She had to think clearly, think everything through. Tara and Trevor were her greatest concern. Jessica flicked on the lamp beside the bed. She couldn't bear to sit in the dark when her memories were so raw. The curtains fluttered, danced gently, gracefully in the breeze. She stared at the window. It was wide open, fog and rain and wind creeping into her room. The window had been closed when she'd left the room. She was absolutely certain of it. A chill crept down her spine, unease prickling her skin.
Jessica looked quickly around the room, her gaze seeking the corners, peeking beneath the bed. She couldn't stop herself from looking in the closet, the bathroom, and the shower. It would be difficult for anyone to enter her room through the open window, especially in a rainstorm, because it was on the second floor. She tried to convince herself one of the twins must have come into her room to say goodnight and opened the window to let in some air. She couldn't imagine why, it didn't make any sense, but she preferred this explanation to the alternative.
She crossed the room to the window, stared out into the forest, and watched the wind as it played roughly in the trees. There was something elemental, powerful about storms that fascinated her. She watched the rain for a while, allowing a certain peace to settle back over her. Then, abruptly, she closed the window and went to check on Tara.
The bedside lamp was on in Tara's room, spilling a soft circle of light across it. To Jessica's surprise, Trevor lay on the floor wrapped in a heap of blankets, while Tara lay on the bed beneath a thick quilt. They were talking in low tones and neither looked at all astonished to see her.
"We thought you'd never come," Tara greeted, moving over, obviously expecting Jessica to share her bed.
"I thought I was going to have to go rescue you," Trevor added. "We were just discussing how to go about it since we didn't exactly know which room you were in."
Warmth drove out the cold in her soul, pushing away her nameless fears and the disturbing remnants of old horrors. She smiled at them and rushed to the bed, jumping beneath the covers and snuggling into the pillow. "Were you really worried?"
"Of course we were," Tara confirmed. She reached for Jessica's hand. "Did he yell at you?"
Trevor snorted. "We didn't see any fireworks, did we? If he yelled at her we would have seen the Fourth of July."
"Hey, now," Jessica objected. "I'm not that bad."
Trevor made a rude noise. "Flames fly off you, Jess, if someone gets you angry enough. I can't see you being all mealymouthed if our own father didn't want us for Christmas. You'd read him the riot act, probably knock him on his butt and march us out of his house. You'd make us swim back to the nearest city."
Tara giggled, nodding her head. "We call you Mama Tiger behind your back."
"What?" Jessica found herself laughing. "Total exaggeration. Total!"
"You're worse. You grow fangs and claws if someone is mean to us," Trevor pointed out complacently. "Justice for the children." He grinned at her. "Unless you're the one getting after us."
Jessica threw her pillow at him with perfect aim. "You little punk, I never get after you. What are you doing awake, it's four-thirty in the morning."
The twins erupted into laughter, pointing at her and mimicking her question. "That's called getting after us, Jess," Tara said. "You're worse than Mama Rita was."
"She spoiled you rotten," Jessica told them haughtily, laughter brimming over in her green eyes. "All right, fine, but nobody in their right mind is up at four-thirty in the morning. It's silly. And it was a perfectly reasonable question."
"Yeah, because we're not in some spooky old house with total strangers and a man who might want to throw us out on our butts or anything like that," Trevor said.
"Taking you off upstairs to do some dastardly deed we've never heard of," Tara said, adding her two cents.
"When did you two become such smart alecks?" Jessica wanted to know.
"We talked to Paul for a while downstairs," Trevor said when the laughter had subsided. "He's really nice. He said he knew us when we were little."
Jessica was aware of both pairs of eyes on her. She caught the pillow Trevor tossed to her and slipped it behind her back as she sat up, drawing up her knees. "He and your father were best friends long before the band was put together. Paul actually was the original singer for their band. Dillon wrote most of the songs and played lead guitar. He could play almost any instrument. Paul played bass guitar, but he sang the songs when they first started out. Brian Phillips was the drummer and I think it was his idea to form the band. They started out in a garage and played all the clubs and made the rounds. Eventually they became very famous."
