“What?”
“You changed the status.” He gestured around. There were more groups lingering behind. Most of them were watching us. I expected jealousy or condescension, but there was none. There was a different look in their eyes, guys and girls. They weren’t in awe; they were something else. I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“I don’t get this. What’s going on?”
“I know it’s dumb, but no girl’s climbed up there. You did it more than once and you got other girls to do it.” He shrugged, a look of pride in his eyes. “They’re surprised, Taryn.” Then he laughed softly. “And they’re wondering why the hell they hadn’t done it themselves.”
“Oh.” They were surprised. As I looked over, a few of the girls gave me smiles before they followed everyone else. A couple of the guys gave me quick nods. I’d seen that look before. It happened when guys learned that I knew Jace or I was able to steal something no one thought could be taken. It was respect, but seeing it from the girls now made me pause. Girls hated me. That had been the rule, but it was changing now. A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed around it. Jeezus, where did that come from?
“You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Just…surprised too.”
He grinned down at me, a fond look appearing in the depths of his eyes. “Something tells me you shouldn’t be. It’s you, Taryn. You’re badass.”
I snorted and elbowed him in the stomach. “Right. Is that you trying to get in my pants?”
He laughed softly as he caught my elbow and held it in his hand. He thumb started to rub over it in a soft caressing motion. “No, just me stating a fact. You’re not normal, Taryn Matthews. You’re different. You’re someone who sees the right path when no one else does and follows it.” The corner of his lip curved up in a slight smirk. “You show them the way. You’re not normal. Thank god.” He let the last sentence out in an exhaled breath.
I had no idea what to say. The shock at seeing their reactions doubled after hearing his words. Tray meant it. If I’d been in Pedlam and the school’s golden-prick said something like that, I would’ve laughed in his face, delivered a retort, and sauntered away without a backward glance. He wasn’t that guy. He was more.
Then he let go of my elbow. “I’ll wait for you at the car. I need to talk to the guys quick.”
I tried to say ‘okay’, but he was gone before I could get a word out. As he weaved through the crowd and left from the cave, I was left with a storm raging inside of me. I pressed a hand to my stomach, trying to calm myself. My god. It was him. He was wreaking havoc on me, filling me with emotions that were too scary for me to handle. Hope. Warmth. Other things, other emotions that I didn’t know how to process. He made me feel safe. That, right there, set me on edge. I couldn’t be safe. I couldn’t allow myself to pretend it was real. Every time, as soon as my guard dropped, something bad happened. Tray Evans was nothing special. The second I let myself feel more than I should, something bad would happen. It always did. I couldn’t let that happen. Drawing in strength, determined not to let him get too close, I began to follow the line of people out of the cave.
I was standing behind a group of guys. They were tall with bags over their shoulder so I was hidden. As we kept going, a pair of voices trailed back to me.
“Can she be any worse?”
“I know. Honestly. I was trying not to gag.”
The first one muttered, “You know she didn’t sleep last night. She was at Devon’s all night.”
The second one groaned. “Trust me. I know more than the rest. He’s a sex addict. He’s got to be.”
“My god. And she was so fucking hyper today.”
“You know she was creaming her pants when Tray kissed Taryn up there.” Another groan. “I don’t know what she expects. She’s treated her sister like crap—”
“Please,” the first one interrupted. “She is not her sister. They adopted her and from what I heard, they were forced to adopt her.”
A sick laugh trailed back to me. “You’re right. I forgot that rumor. Whatever. That’s a ridiculous rumor, but god, I’d love for that to be true.”
“Yeah. I know. Did you see Mandy hanging all over Tristan’s group today? If she wants to pretend to be Queen Bee in that group, she can try. Tristan’s going to kiss her ass to try and get close to Matthews. You know she’s been wet for Tray since seventh grade.”
“I know. What was Mandy on today?”
A snort. “Must be nice to have a rich daddy with a prescription pad.”
“I know, right? I wish I could pop a pill every time I feel like taking a nap.”
“Ugh. You know that bitch hasn’t slept a full night in months. She takes those pills from her daddy, and she sleeps for maybe two hours. Must be nice.”
“I know, right.”
“I’m having a hard time trying to be nice to her. Please tell me I can’t sleep with Devon tonight. Please tell me that’s not the right thing and we need to be nice because of her and her wacko sister. Please tell me to do the nice thing. Amber, help me out, because I really want to cause havoc in their lives.”
Amber chuckled. “You do whatever you want. What kind of friend would I be if I held you back?”
“Oh god. This could get ugly tonight.”
The two laughed and moved further away. I wasn’t able to hear them anymore. I felt like someone had punched me in the face. They were forced to adopt me? Mandy was a pill popper? I frowned, feeling the blood drain from my face. That couldn’t be… There was no way…. Then I closed my eyes. I couldn’t process this. Mandy. Tray. Even Austin. Those were all good things that had happened. An old ache took root in my stomach and I felt a hole open there. It was vortex, sucking all the good emotions into it, leaving me feeling hollow.
“You’re Matthews, right?”
“Huh?” I lifted my head and blinked. I realized that I had stopped and was now the last in the cave.
