I froze up to a point where I could hardly feel myself breathing, but when shock began to melt away, everything returned slowly. I let out a sudden sigh, and opened my mouth to speak. Then I snapped it shut.
I gulped. "Impossible." I said, my voice raspy and barely audible.
Victoria and Mom stayed very still, waiting for my reaction. Realization dawned on me and the situation was crystal clear in my head.
"Mom! He was married before you?” I stopped. “And he has a daughter?”
My mom shrunk down a little, and I could see a bubble of guilt forming itself around her demeanor.
"You knew?"
But the way she put her head down gave me the answer. "How could you? How could you hide my own sister from me?"
Victoria advanced towards me and put her hand on my shoulder. I shook it off.
"She didn't know that I was going to come here,” she explained calmly. “Everyone thought I'd live in England forever." That at least cleared up the fact that she had a thick, British accent.
"Why are you here now?" I struggled keeping my nerves collected.
"Well, my mom just died-"
I quickly said: "I'm so sorry for your loss." Regardless of how I felt at the moment, she'd just lost her mother. She must’ve been hurting.
"Thank you. Her will indicated for me to live with my father, but I just found out that-" She choked up.
I immediately put my arms around her in a tight hug. She was my sister. My dad’s loss was hers too.
And worse, she was an orphan.
I felt my coat getting wet with her tears. I rubbed her back soothingly.
I kept muttering, "It's okay, everything's going to be okay."
Victoria pulled away and smiled through her tears.
"I now know why my mum used to say that Dad was kind. You inherited that from him, Lena."
Her words touched my heart, I gave her another hug. I already cared about her. I knew we would get along well. The shocked outrage I’d built up had disappeared, and I felt a sudden tranquility.
I turned to my mom. "She can stay here, right?"
"Yeah, but you two would have to share a room." My mom bit her lip. I shrugged, a smile forming on my face.
"Come on, Tori! I can call you that, right?" Victoria chuckled and nodded.
"Yay! Now let's go, I'll show you my room." I took my hand, and excitedly hopped on the stairs.
"Well, it's perfect,” Tori said, observing the room. “Where should I sleep?"
"I'm getting a job, so I'll try to save up the money for another bed. But for now, you sleep on the bed and I'll take my camping mattress."
The sleeping arrangements didn't please Tori. She wanted me to sleep on the bed. I'm stubborn, but so was she.
"Tori! I'm sleeping on the mattress, end of discussion." She smiled shyly, and I was the one who felt like the adult.
My sister kicked her high heels off, and went to the bathroom to borrow some of my comfortable clothes. I didn't mind. I imitated her and then she sat on the bed with crossed legs.
She patted the empty place in front of her. "Come on, we have a lot to talk about."
“Are you really okay with all of this?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I guess it’s a lot to take in, but I’ve always wanted a sister.”
“Me too.” She smiled. “Tell me everything about you. I want to catch up on everything I’ve missed in the last seventeen years.”
We spent an hour or so talking about every single detail in our lives. I learned that her favorite color was red. She didn’t like to read and she was a soccer fanatic. She liked to bake and she thought that Justin Bieber was overrated yet quite attractive. Apparently, her best friend, back in England, was in love with him and she forced Tori to go to one of his concerts.
“Can I tell you something?” I asked, shyly. She nodded feverishly. “I was about to get my first kiss today.”
“Shut up!” Tori gasped. "Really?" she exclaimed, quite loudly.
"Yeah."
"Who is it? Is he cute?" She blabbered curiously.
I played with my sleeves. "He's my best friend," I said.
"Did he tell you he liked you, does he flirt with you?"
I laughed at the possibility of that happening. "He's mute."
Tori sucked in a sharp breath. "Wow."
"Yeah. He's the best."
"Aw, Lele's in love."
My mouth went agape. I took a pillow and hit her playfully with it.
"Don't call me that! And I don't love him! We're just friends, nothing more." She raised her eyebrow, unconvinced.
"Oh yeah? Why are you redder than a tomato right now, then?"
I hit her harder this time, making her laugh.
"Okay, okay, I'll close my trap. Do you have a picture of your—" She put imaginary quotations in the air. “—friend?”
"Yes, I do. Wait, let me look for my camera. We went to the park today."
"Aw," cooed Tori.
Where was the camera? I flipped through my scattered clothes, but it was nowhere.
"Where could I have put it?" I took a deep breath, trying to calm my frantic nerves.