"There were a couple of other band members, Robert something," Trevor interrupted. "He was on keyboard and for some reason I thought Don Ford was the bass player. He's on all the CD covers and in the old magazine articles written on HereAfter." There was a note of pride when he said the band's name.
Jessica nodded. "Robert Berg. Robert's awesome on the keyboard. And yes, Don was brought in to play bass. Somewhere along the line, Paul picked up a big drug habit."
Tara wrinkled her nose. "He seemed so nice."
Jessica pushed back her hair. "He is nice, Tara. People make mistakes, they get into things without thinking and then it's too late to get out. Paul told me he began using all the time and couldn't remember the lyrics to the songs during their live performances. Your father would step up and sing. Paul said the crowds went wild. Paul was on a downward spiral and eventually the band members wanted him out. He was doing crazy things, tearing places up, not showing up for scheduled events, that sort of thing, and they said enough."
"Just like you read in the tabloids," Trevor pointed out.
There was a small silence while both children looked at her. "Yes, that's true. But it doesn't make the things they wrote about your father true. Remember, this was all a long time ago. Sometimes when people become famous too fast, have too much money, they have a hard time handling it all. I think Paul was one of those people. It overwhelmed him. Girls were throwing themselves at him all the time, there was just too much of everything. Anyway, Dillon wouldn't give up on him. He made him go into rehab and helped him recover."
"Is that when they picked up another bass player?" Trevor guessed.
Jessica nodded. "The band really took off while Paul was cleaning himself up and they had to have another bass player, so Don was brought in. Dillon's voice rocketed them into stardom. But he wouldn't leave Paul behind. Your father gave Paul a job working in the studio and eventually made a place for him in the band. And when Dillon needed him most, Paul came through."
"Did Paul know Vivian?" Tara's question was hesitant.
Jessica realized Vivian still managed to bring tension into a room years after her death. "Yes he did, honey," she confirmed gently. "All of the members of the band knew Vivian. Paul didn't do all the tours with them so he often stayed here, seeing to things at home. He knew her better than most." And despised her. Jessica remembered the terrible arguments and Vivian's endless tirades. Paul had tried to keep her under control, tried to help Rita and Jessica keep the twins safe when she brought her friends in.
"Does he think my father murdered Vivian and that man she was with, like the newspaper said?"
Jessica swung her head around, her temper rising until she saw Tara's bent head. Slowly she let her breath out. How else was Tara going to learn the truth about her father if she couldn't ask questions? "Honey, you know most of those tabloids don't tell the truth, right? They sensationalize things, write misleading headlines and articles to grab people's attention. It wasn't any different when your father was at the height of his career. The tabloids twisted all the facts, made it sound as if Dillon found your mother in bed with another man. They made it sound like he shot them both and then burned down his own house to cover the murders. It didn't happen like that at all." Jessica curved her arm around Tara's shoulders and pulled her close, hugging her. "Your father was acquitted at the trial. He had nothing
to do with the shooting or the fire. He wasn't even in the house when it all happened."
"What did happen, Jess?" Trevor asked, his piercing blue gaze meeting hers steadily. "Why wouldn't you ever tell us?"
"We're not babies," Tara pointed out, but she cuddled closer to Jessica's warmth, clearly for comfort.
Jessica shook her head. "I would prefer your father tell you about that night, not me."
"We'll believe you, Jess," Trevor said. "You turn beet red if you try to lie. We don't know our father. We don't know Paul. Mama Rita wouldn't say a word about it. You know it's time you told us the truth if someone is sending us newspapers filled with lies and calling us on the phone telling more lies."
"It's the three of us, Jessie," Tara added. "It's always been the three of us. We're a family. We want you to tell us."
