“Very strange. I still don’t get it, but I’ll take your word for it,” Al said as Phil leaned over the railing and stared blankly into the East River. “Is that why you … you, ah, eh, keep chan … I mean, why you have so many different personnaaal … why you have lots of interests?” Al asked.
“You know, it’s kind of funny. The first time it happened, I was in shock. It just kind of paralyzed me for a little while. I didn’t know up from down, or in from out. But then I figured it out.”
“Figured what out?”
“Figured out that the person I was did die, which was sad, but it was great to move on from all the problems and hurts of the old me. The only problems I had going forward were deciding who I was going to be and what I was going to do as the new me.”
“Sorry, I have enough trouble figuring out who the original, one and only me is. How can you do what you just said without going crazy?”
“Maybe I am crazy ... maybe. But I’m sure I’d be crazy if things stayed the same, if the old me didn’t die ... very crazy.”
Al, and everyone else who had known Phil and his many selves, thought he was at least a little crazy. Some even called him the Crazy
Chameleon. But as Al relived this moment in his life, he better understood Phil’s explanation. Like Phil, Al had assumed different roles over the course of his life: child, son, brother, student, friend, enemy, adult, Peace Corps Volunteer, employee, co-worker, husband, father. And while it wasn’t quite the same as what Phil had experienced, Al at least now thought he understood him a little better. In this moment of distant reflection, Al saw Phil less a comical, crazy character than a guy who had been just trying to cope the best he could with the trials of his life.
“So when you said, ‘A dead man doesn’t want, need, or care anything about power and glory,’ what exactly did you mean?”
“Haa ha ha,” Phil laughed as he threw a stone into the river. “I don’t know. It just came out of my mouth. But you know, each time I change, I get new wants, needs, and cares. And somehow, after going through the changes, power and glory became less and less important to me. I’m just interested in finding a comfortable place for me in the world. Hey, power and glory never last. Believe it or not, I’m looking for something in my life that lasts.”
“So why do you want to be class president? What’s in it for you, if you don’t want power and glory?”
“Simple: I don’t like some of the things going on in our school, and I don’t see anyone else running for president who says they’ll do anything about them. I’d really rather let someone else do it. Who knows, maybe I’ll get something done and discover something about myself that I don’t know.”
“Hey, man, I’m glad you’re not dying.”
“Yeah, me too,” Phil sighed. “Dying inside scared me a lot the first couple times. But physical death really scares me … just too final. Once my body is gone, it’s gone.”
CHAPTER 30
Man, What a Body!
“She’s got a body and a half,” Tommy told Al as he nudged him in the ribs with his elbow. “Thank God for bodies like that.”
Al couldn’t believe his eyes as he turned in the direction of Tommy’s fixation. Helene Colangelo looked great in her school clothes, but in a form-fitted one-piece bathing suit, she was a goddess. The two seventeen-year-olds were mesmerized as they watched her walk by while they held onto the ladder in Astoria Park’s deep-water pool.
“Man, what a body!” Al agreed.
“Too bad she’s got a boyfriend,” Tommy said with a twinkle in his eye.
“Oh yeah? Who?” Al asked, trying his best to sound just mildly interested.
“Me!” Tommy said with a straight face while holding back his laughter, which burst from him a couple seconds later.
“Yeah, you wish,” Al said with a tinge of relief.
“I’ll bet you she’d go out with me. You don’t think she would?”
“Let me put it this way. You’ve got about as good a chance with her as I do. And that’s not much.”
“Oh, OK. I guess, I’ll just have to prove it to you. I’ll bet you five dollars she will.”
“Bet,” Al said as he shook Tommy’s hand.
“Come on, then,” Tommy said as he climbed out of the pool.
“Now? You’re going to ask her out now?”
“Why not? Can you think of a better time?”
Al’s heart raced as he followed Tommy, and the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach that he had then returned as he watched this moment in his life come alive for him once again. But as the scene progressed, it took on a dreamlike quality with surreal images, and Al’s queasiness was replaced by amazement and wonder.
