“Reed.”
I opened my eyes when she said my name.
“Let go.”
She lifted herself up enough to press her lips against my throat. As I buried myself deep inside her, she bit down on my neck, sending a sharp spike of pain straight through me and pushing me over the edge. I clutched her to me as I came, my body trembling with the force of my orgasm. She wrapped her legs around me, holding me to her, inside her.
It didn't matter that we hadn't seen each other in weeks. It didn't matter that her family had plans for her and that I had no clue what I wanted to do next. Nothing mattered but the fact that we were together, our bodies one. I loved her and that would be enough to overcome any obstacle that came our way. I wouldn't lose her.
Chapter 10
Nami
We made love two more times, and I knew that's what it was, not simply having sex or fucking. No man would've come half-way around the world just for good sex, and especially not a man like Reed. Gorgeous, rich, sweet, charming...he was everything a woman could want, and that wasn't even throwing in how amazing he was in bed. Granted, I didn't have a lot of prior lovers to compare him to, but I had heard people talk enough to know that what I experienced with him wasn't normal. I felt a stab of jealousy at the thought of him being with other women and pushed it aside. I had no right to be jealous. Especially not now.
I could feel him behind me, the heat of his body warming me. I'd left the air conditioning on high through the night and the room was almost chilly. I was glad though because I wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as possible. I'd never thought I'd have this again. I didn't know what it meant for us, for me, but I was trying not to think about it.
“Mmm.” He made a sleepy sound, his arms tightening around me. “Good morning.”
I opened my eyes, but didn't look up at him. “How did you know I was awake?”
He kissed my temple. “Because the only time you're completely relaxed is when you're sleeping.”
How was it he knew that about me? We'd spent all of three nights and one day together. But he was right. I could feel my body tense up the moment I woke. Well, partially right. “Not the only time.” I pushed my bare ass back against him and heard him suck in a sharp breath.
He laughed, but there was an edge to the humor. His hand shifted until it was covering my breast. I closed my eyes as desire twisted low in my belly. How could I want him again? My entire body ached from last night, but I didn't care. I just wanted to beg him to take me again. From behind, on top, it didn't matter, so long as he was inside me.
“What time is it?” He kissed the hollow under my ear and I shivered.
I looked at the clock and groaned, but not in pleasure. “It's nearly seven. I need to get up.” The last thing I needed was someone bursting into my room to find out why I wasn't awake yet.
“Just a couple more minutes.” He squeezed my breast and I felt his cock start to harden against my hip. “We can be quick.”
My pussy gave a throb at the thought of it. It would be so easy to say yes, to feel him slide into me. I wondered how different it would feel to have him take me this way. I could imagine his fingers on my clit, bringing me to climax as he spilled inside me...
I sighed. No. It was too risky. Reluctantly, I disentangled myself from his embrace and climbed off the bed. I didn't look at him as I headed into my bathroom. I knew he was smart enough not to leave and risk being seen, so I took my time cleaning up. I needed to think, compose myself.
He'd caught me off guard last night, and once I'd kissed him, that was it. I didn't know what it was about him, but when I touched him, it was like my brain short-circuited. I couldn't think clearly. The fact that I'd brought him into my bedroom when my fiancé and his family were in the guest quarters was proof of that.
Tanek.
Shit.
I pulled on my robe. I definitely couldn't do this naked. It was going to be hard enough with him naked. I had to do it though, no matter how much I hated it. I took a slow breath and let it out, then stepped back into the bedroom.
Reed was sprawled on his stomach, the sheet only half covering his ass. I flushed as I saw the long, red furrows I'd made in his back. He hadn't complained. In fact, if I'd correctly interpreted the sounds he'd been making, he'd liked it.
For a moment, I thought he was sleeping and that I had a bit of a reprieve, but as I walked closer, he rolled over and smiled at me. I didn't smile back. I couldn't. My chest was tight and there was a knot in my stomach that felt like ice. His smile faltered and he sat up, thankfully pulling the sheet across his lap as he did.