Jessica was proud of them, proud of the way they were attempting to handle a volatile and frightening situation. And she heard the love in their voices, felt the answering emotion welling up in her. They weren't babies anymore, and they were right, they deserved to know the truth. She didn't know if Dillon would ever tell them.
Jessica took a deep breath, then she began. "There was a party at the house that night. Your father had been gone for months on a world tour and Vivian often invited her friends over. I didn't know her very well." The fact was, Jessica had never understood Dillon's relationship with his wife. Vivian had left the twins with Rita from almost the moment they were born so she could tour with the band. She rarely returned home the first three years of their lives. Yet during the last year of her life she had stayed home, the band's manager refusing to allow her to travel with them due to her violent mood swings and psychotic behavior.
"You've gone quiet again, Jessica," Trevor prompted.
"The fact is, Vivian drank too much and partied very heavily. Your father knew about her drinking, but she threatened him with you. She said she'd leave him, take you with her, and get a restraining order so he couldn't see you. She knew people who would take money in return for testimony against Dillon. He was often on the road, and bands, especially successful ones, always have reputations."
"You're saying he was afraid to risk a court fight," Trevor said, summing it up.
Jessica smiled at him. "Exactly. He was afraid the court would say you had to live with Vivian and he wouldn't be able to control what was happening to you if he didn't have custody. By staying with her, he hoped he could keep her contained. It worked for a while." Vivian didn't want to be home, she preferred the nightlife and the clubs of the cities. It was only during the last year, when the twins were five, that Vivian had returned home, unable to keep up appearances.
"That night, Jess," Trevor prompted.
Jessica sighed. There was no getting around telling them what they wanted to know. The twins were very persistent. "There was a party going on," she chose her words very carefully. "Your father came home early. There was a terrible fight between him and your mother, and he left the house to cool off. He made up his mind that he would leave Vivian and she knew it. There were candles everywhere. The fire inspector said the drapes caught fire and it spread fast, because there was alcohol on the furniture and the walls. The party was very wild. No one knows for certain where the gun came from or who shot whom first. But witnesses, including me, testified that Dillon had left the house. He ran back when he saw the flames and he rushed inside because he couldn't find you."
Jessica looked down at her hands. "I had taken you out a window on the cliff side of the house and he didn't know. He thought you were still inside so he went into the burning house."
Tara gasped, one hand covering her mouth to stop any sound but her eyes were glistening with tears.
"How did he get out?" Trevor asked, a lump in his throat. He couldn't get the sight of his father's terrible scars out of his mind. "And how could he make himself go into a burning house?"
Jessica leaned close to them. "Because that's how courageous your father is, how absolutely dependable, and that's how much he loves both of you."
"Did the house fall down on him?" Tara asked.
"They said he came out on fire, that Paul and Brian tackled him and put out the flames with their own hands. There were people on the island then, guards and groundskeepers who had all come to help. The helicopters had arrived I think. I just remember it being so loud, so angry . . ." her voice trailed off.
Trevor reached up and caught her hand. "I hate that sad look you get sometimes, Jess. You're always there for us. You always have been."
Tara kissed her cheek. "Me, too, I feel the same way."
"So no one really knows who shot our mother and her friends," Trevor concluded. "It's still a big mystery. But you saved our lives, Jess. And our father was willing to risk his life to save us. Did you see him after he came out of the house?"
Jessica closed her eyes, turned her head away from them. "Yes, I saw him." Her voice was barely audible.
The twins exchanged a long look. Tara took the initiative, wanting to wipe away the sorrow Jessica was so clearly feeling. "Now, tell us the story of the Christmas miracle. The one Mama Rita always told us. I love that story."
"Me, too. You said we were coming here for our miracle, Jess," Trevor said, "tell us the story so we can believe."
"We're all going to be too tired to get up tomorrow," Jessica pointed out. She slipped beneath the covers and flicked off the light. "You already believe in miracles, I helped raise you right. It's your father who doesn't know what can happen at Christmas, but we're going to teach him a lesson. I'll tell the story another time, when I'm not so darned sleepy. Goodnight you two."
