conversation. “We’re proud of you, son. You know that.” He leaned over his knees and rested on his forearms. He never broke eye contact with Carl Joseph.
“ ’Cause I’m growing up and Teacher is teaching me.” Carl Joseph looked nervous. He shifted his attention from Mike to her, and finally to Cody. “I was on a field trip.”
Mary could see the accusation in Carl Joseph’s eyes. He might not have confronted Cody, but he was angry. He hadn’t acted the same around his older brother since the accident. Cody stared at the old wooden table. Mike cleared his throat. “We have some new ideas for you, son. All of us think they could be a very good change for you.”
“Change?” Carl Joseph pushed his glasses up his nose and knit his brows together. “At the center?”
Mary couldn’t bear to drag the inevitable out any longer. “Carl Joseph, you’re not going back to the center. Not for now, anyway.”
“What?” His mouth hung open, and he took a few seconds to stare at each of the faces around him. A loud exasperated sound came from him. He stood and walked a few steps, then he came back and sat down. All the while the shock never left his face. “I like the center.”
“But it might not be safe.” Mary reached out and held Carl Joseph’s hand. “You were nearly killed on Friday.”
Carl Joseph stared at Cody for a long time. Then he turned back to his mom and said, “ ’Cause Daisy might get wet.”
“I know.” Mary felt her throat get thick. If only there was a way to make Carl Joseph understand.
Mike took over then. “We thought maybe Cody could work with you, teach you how to be a cowboy here on the ranch. That would be a great life skill.”
“Brother…” Carl Joseph turned a blank look at Cody. “Brother is not Teacher.”
“But I can teach you a lot about working a ranch, Buddy.” Cody’s voice was tender. “Give it a try, okay? I have some good ideas.”
Carl Joseph seemed to sense defeat. He nodded and his shoulders slumped forward. Then, without saying another word, he stood and headed slowly down the hall toward his room.
Mary had replayed the scene a hundred times since then.
Since that day, Carl Joseph had spent a few hours each afternoon learning ranch skills, but his heart wasn’t in it. That much was clear to everyone. Mary blew at a wisp of hair. So what was the answer?
She heard the pounding of hooves across the grass out back. Cody came into view, he and Ace flying across the ranch toward the old farmhouse. As they drew closer to the barn, they slowed and came to a stop. Cody was breathing hard, Mary could see that much through the kitchen window. He leaned close to the horse’s mane, the way he often did.
All last week, he’d been a different person. Happier, more engaged in conversation. But now… now he was the same sad Cody he’d been for the past four years. She studied him, the way he held himself, the way grief still tugged at his shoulders and his jaw line. Poor Cody. He missed Ali so much. The day she died, she took with her so much more than his lung. His excitement and love and laughter. She took those, too. He was lost without her. He wore his sorrow like a thick cloak—especially when he was on Ace.
Mary watched Cody and Ace head back out toward the far fence again. Cody was struggling with more than missing Ali. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t find the familiar friendship with Carl Joseph. They hadn’t visited the park program yet, but Cody had his doubts. They all did.
She drew a breath and returned to the dishes. Something would have to give soon, because neither of her sons was happy. Carl Joseph mostly kept to his room. Once in a while Mary would catch him at the computer trying to compose a letter to Daisy. But his frustration generally won out before he finished.
He was missing her badly, and though Cody had called Elle Dalton to inform her of the family’s decision to remove Carl Joseph, so far Daisy hadn’t been able to come for a visit. Too soon, Elle told Cody. Daisy needed more time to get used to the idea that Carl Joseph wasn’t coming back. A visit now would confuse her.
And so these days Mary Gunner didn’t stand at the kitchen sink looking out the window admiring the view. She spent her time doing something she’d learned from Carl Joseph.
She prayed.
For healing and hope and love. And most of all she prayed that God would allow the sunshine to break through the clouds that had gathered around their home. Before the sad changes in her sons became little more than a way of life.
AS MUCH AS Elle wanted to believe Cody and his parents would change their minds, by Monday there was no denying the obvious. Carl Joseph wasn’t coming back to the center.
Elle had asked for a week to convince Cody Gunner, but she’d failed. She could see that when her eyes met Cody’s as he sat in the back of the ambulance moments before it pulled away with Carl Joseph inside. Cody had probably convinced his parents before sundown that Carl Joseph couldn’t return to the center.
