The decorations and toys piled high on the shelves were complimented perfectly by the strains of ‘Winter Wonderland’ played over the music system. Mary looked around and childhood memories came flooding back. Then she looked at her own little girl, standing in awe as she took it all in.
“In the lane, snow is glistening...”
“Mummy, it’s lovely,” she said, “so many things.”
Mary smiled at her. It had been hard but she managed to save since the summer and with a hundred pounds in her purse she brought Emily to see what she would like Santa to bring her.
“He’ll say are you married, we’ll say no man...”
Her smile vanished as she thought of her husband, David. Last year they’d both lost their jobs in the November and Christmas had been a very bleak affair. When he’d landed a better job in February, with more money, they’d promised each other that next Christmas would be one for Emily to remember.
“But you can do the job when you’re in town...”
They couldn’t have known how their lives would change. The cough hadn’t seemed much but it wouldn’t go away. Now he was lying in a hospice bed with neither of them knowing what the future held.
“Promise me Mary. Promise that Emily will have a good Christmas. Get her whatever she wants.”
Mary’s eyes filled with tears and the lump in her throat just got bigger and bigger. She musn’t let Emily see. With all her strength she willed herself to smile and she almost got away with it, but you know what kids are like. Emily spotted her misery and was brought instantly back to reality.
“What’s this Mummy?”
Emily was stood beside a tall, cardboard post box. Bright red and decorated with tinsel.
“That’s a post box, sweetheart. It’s for the children to post their letters to Santa so that he will know what to bring them. When you’ve chosen what you’d like, we’ll come back another day and you can post your own letter.”
“Can I have anything, Mummy?”
“Yes, dear. You choose what you’d like and we’ll ask Santa for it.”
Emily looked about her. Other children were noisily trying to cajole their parents into all sorts of toys and games. Emily just stared.
‘Mummy said I could ask for anything,’ she thought.
“Emily, have you seen anything that you’d particularly like Santa to bring?”
Emily was stood beside ‘Maisie’, a large doll that promised to talk, laugh and be your best friend. She looked coyly at her mother and Mary thought, ‘right, that’s it. Maisie it is.’
Back home, Emily helped her mother with the shopping and then went to her room. She got out her school bag and found the exercise book she was looking for. She sat at her little table and began to write.
‘Dear Santa,...’
Mary busied herself preparing Emily’s tea. Joan, her next door neighbour would be in later to sit with her while she visited David.
“You should have seen her, David. She’ll love that doll. It cries, laughs feeds and talks. So that’s her main present. It’s sixty five pounds but worth every penny just to see her face.”
David’s smile faded as he thought of his little girl.
“Make sure she has it with her when you bring her on Christmas day.”
Mary looked at her husband, not knowing what to say. He seemed to read her thoughts.
“Now, stop that. I’m going to be here at Christmas, don’t you worry about that. I’ll see my little girl, and you and Maisie.”
He tried to laugh but instead he coughed, the pain written on his face as he tried to suppress it. Mary held his hand and watched helplessly as her husband tried to regain his breath. Eventually, he quietened down and she relaxed.
As he saw her leave to go home to Emily, David raised himself on one elbow.
“I’m going to see my family at Christmas, do you hear?”
His words echoed around the room but no-one seemed to take any notice.
The following morning as Emily got ready for school, she seemed in brighter spirits. She ate her breakfast without the usual coaxing from Mary and was soon standing by the front door ready to go. Mary assumed it was because it was the last day of term and the Christmas holidays had arrived at last.
“Mummy, after school, can we go back to the shop so that I can post my letter to Santa?”
“We can’t today, sweetheart, but we will do it in plenty of time for Christmas. Have you decided what you’re going to ask for?”
Mary knew from the look on Emily’s face that she’d fallen in love with Maisie but, she hadn’t actually said anything yet.
“I know what I want but I can’t tell you.”
That could be a problem, thought Mary.
“Why not. Mummy and Daddy has to pay for it so that Santa can collect it and bring it to you.”
“No. I was talking to one of Santa’s elves and he told me that I mustn’t say anything, or my wish won’t come true.”
Her daughter seemed determined and Mary had to smile. It was a good job she’d seen the way she’d looked at Maisie.
It was the day before Christmas Eve and David was sitting propped up by pillows as his wife walked in. They kissed and she pulled a chair up to the side of the bed.
“You’re looking better, how do you feel?”
“Not too bad. I couldn’t sleep last night. Did you notice how clear it was. I seemed to spend hours just looking up at the sky, at the stars.”
He paused and they both sat in silence for a while.
“This can’t be all there is, Mary. You look at the universe, and the world around you. No. This isn’t all there is.”
Mary listened but couldn’t respond. What faith she’d had went away the day he was diagnosed. There was so much for him to live for, it just wasn’t fair. She felt the familiar feelings of despair and with all her willpower she pushed them back again.
“Never mind about that. I have to tell you about Emily. She’s been nagging at me for days to take her back to the shop to post her letter to Santa. The funny thing is she won’t tell me what she wants. It’s a good job I saw what she wanted.”
David smiled. He remembered that Emily could certainly nag. She wouldn’t stop until she got her way.
