you how to hurt whoever you’re fighting.”
“You want me to go after Jace?”
“No.” His hand closed around the knife, and he pulled it away. “You’ll lose, but if you’re cornered and alone, I want you to have a fighting chance.” His hand lifted again. The knife was uncovered once more. “Take it, Taryn. I’ll teach you how to use it.”
I did. As my hand closed around it, knowing that I would learn how to yield it, I felt powerful. No, I always felt powerful. It was just coming back to me. “How do you know this?”
“My dad taught me. It was one thing he did right by me before he left.” He moved so he was behind me. One hand took my arm and the other splayed out on my hip. My heart was racing, but I tried to push all of that away and listen to him. He lifted my arm and moved my other hip back. He murmured into my ear, “If you’re fighting someone, you won’t have time to grab a weapon. If you’re lucky, you will see them coming, but most times they’ll get the drop on you.”
I frowned. “That’s not helpful.”
He chuckled, his breath caressing over my ear and the side of my face. It warmed me and sent shivers through me at the same time. His hand tightened on my hip. “When you’re fighting for your life and this is all you have, you don’t hesitate.” He jerked my hand out in a straight jab. At the same time, he pushed my hip forward so my whole body went with the motion. “If you fight someone bigger than you, don’t hold back. Don’t stab and keep half your body away. It won’t do anything. You’ll just graze the guy. If you go in, go all in and push all of your weight behind your knife.”
Jace and Brian had been in fights, against each other and against others. The violent world wasn’t new to me, but the idea that it was me and one other person in a back alley had my mind spinning. Jace never taught me these things. Neither had Brian
He stepped back from me and I missed his warmth, but he took my shoulders and turned me around. As he did, his hazel eyes had a grave look in them. He dropped his chin so he was staring right into my eyes. He said, “If you have the opportunity, go for the throat. If it’s you or him and its life and death, you can’t hesitate. If you can, jab the entire knife into the guy. Go in through the side, but if he’s holding you at an angle and you can’t get a good rush at him, slit his throat. Right in front.” He ran his finger across the front of his throat. “Fighting with a knife is about being smart. If you’re given a window, do it. Don’t hesitate. Use your whole body. You might have a couple seconds, if even that. He’s bigger than you. If he’s going against you, he won’t hesitate. You can’t either. It’s you or him, you fight with every last inch in you and when you don’t think you can fight anymore, you search for more inside of you. You need to be a wild animal. Do not hold back. I mean it, Taryn. You can’t hold back. Fear will paralyze you. It’ll be hard enough to fight just through that, but you have to. Okay?”
He waited for me to nod. When I did, he lifted my hand, the one with the knife, and pressed the blade against his neck. He said, “Press it into me.”
“No.”
I tried to pull back, but Tray caught my hand. “You need to feel what it’s like to have a knife to a throat. This is where they’re vulnerable.”
I nodded. His hand fell from mine and I kept the knife there. He stared at me, and I felt his trust in me, but his eyes were blazing. He was fighting for me. “I want to kill Jace.”
“I know you do.”
I had loved him. Now I hated him.
His hands framed both sides of my face. Bending over, he rested his forehead to mine and stared right into me. “I can’t promise you will get the chance. He leads the Panthers. He works for Sal Galverson, and he’s one of the best fighters I have ever heard about.”
“I can hurt him in other ways.” My mind was connecting the dots. He wanted me out of the way. He had connections to my adopted parents. I was his secret. “He didn’t want Galverson to know about me. Why? That makes no sense.”
Tray stepped away. “What are you talking about?”
“He said Brian hated him. He said Brian wasn’t a threat, but I could’ve been. What did he mean by that?”
“In that world, there’s no guarantee. People can turn on you in a flash.”
“Yeah.” I lifted my chin up. “I could get Galverson to turn on Jace.”
“No, no. That’s not a good idea.”
“But what if—”
Tray caught my arms and pulled me back in front of him. “No, Taryn. That world is dangerous. I had my own brush with it, remember? I’ll never see my dad again. You can’t do anything. I’m teaching you this stuff on the off chance that you do find yourself in an alley against someone.”
I snorted. “I’m a thief. I can usually find my way out of a situation.”
“Yeah.” He tapped my forehead. “You’ve always used this, but it’s personal now. You’re all heart now. You’re not going into anything clear-headed, not until you really grieve Brian Lanser fully.” His voice grew soft. “And I’ll be honest, I don’t think you ever will. When you love, you love hard. I know that about you. I also know you’re not going to let him go because you blame yourself.”
I reared back as if he had slapped me. “I blame Jace.”
“Yeah, but you blame yourself too. I can feel it in you. You barely eat. You’re a walking zombie. The girl who was so full of life and fight before is a shell now. You’re empty, but I know everything will slam back and you’ll go crazy. The need to hurt Jace will be too much and you’ll do something that could hurt you,” he pulled me close again, “really hurt you. That’s why I’m showing you this.”