Carl Joseph’s accident had been deeply traumatic for Elle’s students. She was still trying to reassure them that Carl Joseph was okay, that the accident hadn’t done serious damage. The questions about his condition came every hour at first, but by Friday—a week since they’d seen Carl Joseph—the questions had stopped. Even so, nothing was the way it had been. The students entered the classroom more slowly, and the first thing they did was look around and take stock. When they saw that once again Carl Joseph wasn’t there, they frowned, wrinkling their brows and muttering his name under their breath.
Of course the one most affected was Daisy.
It was Monday morning and Elle was in the break room, waiting for the students to arrive. Her sister was sitting at the art table, coloring a picture. For a week she’d done almost no talking. She didn’t volunteer information when Elle asked a qu
estion, and she wasn’t enthused about their latest field trip to the bowling alley.
The coffeemaker needed cleaning, so Elle took it to the sink and began rinsing it out. She could remember every detail of her conversation with Cody Gunner, the one that had taken place the day Carl Joseph got out of the hospital.
“We’ve made a family decision,” he told her.
At first she’d been distracted, trying to hide the effect his voice had on her. But then she realized what he was saying. His tone didn’t sound harsh or judgmental, the way he’d come across at times before. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought she heard regret. “Carl Joseph won’t be coming back to the center.”
And that was that. It served her right, because there was no denying the feelings she’d developed for Cody Gunner. What sort of woman was she? Looking forward to the company of a guy whose wife was sitting at home waiting for him? Elle was disgusted with herself because after a week with Cody, she was doing it again, letting herself fall for the wrong man. Now he would no longer be a temptation. He wasn’t coming back, and neither was Carl Joseph.
But where did that leave Daisy?
Her sister still looked at the door every fifteen minutes, longing for Carl Joseph. When the music played, Daisy sat in her seat staring at her hands or looking at a blank part of the wall. All the while Elle allowed her sister to believe that maybe her friend would return.
But it was time to tell her the truth. No matter how much she hoped the Gunners would change their minds, they clearly weren’t budging. Carl Joseph wasn’t coming back.
Elle studied her sister. She would tell her today, after class.
The students were arriving, and Elle went to meet them. But as the day progressed, an undeniable cloud of sadness hung in the air. Even bad-tempered Sid was concerned about Carl Joseph. Sid raised his hand in the middle of an explanation on the new bus route. He didn’t wait to be called on. “Has anyone seen Carl Joseph?”
Elle didn’t give the others a chance to answer. “He’s getting better, remember? He had an accident.”
“So…” Sid held up his hands. He squinted, the confusion written across his face. “Is he still on the orange bus?”
“No, Sid. He’s home getting better.”
“He could get better here.” Gus looked around for approval. Several of the students nodded and started a chorus of voices agreeing that yes, certainly he could get better just as easily at the center as he could at home.
The rest of the day Elle had trouble keeping them focused. Finally when the last student was gone, she looked around and found Daisy back at the art table. God… how am I going to say this? Sadness filled her heart and stung at the corners of her eyes. Dear sweet Daisy. She would be devastated by the news.
Her sister didn’t seem to notice her approaching, and Elle had a moment to stand behind Daisy before beginning the conversation. Her sister was drawing a picture of Mickey Mouse, each line meticulous, the colors exactly the ones used in the real Mickey.
“Nice, Daisy.” She took the seat beside her sister. “I like it.”
“Thank you.” Daisy didn’t look up. She switched the black crayon for a red one and kept coloring. “It’s for CJ.”
“Oh.” The pain in Elle’s heart doubled. “I’m sure he’ll like it.”
“When he comes back.” She paused and looked straight at Elle. “For when he comes back.”
“Yes.” Elle turned her chair so she was facing her sister. “Daisy, I have to tell you something. It’s not something I want to say.”
Daisy didn’t answer, but her head began to bob ever so slightly. When Daisy was frightened, this was always the first sign, long before she was able to articulate what she was feeling. Elle put her hand over Daisy’s. “Stop for a minute, okay? I need you to look at me.”
Daisy put down her crayon. She turned to Elle, but she didn’t lift her eyes. She was still rocking, and now a soft humming came from her throat. Everything about her mannerisms told Elle that she wanted to shut out whatever was about to be said.
Elle wanted to tell her to look up, but instead she took her sister’s hands and held them softly. “Carl Joseph is going to stay at home for a while.” She had decided this was the best way of putting it, better than to say that her friend was gone for good. She leaned down so she could see her sister’s face better. “His brother told me we can visit him.”
“CJ wanted to entertain me.” Finally she lifted her head. Tears left a shiny layer over her eyes. “He wanted to entertain me at Disneyland. With shortcake.” She sniffed. “And dancing at Disneyland.”