“What's wrong?”
I sat on the edge of the bed, but didn't reach for him. “Last night was a mistake.”
I felt him tense and his face instantly became a hard mask, unreadable.
“A mistake.” His voice was flat.
“I'm engaged, Reed,” I said softly. “I told you that my parents would be choosing a husband for me. They have. I have no choice but to marry Tanek.”
I stared at her. “You have a choice. There's always a choice.”
I could hear the note of desperation in his voice and it hurt my heart.
“I was where you are, and I made the wrong choice,” he continued.
“You weren't in the same position,” I countered. “This is different. You were worried about letting down your family. I have an entire kingdom to think about.”
I stood. He might not have been touching me, but he was still too close. I walked a few steps away and then turned towards him. I couldn't meet his eyes though, and focused on a spot just over his shoulder.
“Just because I don't have a whole country doesn't mean I don't understand responsibility.”
I shook my head. I couldn't listen to him. He'd support all of the things I'd been feeling and I'd walk away from my family, my duty...and I'd never forgive myself.
“You're not one of us, Reed.” I saw him flinch and forced myself to finish it. “Tanek and I are getting married this weekend. This is my choice. My future is here on Saja with him, not with you.”
Chapter 11
Reed
This couldn't be happening. Not after everything I'd done to find her. And I knew it wasn't because she didn't want me the way I wanted her. It wasn't just because we'd slept together again either. I'd seen how she felt, heard it in her voice when she'd called my name. She loved me, I knew it.
But she wasn't choosing me.
Her words hung in the air between us. There was no question about the meaning.
I couldn't look at her as I climbed off the bed and began looking around for my clothes. Something about hearing this while she was clothed and I was naked made it feel all the more humiliating. I winced as I bent down, the skin on my back stretching the marks she'd made. I'd enjoyed it when she'd scratched me, and I'd enjoyed even more the thought that I'd be remembering this encounter for days while we made our plans. Now, the pain made my temper rise.
“You should've told me that when I first showed up,” I snapped as I pulled on my pants. “Instead of kissing me and then inviting me back to your room. Making me think there was a chance for us.” I grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head, suppressing a wince as the fabric slid over the scratches. I hoped they'd heal quickly. I didn't want to remember this.
“You're right,” she said, her voice infuriatingly calm. “I should have told you then and sent you away.”
I turned towards her, bristling at her word choice. “Sent me away? What, like I'm some servant to be dismissed when I've served my purpose?” My hands curled into fists and I fought to keep my voice low. No matter how I felt, I didn't want Nami's bodyguards bursting in to find me here.
Her expression hardened. “Do not presume to understand my thoughts or feelings on the matter.”
“Oh, I'm sorry, Princess.” I spat the last word out as I shoved my feet into my shoes. “Should I be thanking you for letting me fuck you?”
I felt a stab of mingled guilt and satis
faction at the hurt I saw in her eyes.
“Do not speak to me that way.” Her posture was stiff, unyielding, her eyes cold.
“Excuse me if I'm a little pissed.” I walked around the bed to stand in front of her. Pain overrode my anger for the moment. “Do you have any idea what I gave up to come be with you?”
That was what hurt the most, I thought. She was behaving as if she was the only one who had something to lose here. As if I'd just happened to meander onto her property by happy accident and I could leave now and everything in my life would just go back to normal. No harm done.
“I've been looking for you for over a week. Hired investigators to try to find you because I couldn't stop thinking about you. I liquidated all of my assets, signed over all of my property. I told my family that I was never coming back to the company and left Philadelphia with no plans to return.” My voice shook and I paused for a moment to steady it. “I did all of that so when I found you, I would be free to go wherever, be whoever you needed. I gave up everything for you, Nami.”
She started to raise her hand like she wanted to touch me, but then dropped it. “I can't.”