“That’s not all of it. As we were walking into town she suddenly said that she hadn’t got a stamp for her letter. I explained that Santa didn’t need stamps but she wouldn’t have it. ‘I have to have a stamp!’ she said.”
“She gets that from you,” David said as he squeezed her hand.
Mary smiled and squeezed back.
“Anyway, we get a stamp and she carefully put it on her letter.”
David pictured her with her tongue protruding in concentration.
“Then, when we get to the shop there’s been a fire alarm or something and no-one’s allowed in, the whole place had been evacuated.”
“She must have been heartbroken.”
“Well, that’s the funny thing. She wasn’t. ‘Never mind, she said. we’ll post it at home.”
David frowned.
“At home?”
“Well, it’s on the mantlepiece at the moment. When she’s in bed I’ll take it down and say that Santa must have it.”
The following day, Christmas eve, Mary spent on final preparations with Emily. She was quite happy that her letter had gone, although Mary was at a loss. When she’d gone to get it there was no sign of it. She’d looked around the fireplace but could find no trace of it.
“Mummy,” she’d explained, “Santa’s got lots of elves to help him. One of them must have taken it to him so that he would get it in time.”
Mary was just thankful that Emily was happy. Where it had actually gone was one of those mysteries that life threw up once in a while.
Mary felt guilty that she wouldn’t be visiting David that day. Her neighbour couldn’t sit with Emily and they had both decided that she shouldn’t bring Emily to the hospice in case it upset her. The only exception was going to be Christmas Day. Then th
ey would both visit and she could spend Christmas with both parents.
As the tea trolley was brought round, David sat up higher in the bed. He seemed to be stronger. He was also hungry. He hadn’t felt like this for some time. The meal was soon eaten and when he asked for more the nurse sent for the doctor.
“How are you feeling, David?”
The doctor placed his hand on David’s forehead.
“I feel great. I’ve not coughed since this morning and I feel strong. I feel well enough to go home. What do you think? Can I?”
The doctor looked with concern. David’s last x-ray had shown that the tumour had grown another centimetre. If anything, he should be feeling weaker.
“Nurse, take David to x-ray. I’ll take another look at him.”
An hour later, accompanied by a consultant from the hospital, the doctor appeared at David’s bedside, carrying the x-rays.
“I don’t know how to explain this, David, and I don’t want you to get your hopes up but the tumour in your left lung had disappeared and the one in your right lung is tiny compared to what it was only two days ago.”
David smiled. He knew how he felt.
“That’s ok doc, I told you I’d beat this didn’t I?”
“David, remission like this is not unknown but it is unexplainable. It’s also not necessarily permanent. We just don’t know what’s going on.”
“Look at the stars, doc. Just look at the stars and talk to the one who made them. Can I go home tomorrow, for Christmas?”
“Well...”
“Oh, come on doc, you can see how well I feel and how strong I am.”
“Let’s just see how you are in the morning. If it’s ok will your wife come and collect you?”
“I don’t want her to. I’ll get a taxi...I will be able to get one on Christmas morning, won’t I?”
“Don’t worry about that,” said the nurse, “I finish at seven thirty, if you like I could drop you off.”
“Perfect. I’ll be home for breakfast.”
Christmas morning at seven o’clock Mary opened one eye to see Emily stood by her bed. Her face said it all. Something was terribly wrong. Emily would have woken up to see Maisie by her bed. Mary sat up.
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Did Santa call? Did he bring you what you wanted?”
The child said nothing and walked out of the room. Mary got up and pulled on her dressing gown. She looked in Emily’s room and there was Maisie just as she’d left her when Emily was asleep. Surely she hadn’t misread the signs. She was certain that it was Maisie she’d set her heart on.
Mary saw Emily looking out of the lounge window. What could be wrong? As she looked she saw that it had started to snow. A white Christmas! Mary’s eyes filled with tears. Everything looked perfect but her little girl wasn’t happy. What else could she do? She’d tried so hard doing it all alone.
She walked into the kitchen as if in a daze and put the kettle on. As she prepared to make the tea she started to sob. She felt so angry. Angry at the doctors who had no cure. Angry at her neighbour for not letting her see him last night but mostly, angry at David for getting ill.
Just then she heard Emily scream.
“Daddeeee!”
She rushed into the room to see her waving frantically out of the window. As she looked she saw her husband, grinning all over his face and waving back. She rushed to the front door but was beaten by Emily. As soon as the door was opened she rushed into her Daddy’s arms and was lifted high before being hugged to his chest. He put out his arm and Mary moved in to be hugged as well.
“What’s going on?”
He gave her a small envelope, wet from the snow.
“This was outside on the path. Look at me. I feel so much better and the xrays say I’m in remission.”
“Daddy, I knew you’d come, it’s going to be the best Christmas ever.”
David walked in still holding his child and Mary came behind. As she shut the door she looked at the envelope. She recognised it as Emily’s note to Santa. She opened it and read.
Dear Santa,
I would have liked to have Maisie for Christmas but I would like you to give her to another little girl who has her Daddy home. I only want my Daddy to get better for me and Mummy. Will you do that, Santa? I promise to believe in you for ever if you will. It will stop Mummy crying. Please Santa. Make Daddy better.
Love
Emily xxx
Socrates and the Triple Filter