A guy from school was frowning at me. He was waiting at the mouth and he waved for me. “Come on. You’re the last. Most everyone’s taken off already.”
“Oh. Okay.” I hurried forward, but I was too dazed to focus on walking over the rocks. I wasn’t paying attention and a moment later, I was out of the cave and on the road again.
“See you.” The guy gestured farther down the road before he hopped in a car that was waiting for him. The door was opened and as soon as he was inside, it took off. His friends yelled out, “Hell yeah! Party at Rickets’ tonight.” Their sounds faded and I turned to see Tray waiting for me.
He was standing by his car, his arms folded over his chest. His head was tucked down and he could’ve been asleep from how casual his posture was. He wasn’t watching me, but I knew he was alert and aware of my approach. When I stood in front of him, he lifted his head. His eyes were guarded.
For a moment, we stared at each other.
The air was thick. There were so many emotions inside me, all of them were swirling around to form a vacuum. He terrified me. He always would, but as I continued to hold his gaze and as his wall began to slide away, I saw the same fear in him. Then an emotion flickered in me, so deep that I was surprised to feel it at all. Hope. It swept through me, a small flicker that grew to a full flame and it mingled right alongside the empty void that had been placed there from overhearing Jennica and Amber’s conversation. Tray must’ve seen the pain in me. His wall fell away completely and he lifted an arm, beckoning to me.
I went to him.
He wrapped his arm around me, sheltering me, and even though he had no idea what was wrong, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. Brushing some of my hair aside in a loving gesture, he comforted me.
I didn’t like depending on people, but I would for a moment. I’d allow myself this pause in my normal living to be weak.
Tray held me for a while longer. He didn’t ask what was wrong. He knew me well enough to know I would tell him when I was ready. After standing there, hugging him back, allowing myself to be comforted, I swa
llowed and pushed the storm down inside me. He felt it and stiffened. His arm fell away the same time that I moved back from him.
We continued to look at each other, then he nodded. As he went to the driver’s door, I went to the passenger door and we both got in. He drove me home. We still didn’t talk. The farther we got from Crystal Bay and the closer we got to town, I slid down in my seat and watched the scenery go by. I had conversations ahead of me. I knew all of them were going to be painful, but I needed to find out the truth.
If my adopted family had been forced to adopt me, then why? By who? I needed to find that answer and I needed to find out about Mandy. I loved her already. It wasn’t until then, at hearing my relationship with her might be a farce, that I realized it.
When Tray pulled up to my house, I saw the other cars. The curtains were pulled back so I was able to see into the kitchen. It was full of Mandy’s friends. Assuming these were from ‘Tristan’s’ group, from what I overheard, I prepared myself for weirdness and ass-kissing.
“You okay?”
I glanced over. The concern in Tray’s eyes was evident. I nodded. “I just heard some things that I have to deal with.”
“You need help?”
I shook my head. “No. This is on me.” A shriek of laughter came from the house and I looked over again. They were all giggling, moving around the kitchen with drinks in hand. A girl was filling their glasses with more wine.
“Okay. Everyone’s heading to my house tonight to go to Rickets’. Are you coming?”
“Yeah.” Then a plan began to formulate. “Can you pick me up? Everyone’s meeting at your house, right?”
He frowned but nodded. “Sure. When everyone takes off, I’ll just let them know I’m going to swing by and pick you up first.”
“Okay.”
“You didn’t want to get a ride to my house with your sister?” He leaned down so he could get a better view of my house. “Although, they look too drunk to drive anyway.”
There was one girl who looked sober. She was thin with white-blonde hair, and she stood out among the group. She’d been the one pouring wine into the glasses. I was willing to bet she was Tristan. It was obvious she was the leader. She stood with confidence. Her shoulders were straight. Her chin was lifted, and it looked like she was watching over her minions. I hadn’t paid attention to Mandy’s friends earlier, but despite the distance between the house and car, I could tell she was pretty. She had a heart-shaped face, small petite looks, and higher-set cheekbones. I was starting to suspect she was a rival to Jennica and Amber in the looks department. All three girls were beautiful.
As I continued to study Tristan, I said to Tray, “No, they have a sober driver.” I looked to him. “I need Mandy out of the house. I have to look for something when no one else is around. The timing is too good for me to pass up.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’ll send the group ahead without me and I’ll wait outside until you’re ready.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“I hope everything’s okay?”
I gave him a fleeting smile. “So do I.” I got out of the car and headed in. I had been exposed to a hornet’s nest and I was going to step right on it.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I understood the drug life. It wasn’t because I took drugs. It was because I had taken care of someone that did. Brian. Standing in front of Mandy’s room, all those memories flooded back. I had taken him to rehab twice. Jace took him the last time, and he had kept clean so far—so far. He might’ve relapsed, but I had no idea. A small knot formed in my throat as I realized that truth. Brian wasn’t my concern any longer. Mandy was.
When I left Tray’s car and went into the house earlier, I played nice. I stood around. I joined in with the fake banter, fake smiles, and fake politeness. The truth was that I wanted to tear upstairs and demand to know if it was true. I held back and when the girls started to leave, I shook my head. No, I didn’t need a ride. Yes, Tray was picking me up. Yes, it was wonderful. Yes, we were together. I had frowned as I said that, but he did kiss me in front of everyone. I knew it meant something, even though there’d been no actual conversation between us.
