"Come on, Elias." I lean over him, speaking into his ear. "Fight back. Wake up. Wake up."
His eyes fly open, he spits out the gag, and I snatch my hand back from his face. Relief sweeps through me. Awake and injured is always better than unconscious and injured. Immediately, he lurches to his feet. Then he doubles over and dry-heaves.
"Lay down." I push him to his knees and rub his broad back, the way Pop did with ill patients. Touch can heal more than herbs and poultices. "We have to figure out the poison so we can find an antidote."
"Too late." Elias relaxes into my hands for a moment before reaching for his canteen and drinking the contents down. When he finishes, his eyes are clearer, and he tries to stand. "Antidotes for most poisons need to be given within an hour. But if the poison were going to kill me, it would have already. Let's get moving."
"To where, exactly?" I demand. "The foothills? Where there are no cities or apothecaries? You're poisoned, Elias. If an antidote won't help, then you at least need medicine to treat the seizures, or you'll be blacking out from here to Kauf," I say. "Only you'll die before we get there, because no one can survive such convulsions for long. So sit down and let me think."
He stares at me in surprise and sits.
I pore over the year I spent with Pop as an apprentice healer. The memory of a little girl pops into my head. She had convulsions and fainting spells.
"Tellis extract," I say. Pop gave the girl a drachm of it. Within a day, the symptoms eased. In two days, they stopped. "It will give your body a chance to fight the poison."
Elias grimaces. "We could find it in Serra or Navium."
Only we can't go back to Serra, and Navium is in the opposite direction from Kauf.
"What about Raider's Roost?" My stomach twists in dread at the idea. The giant rock is a lawless cesspit of society's detritus--highwaymen, bounty hunters, and black market profiteers who know only the darkest corruption. Pop went there a few times to find rare herbs. Nan never slept while he was gone.
Elias nods. "Dangerous as the ten hells, but filled with people who wish to go as unnoticed as we do."
He rises again, and while I'm impressed by his strength, I'm also horrified by the callous way he treats his body. He fumbles at the reins of the horse.
"Another seizure soon, Laia." He taps the horse behind its left front leg. It sits. "Tie me on with rope. Head straight southeast." He heaves himself into the saddle, listing dangerously to one side.
"I feel them coming," he whispers.
I wheel about, expecting the hoofbeats of an Empire patrol, but all is silent. When I look back at Elias, his eyes are fixed on a point past my head. "Voices. Calling me back."
Hallucinations. Another effect of the poison. I bind Elias to the stallion with rope from his pack, fill the canteens, and mount up. Elias slumps against my back, blacked out again. His smell, rain and spice, washes over me, and I take a steadying breath.
My sweat-damp fingers slide along the horse's reins. As if the beast senses I know nothing about riding, it tosses its head and pulls at the bit. I wipe my hands on my shirt and tighten my grip.
"Don't you dare, you nag," I say to its rebellious snort. "It's you and me for the next few days, so you better listen to what I say." I give the horse a light kick, and to my relief, it trots forward. We turn southeast, and I dig my heels deeper. Then we are away, into the night.
VII: Elias
Voices surround me, quiet murmurs that remind me of a Tribal camp awakening: the whispers of men soothing horses and children kindling breakfast fires.
I open my eyes, expecting the sunshine of the Tribal desert, unabashedly bright, even at dawn. Instead, I stare up at a canopy of trees. The murmuring grows muted, and the air is weighty with the green scents of pine needles and moss-softened bark. It's dark, but I can make out the pitted trunks of great trees, some as wide as houses. Beyond the branches above, snatches of blue sky darken swiftly to gray, as if a storm approaches.
Something darts through the trees, disappearing when I turn. The leaves rustle, whispering like a battlefield of ghosts. The murmurs I heard rise and fade, rise and fade.
I stand. Though I expect pain to shoot through every limb, I feel nothing. The absence of pain is strange--and wrong.
Wherever I am, I shouldn't be here. I should be with Laia, headed toward Raider's Roost. I should be awake, fighting the Commandant's poison. On instinct, I reach back for my scims. They aren't there.
"No heads to lop off in the ghost world, you murdering bastard."
