thinking about it. As he pressed me down, I enjoyed his touch. It was healing, in a roundabout way, and I really didn’t want to try and explain that to myself. I just enjoyed it.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The next week was strained. Mandy kept with her new group of friends while Jennica held firm with Amber and the guys. The only one who seemed affected was Devon. He kept to himself. I saw him a few times with Samuel and Grant at school. Tray was with them sometimes. He was with me at other times. He had begun to hang out at my locker, drawing more attention to me than I wanted. A few girls tried to start fights with me, but I knew it was because of him. They were jealous. When I walked away, leaving Tray in their presence, I knew they were confused. Watching Mandy and how she pretended that nothing was the matter affected me. I didn’t understand it, and I didn’t like it. It left a sour taste in my mouth so I tried to keep to myself.
“Taryn.” Shelly knocked on my door and stuck her head inside. I took my earbuds out, but didn’t get up from my bed. She smiled. “Honey, Kevin and I are going out. Mandy said to let you know some of your friends are coming over for the night.”
I nodded. “Okay. Thanks for letting me know.” I had no intention of hanging out with them.
She frowned. “Are things okay with you and Mandy? You two have seemed off this last week.”
Had things been okay? Mandy rarely talked to me anymore. She kept with her new friends and I remained alone. I shook my head. “Things are fine. Her break-up with Devon is still hurting her, I think.”
“I’m sure that’s it. You’re right.” She waved again. “Okay. We’re off. I’ll bring some ice cream home tonight.”
When she left and shut the door, I let out a sigh. An hour later, there was another knock on my door. Instead of waiting for me, it opened and Tray slipped inside.
My heart paused and a rush of sensations overwhelmed me. He’d been doing this to me for a while, but the feelings had doubled the night of his party, when we talked about real relationships.
I didn’t say anything. Neither did he, and I moved over so he could crawl onto my bed. When he turned so he was facing me, we stared at each other for a moment. As his gaze fell my lips, he murmured, “You’ve been avoiding me all week.”
I could lie. I didn’t. “You scare me.”
He lifted a hand, and his fingers caressed my cheek. As he lifted a strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear, a knot loosened inside me. A different feeling was spreading through me, overtaking me, and it wasn’t just lust anymore. That terrified me even more.
“I do?” His hand skimmed back down, pausing at the corner of my lips, and my pulse kicked up a notch. He was going to kiss me, then he pulled back. His hand fell to my chin, softly, and down my neck. He let it slide down my arm, the entire gesture a caress before he tucked his hand around my waist. His thumb slipped inside my shorts and he rubbed back and forth. An ache grew. I wanted to feel him there. I wanted to feel him inside of me.
Fuck it.
I closed my eyes, leaned forward, and found his lips with mine. The feel of them, the slight graze, was like a promise, and I sighed, melting against him. He traced my lips with his tongue, then swept inside. It had been like this the other night. One touch, one taste, and my body was writhing with the need for more. It built, wanting more and more of him until I was panting at the slightest feel of him now. Twisting my leg around his, I pulled him even closer. He rose above me, bracing himself, twisting one of my legs around his, pulling him tighter against me.
Then my phone rang.
I groaned.
“Leave it.” Then he began trailing kisses down the side of my face. As he went to my neck, I arched my back and neck for him. I wanted to feel his hands on my breasts. I wanted to remember the feel of him cupping them, caressing them with his hands.
The phone kept ringing.
I reached for it, but didn’t recognize the number. I tossed it to the floor, and Tray switched our positions. I straddled him and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing against him, savoring the feel of his strength underneath me. He was like a drug. The more I got from him, the more I needed.
His hands found my arms and he lifted me up. His eyes were dark amber again, and his voice was thick with lust. “If we don’t stop, I won’t be stopping for the rest of the night.”
I tried to remind myself that everyone was downstairs, even Austin. This this was a bad idea, but I went back to suckling his neck.
Tray groaned. I felt the fight in him as he tensed. His hand fell to my thigh and curved into me, holding me, anchoring me to him. His other hand grabbed the hair at the back of my neck, and lifted my head for his. Our lips met again and the feeling of being drowned came over me once more.
I couldn’t get enough of him.
Then his hold switched on me and I was lifted in the air. He sat up, scooted against my headboard, and pulled me back onto his lap. My legs were on either side of him and we were sitting eye level. My hand lifted to his hair and raked through it. I grabbed a fistful and leaned forward. His hands held firm on me, still on my hip and the back of my neck. It was a possessive hold, but so was mine. My kisses grew more demanding. He answered with a deep groan, tilting my head for better access, pulling my hips forward. I went with him, grinding against him, feeling him between my legs. He was where I wanted him, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted him in there. No clothes. No protection. Him and me.