“So what do you want me to do?” My hand wrapped around the knife. I felt the razor’s edge against my skin, pressing into it. I was fighting myself. I wanted to hurt myself, but I wanted to hurt someone else more. With a concerted effort, I relaxed my hand. I let the knife slip down, and I caught the handle of it. Then I looked at it. It was a small weapon, but it could be so deadly at the same time.
“Nothing.”
I flashed him a grin. “Brian died because of him.”
He let out a sigh.
“There’s a snowball’s chance in hell that I won’t do anything.”
“Taryn.”
I pointed the knife at him. “Jace wanted me gone. His boss is in town.” I remembered another fact. “There was a ton of security at the Pedlam High School. I’m going to figure out why. Something’s going on. I want to know what and then I’ll figure out some way to turn Galverson against Jace. He’s going to die, whether at my hands or not.”
As I left the gym, my shoulders were straight. My walk was steady. There was a calm that settled over me. It replaced the turmoil inside me and I felt good. I had a mission. I owed Brian. I was going to make his death stand for something, even if I died trying. So be it.
I kept the knife.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Mandy remained in treatment. Austin worshiped Tray. I became less of a walking zombie. People began warming back up to me. A few even said hello to me, but then I got a note to go to the counselor’s office in my last class on Friday. Tray and I had plans for more training; we had started to spar against each other in the boxing ring. As I stood up and headed for the door, the teacher called me back. “Take your books, Taryn.”
I paused at the door. Everyone lifted their heads, looking from me to the teacher. He pointed to my table. “You won’t be coming back today.”
“Well, that’s ominous.”
The room started laughing, but the teacher frowned. “This isn’t a laughing matter.”
I frowned, glanced at Tray, retrieved my books, and left. After stowing my books in my locker, I headed to the office, and when I got there, I stopped outside the door. Shelly and Kevin were already there. I could see them through the window. Shelly wiped a tear from her eye, and Kevin was bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees, a fierce scowl on his face.
This was about Mandy. They had finally found out.
/>
As I headed inside, I flashed them a smile. “So who told you? My bet’s on the neighbor. She finally figure out we’ve been gone?”
Their heads snapped to me and varying levels of outrage stared back at me. Shelly was dressed in a yellow dress, clutching a string of pearls around her neck. At my question, she yanked on the necklace and broke it. When they fell to the floor, spreading all over, Kevin raked a hand through his hair. He cursed and knelt, tossing his tie back over his shoulder so it wouldn’t get in the way. His suit coat had been discarded. It was folded over the third chair. As he reached under it, grabbing a fistful of pearls, I saw the sweat running down his back. I went to the chair in the far corner, my back to the door. Shelly was leaning down, and the counselor had joined Kevin in his search. When she crawled to me, I saw the pearls she was reaching for. As her hand stretched out, my foot came down on the pearls and she looked up, seeing the storm in my eyes. Her hand retracted. Kneeling upright on her knees, she stood and went back to her chair.
Kevin grabbed the last of the pearls and stuffed them in his pocket; he and Shelly returned to their seats. They rolled their shoulders back and lifted their chins.
They thought they knew what was going to happen. They thought wrong. I said, “Let me start.”
Everyone looked at me. I caught the expression that came over Kevin’s face. It was arrogant and superior.
He was my first target. “I took Mandy to a treatment center.”
He said, “You had no right—”
I interrupted, “You had no right to take me in when you didn’t want me.”
He stopped, his eyebrows bunched forward, and he glanced at Shelly. She wore her own small frown, and her throat moved up and down as she swallowed. Then she asked, “What are you talking about, Taryn? Of course we wanted you.”
“You didn’t.” I nodded at Kevin. “What’d you do?”
He grew still, sitting to his highest height on the chair. “What are you talking about?”
“You owed Jace Lanser a favor. He cashed it in.” I gestured to myself. “Me.”
His eyes widened.
“Oh, dear.” Shelly paled.
The counselor shrunk down in her seat, her head jerking from me to them.
I asked again, “What’d you do? I’m assuming he covered for you with something. No one does anything for free.” I saw the guilt flare up over his face. “It must’ve been a pretty bad mistake for Jace to call this favor in. I mean, taking a daughter in for life, that’s a big-ass favor for you to agree to.”
“Honey.” Shelly reached for her husband.
He brushed her hand off and turned to the counselor. “Maybe we could have some privacy?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh. Uh.” She clipped her head in a nod. “Of course. I have some work I can do in the other office.” She stood, pushed up from her chair, and paused in the middle of the room. She swept another look over them. Her lips pinched together and she said, “I will be referring you to Mr. Daniels, the other counselor, due to my own ethical obligations. Jace Lanser is a known drug dealer. Because of your association with him, I am uncomfortable continuing my work with your children so I will no longer counsel any of them.”