Al didn’t know what to make of what he was seeing. One moment he and Tommy were walking alongside the pool, following in Helene’s footsteps, trying to catch up with her, and the next, he saw them crawling on their hands and knees up a sand dune, dying of thirst. It was as if just their path to Helene was transformed into the Sahara Desert, while everything and everyone else around them remained the same, except for Helene. She became an oasis, with a shady tree under which was a shallow pool of clear water, filled with ice cubes. As Al and Tom inched closer to the oasis, everyone else around them went about their business as if nothing unusual was happening.
“Tommy,” Al gasped as he struggled alongside his buddy to the top of a ten-foot-high sand dune while his tongue hung out of his parched mouth. “What are you going to say to her?”
“Say?” Tommy replied faintly before he sighed and crumpled to the ground in exhaustion. “I don’t know. How about, ‘you’ve just won the prettiest girl at the pool contest’?”
“And a date with you is the prize?” Al said, deadpan.
“Yep,” Tommy chuckled.
“Think again. That won’t do it. Too smooth … too strong.”
Both of them then raised their heads to look over the peak of the sand dune to get another glimpse of Helene, the oasis. A sense of urgency clouded their minds as they struggled to find the right words.
“Got to be sincere,” Al advised.
“Sincere? You’re nuts! ‘I want you … I need you!’ won’t work.”
“No! No! That’s desperation. You don’t want her to think you’re desperate. Sincere is more like, ‘Hi. My name is Tommy and I couldn’t help notice that you’re a real good swimmer. I wish I were. I’ll buy you an ice cream if you show me how to swim.’ Something like that to get the ball rolling.”
“I’m a good swimmer already,” Tommy declared.
“She doesn’t know that.”
“Oh. Lying and fakin’ is OK? You don’t mind that?”
“Nope. Think of something else then that isn’t a lie if you don’t like it.”
“I will,” Tommy said as he resumed crawling to Helene, who was about forty feet and five minutes away, based on their progress. For the moment, coming up with the right words wasn’t Tommy’s biggest challenge. With just about every step, he complained about one aliment or another: the scorching sun, his life-threatening thirst, crippling pain in his hands and knees.
Al’s curiosity and the chance that somehow he and Helene would hit it off kept him going.
Al was amazed by the scene as it played out, amazed by the power Helene wielded over them. Amazed that Helene didn’t realize she had this power. And he was amazed that they were willing to put their tender egos on the line.
“I’ve got it,” an exhausted Tommy exclaimed. “No lies, no lines, just the truth. How can she say no?”
“What truth?”
“I’ll tell her how I feel about her. She’ll know that I think she’s special, and then she’ll understand that I’m the one for her.”
“It sounds good when you say it like that, but something tells me it’s not that simple.”
“Now, if I can only survive these last ten feet,” Tommy whispered breathlessly as he inched his way to Helene, with
Al a step behind him. Finally, Tommy arrived at the edge of the oasis and spoke to Helene, who suddenly morphed back to herself as Tommy spoke. “Hi. My name is Tommy,” he said in a higher than normal pitch.
“Hi,” she replied as she shaded her eyes from the sun to see who was talking.
“Where have you been all my life? I think I love you,” Tommy said with a playful smile.
“Love me? You don’t know anything about me?” Helene said.
“I know enough.”
“Oh. OK. You like the way I look?”
“No. It’s more than like.”
“Have we met before? You’re beginning to look and sound familiar,” Helene said as she studied his face.
“Do dreams count?” Tommy teased.
“There’s something about you that …” she said before the expression on her face changed from pleasant to stern, to assertive. “You know, you look nice, too. Maybe we should get to know each other.”
Al couldn’t believe it. Tommy was about to win their bet, and even worse, he was about to end Al’s hopes of dating Helene himself.
“Yes, we should,” Tommy said with a smile. “I’d like to know all about you.”