"Retrace your steps, that helps," Tori offered.
"Well, I went to the park, took pictures with Liam. Then, the incident was about to happen. Mom called, I heard you, and I left in a hurry..." Suddenly, I felt lost.
Tori motioned with her hands impatiently, waiting for it to click in my head.
"OH! I left it in the park!” My eyes widened in fear. “Oh, no, no. It's the same camera Dad gave me eight years ago."
"Text Liam, you idiot." She pointed to her head, as if to say I was stupid. I opened my phone and looked through my unread messages. They were all from him.
"Hey, Lenaaaa the banana. Is everything okay at home? Text me when you see this. "
"Lenaaa, well, you forgot your camera here, so I took it with me. I'll guard it with my ninja skills, pinky promise. ;)"
"Lenaaaaa, you okay?"
"Why are you not answering meee?"
I smiled at the last one.
"Well, goodnight potatooo. Love youuu mon amie speciale.1”
Tori, who was noisily reading the messages over my shoulder, started mumbling, "Leliam? No, no. How about Leniam? Perfect."
And that was the beginning of a pillow fight.
______________________
1My special friend
10
Messy Friendships
“Don’t let me go, ‘cause I’m tired of feeling alone.”
~Harry Styles~
Lena Rose Winter
I realized that making a new friend was the best choice I’d ever made. Tori was a gift sent from heaven, we were alike in so many ways and I already loved her. It felt nice to have a girl around.
"So, you're in my Literature and Calculus classes. We're locker buddies and lunch starts at 12, okay?" I said.
"OH-EM-GEE. I like, officially love you,” declared Tori exaggerating, leaning against her locker, waiting for me. She was 18, but she hadn't finished high school in London, so Albany High was her school for senior year.
"OH-EM-GEE. I like, totally love you more." I replied, winking at her as if I was a person with mental retardation. She giggled, weirdly.
Right now, though, my attention was directed towards the gum in my mouth.
Chew.
I shuddered. It had no more taste.
Chew.
Should I keep it?
Chew.
Disgusting.
Farewell, dear gum.
We had some good memories, but it's time to leave. I recalled an Adele song and it applied perfectly to the situation. “Never mind, I’ll find someone like you.”
I walked to the trash can, which was on the other side of the hall.
I heard Tori scream behind me. "Where are you going, weirdo?"
"Throwing my gum away, the hell does it look like I'm doing?" was my answer.
After spitting the chewed,
tasteless piece of gum, I went back to my locker.
Oh, and how I wish I hadn't.
Jonah was leaning against Tori. She looked thrilled, while he had his flirting face on. Tori giggled at something he said.
I felt my breakfast churning in my stomach. This wasn't a sight I ever wanted to see. My face turned into a grimace and I tapped Jonah's shoulder, interrupting him from hitting on my sister. He turned around, his face masked in recognition and slight shock.
"Excuse me, Jonah,” I said icily, “but hitting on my sister won't make you seem cool."
At the mention of the word ‘sister,’ he completely froze. Tori, on the other hand, hearing the word ‘Jonah,’ pushed him away with an incredible force. Her face was masked by complete revulsion. During Tori's first night at my house, I'd told her everything.
Everything.
Tori grimaced. “Ew.”
She linked our arms and we walked away, our chins in the air. Now out of anyone's sight, hiding in the bathroom, we had to clutch our poor stomachs to stop the hysterical laughter coming out of us.
"D-Did you see his expression when I ewed him?" Tori managed to blurt out between laughs. My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.
"Is ‘ewed’ even a word?"
"Who cares?” She flipped her hair in a drama queen-like way. “But if you must ask: yes it is, in Victoria Grace Winter's dictionary."
I simply chuckled, oh the joys of having a sister. In the period of four days, we'd grown as close as best friends who knew each other since the age of five.
Speaking of best friends, where was Liam? He had missed three days of school, wasn’t answering any of my texts and I had even tried calling at his house, in case his Grandma was there.
I had had zilch communication with him in three days. It has been worrying me a lot, but I just hoped he was okay. It was weird how much I missed him in that small period of time.
"Hey, Tori, have you seen Liam?"
She looked at me as if I was a Martian. "I haven’t met him yet.”
I scurried out of the bathroom and practically sprinted to his locker.
There he was. I felt relief and worry wash over me in moments.
Something was wrong. He was standing there, an absent expression on his face. I could feel bad vibes emitting from him.