I know that voice, though I've rarely heard it so heavily laced with vitriol.
"Tristas?"
My friend appears as he did in life, hair dark as pitch, the tattoo of his beloved's name standing out in sharp relief against his pale skin. Aelia. He looks nothing like a ghost. But he must be. I saw him die in the Third Trial, on the end of Dex's scim.
He doesn't feel like a ghost either--something I realize with abrupt violence when, after considering me for a moment, he slams his fist into my jaw.
The burst of pain that shoots through my skull is dulled to half what it should be. Still, I back away. The hatred behind the punch was more powerful than the blow itself.
"That was for letting Dex kill me in the Trial."
"I'm sorry," I say. "I should have stopped him."
"Doesn't matter, seeing as I'm still dead."
"Where are we? What is this place?"
"The Waiting Place. It's for the dead who are not ready to move on, apparently. Leander and Demetrius left. Not me, though. I'm stuck listening to this bleating."
Bleating? I assume he's referring to the murmur of the ghosts flitting through the trees, which to me is no more irritating than the swish of ocean tide.
"But I'm not dead."
"Didn't she show up to give you her little speech?" Tristas asks. "Welcome to the Waiting Place, the realm of ghosts. I am the Soul Catcher, and I am here to help you cross to the other side."
When I shake my head, mystified, Tristas flashes me a malevolent smile. "Well, she'll be here soon enough, trying to bully you into moving on. All of this is hers." He gestures to the Forest, to the spirits still murmuring beyond the tree line. Then his face changes--twists.
"It's her!" He disappears into the trees with unnatural speed. Alarmed, I spin around and see a shadow pull free from a nearby trunk.
I keep my hands loose at my sides--ready to grab, throttle, punch. The figure draws closer, moving not at all like a person. It is too fluid, too fast.
But when it's only a few feet away, it slows and resolves into a trim, dark-haired woman. Her face is unlined, but I cannot guess her age. Her black irises and ancient stare suggest something I can't fathom.
"Hello, Elias Veturius." Her earthy voice is strangely accented, as if she's not used to speaking Serran. "I am the Soul Catcher, and I am pleased to finally meet you. I've watched you now, for a time."
Right. "I need to get out of here."
"Do you enjoy it?" Her voice is soft. "The hurt you cause? The pain? I can see it." Her eyes trace the air about my head, my shoulders. "You carry it with you. Why? Does it bring you happiness?"
"No." I recoil from the thought. "I don't mean to--I don't want to hurt people."
"Yet you destroy all those who get close to you. Your friends. Your grandfather. Helene Aquilla. You hurt them." She pauses as the horrible truth of her words sinks in. "I don't watch those on the other side," she says. "But you are different."
"I'm not supposed to be here," I say. "I'm not dead."
She regards me for a long time before cocking her head like a curious bird. "But you are dead," she says. "You just don't know it yet."
*
My eyes jolt open to a sky covered in clouds. It's mid-morning, and I'm slumped forward, my head jouncing in the space between Laia's neck and shoulder. Low hills rise and fall around us, dotted with Jack trees, tumbleweeds, and little else. Laia moves the horse southeast at a trot, straight toward Raider's Roost. A
t my movement, she twists around.
"Elias!" She slows the horse. "You've been blacked out for hours. I--I thought you might not wake up."
"Don't stop the horse." I possess none of the strength I felt in my hallucination, but I force myself to sit up. Dizziness sweeps over me, and my tongue is heavy in my mouth. Stay, Elias, I tell myself. Don't let the Soul Catcher pull you back. "Keep us moving--the soldiers--"
"We rode through the night. I saw soldiers, but they were far away and heading south." Shadows have settled beneath her eyes, and her hands shake. She's exhausted. I take the reins from her, and she sags back against me, closing her eyes.
"Where did you go, Elias? Can you remember? Because I've seen seizures before. They can knock someone out for a few minutes, even an hour. But you were unconscious for far longer."
"Strange place. A for-forest--"
"Don't you dare fade out on me again, Elias Veturius." Laia spins and shakes my shoulders, and I snap my eyes open. "I can't do this without you. Look at the horizon. What do you see?"