“OK. But tell me about yourself,” she said emphatically. And as soon as she said it, the scene became dreamlike again and shifted to a courtroom setting at the pool, with Tommy seated on the witness stand and Helene cross-examining him as a prosecuting attorney. Normal life continued for everyone else at the pool who didn’t notice the court proceedings.
CHAPTER 31
A Big Misunderstanding
“My favorite food is hotdogs with mustard and onions cooked in tomato sauce. What’s your favorite?” Tommy asked.
“Hot dogs with onions? Very interesting. Cooked in tomato sauce, you say? I’ve never heard of that. Sauerkraut, yes. Onions, no. So you have strange tastes?” Helene said.
“Strange? The guys on the street with the pushcarts sell them that way. It’s not strange.”
“If you say so,” Helene said as she rolled her eyes.
“I say so,” Tommy said emphatically.
“It sounds like you’re a conformist because you don’t like to be strange.”
“No! No! Conformist? No, just the opposite. Hey, I’m going to become a Disciple. Do you know anything about that gang? The Disciples don’t conform to anything.”
“Ha ha ha! Disciples? What’s the definition of the word Disciple? You just proved my point.”
“No, you don’t get it. We’re really the anti-Disciples,” a flustered Tommy clarified.
“OK. If you say so,” Helene said as she rolled her eyes again. “You’re not a conformist, then. You’re a rebel.”
“Yes and no.”
“What do you mean? You’re confusing me. Oh, I get it. You can’t make up your mind,” Helene said smugly.
“You don’t understand. I’ll tell you something else about me,” Tommy said, struggling to get the conversation back on track.
“Do you have any heroes? You know someone you want to be like.”
“Hmmm … heroes? Sure, my hero is Big Frankie, a friend of mine. He’s a leader of the Disciples.”
“That’s interesting,” said Helene, as if she had just learned something important.
“Why? What do you mean, ‘interesting’?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just thought you’d say somebody famous. Somebody who’s accomplished a lot … somebody who’s made a difference in the world ... somebody with great talent of some kind.”
“Yep, that’s Big Frankie.”
Helene shook her head slowly a few times with her eyes closed and smiled broadly before saying, “Except for being famous.”
“He’s famous in our neighborhood.”
“So what did he do to become famous?”
“He jumped off the lighthouse tower at the P.A.L. field into the East River,” said Tommy while nodding his head.
“So? Why did he?” Helene inquired with a raised eyebrow as she turned away.
“To get a baseball for some little kid,” Tommy said as his agitation grew. “The kid was playing ball with his friends when one of them accidentally hit the kid’s new baseball over the fence and into the river. He was crying about how his father was going to kill him for losing his brand-new ball. Big Frankie and a few other Disciples were hanging out on the tower when they saw the ball go in the water and heard the kid crying about the ball and his dad.
“The other Disciples laughed at the kid, and Big Frankie got angry with them. Before the ball could drift away in the current, he took off his shirt, shoes, and socks and jumped down about thirty feet into the river. He isn’t a good swimmer, so after dog-paddling over to the ball and grabbing it, he was out of breath and in trouble. Lucky there was a life saver on the tower that his buddies threw to him, or else he would have drowned.
“The funny thing about it was the kid got his ball so his father didn’t yell at him, but Big Frankie’s dad hit him a few times when he heard about it through the grapevine.”
“So he almost drowned to save some strange kid from getting punished by his father, and that makes him a hero?” Helene summarized.
“Yeah, and he’s done other stuff, too,” Tommy huffed.
“Oh. OK. What would you say about somebody who traveled halfway around the world to live in another country for a couple years to help some poor people there have a better life? No, let me guess what you’d say. You’d probably say he is a coward ... a disgrace, and, not worthy to shine the shoes of a soldier?’” Helene cross examined.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t you remember saying those things last spring in the school assembly?”
“You mean when that guy from the Peace Corps talked about his experience as a volunteer? Were you there?”
“Yes and yes.”