At that thought, my hand trailed down his stomach to his jeans, but he caught it with his and interlaced our fingers together.
Dammit. I strained against him, rubbing my chest against his, and a low growl emanated from him. “Taryn,” he whispered against my lips.
He was going to tell me to stop. Maybe I should, but I didn’t. My lips opened over his once more, then I lifted to kiss his cheeks, his eyelids, his forehead, and then his throat. Bending down, I lifted his shirt over his head and moved further down his chest. I swept my tongue over each dip and between each muscle. He quivered under my touch. He was so strong, so powerful, but I had the control. With a sweep of my hand down his chest, he trembled.
He wanted me. I wanted him. My hands went back to his jeans. This time, he didn’t stop me. I wrapped my hand around him. His forehead fell to rest on my shoulder as I started stroking, back and forth. I felt him unbutton my jeans, and in seconds, his hand slipped inside, his fingers dipping inside me. I paused, gasping as he found my core, thrusting in and sliding back out.
My phone began ringing again.
Make it stop. I willed it to stop. I didn’t want to pull out of this haze, but it kept ringing. Tray paused. Then it went to voicemail and I started to relax again. He swept his lips against my shoulder, lingering there and a moment later my phone began going again.
God, no.
I began whimpering as his fingers went back inside me. I wanted him to go further, harder, but he pulled them out when my phone kept ringing.
“I’m going to kill whoever is on the other end.” I fell back, but he caught me so I wouldn’t fall all the way back, and then pulled me to rest against him. His head bent forward and his lips went back to my neck, nibbling there, such a teasing caress, and I sighed as my own began tasting his chest. I wanted to explore him again and a part of me was tempted to throw my phone, then come back and not let the world interrupt us again. I didn’t. Instead, I leaned over to the floor. Tray trapped my waist, holding me on him so I wouldn’t fall, and I grabbed my phone.
It was the same unknown number. I frowned, but tucked the phone away. Whoever it was would be dealt with later.
Tray skimmed a hand up my arm, sending new shivers through me as he did. He murmured, “You never said why you’re scared of me.”
A helpless laugh came from me. “You mean beside this? What we just did?”
His hand curled around the back of my neck, and he moved me so I was looking up at him. Our eyes caught and held. He was somber. “This scares you?”
“What you can do to me
scares me.” I was being honest. It was freeing. Then I frowned. I had never been this open with Brian.
“You mean this?” His hand dipped down and went between my legs again. He paused, his fingers right where I wanted them and he smiled. “Or this?” His other hand rested between my breasts. My pulse was racing, and my heart seemed to leap to meet his touch.
He felt it and his smile grew tender.
I swallowed. “Both. You’re real.” Real relationships. That’s what we had talked about. “That makes me want to shit my pants.”
His fingers teased me and slid back inside. Then he grew serious again. “This shouldn’t scare you.”
“Spoken from someone who knows his family, who’s had the same friends probably most his life, who never had to move from home to home.”
He frowned, but said, “Spoken like someone whose father is a disgrace to me.”
I sat upright. “You’ve never said much about your family.”
“Neither have you.”
“My family was Jace and Brian. I’m trying to move on from them.”
He touched my bottom lip, drawing my attention back to him. “What are you thinking?”
I hesitated, then said, “About letting you in.”
His eyes were so serious, but the corner of his mouth lifted in a slight grin. “I thought we were assholes, and we were going to remain assholes together?”
“Sometimes assholes lie.” I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “And they aren’t assholes to the ones they let in.”
His chest moved up and down beneath me. His hands rested on my hips, and I remained there. What the hell were we going to do? No. What the hell was I going to do?
“Yo!” A hard knock came to my door.
Tray cursed and ran a hand through his hair. “Great timing.” I grinned at the sarcasm, but couldn’t deny the relief that went through me. He tucked me against his chest and raised his voice, “What do you want, Dylan?”
“We’re going out to eat. You two want to come?”
Tray glanced at me. “You want to?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never been one for crowds.”
He laughed. “Who couldn’t like this new crowd?” Then he lifted me off him and placed me on the bed. The entire movement was gentle, so gentle that an unnerving emotion began to spread in me. I didn’t want to name it. It was too uncomfortable for me. He rose from the bed and pressed a kiss to my forehead, tucking some of my hair back at the same time. He whispered against them, “For what’s it worth, you affect me the same way, Matthews.”
My throat was thick as he left. Then I heard them go downstairs and drive away. “Fuck.”
*
Austin left to ear with them, and I didn’t want to sit alone with my emotions so I went swimming; fortunately our school’s pool had late hours. As I dove into the depths, I ducked my head down and swam.