I force myself to look up. "C-clouds. Storm coming. Big one. We need shelter."
Laia nods. "I could smell it. The storm." She glances back. "Reminds me of you."
I try to work out whether this is a compliment or not but then give up. Ten hells, I'm so tired.
"Elias." She puts a hand against my face and forces me to meet her gold eyes, as hypnotizing as a lioness's. "Stay with me. You had a foster brother--tell me about him."
Voices call me--the Waiting Place pulling me back with hungry claws.
"Shan," I gasp out. "His--his name is Shan. Bossy, just like Mamie Rila. He's nineteen--a year younger." I blather on, trying to force away the cold grasp of the Waiting Place. As I speak, Laia shoves water into my hands, urging me to drink.
"Stay." She keeps saying it, and I hold on to the word like it's driftwood in an open ocean. "Don't go back. I need you."
Hours later, the storm hits, and though riding in it is miserable, the wet forces me further awake. I guide the horse to a low-lying ravine littered with boulders. The storm is too heavy for us to see more than a few feet--which means that the Empire's men will be just as blind.
I dismount and spend long minutes trying to tend to the stallion, but my hands refuse to function properly. An unfamiliar emotion grips me: fear. I crush it. You'll fight the poison, Elias. If it were going to kill you, you'd already be dead.
"Elias?" Laia is beside me, concern etched on her face. She's strung a tarp between two boulders, and when I finish with the horse, she guides me there and makes me sit.
"She told me I hurt people," I blurt out as we huddle together. "I let them get hurt."
"Who told you that?"
"I'm going to hurt you," I say. "I hurt everyone."
"Stop, Elias." Laia takes my hands. "I freed you because you didn't hurt me." She pauses, and the rain is a chilly curtain around us. "Try to stay, Elias. You were gone for so long last time, and I need you to stay."
We're so close that I can see the indent in the center of her lower lip. A ringlet of hair has come loose from her bun and spills down her long, golden neck. I'd give so much to be this close to her and not be poisoned or hunted, injured or haunted.
"Tell me another story," she murmurs. "I hear the Fivers see the southern islands. Are they beautiful?" At my nod, she prods me. "What do they look like? Is the water clear?"
"Water's blue." I try to fight the slur in my voice, because she's right: I need to stay. I need to get us to the Roost. I need to get the Tellis.
"But not--not dark blue. It's a thousand blues. And greens. Like--like someone took Hel's eyes and turned them into the ocean."
My body trembles. No--not again. Laia takes my cheeks in her hands, her touch sending a bolt of desire through me.
"Stay with me," she says. Her fingers are cool on my fevered skin. Lightning cracks, illuminating her face, making her gold eyes darker, giving her an otherworldly feel. "Tell me another memory," she demands. "Something good."
"You," I say. "The--the first time I saw you. You're beautiful, but there are lots of beautiful girls, and--" Find the words. Make yourself stay. "That's not why you stood out. You're like me. . . ."
"Stay with me, Elias. Stay here."
My mouth won't work. The blackness creeping at the edge of my vision draws closer.
"I can't stay. . . ."
"Try, Elias. Try!"
Her voice fades. The world goes dark.
*
This time, I find myself sitting on the Forest floor, warmth from a fire driving the chill from my bones. The Soul Catcher sits across from me, patiently feeding logs to the blaze.
"The wails of the dead don't bother you," she says.
"I'll answer your questions if you answer mine," I retort. When she nods, I continue.
"It doesn't sound like wailing to me. More like whispers." I expect a response from her, but there is none. "My turn. These seizures--they shouldn't be knocking me out for hours at a time. Are you doing this? Are you keeping me here?"
"I told you: I've been watching you. I wanted a chance to speak."
"Let me go back."
"Soon," she says. "You have more questions?"
My frustration rises, and I want to shout at her--but I need answers. "What did you mean when you said I was dead? I know I'm not. I'm alive."
"Not for much longer."
"Can you see the future, like the Augurs?"
Her head comes up, and the feral snarl on her lips is unquestionably inhuman.