“I’m sorry, Daisy. Maybe you can still go to Disneyland one day.” Elle wanted to hold her close, but she needed to be clear at the same time. “Do you understand? About Carl Joseph?”
Daisy looked around and nervously twirled a piece of her blonde hair. “CJ isn’t here. He’s at home.”
“Yes. Right.” Elle felt her own tears gathering. “He needs this time.”
Daisy cast her eyes back at the picture she was coloring. As she did, a single tear landed with a splash on Mickey’s nose. Daisy tried to rub it, but it only smeared the black, leaving a smudge at the center of her artwork. Daisy put her hands to her face and pushed her chair back.
“Honey.” Elle put her hands on her sister’s shoulders. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine. Your Goal Day is coming, and then you can go visit Carl Joseph any time you want.”
Daisy shook her head. Anger was clearly throwing itself into her hodgepodge of emotions. She stood and went to the window, wobbling more than usual as she walked. When she reached the sill, she braced herself and stared out at the overcast sky. “Why, God?” she whispered in a voice that was loud and slurred. “Why?”
The moment was too heartbreaking. Elle made her way next to her sister and slipped her arm around her shoulders. “What, Daisy? Talk to me.”
She was crying harder now. She pointed at the sky. “Sunshine… just beyond the clouds.” Her eyes found Elle’s. “That’s what CJ says.”
“He’s right.” Elle put her fingers to her throat. The lump there made it almost impossible to talk. “In a rainstorm and in life.”
Daisy hung her head then and cried like a little child. The sort of gut-wrenching tears that only time could comfort. After five long minutes, Daisy wiped her eyes and pulled away from Elle. She went to the desk, took a tissue, and blew her nose.
Then she moved across the room to the CD player and pushed a few buttons. Glenn Miller’s “In the Mood” broke the silence, its rhythmic horns and strings filling the room. Daisy held out her hand the way she’d done when she danced with Carl Joseph on a number of occasions.
This time, though, she kept her eyes on a vacant spot just in front of her. She smiled and took a step forward. Her feet began to move in time to the music, and with both hands up around her pretend partner, she danced across the floor.
They needed to get home, and Elle couldn’t take much more. The day was sad enough without watching Daisy dance by herself. She went to her sister and touched her elbow. “Daisy… it’s time to go.”
“But”—she was out of breath—“I’m finding something.”
“What, honey?” Elle was about to turn the music off. “What are you finding?”
Daisy stopped, her chest heaving. “Sunshine.” She pointed toward the window. “I’m finding sunshine.”
Chapter Seventeen
Nothing about his parents’ plan was working, but after only two weeks, Cody wasn’t ready to give up. Carl Joseph was sulking, missing his friends at the ILC. That was to be expected. Cody missed the routine, too. But maybe if he realized the joy of working outdoors, helping with Ace and checking the fence around their ranch, the pain of missing the center would ease a little.
Working so hard with Carl Joseph had brought about only one benefit so far.
Cody was thinking of Ali less.
Not that she wasn’t still there in his heart. She was. But now when
he found himself missing someone, more often it was Elle. Her sweet and subtle sarcasm, the way she held her own with him. And her eyes—the way he could get lost in them without meaning to.
It was Monday, start of the third week. Cody walked from his house to his parents’, and as he reached the back door he dug down deep for another dose of patience.
Inside, Carl Joseph was sitting at the dining room table. His face almost touched his plate of scrambled eggs.
“Hi, Buddy.”
Carl Joseph mumbled something, but he didn’t look up.
Maybe it was Cody’s imagination, but it seemed that Carl Joseph was regressing on purpose. As if he were smart enough to know that if he acted disengaged, maybe someone would decide to take him back to the center where he’d been doing so well.
Cody sucked at the inside of his cheek and studied his brother. “I’m going to teach you how to stack hay today, Buddy.”
“It might rain.” Carl Joseph poked at his eggs. “It might.”
“That’s okay. Guys who work on ranches have raincoats.” Cody had wished more than once that the weather would go ahead and clear up. It was one of the rainiest late springs the area had ever experienced. And every drop reminded Carl Joseph of Daisy and his friends back at the center.
They headed out to the barn, where a neighbor had dropped off twenty bundles of hay. All of it lay in a heap near the entrance to the arena. “Okay, first I’ll teach you how to pick up a bale of hay.”
Cody positioned himself in front of one of the bales. “Always bend like this, Buddy. You don’t want to hurt your back.”
“Gus hurt his back one time in cooking class.” Carl Joseph turned toward the door, his back to the hay. “One time he did that.”
“I’m over here.” Cody held his breath. He didn’t want his frustration to show in his voice.