Trevor laughed softly. "Cluck cluck. Jessica hates it when we get sappy."
The pillow found him even in the dark.
chapter
4
BRIAN PHILLIPS WAS FLIPPING pancakes in the kitchen when Jessica entered the room with Tara and Trevor early the next evening. She grinned at him in greeting. "Brian! How wonderful to see you again!"
Brian spun around, and missed a pancake as it came flying down to splat on the counter. "Jessica!" He swooped her up, hugged her hard. He was a big man, the drummer for HereAfter. She had forgotten how strong he was until he nearly broke her ribs with his hard, good-natured squeeze. With his reddish hair and stocky body, he always had reminded Jessica of a boxer fresh from Ireland. At times she even heard the lilt in his voice. "My God, girl, you look beautiful. How long has it been?" There was a moment of silence as both of them remembered the last time they had seen one another.
Jessica resolutely forced a smile. "Brian, you must remember Tara and Trevor, Dillon's children. We were so exhausted we slept the day away. I see you're serving breakfast for dinner." She was still in the circle of Brian's arms as she turned to include the twins in the greeting. Her smile faltered as she met a pair of ice-cold eyes over the heads of the children.
Dillon lounged in the doorway, his body posture deceptively lazy and casual. His eyes were intent, watchful, focused on her, and there was a hint of something dangerous to the edge of his mouth. Jessica's green gaze locked with his. Her breathing was instantly impaired, her breath catching in her lungs. He had that effect on her. Dillon was wearing faded blue jeans, a long-sleeved turtleneck shirt and thin leather gloves. He looked unmercifully handsome. His hair was damp from his shower and he was barefoot. She had forgotten that about him, how he liked to be without shoes in the house. Butterfly wings fluttered in the pit of her stomach. "Dillon."
Jessica ripped out his heart, whatever heart he had left, with her mere presence in his home. Dillon could hardly bear to look at her, to see her beauty, to see the woman she had become. Her hair was a blend of red and gold silk, falling around her face. A man could lose himself in her eyes. And her mouth . . . If Brian didn't take his hands off of her very, very soon Dillon feared he might give in to the terrible violence that always seemed to be swirling so close to the surface. Her green eyes met his across the room and she murmured his na
me again. Softly. Barely audible, yet the way she whispered his name tightened every muscle in his body.
The twins whirled around, Tara reaching out to take Trevor's arm for support as she faced her father.
Dillon's gaze reluctantly left Jessica's face to move broodingly over the twins. He didn't smile, didn't change expression. "Trevor and Tara, you've certainly grown." A muscle jerked along his jaw but otherwise he gave no indication of the emotions he was feeling. He wasn't certain he could do this, look at them, see the look in their eyes, face up to his past failures, face the utter and total revulsion that he had seen in Tara's eyes the night before.
Trevor's gaze flickered uncertainly toward Jessica before he stepped forward, thrusting out his hand toward his father. "It's good to see you, sir."
Jessica watched Dillon closely, willing him to pull his son into a hug. To at least smile at the boy. Instead, he shook hands briefly. "It's good to see you, too. I understand you're here to celebrate Christmas with me." Dillon glanced at Tara. "I guess that means you'll be wanting a tree."
Tara smiled shyly. "It's sort of an accepted practice."
He nodded. "I can't remember the last time I celebrated Christmas. I'm a little rusty when it comes to holiday festivities." His gaze had strayed back to Jessica and he silently damned himself for his lack of control.
"Tara will make sure you remember every little detail about Christmas," Trevor said with a laugh, nudging his sister, "it's her favorite holiday."
"I'll count on you, then, Tara," Dillon said with his customary charm, still watching Jessica intently. A smile slipped out. Menacing. Threatening. "If you can manage to take your hands off Jess, Brian, maybe we can all share those pancakes." There was a distinct edge to his voice. "We keep strange hours here, especially now that we're recording. I prefer to work at night and sleep during the day."