"Do not invoke those creatures here," she says. "This is a sacred world, a place the dead come to find peace. The Augurs are anathema to death." She settles back. "I'm the Soul Catcher, Elias. I deal with the dead. And death has claimed you--there." She taps my arm, exactly where the Commandant's star cut me.
"The poison won't kill me," I say. "And if Laia and I get the Tellis extract, neither will the seizures."
"Laia. The Scholar girl. Another ember waiting to burn the world down," she says. "Will you hurt her too?"
"Never."
The Soul Catcher shakes her head. "You grow close to her. Don't you see what you are doing? The Commandant poisoned you. You, in turn, are a poison. You will poison Laia's joy, her hope, her life, like you have poisoned all the rest. If you care for her, then do not let her care for you. Like the poison that rages within you, you have no antidote."
"I'm not going to die."
"Willpower alone cannot change one's fate. Think on it, Elias, and you will see." Her smile is sad as she pokes the fire. "Perhaps I will call you here again. I have many questions. . . ."
I slam back into the real world with a harshness that makes my teeth ache. The night is cloaked in mist. I must have blacked out for hours. Our horse trots ahead steadily, but I feel its legs tremble. We'll need to stop soon.
Laia rides on, oblivious to the fact that I've woken. My mind isn't nearly as clear as it was in the Waiting Place, but I remember the Soul Catcher's words. Think on it, Elias, and you will see.
I sift through the poisons I know, cursing myself for not paying closer attention to the Blackcliff Centurion who instructed us on toxins.
Nightweed. Barely mentioned because it is illegal in the Empire, even for Masks. It was outlawed a century ago, after it was used to assassinate an Emperor. Always deadly, though in higher doses, it kills swiftly. In lower doses, the only symptoms are severe seizures.
Three to six months of seizures, I remember. Then death. There is no cure. No antidote.
Finally, I understand why the Commandant let us escape from Serra, why she didn't bother slitting my throat. She didn't have to.
Because she'd already killed me.
VIII: Helene
"Six broken ribs, twenty-eight lacerations, thirteen fractures, four torn tendons, and bruised kidneys."
Morning sun pours through the windows of my childhood bedroom, glinting off my mother's silver-blonde hair as she relays the physician's assessment. I watch
her in the ornate silver mirror in front of us--a gift she gave me when I was a girl. Its unmottled surface is the specialty of a city far to the south, an island of glassblowers my father once visited.
I shouldn't be here. I should be in the Black Guard barracks preparing for my audience with Emperor Marcus Farrar, to take place in less than an hour. Instead, I sit amid the silken rugs and lavender drapes of Villa Aquilla, with my mother and sisters tending to me instead of a military medic. You were in interrogation for five days and they've been worried sick, Father insisted. They want to see you. I didn't have the energy to refuse him.
"Thirteen fractures is nothing." My voice is a rasp. I tried not to scream during the interrogation. My throat is raw with the times I failed. Mother stitches a wound, and I hide a wince as she ties it off.
"She's right, Mother." Livia, who at eighteen is the youngest Aquilla, gives me a dark smile. "Could have been worse. They could have cut her hair."
I snort--it hurts too much to laugh, and even Mother smiles as she dabs ointment onto one of my wounds. Only Hannah remains expressionless.
I glance at her, and she looks away, jaw clenched. She's never learned to quench her hatred for me, my middle sister. Though after the first time I pulled a scim on her, she at least learned to hide it.
"It's your own damned fault." Hannah's voice is low, poisonous, and wholly expected. I'm surprised it took her this long. "It's disgusting. They shouldn't have had to torture you for information about that--that monster." Elias. I'm thankful she doesn't say his name. "You should have given it to them--"
"Hannah!" Mother snaps. Livia, her back rigid, glares at our sister.
"My friend Aelia was to be married in a week," Hannah snarls. "Her fiance is dead because of your friend. And you refuse to help find him."
"I don't know where he--"
"Liar!" Hannah's voice trembles with more than a decade of rage. For fourteen years my schooling took precedence over anything she or Livvy did. Fourteen years where my father was more concerned with me than his other daughters. Her hate is as familiar as my own skin. That doesn't make it sting less. She looks at me and sees a rival. I look at her and see the wide-eyed, tow-headed sister who used to be my best friend.