“Damn you!” I spun around, wanting to hit something. Anything. But I knew it wouldn't be smart. Anything sounding remotely violent would alert whoever was guarding her door. And with the way things were currently going, I'd be lucky if I didn't find myself arrested for rape.
“Reed,” she started to speak.
“No!” I turned back towards her, my hands almost shaking with the force of my emotions. “Don't. Don't you dare say my name or make some excuse. It's not that you can't. You won't.”
“I have to do what's best for my country.” There was a note of pleading in her voice, pleading for me to understand.
I shook my head, refusing to try to see it her way. “No, you're doing what's best for you. What's easy.”
“You think this is easy?” Her eyes sparked angrily. “Do you think I wish to be sold off like some prize to the highest bidder? Married to a man whose only interest in me is that I put his child on the throne once I'm gone?”
“I think it's easier to hide behind tradition and duty than it is to follow your heart.” I ran my hand through my hair and glanced at the door. We were tempting fate, arguing like this, but I couldn't let her go without a fight. “And I know that your heart is with me.” I walked towards her again, this time stopping only when we were mere inches apart. “Tell me I'm wrong.”
She looked up at me and, for one terrifying moment, I thought she'd say it. That I was wrong about how she felt about me. That she'd played me this entire time. After what I'd done to Piper, I supposed I would've deserved it.
“It doesn't matter what I think or feel,” she said softly. Her eyes slid away from mine.
“Of course it does.” I grabbed her chin and held her face in place. “Look at me, dammit!” She did, but her expression was guarded. I forced myself to speak quietly. “What you want matters, and no one who cares about you is going to say otherwise.”
She took a step back. “What I want is to marry Tanek on Saturday, as my family desires.”
Everything inside me turned to ice.
“Okay, then.” I nodded. I couldn't look at her. “If that's what you want.”
“I do.”
I should've felt pain at those words, knowing she'd be saying them again in only a few days, saying them to bind herself to another man. The man she wanted more than me. The man she'd be with forever. The thoughts piled onto each other until it was hard to breathe, but, still, no pain. I was numb. Every part of me, as if I'd been shot through with Novocain.
“I won't bother you again.” The words sounded hollow.
I stepped around her and walked over to the door I'd used the night before. I knew I'd need to be more careful sneaking out than I had been sneaking in, but even the thought of being caught and arrested for trespassing, or whatever else they could throw at me, couldn't spark anything in me. I thought I heard her say my name as I stepped into the maid's chambers, but I didn't stop or turn around. I needed to go, because I knew that once I felt again, it was going to be bad, and I couldn't be here when that happened.
I had enough sense to peek outside rather than just walk out, but everything seemed distant, like I was viewing it from some other place. My brain processed the grounds, the people, but none of it seemed real. I couldn't even feel the door against my fingers as I held it. This entire thing felt like a nightmare, the kind that seemed to go on for years.
I needed to leave. Now. The words prompted no urgency, but I moved anyway. There was a box on the step next to the door. I had no clue what was in it, or if it was important, and I didn't care. I didn't care about anything at the moment. I stepped outside, picked up the box and headed towards the same entrance I had used last night. I didn't know if my attempt at a ruse would work, but it was all I had. Hopefully, everyone would be so busy with wedding preparations that no one would think twice about a stranger carrying a package away from the house.
I passed by a few people who didn't even glance my way and then I was free. I stepped out onto the little side street, dropped the box, and began walking towards where I'd hidden my bags. I didn't know what to do now. Everything I owned was in these two bags. I'd had no plans besides finding Nami. No hotel reservations, no idea of where to go or what to do. I had money and the ability to get even more with a simple phone call and a new bank account.
What good would any of that do me, I thought. I could get a room, but to what end? Saja was beautiful, no doubt, but I had no purpose for being here. No purpose at all, in fact. I was worse off than I’d been when I'd left Philadelphia after Piper.