“That guy made me sick. My friend’s brothers are getting shot and killed in Vietnam and that guy is talking about all the great things he did, and how hard it was for him, and that he loved what he was doing. Yeah, do you think they love it in Nam? Do you think his service to America is the same as theirs?” Tommy railed with fire in his eyes.
“We are talking about heroes and you said Big Frankie is yours because he did things like risk his life to help that kid. Well, that Peace Corps volunteer is my hero. Maybe he didn’t get shot, but do you remember what he said when someone asked him about the hardest thing he went through?” Helene said with a look that could kill.
“No,” Tommy replied with disgust.
“He said that being sick all the time with dysentery because of the unsanitary conditions wasn’t the hardest thing, and neither were the other tough living conditions. The hardest thing was fitting in with everyone else, where everyone else looked, talked, dressed, ate, and acted differently.”
“So he didn’t get shot at?” Tommy mocked.
“And your friends didn’t have to change themselves, to walk in somebody else’s shoes … the shoes of all the people who were living in that country?”
“Hey, you know what? I’m beginning to feel now the way I did when that guy was talking to our school,” Tommy said as his face turned red.
“And I’m feeling the same way I felt when you were putting that guy down in front of the whole school,” Helene responded as the courtroom scene morphed back to the poolside setting. Then she picked up her towel and walked away. After taking a few steps, she turned back to Tommy and said, “By the way, that Peace Corps guy is my brother.”
While Tommy’s interest in Helene had ended abruptly that day, Al’s hope of dating Helene lived on. And he did date her a few times after Al asked her to share her brother’s Peace Corps experiences with him. Their relationship didn’t last, but it planted a seed in Al.
As the scene at the pool faded, Al instinctively knew what the next one would be and he cried out to himself and anyone else who could
hear him in the darkness, “No! No! Not again! I don’t want to experience it again. I don’t want to. I don’t want. I don’t. I …” Al protested with less conviction each time he spoke out.
And as the next scene faded into view, Al felt like he did when drivers in front of him slowed down to get a good look at the car accident they were passing. While Al told himself he wouldn’t look, he always did; and so, the next scene proceeded in spite of Al’s discomfort.
CHAPTER 32
The Road to Manhood
Bang! Bang! Bang! Echoed the piercing sounds of a carpenter’s hammer as it struck a scrap of wood on an old, trashy table to call this meeting of the Disciples to order.
“All right, shut up already!” screamed Stevie C. Bang! Bang! Stevie’s hammer echoed again. “Hey, Bobby! That means you too!”
With that, the Disciples’ clubhouse, a former neighborhood shoe repair shop, finally was silent. As Stevie C. stood by the rear wall of the narrow space, he glanced to his side at Big Frankie and winked his eye before acknowledging the forty others in the room, who were mostly sitting on an assortment of worn chairs and sofas.
“OK, we got some things to talk about. I think everybody’s heard about what happened the other day over at the park. Now, the question is, what are we going to do about it? I’ve got some ideas and heard about some others from a few guys, but whatever we do, we got to make things clear,” Stevie C. said solemnly.
“We own our neighborhood, so nobody comes into it without clearing it with us first. Hey, we just demand that respect. I’m not talking about one guy or two guys, as long as they keep to themselves. But that’s not what happened.”
“Damn right!” shouted one in the group.
“Let’s set them straight!” shouted another.
“Can’t let them get away with it,” chimed in a third.
“OK, so we all agree?” Stevie C. asked.
“Agreed! Agreed!” Big Frankie shouted while pumping his fist in the air as Tommy and Al stood at his side.
This was a momentous occasion for Tommy and Al because it was their first Disciples meeting and because they would learn what they needed to do to become members. It was a rite of passage into manhood that they had anticipated for years. Without the Disciples as their guide, their mentor, they would stumble through their transition from childhood like many they knew who had searched awkwardly for an identity. Being a Disciple would give them what they needed most at this time in their lives: a group of loyal friends who would do anything for each other, who had a reputation for being tough, cool, street smart, and a magnet for members of the opposite sex who valued these things.