That could wait. Finding out Mandy’s secret was my priority now, and with that thought, I reached forward and opened her door. It swung open, showing her pink picture frames, her desk, her pink laptop, and her queen size bed with its beige bedspread. She had her own bathroom attached to her bedroom. That was where I headed first. Pushing past the nagging feeling that I was violating her trust, my jaw firmed. My hands clenched.
I began searching.
As I did, the storm of emotion inside of me calmed. The anxiety, the fear, the tension, the need to demand answers—all of that silenced, and as I opened her bathroom cabinets, my hands didn’t shake. I moved with purpose. Each drawer was looked through. Underneath the drawers were explored. On top of her mirrors, then every corner in the room was felt for any loose tiles or framing. I felt inside her Kleenex boxes, on the inside of empty toilet paper rolls. I lifted her garbage, then took the bag out to make sure nothing was hidden beneath it. I ran my fingers over every dip and turn of the toilet, feeling the screws to make sure they weren’t loosened.
Nothing.
The closet was next. Thick hangers were examined to make sure nothing was taped to the opposite side of it. I lifted the closet dowel itself and ran a hand over the end, no opening had been carved into it to hide drugs. Each shoe box. All of it. Every pocket, every inch inside of her clothes, under the soles of her shoes, there was no space unexplored by me.
I felt the door frames and doors themselves, making sure no room was carved out. The knobs were tested to make sure they weren’t loose. I found nothing so I turned to the bedroom.
Brian hid his drugs in a small box under a patch of carpet. I wondered if Mandy would do the same, so I looked at the corners of the room, making sure there was no slack in the carpet. There was none. She couldn’t lift any corner of it. The bed was next. Each blanket and sheet was lifted, then investigated. The pillow case and pillow were too. Then I checked the mattress, still nothing, so I flipped it over. Nothing was taped to the underside of it. I moved that aside and rested it against the wall, then turned and studied the bed frame. Nothing.
After I put it all back and remade her bed, I went to the desk. Nothing. Her dresser was last and I found nothing there.
I sat in the middle of her room. It was all back in place. Each picture frame was adjusted exactly how she left it. She would have no idea how deep her room had been searched by me. Maybe it wasn’t true. Maybe Jennica and Amber were being spiteful and jealous, but even as I thought that, I shook my head. “No, it can’t be.” They weren’t lying to each other. They were telling the truth. I had heard it in their voices. They didn’t think anyone could overhear them. The guys that were between us didn’t care and they knew that. That meant it was true. Mandy had a stash. I knew it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket then, and I looked at it. It was a text from Tray: Outside. Take your time.
I sent a reply to Tray, telling him I’d be out in five minutes. As it sent, I stood. I needed to grab my things, but when I turned for the door, a shadow behind her curtain caught my eye. They were light-colored, thin enough to let some light through, but as I went closer, I saw it. A small box was pushed in the corner. The words ‘PRIVATE’ were on top in pink, glittery letters. A lock was attached to it, but I used a bobby pin I found in the bathroom and popped it open within seconds. Lifting the lid, there were three rows of prescription pills. As I looked through them, I read the labels. Ritalin, Vicodin, Xanax.
A heaviness settled over me. It had been hovering over my head as I searched the room, but it now rested on my shoulders. Studying the bottle, I notice that Dr. Parsons prescribed each bottle to her. Whether he was aware of it or not, her own father was her drug dealer. I had no idea how to handle this. If it had been Brian, I would’ve packed up his bag and taken him straight there. The idea of waiting and talking
it out with Shelly and Kevin wasn’t an option. It wouldn’t get done. Whatever was going on with this family, I couldn’t keep lying to myself. I wanted a family. I wanted something better, and they had given it to me, but this was wrong. They were never home.
I packed a bag for Mandy. I put enough clothes and toiletries in it to last a week, then I tucked it in my room. Mandy was going to rehab tomorrow, whether she wanted to go or not. Brian had denied his problem. He had accused me of having the problem. He yelled. He pounded the walls. He broke chairs. Then he broke and started to plead. There were tears every time, but I made him go in every single time. He had to. So did Mandy. Whether this family wanted me or not, I loved her. I would do what I needed to take care of my sister, even if it meant protecting her against herself.
As I got into the car, I didn’t say anything.
He was studying me. Then he asked, “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “I will be.” And I would.
*
Rickets’ House was busy like it always was. Cars filled the parking lot and were lined up on one side of the driveway. Groups of people were walking to the party as we passed. One guy signaled at Tray and said, “The lot’s full, but you can try, man.”
Tray nodded and lifted a hand in thanks, but he still turned into the driveway and through the parking lot. A car was pulling out, so he pulled in, but instead of getting out right away, he looked over at me. I knew what he was going to ask, so I said first, “Mandy has a drug problem.” Then I waited. A moment of silence lingered between us. I sighed. “Did you know?”
“I heard rumors. I didn’t know for sure.” He paused, then murmured softly, “I’m sorry.”