Piper. I almost laughed. She'd chosen Julien over me and had then told me not to give up on love. Great advice. Love was a joke. It didn't matter, and what was worse, I should've already known this. Duty and honor. Some people respected those. More respected money. Maybe that's what I should do. Find good investments. Make myself even richer than I already was. I'd have women hanging all over me. Gold diggers, but at least I'd know what they were.
I trudged down the sidewalk, ignoring the taxi that passed by. I'd been so sure that when I found Nami, everything would magically fall into place. We'd run away together and plan our future. Whatever she wanted was what I would want.
Only she'd said what she wanted, and it wasn't me.
I felt a faint crack in the numbness. The pain was coming soon and I didn't think anger would be enough to keep it at bay much longer.
Chapter 12
Nami
I heard myself say his name, but there was no conscious thought to it, only my need for him. It was something deep and primal, instinctual. He was in pain and I wanted to go to him, help him, take it away, but I was the cause of that pain. And I had my own to deal with. It was deep and excruciating, like I was tearing apart. The need to go to him only made it worse as I resisted it.
But I had to resist. If I went to him now, I wouldn't be able to give him up, no matter the cost. I'd follow him anywhere, go wherever he wanted. I would leave my family, my home, my responsibilities. The would-be marriage would never happen. My sister would take my place and what would be, would be. Saja would prosper, just as it always had. My parents were young and healthy. They would continue to rule for years. Who knew, maybe, in the future they'd accept my choice and things could be different.
I couldn't risk it though, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't take the chance that my parents would try to mold Halea, marry her off as soon as she turned eighteen. It was less than two years away, not enough time for me to convince my parents to change centuries of tradition. And it wouldn't be enough time with Reed. I knew that as soon as I heard the announcement of Halea's engagement, I'd come back. Every moment more I spent with Reed, the harder it would be to leave him if I had to. Better to make a clean break now.
As he walked out of the room and out of my life, I continued to tell myself that I'd done the best thing pos
sible for both of us. Reed needed to forget me, forget that any of this had happened.
Involuntarily, my eyes dropped to the bed. The sheets were still in disarray, the evidence of what we'd done clear. I suddenly needed to be elsewhere. I couldn't stay in this room, the scent of sex and Reed thick in the air. I forced myself not to run. The maids would come in to clean and I couldn't risk any of them figuring out what I'd done.
I went through the motions automatically. Making the bed, straightening things. Lighting a few scented candles. I walked around the room, focusing on the least little thing that might give away my secret. The tension inside me was building, coiling me tighter and tighter until I needed release.
I pulled my robe more securely around my waist and knocked on the door. A moment later, I heard the lock click. Tomas opened the door and stepped aside, letting me out into the hallway. I didn't really want to be in the palace, but if I'd gone out to the grounds the same way Reed had, someone would figure it out and I wouldn't be able to use that particular exit if I really needed it in the future.
I almost laughed as I walked out of the room. I wasn't sure what I thought I'd use it for. Sneak out for another night on the town? I wasn't going anywhere soon. I didn't even get to have a honeymoon like a normal person. The Princess of Saja spent her honeymoon touring the country with her new husband, meeting the people.
The marble was cool beneath my feet and I could hear the footsteps of the guards behind me. Even in my own home, they were there, following. Watching. I wondered how many would come on my honeymoon. I supposed I should be thankful that Saja tradition no longer dictated that there be witnesses for the consummation of the marriage.
I turned down a short hallway and went into the bathroom. I didn't actually need to use it, but it was the only possible way for me to get rid of my bodyguards. I stayed inside for a minute. I didn't know where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. Only that I wanted to do it alone.
I slipped out of the other door and cut through the library. I wanted to be outside. There was something about fresh air and sunshine that spoke of freedom more than the richest palace in the world. And freedom was what I craved. Freedom to love and be myself, to make my own choices. I wouldn't ever have that freedom, but I could at least, for a short time, have the illusion of it.