I hadn’t thought about swimming in a long time, but when everyone left I needed to do something. I couldn’t steal anymore. I was good at swimming. The water absorbed me, taking me away from the world, until it was only me. It was me, the water, and my thoughts.
Lining my feet against the wall, I held myself there and stared at the end. The water rippled, as if daring me to go faster and plunge through it, and I was itching to answer its challenge. I felt the excitement building inside, and shoved off from the end. My arms were already circling when I ducked my head down and kicked out.
I started out limber, going slow to get into a good pace, but I knew what would happen. I would use every muscle in my body. My lungs would strain, stretching to their fullest capacity, before I turned and took a relieving breath. I would suck air in, and my head would go back down. Each kick would match each stroke and I would take myself to the end only to duck down and repeat the process.
This was the warmup when it was fun and freeing, but soon, I would hit a wall of fatigue. That’s when those muscles would protest. My lungs would scream for relief. Every cell in my body would want me to quit, but I wouldn’t. I never did. An hour later, then another thirty minutes after that, I kept going. I didn’t stop. I pushed through the pain until my mind screamed, ‘enough.’ It was then I went to the end of the lane and stopped. My fingers clutched the edge and I panted. I had reached the point where my brain stopped working. All thoughts had fled and the emotions had been cleared from me.
Swimming was pure.
I had missed it. I had needed it.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
It was in our first class when I saw the reunion of Mandy with Amber. Since the Jennica debacle, Amber had sided with her, but my sister was whispering with Amber in the back of the classroom. My eyebrow went up and I grunted, then sat and turned my back to them. I had tried to help my sister out enough.
“Morning, class.” The teacher shut the door and put her bag on the desk. She lifted up a novel, Of Mice and Men. “Who read the chapters? I want to know your thoughts.”
I snuck a peek at Mandy and Amber. Talk about friendship and sacrifice. Then I smirked when Amber raised her hand. “Mrs. Tationa, Mandy and I were wondering if we could be excused. We’d like to finish up some posters before the pep rally this week.”
“Oh, Amber, of course—”
I burst out, “Are you kidding me?!”
“Taryn,” Mandy hissed.
The teacher looked startled. “You don’t agree with my decisions in this classroom, Miss Matthews?”
I shot my sister a glare, but turned to Amber. “You’re not even on the pep rally committee. Trust me, I know. I live with the president of the pep rally committee. Two, you’re not a cheerleader, and three, if anyone should benefit from this discussion—it’s you!”
A strangled gasp ripped from Mandy. “Shut. Up.” She gritted her teeth.
“No,” I ignored her. “I’m sick of you guys running around this school like it’s your personal playground. All the teachers just let you guys get away with whatever you want. I’m so tired of it.”
Someone snorted behind me. “Aren’t you being hypocritical?”
A guy wearing a polo was glaring at me. I snapped, “What?”
“You’re one of them.” He leaned forward. “Have you ever been in trouble for anything?” I laughed at that and then heard him say, “Aren’t you dating Tray Evans?”
My grin fell flat. “No.”
Amber scoffed. “Then what were you doing Friday night in your bed?”
“We’re not dating.” We weren’t, but I held tight to my desk so I wouldn’t squirm all over.
“Whatever,” Amber shot back. “You get on your high horse about us, but we haven't done half the shit that you have.”
I went livid. My eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
“Like it was just ‘by chance’,” air quotes, “that the Monday after Mandy and Devon break up, our school gets canceled. That stuff’s never happened here before, and I’m sure you had nothing to do with it.” She rolled her eyes. “And we all know how Pedlam got broken into.”
Mandy paled. “Amber, stop it.”
My eyes narrowed to slits. “You’ve got balls, Amber.”
She frowned, and I saw the confusion on her face.
I spelled it out. “If you spill one word, who do you think you’ll be pissing off?”
It wouldn't be me. When she realized her mistake, her eyes got big. I grinned, but then she rolled her eyes. Her snootiness came back and her lip lifted in a half snarl/half pout. “Whatever.” She looked around the room. “No one will tattle. I’ll say it was you. You all hear that, everyone? It was Taryn Matthews who brought up the break-in.”
“Girls.” The teacher stepped between us and held her hands up. “Stop this or you’ll be sent to the principal’s office.”
I ignored her. “Let’s talk about you, Amber.”
She stiffened, but leaned back in her chair. “Fine. Bring it. I doubt you can say anything that’ll upset me.”
“Did you apologize to Mandy?”
She frowned.
>
I smiled and looked at Mandy. “Mandy, did she apologize to you?”
My sister’s face was as white as a ghost. “For what?”
“Since your good friend here brought it up, everyone will now be talking about your break-up with Devon, if they weren’t already.” I smiled at Amber, who flinched from what I said. “Let’s go with that. Mandy, you were the one that was hurt by it, but