"Liam, where have you been?” I asked. “I’ve been worried sick about you." I peered at him closely. He didn't lift his gaze from the book he held in his hands.
"Liam?"
Still no response.
"Liiiaaaam?"
Nada.
I waved my hands under his nose to get his attention. Finally, his eyes flickered to me and he lifted his head up. I gasped. His blue eyes were a darker shade than they usually were. His lips were set in a thin line. His expression was cold and hard. I'd never seen him like that.
"Liam? Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly.
He swiftly closed his book and turned to walk away. He took long strides. I half-ran to be at his speed.
"Liam? Why are you ignoring me?"
He kept on walking.
Fed up with his attitude, I grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. His lips pulled up in a disgusted smirk. I could sense his anger. His eyes went to my hand.
"No, I'm not letting go until you write me what's wrong."
He rolled his eyes and stayed very still. I groaned and let go of him long enough to take out a small notepad from my pocket. I kept that at all times with me; it was another source of communication I had with Liam.
I handed him the paper. He now held the special blue pen that he always kept in his right jacket pocket and he used it to roughly scribble something down before showing it to me.
"Want to know what's wrong? You are. Leave me alone. Consider us, or whatever friendship we had, history."
I felt my bottom lip quiver, and he started to walk away. I ran after him and grabbed his arm again, but this time he resisted.
"No, please, Liam,” I begged. “Why? What did I do? Just tell me."
He abruptly shook his arm off and turned in my direction. My hopes went slightly up. His expression softened for a second, then hardened again. His mouth moved, tracing three words.
"Leave me alone."
Then he left me standing in the middle of the hallway, every step he made away from me, hurting me.
I felt tears well in my eyes. My heart was experiencing an emotion I'd only felt once. The day the nurses informed me of my father's death. Only this time it was more intense. I was feeling cold and lonely, like my heart and soul have been ripped out. There was an empty, cold feeling in my stomach, like butterflies, but more nervous than excited. My heart got ripped out of my chest without any warning. Being totally unprepared and having to deal with the outcome instantly hurt so much. I felt myself going numb and sad. My heart continued to sink as I came to the realization of what is reality.
No.
I refuse to go through this again.
I ran after him and grabbed his arm harshly. “Liam, I’m not letting you just leave like that.”
“Let go.”
I stomped a foot angrily. “No, I’m not letting you go! Why are you acting like this?”
He just looked at me with hollowness in his eyes. I flinched. I let go.
Some moments make you realize just how much you care about someone. There are moments when you think: I’d take a bullet for you. And there are others when you realize that it all depends on a split-second decision.
I remembered an old quote, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it never was.”
“Go.” I said. “Just remember that I’ll always be here for you.”
He walked away.
11
Crestfallen
"Been wondering if your heart's still open
and if so I wanna know what time it shuts"
~ Arctic Monkeys~
Lena Rose Winter
I walked towards Liam’s house, my hands freezing from both the snow and my anxiety. There was a possibility of him kicking me out or not even answering the door. I was mortified coming to talk to him given the risks, but I simply had to tell him.
Last night I stayed awake until dawn, finishing my application for NYU. He had promised we would go get coffee together once we submitted them.
I was aware, of course, that we were currently far from being friends. But it seemed unthinkable for me to forget about that. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing everything.
Best Case Scenario: he smiles at me, he admits that he sent his application too, and was just about to come see me. We go out for coffee and doughnuts or we can stay at his house and I can spend time with his more than lovely grandmother, Darla Black.
Worst Case Scenario: He doesn’t open the door and hides from me.
My hopes deflated a little, but I forced myself to expect the worst yet hope for the best.
I knocked at the door three times, stomping my feet on the floor to get the snow off my boots.
No answer.
I knocked again and decided to leave if the door didn’t open in ten seconds. They seemed to pass by too fast and I could feel the disappointment rushing in my head.
Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. “Who you lookin’ for?”
I turned to the voice and saw a woman in her thirties, leaning on the window with a scarf over her head.
“Liam Black and his grandma,” I replied. “Do you know where they might be?”
She chuckled as if I were an ignorant child.
“They’re at the hospital! Darla’s sick.”
I froze. “S-sick?”
The woman grimaced. “Yeah. It’s bad, though. Last time I saw her, she was as pale as the snow you’re stepping on right now.” She stopped for a second, as if thinking. “Her little boy hasn’t left her side in forever.”
“Is it grave?” I asked.
The woman sighed. “Yeah. She has a few days, maybe two weeks left.”