Kevin rolled his eyes and waved at her. “Fine, fine. Just go.”
Her eyes darkened. Then she left and the door shut a second later.
He was worked up. His cheeks were red and he was wringing his hands together in his lap. He was going to go on the offensive, but I beat him to it, “Don’t try to deny it. Jace already told me the truth.”
“Oh, honey.” Shelly reached out to me. Her hand was trembling. It was so thin and frail. “I don’t know where you get these ideas, but that isn’t true. We wanted you. We did.” She glanced to her husband for support.
There was none. His eyebrows were still furrowed together and his lips were pressed in a flat line.
“Kevin?”
He ignored her and said to me, “What did he say?”
She sucked in a dramatic breath.
“That you owed him a favor. What was it? Someone overdosed on your pills?”
He looked away. Bull’s-eye.
“Oh my god.” Shelly started rocking back and forth. She wrapped her arms around herself.
“The person died.”
Holy shit. I hadn’t expected him to confess.
He closed his eyes, cursed, and looked at the ground. His hand raked through his hair again. He grabbed a fistful of it and he remained like that as he took a moment. Inhaling, then exhaling, his voice dropped low, “I messed up. They sent a girl to me. She was on other meds, and she was asking for a different painkiller. I didn’t read the file. I was sent an email. It was in code, but it said the patient’s name and what I was supposed to give her. I swear,” he raised his haunted eyes to me, “I had no idea what would happen.”
I sat there in shock.
A disgusted and wrangled sound came from him. “I’ve been holding onto that for so long.” He looked at Shelly. “I’m so sorry, honey. I am.”
Her hands were pressed to her mouth. It was hanging open and her eyebrows remained arched high. She shook her head in a tight motion and whimpered, then jerked to her feet. “No. No, you can’t do this.”
“Honey?”
“You can’t—” She stopped, look at me, and another whimper slipped out. She pressed her hands even tighter to her mouth. “I am so sorry, Taryn. You’re right. We never should’ve adopted you. Our family is not good enough for you. I am so sorry.” She bit back her next words, glared at her husband, took her purse and left.
He started to go after her.
But I needed more. I didn’t know what for, but I knew I needed him to tell me more. “Wait!”
He sat back down. “Taryn, I have to go after my wife. She’s going to divorce me if I don’t. I know how she gets when she's in these moods.”
“But—”I needed more information. “What did Jace do?” I swallowed over a knot and pushed it down. I was so close to having the information I had been craving. “To make everything go away, what did he do?” I waited, but he kept looking at the door. He was going to go. I only had a few more minutes. “Please.”
The indecision cleared away. He leaned back in his seat. “I don’t know. I can’t tell you much.” He laughed. “I shouldn’t be telling you anything, but I know he asked out of love. He told me how violent and dangerous his little brother was. I’m glad we were able to get you away from him, if anything else.”
My stomach dropped. The darkness was forming again in me. “Brian could be violent, but he wasn’t to me.”
“What?”
I shook my head. “Jace lied to you. He said something to make you feel better about taking me in. Brian never would’ve hurt me and in the end, if you hadn’t adopted me…” Grief crashed down on me. “He might still be alive.”
If I had turned the adoption down, Brian would still be alive. I wouldn’t have left. He wouldn’t have gone asking questions.
It wasn’t only Jace’s fault. I had to accept my part. I shook my head, my voice hoarse when I spoke next. “I shouldn’t have believed it. The whole thing, this whole family thing, was too good to be true. I knew it in my gut. I should’ve listened to it more.”
“Taryn,” he started.
I heard the sympathy in his voice and shot my hand up. I glared at him. “Don’t start. His death is on you too.”
He frowned. “Death?”
“Brian. The guy that you were supposedly saving me from.” I didn’t only hate Jace. I hated Kevin too. “He’s dead. He wanted to talk to the social worker who set up my adoption. Word got to his boss that one of his workers was trying to find a government employee. What do you think they did?”
“He’s dead?” Blood drained from his face and beads of sweat formed on his forehead.
Finally. He was getting it. I gritted my teeth together. “You fucked with my life. Someone I care about is dead because of that. His death is on your shoulders too.”
I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there any longer. The thought of being in the same room with him was suffocating me. Going to the desk, I turned one last time. “Austin and I have been staying at Tray Evans’ house. He’s enjoyed it. He likes Tray. And leave Mandy in treatment. She needs to get better, and she’s trying. I know she’s really trying. Don’t mess up her life.”
I swept out of there just as the last bell rang.
“Taryn!” Shelly was waiting for me outside the office. She lifted an arm, but the doors burst open and the hallway flooded with people.